Hold Me Down
by CynicallyOptimistic7
Summary: (UNDER CONSTRUCTION) When Charlie loses his job, Bella along with her family have to pack up their lives and move to Forks. Now living in that horrible town Bella struggles to move forward, still clinging onto her old life. Will the handsome soldier she stalks on the shampoo aisle help her create a new one? Or will her hatred for Forks ruin love before it begins? AU/OOC/AH
1. Chapter 1: Assholes and Middle Fingers

**_Author's Note: Hi everyone. I have finally decided to jump into fanfiction pool, feet first. _**

**_Please know that I've never done this before, so any suggestions, comments will be taken seriously._**

**_Its not beta so please be patent._**

**_777777777_**

**_This is a different type of Bella. She is more confident, more forward but still sweet and sometimes shy especially around a certain soldier._**

**_The title is from the song 'Hold Me Down' by Incubus._**

**_This is loosely based on my life and I related so much with the song._**

**_Read&amp;Review_**

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_**I own Nothing. This is SM characters **_

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_Hold Me Down_

_The road is long  
The trees are orange and brown  
I'm not afraid to leave this god damn town  
I've had enough  
I'm gone, I won't look back  
I walk awhile, along the rail road track_

I'm obliged to you babe, but this place you see, is trying to hold me down  
I want more than you can offer  
I am off to anywhere but here  
I keep walking so nobody can hold me down

_._

_._

_._

"Your dad lost his job" Renee suddenly says.

"What?" I asked.

What the fuck.

I blink, trying to understand what she just told me. It doesn't make sense. He has been working for that company before I was born and that was 20 years ago. How can he lose it? Its unbelievable… not again.

"Your dad lost his job, he got the notice last week." she added.

I don't say anything. What can I say? He already lost his first job and we were just getting by. This last one was our last thread of hope and it just snapped.

Why is this happening to us? We are good people. My family and I are good neighbors, we don't yell or fight, why us? Why can't we ever catch a break?

I sit back against the chair suddenly not very hungry as I was before the news. I pushed the plate full of uneaten food with my thumbs to the corner of the table, out of my way. I have this sickening feeling that this is just the beginning.

I look at my mom. My poor, beautiful strong mother as she washing a cup, her back towards me. I know how she feels, I know she is asking herself the same question I am, 'why us?'.

It's not enough that we got the shocking news that she has stage 2 breast cancer; now this. She still has 2 more sessions of chemo left. She doesn't need to add to her already worried life so I force a smile that she can't see and still positive, for her.

"It will be fine, he'll find another job right?" I asked. My voice a little too high pitch, I hope she didn't noticed but she doesn't, she is still washing the same cup.

"Yeah." she says, "he's looking for one now"

"That's good." I squeak out but the nagging dreadful feeling on the pit of my stomach is not going any where. In fact it just got bigger.

"What happens if he doesn't find anything?"I blur out. I didn't mean to ask but it's out of my mouth before I can shut it.

My mother stops washing but doesn't turn around. She just stands in front of the sink, quiet. I open my mouth to repeat my question thinking she didn't heard me when she finally speaks.

"You know its difficult for your father to find something new because of his bad back and shoulders and even worse because of this stupid recession, unemployment has never been higher especially for a job that can sustain 6 people. He and I have talked, if nothing is found we have no choice but to move to Forks."

I blink, Forks? Of all places we are moving to Forks?

I frown, I guess I understand why Forks, we have family there, the only family we have. Forks Washington is so far away though; it is so different. It is no where near the same as my beloved Los Angeles.

But family is family and they want to help us.

I should be grateful.

"Oh." I say. My mother just nods and goes back to washing the same cup.

That fucking cup.

"Go get ready. We have to be at the hospital before 3 remember?" she asked

"Yeah, I remember" I answer.

Forks.

If nothing, Forks. It can't be that bad.

I get up and bring the forgotten plate to the sink. My mother shakes her head when she sees it's still full but thankfully doesn't comment on it.

Forks.

As I walk out of the kitchen I take a good look around my home. A real good look at the possibility that we might have to pack everything up and leave California.

As a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment its cramped for 6 people but its home, for now. At least the living room is big enough. It is a bare room with only two couches and a second-hand TV my father found at a yard sale. The couches are arrange so that my younger brother can have a space to fit his twin bed in. The little section is hidden behind the longer couch so Emmett can have a small semi private place to sleep.

As I look at the couches I feel guilt coming up from the pit of my stomach to my throat. The couches, my parents beds. They don't even have a bed to lay on while I have an entire room with a bed all to myself. I have begged my mom countless times to take my room so I'll sleep on the couch especially in her condition but she refuses. She says she likes the openness of the living room; I think that's just her way for copping with her illness.

I reach for my phone to check the time. 1:40. I better get I move on.

As I reach my room I see my older brother's door open so I walk towards it.

"Hey brother." I greet. Jasper looks up from his laptop. I nod and smile at Alice who is laying next to him on their bed, she returns the silent greeting. Walter jumps up and runs toward me wanting attention. God I love that dog, I crouch down and pet him.

"Hey sister." he says as he looks back down and starts typing away. I stand crossing my arms over my chest and lean against their door frame. He looks up at the clock on the wall and turns to me

"You heading out already?" he asked looking down and once again starts typing away.

"Yeah." I reply, " 2 more and she is done for good." I add. He nods his understanding.

This is the second round of chemo for my mother. She didn't take the news well when she found out she is had 6 more session for it to be over but she is fighter and not a quitter.

"Dad lost his second job and we might have to move to Forks if he doesn't find anything soon." I tell him, no sense in beating around the bush especially for my twin.

Ok, we are not twins but no one can tell the difference. We practically have the same face. We have the same eyes, same shape and color, the same hair and texture. The only difference is that mine almost reaches my ass while my brother's is passing his ears. The same mouth and cheeks and we are only a year and a half apart, we are twins at heart, so when people assume we are twins, we don't correct them.

He stops typing and lets out a troubled sigh like if he knew this was coming. I didn't like that.

Not one bit.

He is the more positive one, the optimistic, the one that sees the glass half full. Me, one the other hand, am the opposite. I am negative and cynical and right now, the half empty glass just broke into millions of little pieces.

"Wow" he replies. He stares at my face, trying to read me. He knows me too well.

I look down trying to hide my face suddenly not in a talkative mood.

He continues. "He must not be having any luck finding another job if he is already talking about moving."

I just nod with a lump on my throat. I don't want to leave. Why is this happening?

"See you later." I say, ending the conversation before it starts, I don't want to think about it right now. " I got to go get ready, mom is waiting on me." I call out already walking away. I look back just as he nods at me and turns to Alice asking for her opinion. I close my door before I can hear her response.

Inside my sanctuary I scowl at myself in the mirror.

Get a grip. Nothing is happening now. Stop being a baby.

Not in the mood to make an effort I just change shirts. I shouldn't jump to conclusions. We have lived here all our lives. I'm sure that someone is going to hire him.

Everything will be fine. My dad will find something new.

Once dressed I grab my tote bag and make my way around my room filling my bag. Ipod, earphones, book, and a protein bar; I always get hungry at the hospital. Wallet, keys and phone and I'm ready to go.

As I make my way towards the living room I hear my mom on the phone with my dad so I sit on the couch and wait for her to finish just then, I receive a text. I look at the screen and Jacob's face flashes. I grin, perfect timing.

**"HEY GIRLFRIEND"**

I snicker at our inside joke.

"HEY BABY" I reply.

Jacob and I meant in high school junior year, we clicked and have been inseparable ever since. I love him to death. I think of him like my other half. He is smart, kind, funny, caring and gay.

You would think that would stop him from grabbing my boobs when ever he can.

I grin, shaking my head thinking about his grabby hands.

**"YOU HAVE CLASS TOMORROW?" **he types.

I've been going to a community college with him for a year now. We try to fix our classes around each others schedules but somethings they don't match up, but I do know that tomorrow Jacob and I have class tomorrow.

"YEAH, AT NOON. WHY, GOT SOMETHING IN MIND?" I type, hoping he gives me an alternative. I know it is wrong but i just can't stand that class.

**"YES LUNCH! ME AND YOU. HOW ABOUT YOU BLOW OFF CLASS AND GO TO THE BEACH INSTEAD AND HAVE LUNCH THERE?"**

I laugh, and people think I'm the bad influence.

"SPECIAL OCCASION?" I asked

"**YES! IT'S 'BECAUSE YOU CAN' DAY."**

"ALRIGHT MR. PEER PRESSURE, JUST US?"

**"YOU, ME AND SAM, HE WANTS TO DITCH CLASS TOO, HIS PROFESSOR IS KILLING HIM, HIS WORDS."**

**"**PERFECT." I reply.

Sam had join our twosome last year when we three had English together. He's great, becoming someone I can count on.

I'm glad, I need a distraction.

As I text my mom finishes the call and asks if I'm ready. I send a quick 'text you later for details' to Jake and stand up with my bag on my shoulder yelling a 'Be Good' towards my brother's room and followed my mom outside.

Los Angeles traffic is a bitch. It doesn't matter what day or time, the 101 freeway will always be full. But when you add assholes who think their ass is above the law into the mix and that is just an accident waiting to happen.

The first lesson in driving is; 'Assume everyone on the road is trying to kill you' I take that to heart.

An hour later we arrive safe and sound to the hospital. However that didn't mean that some people weren't safe from my oaths of their suffering death and window covered middle finger with a silent 'Fuck You' or 'Bitch'. Some people were so reckless that they deserved all three actions into a nice big combo that I delivered when they looked my way, I made sure they did.

I have been told that I have road rage but I don't think so.

"But mom, he did it on purpose. You can't cut someone off and not expect the finger with a 'Fuck You Bitch'" I said, pleading my case.

My mother just shook her head mumbling about teenagers and their mouths, I open mine about to tell her I'm not a teenager when she shoots me a glare that close my mouth right back up. I had to turn my head to hide my smile and I can see she was doing to same.

"Hey Bella." the nurse at the front desk says as I walk up to sign my mother's name.

"Hey Mrs. Swan." she calls out towards my mom. My mom smiles and waves before sitting down in the waiting room.

"Hey Angela." I say, "How was your weekend?"

"Good" she smiles "Ben took me to a romantic dinner down Hermosa Beach on Saturday."

I smile with her, I haven't met Ben but I'm sure he is a great guy for Angela.

"Just the dinner?" I teased and watched as Angela blushed and giggled.

"No." she whispered. I giggled along with her knowing where this was going.

"No?" I asked. "What else besides the romantic dinner on the beach then?" I questioned, leaning in a little to look at her from under my lashes.

She looks around to see if anyone is watching or hearing our conversation.

"We had a tender, loving night afterwards. Ben was very attentive, we even tried some new moves." she whispered fanning herself, I laugh.

"Angela," I say " Who would of thought you would become such a freak in the sheets!" I whispered yelled and lean in even more, " You know what they say, the quiet ones are the wildest."

Angela lean back against her chair and her eye open wild before she laughs with me.

"Yeah well, we all have secrets." she says crossing her arms over her chest but still has a smile on her face.

I nod, smirking.

"What about you?" she asked, "How was your weekend?"

" Oh, same o' same o'" I say trying to be impassive. Knowing it get her frustrated, I grin inwardly.

"Don't give me that. You were with Chris Friday night weren't you?"

I smirk. "Maybe."

Angela giggles and slaps my arm.

"Come on Bella, tell me everything. You know I live through you." she begs

I laugh.

"Well," I start, "We went to the movies, not that we saw any of it."

Angela's smirks nodding, motioning me with her hand to continue.

"And…" she says, prompting me

"And we got reacquainted with the back seat of his car." I said indifferently.

Angela giggled and shakes her had at me.

"I don't know how you do it." she says after a time, " I can never be that confident with a guy" she says looking down at her fingers

"I know." I told her.

And I really do because that was me two years ago. Angela is innocent and sweet she would never consider a fuck buddy.

I've changed, I grew. I see things different know. I am a 20 year old women how recently discovered the joys of sexual pleasure and I'm hooked. Despite what people may think, I'm not a whore. More like a cock tease if you will. I don't fuck, at least not yet anyway. I've waited this long, I can wait for the right person, however that doesn't mean I cant have fun in the mean time.

All I'm saying is that you don't have to penetrate to cum.

"That's the last time I'll see him though." I told her.

Angela's brows wrinkle as she frowns.

"Why?" she asked

"I don't know, its not exciting anymore with him, why bother" I say shrugging my shoulders. "Besides he is getting too intense. He wants to control me, fuck that. I don't need that shit." I added, making a face.

"It was just physical and he wants more." I says. She nodding a little concern but she gets it.

Just then Nurse Robert comes out calling my mom.

"I'll see you later Angela." I says then lean in close to whisper in her ear,

"Now with Nurse Sexy over there, I will never get tired." I smirk and wink at her as she laughs shaking her head calling me crazy. I just shrug and follow Nurse Sexy's fine ass as he takes Renee to get her blood work.

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**_There you have it, my first ever chapter to my first ever attempt at writing. _**

**_All questions and comments are welcome._**

**_I will continue if you guys like the story but for me to continue, I need your input._**

**_Any betas interested please PM me, I need one desperately._**

**_Please Review!_**

**_Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7_**


	2. Chapter 2: Sore Asses and Dangling Balls

**Author's Note: Hi everyone. Welcome back to Hold Me Down.**

**I have made some changes to the summary; it gives a more accurate description of what I'm going for.**

**Please hang in there if you don't like the slow starts but it's done on purpose.**

**I want to illustrate how much Los Angeles means to Bella. How she lives, who are her friends and what she has to give up in a matter of days.**

**It's not betaed so no matter how many times I reread I always miss something.**

**777777777**

**I special cyber hug to Leibeezer for being my first reviewer.**

** Thank you, and thanks to all how already Favorite/Following this little story of mine.**

**Read&amp;Review**

**See you guys at the bottom.**

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"Have a seat." Nurse Sexy tells Renée, leading her to the corner chair.

The office looks very friendly; big windows against the wall with pretty open drapes that gives a great view of Santa Monica. The walls are a cream peach color with big panoramic paintings of all the waterfalls over the world.

But my eyes is on Nurse Sexy's ass as he bends down to grab a pair gloves from the bottom drawers to his left He rolls the small stool leaning against the wall toward the front of my mother, where she is sitting.

I take my usual seat across my mother as he starts asking the routine questions while preparing the needle and tube.

"How are you today Mrs. Swan?" He begins as he slaps the gloves over his wrists.

"Same as always Robert. Nausea, joint pains and fatigue." Renée lists.

Robert nods, listening while tying the rubber string around her left arm just above her elbow and cleans the inside of it with alcohol swipes.

After taking her blood sample Robert bandages up her arm and disposes the needle and everything else he used on the red dispenser. He rolls backwards with the tube filled with blood towards the machine next to me, placing it inside. He starts it up to check Renee's white blood cells as he writes down her symptoms on her folder.

This is always my chance to stare at his face without looking like a school girl giving herself her first orgasms by humping her stuffed bears with the thoughts of her young and hot science teacher from the other nurses.

Nice strong jaw with full lips which twitch a smile because he knows I'm drooling on my chair.

He is such a tease and I eat all that shit up. How can I not? When he purposely licks his bottom lip slowly before looking at me with an eyebrow raised.

I smirk playing along. It's just innocent flirting; nothing is ever is going to happen.

Once the test is done and my mom's cells are good and high, Nurse Sexy tells my mom she is good to go.

I follow as she takes the corner ottoman before some else takes it, it's pretty full today.

Once the IV is hooked up to her chest and I grab a chair, we get ourselves comfortable. It always takes time. She has to get three bags of medication and the stopper of the IV has to be dripping slowly. I smile because I know that as soon as the head nurse turns her head away, Renée will turn the dial to make it faster.

It's always a game of wits with her and the nurses. Once they realize how fast it's going they turn it down and when they aren't looking Renée turns it back up. She even keeps me as a lookout.

Shaking my head I start getting ready. I take out my iPod and earphones along with the book I'm reading as Renee begins to gossip with the other patents.

Three hours later and scowls from the nurses, we are back on the 101.

"Are you hungry mom?" I ask.

"Not really, beside I made food; I'll eat at home." She says as she leans her head back on the headrest of the car and closes her eyes.

I grip the wheel until my knuckles turn white.

I wish I could take her cancer away. No one deserves all the suffering, especially my mother. One more session I keep telling myself as I drive back to the apartment.

I'm surprised to see Charlie in the living room when we go in.

I wonder why he is not wor… Oh. He lost it.

What's even stranger is that there is a huge pile of boxes near his feet.

Fuck.

My dad gets up, messes with my hair as he walks pass me and greets my mother with a sweet kiss on the cheek and asked how it went.

"Fine." She reassured him. He continues to stare at her to see if she is lying, trying to spare him her troubles. She smiles and cups his face with her right hand and nods to the unspoken question. After a beat, he smiles too.

"Dad." I say my back towards them, trying to keep my voice even and my hands from shaking.

"What are all these boxes doing here?" I ask.

"Oh, the boxes." He starts while clearing this throat.

"I'm sure you know what's going on with me and the company. I looked but no one is hiring."

I swallowed.

Fuck.

Fucking fuck.

"We're moving." He finally says.

My heart sinks to my toes.

"When?" I finally ask.

"Before the end of the month." He says.

I turned around so fast my hair wrapped around my head.

Under any other circumstances, I would have laughed my ass off on how ridiculously horrible that looked, like a hair commercial gone wrong, but I didn't even twitch a smile.

"In a week! Are you serious!?" I yelled while trying to get hair out of my face and mouth.

Charlie gives me a glare with an eyebrow raised.

Shit.

I didn't mean to yell.

"But that's too soon." I said softer, combing my fingers through the ends of my hair.

He sighed just like Jasper earlier today.

"I know. But we have no other choice." He says.

I drop my hands to my side.

"I'm sorry." He apologizes.

"Don't apologize Daddy. It's not your fault." I say, feeling like shit for making him feel the need to apologize. I walk towards him and kiss him on the cheek.

"It will be OK." He says and I turn and there are my brothers and Alice looking like how I'm feeling. I give them a weak smile that they return.

"Alright." Renée says, breaking the somber mood.

"Start packing everything you don't need right away while I feed your father." She says in business-like tone.

All of us starts grabbing boxes when I sudden thought hits me.

Jacob.

Shit.

I can't leave without him.

Tanya.

I'm supposed to hang out with her next week.

Double shit.

I grab a couple of boxes and I run to my room. I slam the door and throw the boxes on the floor, stomping on them.

Goddamn it! I don't want to go to fucking Forks. It's horrible there. It's small and ugly and…

I stop and crack a smile. And I'm acting like a spoiled brat.

Come on Bella. Get it together.

And that's how we all spent the rest of our day, packing our entire lives in cardboard boxes.

Between packing up my room and help Mom pack in the kitchen, Emmett and I drove to Home Depot to buy more tape.

"How was school, Ugly?" I asked since I didn't get a change earlier.

Emmett is a sophomore but no one would guess it. He is huge. He is my little big brother, almost 6 ft and buffed out. I have to look up when I'm talking to him.

"Good. Coach Ely asked for you at practice today." He says, messing with the radio.

All three of us, Jasper, Emmett and I have swam before we could walk and Emmett just finished water polo season good thing too or else he would have messed his chance to play.

God I miss it.

That's the only thing that made High School tolerable. I breathed Water Polo and Swimming. I was such a jock.

Everything and every one else of class of 2011 can go suck a bag of dicks.

My heart hurts for Emmett. He won't be able to compete and swim anymore next year or even graduate with his class, at least he will start the new school year there and not go in at the middle of the semester. That would have sucked but thank goodness summer vacation starts next week.

"Oh." I reply.

"I miss her and my old team." I added.

By the time we get home its 9 o'clock and I'm beat. All of my books, clothes, shoes, and knit knacks are in boxes. My posters and drawings on the wall are all rolled up in rubber bands.

The room looks so bare. There is only the bed, TV, and desk with nothing on it except for a week's worth of clothes.

As I settle in to sleep I contemplate texting Jacob and Tanya about the move, but in the end decided to only text Tanya. I'll tell Jacob personally when I see him tomorrow.

My eyes start to water.

I never thought a day would come where we had to leave Los Angeles.

Fucken Forks. I hate it already.

The next morning I woke up confused and alarmed. I opened my eyes and saw how bare my room was.

I shot straight up knocking myself out of the bed and landing on my ass. Hard. My heart is racing and my sore ass forgotten as I look around.

Where the fuck is all my shit?!

Were we robbed?!

Then it comes.

Nurse Sexy, the move, boxes, tape.

I feel my face starting to blush beet red and the pain on my ass starts throbbing.

I am a fucking idiot.

I almost gave myself a damn heart attack. I can feel my face blush even more.

"Fucken dumbass" I curse myself.

I stand up rubbing my sore ass and lay back down on my bed. What would Nurse Sexy think of this? I groan humiliated and hide my face under the blanket.

Just then my door suddenly open and Jasper comes in flying.

"What the hell was that?!" He says.

I jump and sit up frighten, holding my racing heart.

"What the fuck asshole! Why you scare me like that?!" I yell.

"What the fuck was all that ruckus?" he says staring at me.

I think my face is permanently red now.

"I don't know what you are talking about." I lied.

He keeps staring at me as I try to keep eye contact. Finally when it seemed like forever he shakes his head and leave shutting the door behind him.

I flop back down on the bed and let out a long breath.

That's when the giggles come.

The giggles turn into side-splitting laugh that has tears running down my face and has me rolling. I think I'm going crazy I say out loud.

I reach for my phone when Jacob's ringtone blares out in my quiet room.

"Hey baby." I greet.

"Hey Girlfriend, you ready yet?" he asked.

I roll my eyes. It's not even 10 in the morning yet and he is already rushing me.

"Calm down Jake, we are not supposed to meet until noon, remember?" I asked.

"Yes, but you are Captain Slow and take at least an hour just to wash your snatch. You know I hate waiting." He accuses.

"Alright, alright. I'm gonna jump in the shower already." I grumbled knowing he's right.

I have no time management skills whatsoever.

"Do I meet you at school or at the green line?" I asked getting up.

"No, fuck that. I don't feel like dealing with crowded, smelly buses and trains today." He says. I could already picture the disgust on his face.

"I'm borrowing Seth's car." He said rushed.

That's news to me. I guess they are back together.

It always frustrates me how Jacob and Seth fight, break up and get back together in a matter of days. It's a consistent roller-coaster ride of emotions with them. It takes me at least 2 days to get Jacob out of his funk every time they end it.

I smirk. Nothing like a blunt and boobs to cheer him up. Ok maybe no more weed, we quit last month.

"You and Seth?" I ask.

"Yes, that's why I'm picking you up. We have a lot to talk about."

I groan inwardly. Yes we do.

"Give me an hour." I say.

We agree and hang up. I jump right in the shower down the hall. I connect my iPod to the speakers and start washing my snatch as Jacob kindly put it.

30 minutes later I'm out. I got to remember to tell him later, new record.

Since I have very little to choose from, I just grab my 'It's Over 9000' Vegita T-shirt that I tie a knot on the bottom of it to my side and grab washed-out shorts, we are going to the beach after all.

I straight iron my blunt bangs before braiding my long hair into a fishtail to my right side. I rap a blue bandana around my head and create a bow and the top.

I always like the rockabilly hairstyles.

I apply blood-red lipstick and nothing else. I grab my black frame glasses, not in the mood to put on my contacts and finish the look with my beat up chucks. I grab my trusty tote bag and stuffed my swim suit inside, if we decide to swim.

As I head out to the living room Charlie is on the couch with Emmett, each have a big bowl of cereal watching the morning cartoons while my mom makes breakfast.

"Aren't you a little too ready to head for your noon class?" Renée calls out from the kitchen.

"I'm not going to class." I answer walking to the kitchen.

"I'm going out with Jacob, he's picking me up." I say. No point in lying about it now.

She gives me a sideways glance but nods.

"Where are you guys going?" She asks, turning off the burner and turns towards me.

"To the beach for lunch." I tell her as I open the frig and dig inside. I pull out a yogurt and she hands me a spoon. I open it up and dig it. Jacob is going to arrive any minute.

"Have you told him yet?" she asked. She draws her eyebrows together creating wrinkles in the middle of her forehead. She knows how much Jacob means to me.

I sighed, sitting down on the nearby chair as I place the yogurt on top of the table before bringing my hands to my lap.

"No." I say looking at my fingers.

"I figure it would be better in person than by phone. I'm telling him at lunch." I add, looking up at her with a lump on my throat.

I swallow it down. I will not cry.

When Jacob texted me that he was outside, I quickly kiss my mother and father on the cheek and punch Emmett on his huge arm before grabbing my keys and heading down the steps to the front of the apartment complex where Jacob is waiting, I can see Sam sitting on the back seat.

"Hey Sam." I say looking back at him. He smiles and returns the greeting.

Shutting the passenger door I lean in and give a close mouth kiss to Jacob on the lips. He returns it and smiles as I lean back down before buckling up.

"Hey baby." I tell Jacob.

"Hey Girlfriend." He greets, putting the car in drive as he heads for the 405 freeway.

Jacob and I have a very close relationship. I was there for him when he decided to come out of the closet and his father lost his shit and he was there for me when I found out Renée had cancer.

Most friends hug and kiss each other on the cheek. Jacob and I are the same, expect that we switch the cheek to mouth and hugs to boob grabbing but it's never sexual.

We see it has the extensions of our friendship. I have the same relationship with Tanya.

Tanya and I meant when I was a clumsy sophomore and she was a senior. She took a liking towards me and we became fast friends. She is the sister I never had, being two years older, she took me under her wing and taught me everything she knows, and eventually she was the one that taught me everything about the human body and orgasms. She broke my shell and help me discover who I am beneath the shy and awkward girl I used to be, a girl who at the mention of the word 'penis' had me blushing from the roots of my hair to my toes.

Tanya took the news pretty hard when I told her last night. We were on the phone for hours crying like babies. I did promise her a day to ourselves before I go.

My eyes water again, I turn my head towards the window so Sam and Jacob can't see.

Fucking Forks.

"Where is Seth?" I ask, trying to get Forks out of my head.

Out of mind, out of sight.

"He has a huge project, he couldn't make it today. He says next week for sure." He says looking over his shoulder as he merges into the freeway.

"Next week?" I mumbled softly so they can't hear.

Great.

"What beach are we going to?" I ask, changing the topic.

"Venice" says Sam from the back seat.

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"Yes! And remember Coach Ely jumped back so hard she took the chair with her to the floor." I managed to say through the gaps of laughter.

Jacob and Sam where howling laughing along with me. Tears were streaming down our facing and the tables around us kept giving us weird looks.

"Even the referee got an eye full of my balls and hairy asshole!" Jacob yelled out, causing more tables to turn our way.

We didn't give a shit.

"Oh my god!" Sam laughs out shaking his head. "You guys have to be lying!" he adds.

I'm still sitting here laughing like a hyena, shaking my head trying to talk.

"No." I start.

"It really happened. I was there! As soon as the ref blew the whistle to take their marks, Jacob bends getting into position to dive into the water when the swim suit snaps right at his crotch and ass area. Coach Ely was sitting right behind him about to take his time when she hears the snap she looks up and is face to face with Jacob's dangling balls." I explain laughing harder.

"I couldn't believe it; even the ref saw and did a double take almost falling into the pool." I added.

"What did you do?!" Sam asked Jacob.

"I got right back up, jumped off and ran turns Bella, who was waiting for me with a towel." Jacob explain.

I'm giggling and nodding with his story.

"Coach Ely couldn't look him in the eyes for a whole month." I jumped in.

"Jesus Christ, I wish I would have been there to see it." Sam says, shaking his head trying to control his breathing and wiping his tears.

This is why I love being with his two. They make me feel so much better.

After we were seated and our orders were taken, I told Jacob and Sam about the move. There were tears and hugs. Jacob even offered his home.

I very much appreciated the offer because he doesn't want me to go, I don't want to go either but I can't leave my family. He understood but didn't like it.

Sam was equally heart-broken.

But there is nothing they or I can do. They did offer to help with the move. I gave them both a tearful 'thank you' and kisses on cheeks.

Jacob then stated that we were not going to let this ruin our day. With so little time we have left together we should spend it laughing not crying. Sam and I agreed with that statement.

And that's just what we are doing; having a great time in each other's company.

After Sam threaten to cut my hair with dull scissor and key Seth's car, Jacob and I let Sam pay our meals and we head out towards the pier.

"Hurry up Bella!" Sam yells standing at the entrance of the girl's bathroom.

"Hold the fuck on Sam, I'm coming." I yell back. I stuff my clothes and shoes into the bag and remove the bandana off my head and place my glasses in their case before sliding on my shades. I adjust my one piece black swim suit and look down to make sure nothing is exposing before heading out to meet Jacob and Sam.

"Ready?" asked Jacob as both him and Sam look me over to see if any things missing.

Both had taken off their shirts and were in their swim trunks. Jacob's is white while Sam's is red.

"Yup, let's go." I say pushing them towards the beach.

"Why do you always wear one pieces when you have an amazing body Bella?" Jacob asked as we start looking for a spot. Every time we go to the pool or beach he asked the same question.

"Because Jacob, it leaves more to the imagination." I say with my usual response.

What Jacob or anyone else for that matter doesn't know except Tanya is that I have stretch marks around my stomach.

All my life I have been fat. Before I met Tanya and before we started working out together. I was big, and because of that I started getting stretch around my belly, arms, and thighs. Most of them went away but some are still visible, especially around my flat stomach and around my bellybutton.

Besides, I look fucken hot in a one piece.

We spend the rest of the day goofing off on the beach. We ignored flirtatious smiles and looks because we just wanted to be alone together. Not that I blame anyone for trying though.

Jacob is tall, well-built with beautiful tan skin, long hair that brushes his shoulders and I beautiful smile that melts your heart.

Sam does not fall behind either; Ivory skin under tone muscles, think shoulders and neck, his jaw is sharp and has great set of hazel eyes; he looks dreamy.

As for me, I'm well in shape. I worked hard to have a flat belly but always made sure to have meat on my bones so my thighs always touch.

I've learned to love my body, stretch marks and all. No sense in having low self-esteem. It was not an easy road to get to the place where I am now. It was very difficult looking at the mirror and not picking these you hate, but I had to keep telling myself that I had to stop feeling sorry and start improving.

"Stop thinking about how much you hate your belly and start doing something about it. If you don't like it, fix it." Tanya would tell me.

Tanya was a big help. She saw a beautiful woman under the self-doubt and self-hatred before I did.

She helped me see it.

"I always love watch the sunset at the beach." I say in a soft tone. Jacob and Sam nodded in agreement. After goofing off and buying subs from the near by Subway, we changed back to our clothes to watch the sunset.

Jacob, Sam and I are lying on a blanket we found in Seth's car, Jacob is to my right and Sam to my left. I hold both their hands with each of mine.

"Why didn't you ever get with Sam, Bella?" Jacob asked still looking at the pink sky.

"And make you jealous? No thank you." I say with a grin. Sam chuckles to my left. Jacob grins too.

Sam and I talked about it a while back but we decided against it. But now thinking about, I kind of wish we did. Sam is an amazing friend; I bet he would be an amazing boyfriend.

I roll my head and look at Sam; he is already staring at me. I lean in and softly kiss him on the lips as I keep my eyes open, staring at his hazel ones.

Sam returns the kiss and as we part smiles sadly at me.

"It's too late to find out" he whispers.

I nod and squeeze his hand before turning back around and watching as the last rays of color shine before we are enveloped in night.

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We arrived at my apartment complex a little after 11. After a tearful hug and a promise to see each other later, I waved at Jacob and Sam as they headed down my street.

The apartment looks very different when I get inside. Even this late everyone is still packing and from the looks of it, it's almost done.

"Bella, is that you?" Renée calls for the bathroom.

"Yeah." I say going towards the bathroom.

"Good. How was lunch" she asked when she sees me on the doorway.

"Great, we went to Venice. Sam went too." I say.

Renée is putting the hand towels in a small box.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." She says, "Go help your brother with the pictures frames." She added.

I nod but go to my room first. Throwing my bag on the bed and hanging my wet swim suit near the open window I change into my Pj's.

I walk towards the living room where I see Jasper and Alice rapping our pictures frames in newspaper.

"Hey Bella, I hear you fell off the bed this morning." Alice saying, smirking.

The blush makes itself known on my cheeks.

"No." I said loudly as I snatch a frame Jasper has on his hands and start wrapping it.

"Who told you that?" I ask, shooting Jasper my best glare.

"You're sure sister? There were a lot of strange noises coming for your room." Jasper chips in, smirking like an idiot.

"Yes I'm sure brother." I say putting emphasis on the r, hoping Jasper gets the hint and shuts the fuck up.

But no such luck.

"Why are you turning red then?" he asks.

Alice grins, knowing what is about to happen. She has lived with us long enough to know where this is going so she takes a step back.

"Why are you asking so many questions?" I ask. That when inspiration hits me. I grin so wide my face is about to crack.

I open my mouth to ask my question when Jasper's face transformers from cocky to worried when he figures out what I'm about to say.

It's like he can read my mind, in moments like these, I start to believe our lie that we are twins.

"Speaking of strange noises coming from our rooms, what were you and Ali…" he didn't let me finish.

He jumps up and tackles me so hard, the wind is knocked out of me before we hit the couch. He twists just enough to get his weight off me when we slam on the couch but still enough to keep his hand over my mouth before I can yell.

I take in a deep breath before I jump on him. He sees this coming so he extends both arms blocking me while putting more pressure on my right shoulder which causes me to twist and fall to the floor, before I fell, I grab on to his left arm and take him down with me.

As both of us lands hard on the carpet we prepare ourselves. Just then Charlie stands in front of us having watched the entire exchange

"Alright!" He says. By then Renée and Emmett are standing next to Alice.

"3, 2, 1!" he shouts.

As soon as we hear 1 both Jasper and I turned our heads away from each other and start to fight like sissies.

We tucked our elbows against our stomach and started flapping our hands around like a dog swimming. He slaps my chest as I slap him on his right shoulder. Knowing I'm about to lose, I play dirty.

I bring up my knee up and surprise kneed him on his stomach.

That makes him groan out loud.

I roll away from him before he can grab me. I stand up to do my victory dance. It's a mixture of the chicken dance, the Hokey Pokey and the Macarena.

That makes everyone laugh even harder.

"No fair! She kneed me!" Jasper whined.

"Stop whining Jasper, life isn't fair." Mom says over the laughter of everyone.

"Yeah brother." I taunt. "Want some cheese with that whine?" I add.

Jasper at last starts laughing along with everyone.

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**There you have it.**

**I will try to post new chapters every other day. I have absolutely no life so I'll post as soon as I can so make sure to Favorite/Follow this story.**

**I always need your input though so please take a second and review.**

**The next chapter will have Bella's date with Tanya, the answer to rather Alice is going or not and finally the move we all been waiting for.**

**Please review, all question and comments will be welcomed.**

**I am looking for a Beta so PM me if you're interested.**

**Until next time.**

**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7**


	3. Chapter 3: Commander Sex-God

**Author's Note: Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down.**

**I had a lot of fun writing this chapter and I hope you enjoy it too.**

**I won't hold you up any longer.**

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**I own nothing, these are SM characters I borrowing them for a bit.**

**Read&amp;Review**

**See you at the bottom**

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"Wait, Today?" asked Tanya. She leans in with a disbelieved look on her face.

"You said not until the end of the week, you aren't supposed to leave for another 3 days!" She yells looking very angry.

"That's why you called to meet up here, right? The plan was to go out tomorrow, spend the whole day together." She says accusingly like it's my fault I'm leaving today.

"Now we only have a couple of hours." She added.

My mother finished with her last chemo session yesterday and Charlie saw no other reason to stay any longer. As a result we were all over the place yesterday, Emmett and I went to his school and got his transcripts then we went to mine so I can get pulled out and a refund for the classes I had already paid and signed up for this summer.

My parents were busy as well. They canceled all our water, gas, light, phone, cable and internet accounts. They went to the Post Office and changed our mailing address; thankfully everything else can be done through phone or online so we didn't have to do a lot on top of everything we were already doing.

As soon as Charlie said we were moving today I called Tanya to spend some time with her, I talked to Jacob and Sam and we agreed that it would be more painful if they come over and say their goodbyes. We agreed to just not say anything and in 3 months when Renée has her doctor's appointment, we would meet up.

"Please believe that I am not happy with this either." I said as I reached across the table and took her hand.

"How do you think I feel? I am leaving everything I know, people, places, memories. I'm not just leaving the city but the goddamn state! I'm going to a place I don't know, a place that I've only visited twice in my life. What the fuck am I going to do over there?" I ask bring my hand back, knowing she doesn't have an answer.

"I'm even giving up my education. I was set to transfer to UCLA on the fall if I passed the classes I was planning for this summer. What about if Forks doesn't have the courses I need or better yet what about if Forks doesn't even have a fucken community college?" I say, starting to get angry too.

"All these things and more I thought about every day this week. So many things that were at my reach, goals that I've set have gone to shit now. But then I start thinking of my parents. They don't want this either. They blame themselves." I say. My eyes start to water.

"Charlie mainly." I continue. "He and Renée are giving up things up too. My brothers; Emmett who is not going to graduate with his class. Jasper who is heartbroken that Alice has to stay." I say, tears falling.

"It's nobody's fault. Life is a bitch and that it. We have to pick ourselves right back up. I have never been more proud of Charlie, Renée, Emmett, Jasper and Alice." I say as I smile through my tears.

"They could have argued or fought. They could have been little shits about the whole thing. I could have been too but we didn't. We all understand, even Emmett who is just 16 understands. Every single of us are giving up our lives but instead of being angry or bitter about it, we take it with stride."

"I might be miserable over there but at least I'll have my family, that's all that matters." I added after a time.

Tanya smiles as she now reaches for my hand across the table.

"You're right, sorry for acting like a bitch. I don't want to pile on. I'm going to miss you like crazy baby girl." She says squeezing my hand a little.

I wave my other hand, waving away her apology.

"Don't worry about it. I'm going to miss you too, so much baby girl" I say using the nickname we gave each other years ago.

That's when the waiter comes and brings our food. Olive Garden is a favorite hangout for Tanya and me to get together. We try to do this at least twice a month.

She is always busy working and I'm busy with school and Jacob but we always make sure to have enough time to hang out.

"Would you like a refill?" The waiter asks Tanya when he noticed her glass of wine was empty.

"Yes, thank you." She replies. She always teases me for the fact that I can't drink yet because I'm 20. And I joke that she has a problem drinking this early in the day but that doesn't stop her from giving me sips when no one is looking.

As he pours her red wine he turns to me.

"You ma'am, would you like a refill on your raspberry ice tea?"

"Sure." I say downing what's left before placed another filled cup in front of me and taking the empty cup.

"So Alice isn't going with you guys?" Asked Tanya when the waiter left.

"No, she has her grandfather to look after. Even though she lives with us, she visited him every day to make sure he was fed, washed, and gives him everything he needs." I say shaking my head.

"She is the only family he has. They only have each other." I added.

Alice has had a hard life. When Alice was 4, her mother was committed to a psychiatric hospital and was deemed unfit to take care of her daughter; as a result Alice was sent to live with her estrange father that left her before she was born. There Alice discovered she was her father's ninth child.

Most of the time she wasn't fed, her brothers and sisters picked on her, telling her she is going to in up right with her mother. Her father didn't give a shit about her, the only reason he took her in was because of the Welfare check he got for her every month.

Despite the way she lived, she thrived in school; always top of her class and every intelligent, taking extra courses and work. Her teachers adored her and they started noticing the cuts and bruises.

By the time she started middle school her father start beating her and when it wasn't her father it was her older brothers.

The breaking point was when she was in 7th grade. Alice showed up to school with a bruised eye and hand marks around her neck, social services were called, her father was arrested, her siblings went to either homes or correctional centers and they discovered she had a grandfather from her mother's side.

Paul took her in right away. He has shown her love and a better life. By the time she started community college she met Jasper on their history class they shared. She approached him introducing herself as his girlfriend and they have been inseparable since.

After dating for a year she moved in with us but still takes care of her grandfather.

"Jasper must be taking it hard." Tanya guessed and she is right. I have never seen Jasper this depressed.

"Yeah but there's nothing they can do, I feel so helpless." I say. Tanya nods as she sips her wine.

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"I guess we can't pull this off any longer." Tanya says with a sigh. We have been sitting here for over 5 hours talking about nothing and everything.

As I look at her I can't help but feel despair. I wouldn't be anything if it wasn't for Tanya. We had plans, dreams together. We always joked that we were going to end up marrying each other because we are impossible to please.

Jacob is very important to me too and I love them both very much but Tanya is different. Tanya is my go to person, the one who knows me better than anyone maybe even better than myself; she knows my goals and dreams, my greatest fears, my darkest secrets. She sees things in me that I would have never discovered on my own.

And now I'm leaving.

"Hey, you know you can't get rid of me right?" She asks me with a smile.

"Yes I know. I've been trying for years now." I joked in a frustrated tone.

We laugh as we head out towards our cars.

"Remember, every Friday night at 9:30. No matter where you are or what you are doing, grab your phone or computer and we are going to ooVoo alright?" she asked as we stand in front of my family's car.

"I won't forget." I say hugging her tightly.

We part slightly as she grabs my head with both of her hands against my cheeks. She looks into my eyes before she leans in and gives a ravishing wholesome kiss. I grab both of her arms that were holding my head and pull her closer.

As we part both of us panting she starts to speak.

"If anyone gives you a better kiss than the one I just give you, you marry the bastard. Never let him go." She tells me seriously.

I laugh, I doubt I'll be doing any kissing in Forks but I nod and agree anyways.

We give each other one last kiss then jump in to our cars. She honks, waves and drives off.

My heart is still pounding as I drive the last time to the apartment complex. Tanya has to be the best kisser I've ever kissed. Even though it's never anything more than friendship and platonic love, she always leaves me breathless and my heart pounding.

When I pull up to the apartment I see Charlie hauling the stove up the ramp onto the huge Moving Truck.

"Hey dad, almost done?" I ask as I walk towards him, Emmett sticks head out inside the truck where he was holding the other half of the stove and flips me off when Charlie isn't looking.

"Yeah, only the heavy stuff is left, we are almost done good thing too, I want to hit the road before it gets any later." He says wiping sweat off his forehead with his red handkerchief he always has in this left back pocket of his pants.

I look down on my phone to check the time. 2:30pm.

"You want to leave at 3?" I asked.

"Yeah, we have a lot of driving to do, the sooner the better." He says.

"Alright." I say nodding. "I'm going to go check on Mom." I add.

He nods and goes back to shoving the stove on the right next to the standing couch.

"Mom!" I call out in the empty apartment.

"I'm in your room Bella!" She yelled out.

"What are you doing?" I asked. Renée is inside my empty closet looking around.

"Just making sure nothing gets left behind." She says.

"Where is Jasper?" I asked. He wasn't with Dad and Emmett and not at the apartment.

"He went to the corner shore and loading up on junk food for the 18 hour drive." She says leaving my room and going towards Jasper's checking everything.

"Cool." I say.

"Renée?" called out Charlie.

"In here honey." My mom answers as she steps into Jasper's closet looking around.

"Everything is loaded. I just handed over the keys of the apartment to the manager downstairs." He says as he walks inside the empty room.

"Alright, let's get going." She says as she walks all over the apartment seeing it for the last time.

Once the apartment is locked, we all are waiting for Jasper outside the complex next to the Moving Truck.

"Hey." Jasper calls out. Once he is standing with us Charlie lets us in on the plan.

"Alright guys. I'm going to drive the Moving Truck with Renée. Emmett, you are riding with Bella who is driving the Infiniti and Jasper, you are going to drive the Suburban. I'm still not sure when or where we are going to stop but if you, Bella or you, Jasper get sleepy then we'll find somewhere to rest, alright?" He asked

"Got it." I say

"Yes sir." Emmett agrees.

"Alright." Jasper says as we all start walking to our cars.

"WAIT!" called out a voice.

We all turn around looking for the source when Jasper starts in a dead run.

Alice starts running too, dropping her bags to the floor and meeting in the middle of the street.

Jasper and Alice have been together for years and they are very private people when it comes to their relationship.

Not once in all the time they have been dating did I've seen them kiss. I've never seen them hug intimately or cuddle on the couch so when Jasper grabs Alice by her waist, picking her up and hugs her, it was a sight, and when he plants a very passionate kiss on her lips, Charlie, Renée, Emmett and I are shocked beyond belief, all mouths fall to the floor as they kiss like they are the only people in the world.

"Alice!" I scream and run towards her when they walk towards us after picking up her bags off the floor across the street.

"Bella!" she says and when I reach her we hug tightly.

"What are you doing here?!" I yelled

Everyone gathers around and hugs Alice asking the same question I am.

Once everyone hugged her, Jasper comes next to her and wraps his arm around her waist like if he doesn't she might leave us.

"Well, once I reached Grandpa's house and told him I was staying, he throw me out." All of us looked at her in shock.

"What?!" Jasper yelled looking her angry. Alice put a hand on his chest and continued.

"He says I need to be with my new family, with Jasper." She said blushing slightly but looked at us then at Jasper and smiled sweetly at him. He smiled back and pulled her a little closer.

"I try to argue with him that he needs me and that I wanted to help him when he waved me off and says that Amy agreed to watch over him from now on." Alice said.

Amy is Paul's neighbor, the young woman sees Paul like a grandfather; she cooks and cleans for him Alice doesn't, Alice and Amy developed a system; she rotates duties with Alice.

Paul is in great hands.

"Wow, that's amazing! I'm so happy you could come with us." My mom says as a tear rolls down.

"Yes, Jasper was going crazy without you." Dad adds.

Ain't that the true, I was getting concerned.

Alice smiles shyly and says, "I was going crazy too." As she looks up at Jasper.

"I'm so happy you're here Alice." I tell her reaching for her hand and squeezing it.

She nods, agreeing.

"I couldn't plan it anymore perfectly, Alice you ride with Jasper." Dad says wanting to get on the freeway already.

"Alright people, let's move it, we are losing light." Emmett says walking towards the Infiniti passenger door.

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One thousand, two hundred and twelve miles.

Eighteen hours and twenty-six minutes.

At least that's what Google Maps said. What Google didn't know is that we took a detour to San Francisco. So a little more than one thousand, two hundred and twelve miles.

The longest I've ever been inside a car was on a trip to Vegas and that was only 4 hours. I thought it was the longest ride of my life.

I was dead wrong, but this trip had its fun and memorial moments.

4 hours into the trip and heading down the I-5 N,, I had the brilliant idea to go to San Francisco first.

We were only any hour away. So that's what we did; Jasper and I followed the Moving Truck.

By the time we arrived at San Francisco night had fallen. We decided to park somewhere and enjoy the night life. Only Jasper and Alice got to truly enjoy it though, they hit every 21 and older bars they could.

But it was fun.

We had a dinner picnic along the shoreline at stayed the night.

We woke up with the sun, took our pictures with the famous red bridge as the background, had a quick breakfast and headed off towards the I-5 North once again.

Emmett was the perfect riding mate. He kept me laughing all through Oregon until we arrived to our soon-to-be home.

As we moved through the tiny town, we couldn't see anything clearly. By then it was 10 o'clock at night and we were all dead tired and cranky, I know I was.

I have to give Aunt Sue a big kiss when I see her tomorrow, not only did see offer Charlie employment but she also arrange the house we were going to be renting. She had made sure it was big enough and that the utilities were installed before we arrived.

The house has 4 spacious rooms, a huge living and dining room. The kitchen is big and is already fully stocked with food and also with top-notch appliances. It has a fairly big front yard with two huge trees and the big yard that has enough room to build an entire other house.

We were never poor in Los Angeles but with rent so expensive, we learned early in live to think small, but this house is gigantic compared to anything we've ever lived. The best part is that it's half the amount we paid in LA and we only had two rooms back then.

Here everyone has a room. All of us were super excited about it and if it wasn't for the fact that we have been on the road all day we would looked around but no one was up for it, even Emmett who has energy for days just wanted to sleep.

Renée and I grabbed thick blankets we put earlier on both cars trunks and laid them on the living room floor. As so as we laid them down, Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Charlie were already snoring away. Renée and I locked up the cars and house and we too were snoring as soon as we felt the blankets.

"Did you see the woods beyond the back yard?" Emmett asked.

"Yes Emmett, I was with you." I say distractedly as I hang my clothes on the walk-in closet.

Yes you heard right, Bella Swan has a walk-in closet.

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Emmett responds scratching is neck.

"You almost done? You said we were going to drive around and get a feel of this place remember?" He asked. He is itching to explore.

"Yes, almost. I'll meet you downstairs." I say, trying to kick him out as politely as I can.

I think Emmett is the most excited one. It's a new place with new people; he is so friendly he will make friends in no time.

Jasper and Alice are happy anywhere we move as long as they are together.

Charlie is loving the big yard; he is a grease monkey at heart so he is already planning to build a shelter to work on his cars on the shade when it's sunny or rather a cover when it rains.

Renée is in love with the kitchen. She is testing all the appliances and arranging and rearranging everything, talking to herself about new dining tables, drapes for the windows and everything else she can think of.

As for me, I'm alright.

I love my room. It has a three-way window with a sitting bench, a walk-in closet and black carpet, I didn't think they made black carpets but I have it and I love it. The house is beautiful.

I just wish the house was in Los Angeles.

I sighed, I feel like I'm a grey cloud in a beautiful sunny day. Everyone is adjusting nicely and I'm here feeling bitter and angry and shitty because I feel this way.

Am I the only one that is sad?

Why can't I enjoy Forks like everyone else?

I can't wait to put dark drapes and shut them. That way when I'm in here, I'll pretend I'm still in LA.

I breathed out a laugh, I'm so melodramatic.

I can't help it though. I miss my home.

"I might be entering the first stages of depression" I muse as I at last finish hanging all of my clothes.

Once I head downstairs Renée calls me from the kitchen.

"Hey Bella, Emmett tells me you guys are about to head out and explore the town." She says rearranging the plates for the 4th time.

"Yeah, what about it?" I ask leaning against the wall across the big windows that give a clear view of Emmett chatting up a girl with long blonde hair that lives across the street.

I shake my head scowling, Emmett doesn't waste any time.

"Sue told me there is a Wal-Mart at the other side of town and I want to go buy curtains for the windows." She says finishing up with the plate placement.

"You want me to take you?" I ask looking back at her.

"Yeah, if you don't mind, we can go after you explore if you want" She adds.

"Nah, we'll go now, I'll take Emmett exploring later and now I don't think he minds not going." I say as I point with my chin towards the window.

Renée looks at me funny before walking over and checking. The girl with blonde hair throws her head back and laughs while Emmett laughs with her staring at her face the entire time.

Renée smiles shaking her head.

"Let me put on a jacket so we can go." She says walking to the closet down the hall.

"I'll go tell Alice if she wants to go and meet you outside." I called out, looking for Alice.

I found her outside sitting on the floor watching as Jasper and Charlie take measurements for the shelter.

"Hey Alice, Mom and I are going to Wal-Mart, apparently Forks has one, want to come?" I ask standing in front of her.

"Yeah, sounds fun." She says standing up and brushing off dirt.

"I'll meet you out front, alright?" I said walking back to the front.

"Yeah, I'll put on some shoes." She says.

"Jasper! I'm going out with Bella, see you later." She yells out at Jasper direction.

"Alright Alice!" He replied and started talking to Charlie again.

When I walk to the front I notice a women standing next to Emmett and the girl so I made my way other there.

"Hey Bella. These are our neighbors, they live across the street." Emmett said excitedly.

"Hi Bella, welcome to Forks. Emmett tells us you guys are from Los Angeles." The women says reaching for my hand and shaking it, I send a side glance towards Emmett's way.

Big mouth.

"I'm Esme, this is my daughter Rosalie." She says pointing at the girl.

"Pleasure to meet you both." I say with a smile as I take in Rosalie.

I am very protective of my brothers; it took me half a year to warm up to Alice.

I don't like girls messing with my brothers.

I made sure the girl knew I was keeping an eye on her.

Yes bitch, I'm watching you. I think looking at the girl.

She frowns slightly before looking down.

Messaged receive I think smirking, Emmett then decided to shove my shoulder trying to get me to stop.

I smile sweetly at him faking innocence.

Esme didn't seem to notice the silent threat I gave her daughter and smiles.

"I'm so glad a family moved into that empty house." She says.

I smile but I think the opposite.

"Oh, you must be our neighbors! I'm Renée and this is Alice. She is my son, Jasper's love." She says.

I roll my eyes as Alice blushes.

Really mom, your son's love? I think laughing silently.

Esme smiles.

"So good to meet you!" Esme says with the same excitement.

I guess in a boring ass town like this one, new neighbors are a goddamn holiday for them.

I smile a little at the joke.

"I would love to stay and get to know each other better but we are heading out." Renée says with a frown.

"Would you like to come for a cup of coffee later today when we come back?" Renée asked.

"Sure! I'll love to, I'll bring my husband too, he is just as excited as me to make new friends." Esme says.

I like Esme, she seems genuine, her daughter though has me on alert but that's just me when it comes to my brothers.

"Perfect. I'm sure he and Charlie well get along nicely." Renée says.

"Great, see you guys later." Esme says "Come on Rosalie."

Rosalie looks at Emmett. "Bye Emmett, see you later."

I give her my best glare, walk away bitch.

7777777777777777777777

"Shoot, I forgot my wallet in the Infiniti, Bella can you go get it?" Renée tells me digging through her bag.

"Yeah, Alice, go with me?" I say, walking backwards. She nods and follows me.

This by no means is a Super Wal-Mart I was expecting by its big enough I guess, at least it has all the necessities.

"You saw the girl eyeing Emmett?" I ask Alice as we walk towards the parking lot.

"You are seeing things Bella, remember you thought I was the devil itself because I was with Jasper?" she says laughing.

I laugh too, I told Jasper that Alice was the devil and bad for him, he just laughed and told me I was just jealous.

"Yeah." I say.

"And remember the other time when…"

I didn't hear anything after that.

I have never in my life seen a more beautiful man than the one who is walking towards me.

He was tall, maybe 6'2, taller than Emmett. His hair looked to be cut short from the sides of his head but I couldn't see the rest because he had an army hat.

He had on dark sunglasses that were covering his eye but I bet they are gorgeous too.

His nose is straight and perfectly proportioned with his face.

His lips.

Jesus Christ those lips. They look so smooth I could just run my tongue over the bottom one, I shivered.

His jaw, so sharp I can bite it.

My mouth waters.

My stomach is doing flips and my fingers start to tingle and shake.

He looks well built, lean and hard. His thighs look thick and his legs long as he strides towards me, at least I think he is walking towards me.

I have never had a reaction quite like this.

I think I'm going to faint.

How is it possible for someone to look like that?

He is perfection.

I adjust my glasses making sure I don't miss anything.

"Bella, are you listening to me?" Alice voices sounds so far away.

I can't take my eyes off him.

"Alice, that man is what dreams are made of." I say dazed.

He walks closer.

I can just reach out my hand and touch him he is that close.

My fingers twitch.

"Just lock me in a room with him and I will become your slave for eternity." I say quietly as he passes.

He even smells delicious, so good.

I close my eyes and take in a deep breath.

When I open my eyes, for a second our eyes met and I swear I saw a small smirk on his beautiful lips.

Once he moves out of my vision I can breathe easier.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Was.

That.

I feel like I just experienced God himself.

"Oh my god Bella! He is looking right at you!" Alice whispered yelled.

"WHAT?!" I whispered yelled back at her.

I turn and sure enough he is looking right at me. He took of his glasses but he is too far away to see the color of his eyes.

"I think he heard what you said about being locked in a room with him" Alice says as she looks from me to him then back to me.

The blush that rushed to my cheeks was faster than the speed of light.

When he sees the blush the smirk I've seen earlier gets bigger.

As he walks to the entrances he looks back one more time taking off his hat and disappears inside the store.

"I think that has to be the most intense experience I've ever witnessed." Alice says shaking her head with a look for awe on her face.

I stop dead.

I reach inside my pocket and pull out the keys to the Infiniti.

"Here, get the wallet please?" I say, handing her the keys.

"Why, where are you going?" she calls out as a walk towards the entrances.

"I am not going to do anything crazy, I just have to see him. You can't experience something like this and act like it never happened!" I yell out.

I hear Alice laughs but I pay no attention.

I must follow. I say as I enter looking around for the sexiest man alive.

Nurse Sexy has nothing on Commander Sex-God.

* * *

**There you have it. **

**Finally some Commander Sex-God!**

**As always, please leave comments, question, anything on a review;**

**It just takes a second.**

**Did you guys like Edward's introduction? Tell me on the review.**

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**Thanks to those who have but for you others,**

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**Commander Sex-God would be very pleased. **

**Until next time.**

**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7 **


	4. Chapter 4: Shampoo Aisle and Parking Lot

**Finally the site is back on!**

**Author's Note: Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down.**

**I hope you all are good and are excited for more.**

**This chapter took my longer but I hope you all enjoy it.**

**I won't keep you up any longer.**

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**I own nothing, these are SM characters.**

**Read&amp;Review**

**See you at the bottom.**

* * *

This is a bad idea.

Scratch that, it's a terrible idea.

I shouldn't be doing this.

I am better than this.

I blame Commander Sex-God. He is making me lose my mind.

I should go back with Alice, and yet I am still walking towards the entrance.

Just a peek, then I'll go sit in the car and wait for Renée.

Yes! Just a peek, he won't notice.

When the doors slides open my eyes start searching, I bet he is not even that good-looking. I must have exaggerated, I bet he is average.

The sun must have been on my eyes.

I look down at my hands; they are still sweaty and shaky. I run them down my jeans to get rid of the sweat.

"I have to see him." I say to myself.

As I start walking pass the roll of cashiers I see a camouflage uniform. My heart starts pounding.

Am I having a panic attack? This can't be normal.

I read somewhere that panic attacks happen when your heart starts pounding, your palms get sweaty, and when you start having trouble breathing.

I am experiencing all that.

Maybe I should sit down, but Commander Sex-God has other plans for me because at that moment he disappeared in one of the aisles, my legs starts moving before I was even aware.

"I am stealth!" I say to myself as I follow.

Oh, underwear aisle huh.

I press against the front of the aisle with my back leaning on the stuff that is on display, turning my head, looking over my shoulder just enough to peek in the aisle and watch.

More like stalk, but that's not important. What is important is that I have Commander Sex-God on my line of vision.

I wonder if he is a boxers or briefs kind of guy.

Definitely boxers.

No! Briefs, yes, definitely briefs.

Maybe boxers though.

Or better yet, boxer briefs, the best of both worlds.

I wonder what his size is. My face flushes, does he fill his underwear?

Is he a grow-er or a show-er? I can go with either one. All that matters is that by the end, is that it's long and pointing right at me.

Does he manscape or does he has a full bush or is he bare?

I hope he has the happy trail, I know if I follow it I will be extremely happy.

Mmm, I think I moaned out loud but I can't be sure.

How do men walk with that thing hanging and bouncing around between their legs anyways?

I heard they can even sit on their balls. I wince. That has to hurt.

Dick and balls swinging left and right, it must bounce when they run.

I stifle a giggle.

"Bouncing dicks and balls." I say quietly, shaking my head at my train-of-thought.

"Excuse me?" Some old woman says clearing her throat.

I jump so hard I knock some stuff over; Commander Sex-God seemed to have heard because he looks up and starts turning his head towards the ruckus I made.

Before he turns fully I run for it.

I run before I hear what the women was about to say.

"Fuck my life, I need to learn how to fucken whisper." I say as run to the next aisle and almost fall turning the corner but thankfully I make it and lean against the socks that are hanging.

"That was close." I say to myself feeling the rush of adrenaline.

I wait for a minute before I dare to look at the walk way.

"Where did you go now, Commander Sex-God" I mumbled as a silently and quickly scan the aisles.

No!

Damn that woman, she made me lose him.

Damn my fucken big mouth.

I almost got caught because I was thinking about bouncing dicks and balls.

I giggle escapes.

I roll my eyes, I am so immature.

I was about to give up when I saw a flash of bronze hair.

My heart spikes and I follow.

The shampoo aisle now.

As I get into position, I have a closer view for him.

I did not exaggerate at all.

I can stare at him all day.

The curves of his face are begging for my fingers to caress.

As he looks at the selection of shampoos, he gets a little wrinkle in the middle of his forehead.

I frown. He should never make that expression.

What's the matter Commander Sex-God?

Do you need help?

What type of Shampoo do you use?

Even though he is in the army he has longish hair.

Long enough to grab onto, I shut my mouth tight in case a moan decides to escape again.

Do you like getting your hair pulled?

Do you like to get your scalp scratched?

What about your back, would you let me mark you?

Wow, when did I get so possessive? I shake my head and zero-in on Commander Sex-God.

I start getting brave and inch closer.

I can't quite make out his eyes though.

Blue?

Green, maybe grey?

Damn it, just a little bit closer.

That's when the metaphorical light bulb lights up on top of my head.

I am a genius.

I should just walk by him, pretend to get a shampoo and sneak a peek at his eye and if I'm lucky, I get to smell him again.

Sometimes I amaze myself with my genius, I think with a grin.

It takes me a good 2 minutes of mental preparation.

You got this Bella, he won't notice.

So I get a new dose of adrenaline and my hands start shaking but I ready myself.

As I'm about to take a step out from my hiding place, his eyes snap to mine in an instant. It almost seemed like he knew I was there all along.

I freeze.

Shit. There goes my brilliant plan.

My fight or flight instincts kicked in and like the coward I am, I turn right back around and start to run.

I knew this was a bad idea.

Genius my ass.

As soon as I turned to run I get tackled.

A guy at the same time rounded the corner and was looking the other direction, he didn't see me and rammed right into me.

I went tumbling backwards landing on my back.

Fucken shit, that fucken hurt.

"Shit! Are you alright?" the guy asks. I nodded feeling humiliated more than hurt.

I sit up.

"You went flying! Did you break something?" He looked like he was in the verge of tears.

He is big! I don't think he even felt me run into him, but I, being so much smaller than him, felt the full impact.

He probably thinks I'm bleeding internally.

After checking all my joints and muscles, nothing seems to feel damaged.

"It's alright, I ran into you remember? Besides, my pride broke my fall." I said trying to make the guy feel better.

That's when I hear the sexiest chuckle I ever heard.

I may have shivered a little.

Then it hits me.

Oh my god! Commander Sex-God saw everything!

God, kill me now.

My cheeks start burning as I see his legs as he walks from behind me until they are right in front.

He stretches his arm out, giving me a hand to get up.

He has long fingers.

I like long fingers, I blush even more.

I still haven't looked up at him, I don't think I can, but I do take his hand and he pulls me up.

That single touch sent shocks of pleasure all over my body that ends between my thighs.

Now I know for a fact that this time I indeed moaned and I know he heard me because I soon as it left my mouth, the grip on my hand tighten.

I was so caught up in this man's orbit; I barely heard the guy's apology before leaving.

His hand is so warm, and big.

You know what they say about a man with big hands?

"What's that?" asked Commander Sex-God.

As soon as I hear his voice I look up, it felt like instinct, like my body knows him for years.

I'm so glad I looked up because when I did, I finally saw them.

They are green, emerald-green.

They are emerald-green and they are exquisite.

He has an amused expression on his face with that damn smirk; I want to kiss it away.

"Huh?" came my brilliant respond.

"What do they say?" He asked again. His eyes are sparkling. He even has gold specks swimming in the deep green.

Wow. How pretty.

That's when his question registers.

What the fuck is he talking about?

"Who?" I asked frowning.

"What do they say about a man with big hands?" He repeats, smirking.

My eyes go wide.

I said that out loud!

Just when I thought this couldn't get any more humiliating, I have no goddamn filter when he comes to this guy.

Think Bella, think!

I yank my hand back like if it was on fire and I stick to my original plan.

I run.

He eyes go wide with my sudden movements but as I reach the corner, I hear a very sexy laugh; I didn't turn around to check though.

I ran until a reached the bathrooms on the other side of the store.

"You are a fucken idiot Bella, I fucken knew it. This has got to be the most humiliating day in my entire life." I say to myself, pacing, thankfully the bathroom is empty.

"One peek that's all." I mock my earlier self. "And on top of that, Commander Sex-God heard about the big hands comment."

I groan loud as a new wave of blush washes my face, ears and neck.

"I can't be here." I say as I reach of the phone.

"Alice, where are you?" I say as soon as she answered her phone.

"With your mom, why are you out of breath?" She asked.

"Meet me by the Infiniti, bring the keys." I tell her before hanging up.

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"You have to be fucking with me, are you serious!?" Alice tells me after I told her how Operation Follow CSG turned into a train wreck.

"Alice, look at my face. Does it look like I'm playing?" I say pointing at my face.

Alice starts laughing hysterically, grabbing her side and snoring.

"Are you done? I need the keys." I say in no mood for laughs.

"Why do you need the keys?" She asks after her episode ends and hands them over.

"I'm staying here. You go back with my mom." I tell her.

After she laughs some more she finally leaves.

I get into the front seat rolled down the window, trying to get some air and trying to control myself.

"If anything else happens to me today, I swear to God, I'm going to break something." I say feeling angry with myself.

"Only you, Bella." I scolded.

About 10 minutes later and after countless other insults I can think of, my cheeks turn back to their normal skin color, finally.

I start listening to music, trying to get my mind distracted, but easier said than done.

I wonder if he likes this type music, I ponder as Kings Of Leon blares in the car, I snort. Imagine he is into Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber?!

Now I'm laughing at that one.

I have a lot of respect for music and I don't judge, there are certainly some songs on my iPod that I only hear when I'm alone, but I just can't picture Commander Sex-God singing 'Baby'.

Since I sat here, I still have an eye at the entrance.

I just want to know what car he has and maybe for the chance to see him again but mainly for the car.

Yes the car.

"Here he comes." I said to no one and I sit straighter while turning off the music. I get a perfect view because I am parked backwards.

Good thing I did, know I get to see how Commander Sex-God can make something like walking seem sensual and seductive.

I tear my eyes away from him and start scanning the parking lot ahead of him.

Maybe is that black truck, but he passes it. Maybe the white caravan but nope, he passes that one too.

There is not a lot to choose from.

Oh shit.

He is coming my way.

I look around. There is a red convertible two spaces in front of me, a green pickup farther back about 6 or 7 spaces away and a silver Volvo parked on the space next to me, on my left side.

It's empty today.

As he gets closer I start panicking.

Imagine his car is the Volvo. The driver's door is mere inches away from me.

No, it must be the pickup truck; he looks like a pickup truck kind of guy.

But the universe hates me.

I watch through the windows of the Volvo, now that it's blocking my view, that he pulls out a car alarm and presses the button.

The Volvo lights flashes.

I'm dead.

He reaches the trunk of the Volvo and starts putting the two bags he has on one hand.

His glasses and hat is back on and he looks just as sexy as without them.

He still hasn't seen me.

I try to roll up the window but the car is turned off. I can't leave and run for it with the open window. I can't jump over to the back seat because it takes too much time. If I do jump, he will catch me in the act and that would be more humiliating.

So I do nothing.

All this time, I have stalk, hid and ran from him and all the just lead to disaster after disaster so I sit here and stare as he closes the trunk.

Miraculously he still hasn't seen me. He is inches away and he hasn't seen me.

I hold my breath and hold very still. I want him to see me but I don't give myself away.

He stops as he reaches for the door and turns his head.

The second he sees my face, the smirk appears. He turns fully and takes off his glasses and puts it inside his pocket, along with his keys.

He leans back against his car folding his arms over his chest, crosses his feet and still continues to stare.

Fuck it.

I already dug myself in a huge hole nothing beyond this point can get worse.

I look at him and can't help but smile. He looks pleasantly surprise and his smirk turns into a beautiful, almost shy smile in return.

I look at him and start thinking about everything I have been through just because I wanted to see his face. What a day.

Of all the reactions I've had, this one is the most refreshing.

I laugh.

I let out a big belly laugh. Jesus Christ, this man must think I'm crazy, it makes me laugh even harder.

He seemed to be amused by my laughter because he chuckles with me.

It feels so good to laugh, I have been so tense and my emotions are all spent. It feels good to let go.

So as I wipe my tears he starts to speak.

"Why were you laughing?" he says tilting his head to the side and smiles.

"I've had the most craziest, humiliating and exhilarating hour of my life." I told him honestly, grinning so wide.

"Really, did it have something to do with the fall you took?" he asked, chuckling.

"You don't know the half of it." I say shaking my head.

If he knew. I start giggling.

"Come on, give me a little credit. I think I know more than you think" He says pushing off his car takes a step towards the side of my car. He leans his left hip on my door and bends deeply to get the side mirror closer at chest level and lays his left arm over the top of it.

With his arm extended in front of him, his fingers brush my arm.

And like a magnet, I sit up and lean in towards him until the stirring wheel is pressed against my right side of my chest and the door is pressed tightly against my left arm.

He looks very at eased like this. Like if he is talking to a friend.

He peeks inside the car before he looks back at me.

I see his eyes as he take in my face. His eyes flicker everywhere, my forehead, my chin, my cheeks, my nose, ears, then my lips.

He takes longer staring at them before his eyes look at mine again.

I do the same.

This close I see everything. His forehead has a small scar above his right eyebrow. He cheeks have a hint of pink like if he is in the verge of blushing. His chin has the tiniest dip in the middle, and he is a mole right in the center of his neck that moved when he swallowed.

His eyes are more amazing up close. I have never seen eyes like his, they shine and they look breathtaking with he smiles and the corners of his eyes wrinkle a bit, like he is doing right now.

Damn that smile. His lips look so soft; I run my tongue on my bottom one wondering if it's smooth like his.

No, they are cracked, like if I haven't drink water in days. I bit it trying to smooth it out.

He has been watching everything and leans his head even closer; I feel his warm breath on my face.

"Don't bite it." He whispers and runs his tongue over his bottom lip.

I release it immediately. He can tell me to strip here and I will do it.

He leans back to how he was and tells me,

"Tell me what you think I don't know" He says putting air quotations on the word think and raises a brow, challenging me.

I sit back and place my arm on top the open window. I bend it and my forearm is right beneath his fingers.

His starts running his middle finger up and down my forearm and it feel good.

I decided to tell him the truth, no point in lying anymore.

"You didn't hear what I said about you to my friend." I say, starting from the beginning.

He smirks, still running his middle finger on my forearm.

"Yes I did. I heard everything you said." He says looking at what his finger is doing.

Shit, I was hoping he didn't hear me.

"I was following you throughout the entire store." I tell him, not wanting to get into the 'lock room' comment with him.

He laughs and looks up at me.

"Oh, I know that too." He says.

He has to be lying. I was stealth!

"How did you know I was following you?" I ask trying to remember when he could have figured it out, maybe when the old woman scared the shit out of me, but I ran before he saw me.

I frown, he has to be lying.

"I was watching you the entire time." He says looking very serious.

"What? I asked. That is not what I expected him to say.

"Since the moment you walked in, I was watching you." He clarifies.

This shit just got more fucked up.

"I kept an eye on you. I knew where you were the entire time, except when the woman scared you and you ran. I was going to go search for you myself when I didn't see you anymore, but I found you looking for me so I went on pretending I couldn't see you." He added.

No

Fucken

Way!

I stare flabbergasted. He knew all this time.

"Back there, when I was going to walk towards you, you knew, that's why you looked at me so fast." I said, putting the pieces together.

He nods.

"Yes. I have been watching you with the corner of my eye all that time. I couldn't see your face clearly and when you decided to step out, I had to look." He says looking at my eyes.

"I turned before I could stop myself. I just wanted to see your face." He repeats as his eyes flicker again all over my face.

If he was anyone else, I would have felt self-conscious to have someone look at me the way he does, this close and with his intensity, but he is different, it feels different.

I feel beautiful.

"That's one of the things I don't know" He says frowning as he looks into my eyes again.

"Why did you stop hiding?" he asked as his brows wrinkled

"Same reason why you turned, I wanted to see your face. From where I was hiding, I couldn't see you clearly either." I told him honestly.

He smiled a boyish grin. He was so adorable I had the urge to touch his face so I grabbed the stirring wheel inside.

"I know I scared you, I scared myself and you took off running, I was going to chase after you but next thing I know, you were sent flying." He says chuckling.

I giggled while my face flushed.

"There is one other thing I don't know." He says as he smirks again.

"What?" I asked, curious.

"What do people say about men with big hands?" he asked.

I blink up at him.

This man is trouble, 100% trouble.

Just then his phone starts ringing.

"Sorry." He says looking down at it.

"It's my mom, I have to take it." He says before stepping away and walking to the front of the Infiniti.

I have never felt this way towards anyone; his intensity sends shivers down and spine and sends my heart into overdrive.

It's a connection like no other. I feel safe and relaxed but at the same time tense and so round-up that I could snap with any slightest movement he makes.

I feel like I can be honest and he won't judge. I can tell him things that I would not dare say to anyone.

I fucken told him I was stalking him for Christ's sake.

I told a complete stranger that I had fantasize about him and that I was stalking him.

I think perhaps I may really be going crazy.

And maybe he is as crazy as I am for watching me too.

I grin.

That possibility sounds so good, exciting even.

And the strangest part about this whole ordeal and confessions is that I don't even know his name.

Commander Sex-God finishes his call and comes back, looking a little sad.

"I really have to go." He says. I look down on his left pocket, right above it, its reads 'E. Cullen'

I wonder what the 'E' stands for.

"Ok" I say feeling sad too. He unlocks his door, jumps in and starts it up. He rolls down the window and waves before he starts backing up.

Is he really just going to leave like that?

No name, no number, not even email?

"Wait!" I say jumping out of my car and leaning down to his window.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"You didn't tell him what people say about men with big hands." He smiles.

Damn, I though he forgot.

"If I tell you, you'll give me your name?" I ask, trying to bargain.

He grin, "Yes ma'am"

"Big feet." I say, standing up straight and grabbing my hands behind my back.

"I'm sorry?" he says sticking his head out the window.

"They say men with big hands have big feet." I lie.

"Bullshit." He says laughing.

"My name is Edward." Commander Sex-God says putting his head back in and placing his sunglasses on, covering his eyes.

"Edward." I say out loud testing it against my tongue.

His eyebrows wrinkle and he swallows but I can't really see his expression because of the sunglasses.

Stupid glasses.

He nods and gives me that boyish grin again.

"What about yours?" He asks.

"Since you know so much about me, I'll let you figure that one out on your own." I tell him. I have to find a way to see him again.

"Let me see your phone." I tell him before I change my mind.

He gives me a curious looks but hands it over.

I punch my number quickly and leave it unknown.

"When you figure it out, text it to me." I smirk.

Yes! Show him whose boss Bella!

I walk back to the Infiniti with a new bounce to my step, leaving him with his mouth open.

Bella: 1 Edward: 0

I heard Edward chuckle as I get inside the car again.

Edward, it has a nice ring to it.

Commander Sex-God is Edward.

Commander Sex-God Edward.

That's too long; I need to come up with a better nickname for him.

I smile when I hear my notification tone on the passenger seat.

"**Kimberly?"** the text read from an unknown number.

"Not even close" I type, saving the number under Commander Sex-God until I find a good nickname.

"Come on, not even a hint?" I hear Edward yell as he stops the car in front of the Infiniti and leans sideways as he talks from the passenger window.

"Nope" I yell back grinning like a fool.

He grins back and waves before he takes off.

"**Sarah?" **Edward sends after 5 minutes.

I laugh, let the game begin.

"Come on Edward, you are not even trying." I reply.

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"What do you think Bella?" Renée asked.

"I agree with you." I say.

I have no fucken clue as to what she is talking about.

After Edward drove off, Renée and Alice finally emerged, neck-deep in bags.

Once we got settled I drove to the house.

Renée kept on talking about curtains and knife sets but I didn't hear any of it.

My mind was on Edward.

This is still questions I didn't get to ask, like why he was watching me, why did he want to see my face.

Was it the same reason I was following him?

My palms got sweaty with that thought but a grin broke out that tried to spilt my face in half.

Was he analyzing me the way I was analyzing him, trying to get every dip, curve, and mark of his face?

I look at my eyes in the rear view mirror.

I have always liked my color. It's not a dark brown or honey. It's a brown like smoothed out wood. Like the color on a crayon box. It's light enough to be noticeable and unmistakable as to what color it might be and dark enough to heighten my features.

And the best part is that it is the same color as my hair.

Literally the exact shade, I get tons of compliments for it and people ask me all the time if I dyed my hair to match my eyes but I don't.

Did Edward like what he seen, did he noticed?

I hope he liked what he seen because I very much enjoyed just staring at his face, especially his eyes.

My phone beeps with another messaged. I have to will myself not to pick my phone up and look.

I know who is texting me, I step on the accelerator.

When I pull up in front of the house, Emmett is sitting on the steps with the girl.

I frown. Doesn't she have a house she needs to be, why is she here?

Alice shoots me a warning look.

"Cool it, they are just talking." He whispers as she starts getting bags.

"Emmett, help us" I call out trying to get him away.

I force myself to smile at her.

You're lucky I am in such a good mood and not tried to rip out your hair, you should thank Edward. I think as I walk pass her.

My smile becomes genuine as I think of the day I've had.

"Oh Rosalie, I'm so glad you're here darling." Renée says coming up to the front of the door.

"Can you ask your mother if she can come by in an hour for coffee?" Renée asks her.

The girl nods and runs off to her house.

I place the bags to the floor and reach into my back pocket and pull out my phone, expecting any other name.

I have decided to through him a bone so when he asks again for a clue I'll tell him my name is Italian.

I grin as I open my messages.

But it's from Jacob

Fuck! I forgot to text him

The text read '**Call me.**'

I go up to my room and call, he picks up after 1 ring.

"What the fuck Bella?!" came my greeting.

I wince; I can't believe I didn't text or call him today.

"I'm so sorry Jacob; I've had a lot of things to do. It slipped my mind." I say apologizing.

"Not even a goddamn 'Hey I arrive' from you; what was I supposed to think? Tanya is worried sick too! Have to forgotten us already?" He demands.

That fucken stung. I could never forget them.

"Why would you say that Jacob?" I ask in a small voice. My mood ruined.

"You know I don't want to be here." I say interpreting him when he was about to speak.

"I have been settling in, getting my shit together and that's the first thought that crossed your mind?" I say feeling upset.

Upset with him but mainly at myself. I didn't even text them I quick 'I'm alive'.

They would never do that too me and not even a day and I screw it up.

"I'm sorry, it's just when you sent me the picture of you in San Fran and told me you were driving; I just wanted to make sure you arrived safely." Jacob said.

My eyes water and tears ran down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry baby." I say, using his nickname.

I am a terrible friend.

"Forget about it, what's important is that you are save." He says.

"Oh Bella, you will not believe what happened at ElCo today!" He says changing the conversation.

After ending the call with Jake, I felt better. He lifted my spirits and everything was forgiven.

But now that I have a naked room, hundreds of miles from where I really want to be, and a life that I need to make, depression sucks me in.

I miss LA. I miss the noises, it's so quiet here. I miss the aliveness, no matter the time of day. Here, even in the middle of the day, is empty.

It's a sleeping town.

I look out the window and see the greens from the grasses, bushes and trees.

I frown.

Where are the tall buildings? The lights?

I turn away, annoyed at the scenery and head downstairs.

"Thank you! Of course we will go, right Charlie?" I hear Renée say as I head turns the kitchen looking for the bags from Wal-Mart.

As I step into the kitchen I see Charlie, Renée, Esme and a man I assume is her husband.

"Oh, hey honey, come meet Carlisle." Renée says when she sees me.

The man, Carlisle, stands up and turns towards me and sticks his hand out.

"Hi Bella, welcome to Forks." Carlisle says shaking my hand.

"Thank you. Nice to meet you." I tell him when he releases my hand and I turn to Esme.

"Hi Esme, nice to see you again." I tell her.

Normally I would have addressed them but their last names but I didn't know it.

"Yes dear, nice to see you again too." She says smiling at me.

I swear I've seen that smile before.

"You want to join us?" Asked Carlisle tilting his head to the side, just like how Edward did earlier.

Fuck, I am crazy. I am comparing him to everyone I met.

I even see some of him in Carlisle and Esme, the chin and nose from Carlisle and the eye shape and mouth from Esme.

Stop it Bella!

Stop thinking about him so much, it's pathetic.

I force Edward out of my head and answer the question.

"Thank you but I'm still trying to get settled." I say to Carlisle then turn my head and look at my mom.  
"Mom, where are the bags of the poles and curtains?" I ask.

"They are in the hallway closet; I got some black ones for you." She says with a smile.

I smile too.

We always argued about my color scheme when I decorate my room but she respects my choices, that why I love her.

"Thank you Mom." I tell her before I say goodbye to the new neighbors and head for the closet.

The sooner I put up the curtains and block up the stupid woods, the better.

* * *

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**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7 **


	5. Chapter 5: BBQ Party And Bloody Noses

**Author's Note: Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down.**

**I hope you like this chapter.**

**Get ready for more Edward.**

**I won't keep you up any longer.**

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**See you at the bottom.**

"Bella, are you ready?" Emmett asked when he poked his head inside my room.

"I guess." I mumbled walking pass him towards the stairs.

"What's up with you?" He asked catching up to me.

I ignore him and go walk outside when I reach the landing of the stairs.

I have been in a horrible mood. After my talk with Jake, I've done a lot of thinking.

How is it possible to lose myself completely to a stranger?

I am always cautious, I'm an over thinker. But it seemed like today I had no common sense.

Forget the fact that I stalked him; I gave him my goddamn number!

How irresponsible of me. I am just complicating things.

Forks is just temporary. I am going back to Los Angeles, one way or another.

I don't need distractions, even if he is a wonderful distraction.

I have to stay focused; I have to get my life back.

I sigh as a sit on the back bumper of the Infiniti. Breathing in deeply and closing my eyes.

I can't go out and play games with him.

Nothing can ever happen. He lives here and I have no interest in staying here for any longer than necessary.

My life is not here.

"Talk to me Ugly." Emmett says, sitting down next to me.

"I'm fine." I say and look at Esme's house across the street.

"I know you Bella, what is it?" Emmett insisted.

"What do you think? I don't want to be here. I hate it." I say feeling aggravated.

Fuck all this green.

"I can't wait to go back home." I add, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Bella, you know we are not going back right?" Emmett says quietly.

"You don't know that." I snapped.

"This is temporary." I say, looking at him.

"Who said this move was temporary?" Emmett asked, frowning.

"I know it is." I say looking back at Esme's house.

"Stop acting stupid. I'm going to go to school here, Dad has a job already. This is a done deal." Emmett says looking like he is about to lose his patience with me.

I ignore him. He lets out an angry sigh before standing up and leaving me.

My mind is set, I am not staying here.

I take another cleansing breath when I hear my notification tone; I hope is Tanya answering my text I sent earlier.

"**Does it rhyme with banana?**" Edward sent.

I stomach flips and I grin before I can stop it.

No distractions. I school my features and close the message without replying.

Edward.

I sigh, if I'm going back to Los Angeles, I can't lead him on. It would be cruel to him and to me.

My heart is already racing with the thought of him. I can't afford to make ties here.

"Bella let's go!" Charlie yells going to the back.

Once we are all seated on the Suburban we head off to the restaurant to meet with Aunt Sue and my cousins.

As I look out the window while Charlie drives I can't help but watch the cars, wondering if I am ever going to see a certain silver Volvo again.

Stop thinking about him Bella, Los Angeles remember?

I nod to myself and will myself to forget him.

"Wow! Look at you three; you are all so grown up!" Aunt Sue yells as soon as she sees us.

Aunt Sue is very pretty for her age. She is tall with muscular torso and arms, not in a man-built way but in an athlete built. She says is from all her years of carrying around heavy plates.

"Come see your cousins." She says pulling me toward three women standing behind her.

"This is Emily, Leah, and Rebecca. And these two little ones are my granddaughters, Emma and Eva. They are Rebecca's"

It is always awkward meeting family. You don't know what to say and it's just plain uncomfortable, but I suck it up.

"Hi." I say to each as I hug and kiss them on the cheek.

Emily is at least 15 years older than me. She has crazy curly brown hair with large glasses, she is also every thick.

Leah is maybe 6 or 7 years older than me. She is shorter than Emily with wavy black hair and very voluminous,

Rebecca is a lot closer to me, maybe 4 or 5 years older. She is a few inches taller with a high forehead, straight black hair that reaches her shoulders and beefy around her torso too, like Aunt Sue.

I squat down but don't move to hug the little girls; I don't want to scare them off so I stick out my hand.

"Hi Emma." I told the older girl; Emma is 5 with straight black hair like her mother, big brown eyes and rosy cheeks with a tanner completion than her younger sister.

She shakes my hand and hides behind her mother's legs.

Eva is more brave than Emma because she comes forward, giving me a hug and a kiss.

"Hi Ella." She says in her sweet voice. I smile.

"Well Hi to you too Miss Eva." I say after she gets me go.

I think the only thing these two girls have in common is their names because they are opposite to one another.

Eva has crazy kinky blonde hair that makes her look even more adorable with big grey eyes and a cheeky grin.

Both are polar opposite but each are beautiful in their own way. I think that's what makes them even more gorgeous.

All of them, Aunt Sue, Emily, Leah, Rebecca and the girls are beautiful and I see some of us in them.

The Swans must have a strong gene pool.

"Let's eat!" Emmett says after introductions, I shake my head. He is always thinking about food.

777777777777777777777777777777777

Dinner was alright. Aunt Sue kept asking me about event from where I was 3 but I didn't remember. She kind of frustrated me because she never stopped with the questions.

Did she really expect me to remember events that happened 17 years ago?

However, it was nice to see Charlie interacting with his family. Aunt Sue and him are cousins. Papa Henry, Charlie's dad, raised them both when Aunt Sue's parents left her so she and Charlie seemed to have a close relationship with one another.

After dinner Sue took Charlie around, showing him where he was going to be working and what was he going to be doing starting next week.

Meanwhile I got to talk to my cousins a bit more. All three of them have lived here all their lives and are working at the restaurant as well.

When Aunt Sue's husband died, he left them with a hefty sum in the life insurance so Aunt Sue decided to open up a restaurant right here in town and it seems to be going good, great in fact because she is thinking about opening up another one at Port Angeles, an hour away.

"Good night." I yell out as soon as I get inside the house and head upstairs.

I am still in a shitty mood and Aunt Sue's annoying questions didn't help.

I know my being a bitch but I don't care.

Everything annoys me.

I shut my door and pray no one comes and bothers me tonight.

My room is still bare and my boxes are stacked against the corner, I still haven't had the nerve to unpack yet, at least the curtains are up and covering the outside.

I flop down on my bed. I reach for my phone and open up my messages.

After the last text, I haven't heard from Edward. I know it's a good thing but I still don't like it.

My fingers hover on the screen. I want to reply. That's all I thought about at dinner.

I huff and toss the phone to the side.

If I reply, it will only makes things harder in the end.

I grab my iPod and earphones and go to my 'Calm Tones' playlist and hit play. Music always helps.

Once 'Aqueous Transmissions' starts I can feel my tense body finally relax.

I am exhausted, my emotions are drained. These 24 hours seemed to have lasted forever.

From waking up in this town to the super storm that is Edward to Jacob's call and to everything else that happened today, I just can't take it anymore.

I put the song on repeat before ends.

I feel like I'm inside a whirlpool and no matter how much I kick and swim, I just get sucked in deeper.

3 weeks ago, I biggest worry was how to break things off with Criss. Now, I wish that was the least of my problems.

I had to give up my life.

To anyone else, I know I come off as a whiny crybaby and dramatic, but it's real to me.

I still hurt, no matter how insignificant anyone else might think it is.

Leaving Los Angeles was a huge blow. To leave a life, friends, and memories in a blink of an eye is still a concept I am having difficulties grasping.

Then there is Edward.

It was thoughtless and irresponsible but it was also so thrilling.

In any other circumstance I would have perused any possible outcome with Edward.

But I can't because I won't let myself get committed.

If I want my life back, I can't start a new one here.

My eyes water.

After I day I just had, I embrace the tears.

Maybe I can cry out all the angry and frustration I'm feeling.

I curl into a fetus position and turn the volume up higher and cry until I lose conscious.

7777777777777777777

"Seriously Bella?! Its 1 in the afternoon, get up!" Renée yells banging on my door.

I groan and rolled to the other side of my bed and covered my head with my blanket.

I blindly reach around for my phone and crack one eye to look at the time.

12:20. I roll my eyes, she is so dramatic.

I'm about to lose consciousness when my big oaf of a brother crashes through my door and jumps on my bed.

"Emmett you asshole, you are going to break my bed!" I yell, trying to shove him off.

"Wakey wakey, you grouchy slut!" Emmett yells back dodging my attacks.

I laugh. Emmett and I have a standing competition to see who comes out with creative insults.

"Really, grouchy slut? You over-grown orangutan." I say sitting up after he stops and lies on my legs.

That makes him laugh.

" Alright, Bitchella you won this round." He says smiling and hitting my shoulder.

"Get dress we are going to the BBQ Esme invited us to." He says standing up and walking towards my door while shaking his head laughing.

"Over-grown orangutan." He mumbles shutting the door behind him.

I smack my teeth and frown.

Am I ever going to have a day to myself?

I get up and go search for Renée.

"Mom!" I yell out when I step out of my room.

"In here!" she calls out from her room.

I walk towards it and go sit on her bed waiting for her to get out of the bathroom.

"Why are you still in your pajamas?" she asked as soon as she sees me.

"I don't want to go." I start.

"You know who I am with social gatherings." I add before she says anything.

"You'll be fine. It is just a small get together. Plus you are not going to be rude and not show up. Esme's son has finally come home from his tour. Esme says he is very friendly, you make even like him." She says going to her closet to look for a dress.

I blink at her.

"Mother! Are you trying to set me up with her son?!" I asked in disbelieve.

"No." she laughs. "But you can make a friend; he is only 3 years older than you. You can have someone else to talk to besides your brothers and Alice." She adds.

"Mom, I don't think it's a good idea for us to go. He just got back from tour and he is going to have strangers at his party." I pleaded.

This BBQ has awkward written all over it.

"We are not strangers, we are neighbors, plus Esme insisted. We are going and that's final." She says giving me her 'now-shut-the-fuck-up' glare.

"Fine." I grumbled and stand up, leading for my room.

"You better be ready by 3!" she yells before I close the door.

I grab the first set of jeans and a grey 'Fight Club' t-shirt Emmett bought me last year, along with bra and panties and head for the shower.

I turn all the faucets on the shower, trying to see what is hot and cold.

I always have a difficult time remembering.

After I almost burn the skin out of my arm, the water is nice and hot, I jump in.

I move my hair to my right shoulder and let the water massage my back and shoulders.

I make quick work of shaving everywhere and shampooing my roots, conditioning my ends and washing my face with some exfoliation cream because I've notice that since the move I start breaking out.

I finish with my strawberry scented body wash and I'm done.

I still took 45 minutes.

Damn it, I was hoping at least 20 minutes.

After I'm dress and I stare at myself in the mirror. What should I do with my hair?

I decide on a messy bun, I'm not trying to impress anyone.

I apply moisturizer and light foundation that supposed to cover and prevent pimples, at least that's what the bottle says.

I walk back to my room and go with my glasses instead of the contacts then I give myself a last look in the huge mirror Charlie hanged for me while I was a Wal-Mart.

Edward. I shake my head, no distraction.

I fix the shirt around my shoulders, making sure both shoulders are exposed.

I got into 'craft' with Tanya some time ago and all we managed to do was to cut the necks of shirts before we give up.

I laugh, we ruin a lot of t-shirts but I kept this one.

I decided on my Harley Davidson ankle boots and I'm good to go.

I grab my phone, stuffed it on my black right pocket of my jeans before heading downstairs.

I've read that Forks is supposed to be the wettest place in the U.S. but it has been dry and warm since we got here. Well, we have only been here for 2 days but I feel pretty fresh so I don't get a jacket.

"Finally!" Emmett announces when he sees me. Emmett, Jasper and Alice are sitting on the couch watch a movie since our Direct TV hasn't been installed yet.

I roll my eyes at him and flip him out before taking a seat in the smaller couch.

"Do you guys want to go?" I ask them.

"Sure, it might be fun to meet our neighbors." Alice replies while Jasper nods, agreeing with her.

"Who wouldn't want to go to a BBQ, you'll get free food!" Emmett adds.

I snort, fat-ass Emmett would say that.

"I guess." I say, apparently I'm the only one who doesn't want to go.

"Are you sure food is the only reason you want to go?" Jasper asks leaning in to look at Emmett.

Emmett starts stuttering and his ears turn red. I frown.

He wants to see that girl.

Before Emmett could answer Charlie and Renée come downstairs calling us.

Renée has her apple pie that she apparently made last night when I went off to bed.

"Let's roll people." Emmett says marching across the street.

I try to hide behind Renée, trying to get some protection as we make our way and Emmett knocks on the door.

I hate meeting new people.

Esme and Rosalie open the door.

"Hi, welcome. Thank goodness you all decided to come!" Esme says as she hugs us.

"Come in." Rosalie says smiling at Emmett.

I feel Alice's elbow on my ribs.

"What the fuck?" I whisper at her.

"Stop giving her looks, act your age." She whispers back.

I stick my tongue out at her.

We giggle at each other.

Once we are inside, Rosalie takes the pie and Emmett follows her as they went outside to put it on the table.

"So you guys are our neighbors." an older man comes and stands in front of us, blocking our path. A woman I presume is his wife stand beside him with their daughter.

The man is fat and balding. He has a thin mustache that stretched to his chin and a shirt two sizes too small. The woman has frizzy shoulder length hair that parts in the center of her head. She has bushy eyebrows and facial hair around her thin mouth. The girl is a younger version of her mom. The same frizzy hair as her mom except her part was to the side. She too was wearing a shirt too small, trying to enhance her chest, which wasn't working; it just made her stomach bigger.

The girl seems to be my age and now she is assessing me.

Who the fuck does this chick think she is, looking at me under her nose?

I stand up taller and stick my chin out a little more.

I will not be intimidated.

Not just her, the woman is looking at Renee's shoes with a displeasure look on her face and the man is staring daggers at Charlie.

What the fuck is up with these people?

Neither Charlie nor Renée look in the slightest bit intimidated either. Both look at them with blank faces.

Esme noticing the tension and speaks.

"Oh, yes they are. This is Charlie and Renée and these are their children Jasper and Bella, Alice is Jasper's wife." Esme says.

I noticed when she said wife the girl fixed Alice a glare.

I take a step in front of Alice, blocking her view and stand directly in front of the girl.

"This is Phil, Lauren and their daughter Jessica." Esme says pointing at them.

"They live to your right." Esme added.

Charlie and Renée are very welcoming people, but with them, my parents were very distant, they only nod with wooden smiles.

It seems like Jessica and her parents are used to people cowering to them, they stand in front of us like they own the place, waiting for us to start ass kissing.

I smirk. We Swans are anything but cowards.

Except when it comes to Edward but I'm not thinking about that right now.

I continue to stare at Jessica.

"Bella." She says like she sucked on a lemon.

"You people make too much noise; I can't get my beauty sleep. But I guess you people can't help acting like animals." Jessica adds, looking at all of us before looking back at me.

Is this how people behave here? At the first meeting, they insult us?

I don't know about Forks but in Los Angeles, especially where we used to live, if you disrespect someone like that, you get your ass kicked.

Her parents look at her with smiles, looking pleased.

I am about to fix that.

Renée lays a hand on my arm trying to calm me.

Jessica sees the gesture and looks at Renée before muttering something under her breath.

That fucken does it.

"What was that?" I asked louder than I intended making heads turn our way.

I didn't give a shit, this bitch is about to get dropped-kicked.

Jessica looks at me with a smirk.

"I didn't say anything." She says looking back a Renée, muttering again before looking back at me, challenging me.

I softly grab Renee's hand remove it from my arm.

At this point the party seemed to stand still watching what I'm going to do next.

"Let me make something very clear to you. You can look down on me all you want but if you even think wrongly of my mother than you have problems with me." I say, making sure my necklace is under my shirt and handing my glasses to Renée.

I look back at my family making sure they stay put and I look at Esme apologetically before stepping closer to Jessica.

"Now, let me ask you again, what did you say about her?" I asked gritting my teeth.

I just needed her to say anything and my fist is on her fat nose. I fist my hands tighter.

She looks around and everyone is watching her, she looks back at her parents and her mom gives her a slight nod, she thinks I won't do anything in front of all these people.

She is dead wrong.

"I said 'Looks like this old, wrinkled hag as to fight your battles." She says sticking her chin out.

The entire party gasps

Lauren grin and I hear Jasper trying to calm Alice.

I turn partly and look at Alice.

"Don't." I tell her, my expression must have conserved her because she stops struggling.

I use the momentum I gain from turning so I bring my right fist to my cheek and twist extending my arm and landing the punch right in the center of her nose.

Her eyes widen by my sudden moves and she staggers a step back.

I reach with my left arm and grab a fist full of her collar and pull her towards me. As I pull her I bring my right fist again to her nose and quickly pull it back.

By this time, she finally starts reacting and start swinging her arms around, completely missing me. I bring my fist back to my cheek but twists my wrist so when I made contact, I smash my palm on her right cheek.

By this point I feel strong arms bring me back so I launch for her hair.

I know, shitty move, but it will have to service its purpose.

She starts screeching when I drag her with me when I get pulled.

She starts clawing my hand that holds her hair and I tighten my grip.

"Let go Bella." I hear the man holding me.

Why does that voice sound familiar?

I ignore the man, I am not letting go.

I try kicking her but I can't get a proper kick with her wiggling around, trying to get my hand off her hair

"Bella, let go of her hair." I hear again.

I turn my head and Edward's beautiful eyes are looking at me.

I let go immediately.

What the fuck is Edward doing here?

Edward pulls me closer to his body and twists when Jessica tries to launch at me.

Her father grabs her.

"Edward! Kick this animal out!" Jessica yells, fighting her father. She has a bloody nose and I bruise is already appearing on her right cheek.

"You clearly don't know who to raise children properly. Look at my poor Jessica!" Lauren yells at Renée over Jessica's screams.

Renée doesn't answer but launches towards Lauren; Charlie grabs her before she does and hugs her middle, walking backwards.

"You ugly skank, you will pay for this!" Jessica keeps yelling.

"You know where I live!" I called out.

The fight was too short. It wouldn't have lasted for more than a minute.

I am still shaking with adrenaline; I still want to bash her head.

I grab Edward's forearms and squeeze tightly still needing some sort of release; he didn't seem to mind and pulled me tightly against him.

"Edward, why don't you take her upstairs, I'll fix things here." Esme tells Edward, I look at my family and Charlie looks like he is using all his strength to hold back Renée from chasing after Lauren, Alice is no better.

He nod and he practically carries me upstairs.

My thoughts were still on Jessica and her bloody nose.

God, I wish I had more time, I squeeze his forearm tighter.

That fucken bitch, how dare she talk about Renée like that?

He sets me on the floor and I sink to the ground. I bring my knees up and lay my head on top of them.

I grab fists full of my hair beside my temples and pull.

My whole body is shaking so I start rocking back and forth.

I haven't been this pumped up since a water polo game our team had against Banning High.

From the moment we got in the water those girls just wanted to fight, during the 3rd quarter one of the girls grabbed one of my teammate and dunked her underwater while punching her in the face.

Jacky, my teammate came out of the water with a bloody nose.

"Jacky, what number?" I asked when our coach called time-out.

"11." She replied with tears.

"Bella you know what to do." Coach Ely tells me. I nod.

I turned and looked at my other teammate.

"Ana keep the ball, get opposite of me. Keep the ref's eyes on you" She nodded.

Once we got back to the game, I corner number 11 and did the same thing she had done to Jacky.

"That was from number 14, don't fuck with us 11. Oh, in case you didn't see, I'm number 7." I whisper before kicking her as hard as I could on her stomach.

"Fuck you Jessica and number 11" I mumbled still rocking.

I hear and a chuckle. My head snaps at Edward who closes the door and turns to me.

"What the fuck are you doing here!?" I yell at Edward, regretting my tone as soon as it left my mouth.

He stops and stares at me before cautiously sitting down in front of me on the floor.

I groan and pull my hair harder.

"I'm sorry." I say struggling to make my tone softer.

"Relax." He says grabbing my wrists and pulling them away from my hair and brings them to my lap.

I look down at my right hand. My knuckles look a little swollen and my skin broke, making them look bloody. I also have long red scratch marks on the back of my hand, wrist, and forearm.

Edward notices before standing up and taking my left hand, leading me to the connecting bathroom.

He sits me on the edge of the tub while he brings a first-aid kit for the cabinet under the sink.

He kneels in front of me and starts examining my hand.

"This isn't necessary you know, just a couple of scratches. I've had worse." I tell him.

Since he touched me, I have been considerably calmer.

I have stopped shaking and now just feel a little tired now that the adrenaline has left my system.

He has a calming presences and I soak it all in.

"Oh, I believe you Bella." Edward says smiling at me before looking down at my hand again.

"Humor me." He adds.

"This is going to sting." He warns. And start padding the cotton swipe of alcohol on my cut and scratches.

"Son of a bitch! That fucken hurts." I wince as he pads.

"Such language." He laughs wrapping my hand in a white band, like how boxers wrap their hands before putting on their gloves, after he was finished padding and put Neosporin on my wounds.

I blush, no one ever expects me to have such colorful vocabulary.

When he is done he gives me a once over, checking for other injures.

"She didn't touch me." I tell him as his eyes flicker over my face, like he did on the parking lot.

He smiles as he looks into my eyes.

"Not a hair out-of-place." He says shaking his head in wonder.

"You seem surprise." I say, feeling a little insulted.

I can hold my own fighting.

I cross my arms and pout.

He chuckles before pinching my bottom lip with his thumb and first finger causing me to smile.

He is still kneeling in front of me, leaning on my knees.

His face inches from mine.

"What are you doing here Edward? I ask tilting my head a bit.

His eyebrows draw together as he gets a puzzled look in his face?

"What do you mean? Where am I supposed to be? I live here." He answers.

"Huh?" I blink at him.

"I don't understand." I tell him because I right now I am losing my shit.

"This party is for me." He states.

"I just came back from my tour." He adds with an obvious expression like if he just told me water is wet.

"You're Esme's son?" I ask.

Esme!

Oh my god, she must think I am an animal!

I get up in a rush, causing Edward to fall backwards.

"Oh my god! I just fought in front of everyone at your party!" I start pacing the bathroom.

"Bella." He says trying to get my attention.

"Esme is going to kick me out. It's barely my 2nd day in Forks and I already got into a fight!" I start panicking.

"All my neighbors saw. They must think I'm a delinquent from Los Angeles with no manners!" I start pulling my hair.

"Bella." I hear again.

This is not good, not good at all!

"I have to go apologize to Esme!" I say heading for the door.

Wait!

This is Edward's party and I ruined it.

I abruptly turn back towards Edward and run right into him. He seemed to have followed me.

"Edward I am so sorry. I ruined your welcome home party." I say picking up his hand holding it with both of mine, hoping he can forgive me.

I eyes start to water.

I knew I shouldn't have come.

"Bella please calm down." Edward says placing his other hand on the side of my face, catching a tear that fell.

"Don't apologize, please. I would have done the same thing if anyone insulted my mother." He smiles reassuringly.

"Jessica needed to get pushed off that high pedestal she placed herself. My mother told me how much of a terrible person she has become. She had it coming." He adds.

I stare at him with doubt.

"Please believe me." He says.

"I need to talk to Esme." I tell him

"Alright." He smiles before talking my hand and leading me downstairs.

I brace myself for the judgmental looks I'm going to receive when people see me.

I tighten my grip on his hand.

I'm so glad he is here, I need Edward. It's impossible to ignore him.

I soak in the warmth of his presences and touch for the first and last time.

I can't continue down this path with him.

I have another life I need to get back to.

Los Angeles is waiting for me.

Just this day, I'll forget about Los Angeles and Jacob and Sam and Tanya and everything else waiting for me back home.

But I must end it before feelings get involved.

My heart starts hurting at the thought of letting Edward go.

I reinforce my resolve.

Get a grip Bella, you just met the man, you have no feelings for him.

None whatsoever.

I nod to myself, before I leave; I have to make it perfectly clear to Edward that nothing is ever going to happen between us.

But until then, I'll enjoy his company as much as I can.

He looks down at me when he feels me tighten my grip and squeezes my hand reassuringly, smiling sweetly at me.

I smile back with a heavy heart but with cold resolve.

* * *

**There you have it.**

**Loved it, hate it?**

**How angry are you with Bella?**

**What do you guys think? Is she making the right decision?**

**And why did Jessica attack them like that?**

**Any predictions? **

**Comments, questions complaints are welcomed through review.**

**Please review, it just takes a second. **

**I am still looking for a Beta, PM me if interested.**

**Follow/Favorite this little story, you won't regret it.**

**And big thanks to those you have already, you guys are awesome!**

**Until next time.**

**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7 **


	6. Chapter 6: Pantries And Ketchups

**Author's Note: Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down**

**Sorry for the delay, it won't happen again.**

**I finally got a Beta! **

**Thank you Rayjo for having enough interest and helping me out.**

**You are awesome.**

**Ok, I won't keep you guys up any longer.**

* * *

**I own nothing.**

**These are SM characters**

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**Read&amp;Review**

**I'll see you guys at the bottom**

* * *

"There's my Rocky!" Emmett yelled as soon as he saw me coming down the stairs; he quickly looked down at his phone before raising it up in the air.

"What the hell is he doing?" I whisper at Edward who laughs when he sees my face blushing.

Edward's living room is still crowded with the party guests, they all turn their eyes towards my direction but I quickly drop my gaze to the floor.

They all must hate me.

Anxiety fills my chest, so much for first impressions.

But as soon as I hear what began to blare out of Emmett's phone, all thoughts of judgmental guests went out the window.

I am going to kill Emmett!

I am going to stab him with a dull knife.

Everyone in the living room erupted with laughter.

Edward is shaking next to me trying so hard not to laugh but failing miserably.

I have never in my life been this embarrassed, not even the spill I took in front of Edward could top this.

Emmett has 'Eye of the Tiger' on full volume. He starts running in place and punching the air like Rocky. That makes everyone laugh harder.

I try so hard to keep by features under control but when he starts mimicking Jessica, when she was swinging her arms around trying to hit me, I could help but laugh with everyone else.

Fucken Emmett.

I shake my head; and I feel Edward's hand in on the small of my back as he guides me to where Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, and my family are standing.

By this point the guests went back to the party.

As I we make my our way towards them, I finally muster the courage to meet the guest's eyes and I was shocked by what I saw.

Not one glare nor scowls nor dirty looks.

They all smiled at me, some introducing themselves and some even appraising my 'right killer hook' as a man proclaim.

I laughed with red cheeks.

It seems like maybe I did these people a favor.

I snort.

Forks is definitely different.

"Oh Bella, I'm so proud of you. I now know how parents feel when they sent off their children to college!" Emmett cries and grabs me into a bone-crushing hug.

My family, along with Edward's laugh.

"I can't breathe you idiot, let go." I manage to get out.

When he sets me down he throws his massive arm on my shoulders, looking very proud indeed.

I shrug off his arm and I walk towards Esme.

Time to do some damaged control.

"Esme please forgive me. It was very irresponsible of me to act in such a matter, especially in a party that is very meaningful to you. I know I ruined it but please…" Esme made a face and didn't let me finish.

She brushed her hand in the air,cutting me off and sweeping the apology away.

"Don't apologize to me sweetie, especially for defending your mother. I had half a mind of slapping that little shit too, in her fucken mouth. You did all of us a favor." She says grabbing my hands and smiling at me.

My eyes go wide; Esme has a mouth, just like mine. I grin.

Little shit is right.

I hear Edward chuckled behind me.

"Mother, language." He scolds. Esme gives me a wink and with a hand squeeze before letting go.

"I'm glad they are gone. They came here uninvited; and I was going to kick them out but my husband told me to play nice." Esme frowns looking over at Carlisle how who just shakes his head at her.

I knew there was a reason why I like Esme, she is so cool.

"Now, let's go check if the steaks are ready, Edward help me." Esme says going to the back patio.

"About time!" Emmett says following Esme, Carlisle and Rosalie.

"Come on Bella." Edwards says waiting for me.

"I'll catch up to you." I tell me. He nods before following too.

Alice steps forward and hugs me.

"You did good." She whispers in my ear.

I give her a quick 'thanks' before she lets go.

"I knew our fights were going to pay off twin sister." Jasper says smiling before punching me on the shoulder.

I smile at him before he and Alice left too.

Now is just Charlie, Renée and me.

I stand in front of them and both are very quiet. I start feeling dread; I can only imagine all the trouble I'm in.

I look from Renée to Charlie then back at her.

"Mom, Dad I am really sorry." I say in a small voice.

Charlie breaks first. He hugs me like Emmett did earlier and he tells me he is proud of his daughter who stands up for her mother.

I hug him too and when he lets go I step closer to Renée.

"Mom, I'm sorry I caused you and Dad embarrassment and everything else that happened here. But I'm not sorry I kicked her ass. No one talks about you like that I gets away with it." I say with forced confidants.

I am in so much trouble; I hope Charlie helps me out.

"Oh Bella, what am I going to do with you." Renée says as she smiles at me.

I let out a huge sigh of relieve.

She hugs me too and kisses me on the cheek.

"Thank you for having my back kiddo, God knows I wanted to do much worse to her and her stupid-ass mother. But I didn't want to lose the wig." She says smiling.

Charlie and I laugh with her. She has had so much trouble with the wig; it keeps trying to fly away.

Renée has had that same wig for a year now. After her first round of chemotherapy she noticed her hair was falling out in fists full. She couldn't take it anymore so we went to the salon and she told the stylist to shave it all off.

She has been wearing it since then.

"Now, tell me what is going on with you and Edward." Renée says wiggling her eyebrows.

"What are you talking about Renée?" Charlie interrupts looking ever upset.

She rolls her eyes at him and looks back at me.

"He is very handsome and you two seem close." She smiles.

I blush. "Nothing! Nothing is happening!" I practically yelled.

"We just met, nothing is happening." I add in a calmer tone.

Renée gives me a look, she knows I'm full of shit but Charlie seemed to buy it. He relaxes.

"Good." He says.

"You are not dating until you're 30." He says with conviction.

Renée and I both roll our eyes at him.

If only he knew.

"Lets go eat." I tell them changing the subject of my love life and pushing them towards the patio.

"I mean it Bella, not until you're 30." Charlie says turning his head and looking, more like pleading, at me.

I just laugh at him.

When Edward sees us coming, he flashes me a crooked grin that sends my heart racing.

I hear Charlie grumbled and I blush, smiling shying at Edward.

This man is going to kill me.

"How adorable is that." Esme tells Renée when we reach them, looking very pleased.

"I know. Charlie, remember when you smiled at me like that?" Renée asked looking at Charlie.

Oh my god!

"Mother!" Edward and I yell at your mothers at the same time.

Esme and Renée just laugh and start talking among themselves.

Both Carlisle and Charlie shake their head. Carlisle in amusement and Charlie looking worried.

I walk to Charlie and give him a kiss on the cheek. I have always been Daddy's Little Girl and he looks like he is about to cry.

I hold my laughter and smile at him.

"Oh Daddy." I tell him, shaking my head, grinning.

He smiles back before going towards Carlisle's direction, probably going to ask him about the Audi we saw in the front.

Speaking of cars, how come I didn't see the Volvo, not that I was looking for it or anything.

When I turn back around, everyone is gone, now I feel a little out of place.

My eyes search for Edward before I'm aware. The party is still at full swing. You can hear the occasional laughter here and there, small children running, chasing each other and people moving from group to group talking to one another but no Edward.

He must have gone inside, I start looking for my brothers.

Emmett and Rosalie are talking to, by the looks of it, his schoolmates. I walk closer and I hear one of the taller kids tell Emmett to be mindful of Mrs. Taylor, she is a real pain in the ass.

Thank God I graduated high school already.

I find Jasper and Alice talking to young couple. The woman is laughing at whatever Alice says and the toddler she has on her hip starts giggling.

I make my way towards them but stop halfway.

I start feeling a prickling sensation on the back of my neck, like if I'm being watched.

I turn my head and scan the faces; no one seems to be looking directly at me but I still feel it. The sky is getting darker and I'm having a hard time seeing anything. I really need to look into laser eye surgery, when night times falls I am ultimately blind.

I squint my eyes trying to see better but I still can't tell who is watching.

I huff annoyed at my poor vision, I need my glasses.

I start walking to the last place I've seen Renée, she has my glasses, but stop dead short.

I know who is watching me.

Back at Wal-Mart, I felt the same sensation but I thought it was just paranoia so I didn't play it any attention.

My palms start sweating and my breath comes fast.

Edward is here somewhere watching me.

A shiver runs down my spine and adrenaline kicks in. My legs start to shake slightly.

I feel like a prey being analyzed by a predator but that the same time I feel like I'm the predator and I just caught a whiff of my prey.

I grab my phone and send him a text.

"I know it is you." I type.

I listen very carefully to see if I can hear any notification tone. I hear the faintest chirp from the kitchen so I head that way.

I walk slowly, subtly trying not to alert him and scan every face as I go. I was stopped a couple of times by my new neighbors but I managed to keep the conversations short. I needed to find him.

This just turned into a game I am not about to lose.

My phone vibrates.

"**Why are you going to the kitchen, I'm not there.**" the message reads.

I look up forgetting to be discreet and search for him. I hurry to the kitchen and sure enough he is not there.

"**I told you.**" I read as another message appears.

With a shaky hand I grab onto the counter and try to control myself.

I have to find him.

I move away for the windows and lean my back against the wall next to the patio's door.

"**What am I doing Edward?**" I type, struggling because my fingers are still shaking.

I press myself tightly, trying to blend with the wall.

No one notices me and soon everyone makes their way outside, I see Esme and Renée get a bottle of wine from the counter and turn off the lights behind them as they close the door and walk out towards the patio.

I stand here in the dark, trying not to move when I receive his reply.

"**Are you afraid of the dark Bella?"** The message read.

Holy Fuck.

My breath is coming out faster.

My blood is pounding on my ears.

This is getting very intense.

I start getting goosebumps all over my arms.

I feel his eyes on me like if he is standing right in front of me.

"I should go back." I whisper quietly to myself.

If I don't, my plans of not getting attached to Forks will be ruin.

Edward is like hot flames and I'm a moth who can't get enough.

But before I even take a step I receive another message.

"**Don't.**"

That simple word put my heart into overdrive.

He is here.

My skin is becoming hypersensitive.

I start panting.

Jesus Christ I think I will combust into flames if he even lays a finger on me.

The plan to leave now seems so stupid.

So very stupid,; I can't leave, even if I wanted to.

My skin starts getting a thin sheen of sweat.

I run my left hand over my forehead bringing my bangs back from my sticky skin.

I start throbbing all over; my over-sensitive skin can feel everything, especially between my thighs.

I have never felt this intense throbbing.

I feel so hot because of his watchful eyes that my clothes are suffocating me.

I want to be naked, then maybe then the throbbing would lessen.

My eyes adjust to the darkness and I look around the kitchen. The door to the patio is shut; I hear all the activity from the outside. Music is blaring out for huge speakers, so loud that I feel the bass inside my chest.

This is turning from a small get-together to a full party with DJ.

I slowing walk sideways to the door. I pull down the blinds and lock the door.

Edward is not going anywhere.

I still don't know where he is. I take a step away for my wall and look around. It looks like the entire house is empty. I walk to the doorway that leads to the living room and the lights are off as well. Everything is empty. I walk to the front door and turn the doorknob.

It's locked.

I let out a shaky breath and place my hot forehead on the glass of the door. It feels so good on my heated skin.

Did he lock it?

No one can come in now.

I slowly walk back to the kitchen when I notice the pantry door is slightly open.

I forgot to check the pantry.

I feel a sudden change in the air, like if the very air itself is sizzling. The entire kitchen is sizzling.

The outside is getting louder, more laughs, more music. It adds to the atmosphere here.

I slowly open the door and step inside.

The small room is even darker. I bring my arm out trying to feel my way as I go in deeper.

I can't turn on the light though, I just can't ruin it.

My eyes start adjusting and I start seeing the outline of shelves with food. Boxes, cans, bags, bottles, everything is in here but no Edward.

Damn it.

I turn around.

My feet are stuck to the floor.

Edward is inches away from me.

It's so dark here I can barely make out his face, but I know it's him.

I suddenly feel the back wall of the pantry on my sensitive back.

The air swooshes out my chest and I arch my back. I lay my hands flat beside my waist against the wall as anchors.

When did I move?

I lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes.

I'm sweating, shaking, throbbing, panting and the wall is the only thing keeping me from falling.

I look back at Edward and suddenly colorful lights appear on the kitchen window.

I hear a roar of approve from the outside as the DJ moves them around.

It is still dark in here but it does give enough light to see his face when the light moves to his direction.

His handsome face is glistening in sweat. His chest is heaving fast just like mine.

His eyes.

His eyes are so captivating I stop breathing.

They are so dark almost black and they are have primal look to them.

I squeeze my thighs together, I feel like he can see through my clothes.

His eyes are so seductive and sensual I feel like I am in the mist of something pure and carnal.

Excitement and anticipation flood my insides.

I start feeling dizzy, I think I am going to faint.

Edward takes three steps towards me and leans down. I feel his sweet breath fan my face.

"Breathe Bella." He whispers.

I take in a huge breath, breathing him entirely.

He places both hands on the sides of my head and leans in but not touching me.

I lean my head against the wall and roll it to the right when he moves in and smells my neck. I feel the tickle of his hair on the side of my face but he still hasn't touched me.

I take a shaky breath when he leans back and stares at me.

"You lied, you are in the kitchen." I whisper.

He smiles and looks down at my lips as I speak before looking into my eyes again.

"Technically this is the pantry not the kitchen." He replies.

He brings back his right hand from the wall next to my head and with a single, trembling finger, he runs it from my temple down my cheek to my jaw.

Finally!

I shuttered in pleasure and let out a quiet moan but he heard it. I see his mole move as he swallows. I want to lick it.

He looks into my eyes and he finally presses his entire body on mine. I feel everything.

I want to wrap my arms around him, I want to connect with him but I can't bring my hands from the wall.

"Edward, I feel like my heart is about to give out." I whisper, panting.

He looks down at it. My chest is still moving raptly, straining against my bra and shirt. When the light moves past us, Edward can see a beat of sweat run down before disappearing between my breasts.

He brings his left hand with his index finger he follows the trail but stops before the curve of my cleavage and places his hand on my chest, over I'm racing heart.

I close my eyes and lean my head back focusing on his hand.

I feel like I am in the middle of foreplay right now.

"Do you feel this ache on every muscle that only goes away when our skin touches? Do you feel like your skin is on fire and the only way to relief the pain is by being naked? A feeling of intense urgency to be in each other's company?" he whispers while moving his hand down from the top of my chest to my stomach, waist and to left side as he speaks.

The touch doesn't seem skeeivvy or pervy, it felt like if he is seeing all the throbbing and trying to sooth it away with his touch.

"With only single look, it sends your heart into overdrive." He whispers and brings his hand from my side towards my waist again then moving it up my stomach, along my left breast, when his middle finger brushes past my nipple, I shiver in pure ecstasy. Then he brought his hand to the center of my chest until he stopped on my neck.

He cups my neck and brings my head forward. I open my eyes, panting softly.

He leans in I run my tongue on my bottom lip and when I do, I managed to faintly lick is his upper lip. He lets out a soft groan and I finally make my hands move and bring them to the back of his head.

I take fists full of his soft moist hair from the nape of his neck and grab tightly.

I still have my eyes on his, I can't look away.

He inches closer and closer and I feel the ghost of his mouth a centimeter away from mine.

"Bella." I faintly feel him say against my lips.

I can taste him on my tongue. If he doesn't kiss me soon I am going to burst.

BANG BANG BANG!

Edward and I jump.

What the fuck?!

I let go of his hair and he leans back, turning his head to the kitchen and listening.

I grab onto his forearm that is holding my neck and with the other, I grab the side of his shirt tightly.

I pull his forearm to my chest, feeling his skin on mine.

I focus and this sensation, I use this feeling like my foundation and try to get my bearings.

The only sound I hear is Edward's and mine heavy breathing.

But then we hear it.

BANG BANG BANG!

Edward steps away from me and turns halfway. I feel like my heart just gave out.

I miss his warmth already.

"Someone is knocking on the door." Edward says turning his head at my direction.

"I wonder why they are knocking, it's open." He says drawing his eyebrows together.

I blush. Edward notices and he bring is index finger and runs it down my cheek.

"Why are you blushing beautiful?" He asks.

My legs start wobbling, he called me beautiful!

"I may have locked it." I whispered. Edward's eyes opened up a bit and he gives me a stunning grin.

"Did you now." He says tilting his head to the side.

I huff trying to act annoyed but Edward sees my smile.

Now that I have regained my bearings I take a huge breath trying to calm myself.

I take a sideways step and walk towards the kitchen's patio door. Edward follows and I peek out through the blinds to see who is knocking.

Edward stands behind me and leans toward the right side of my head, peeking over my shoulder. I close my eyes briefly before focusing on the intruder.

"Hey! Is anyone in there? I need ketchup!" Emmett says with a mouthful of hotdog.

Fucken Emmett cockblocked me over some goddamn ketchup!

"Are you fucken kidding me?" I whisper to myself.

I feel Edward chuckled behind me.

I turn around and suddenly feel very shy.

"I'm going to the bathroom. Don't let him know I was here, alright?" I ask Edward looking at his shoes.

I need to get away from his presence to think properly.

I move and start heading for the stairs before he response.

I turn the corner but hang back and eavesdrop.

I hear Edward unlock and open the door.

"Hey man, I need ketchup. You would think it would be outside." I hear Emmett whine as he walks inside.

"What are you doing in the dark?" Emmett asks, I hear him open the fridge.

"Oh. Umm. I was going to change the light bulb, it burned out." He says.

I hold in a snort.

Seriously Edward, you need to change the light bulb?

I shake my head.

You would think he would do better under pressure.

The lights suddenly turn on. I have to squint against the harsh light.

"They work." Emmett says.

I lean in slightly and peek in. Emmett is still eating his goddamn hotdogs standing beside the light switch.

Edward is facing me, standing behind the counter rubbing his neck.

"Oh look at that, it works." He says with fake enthusiasm.

I snort.

Shit! I cover my mouth with my hand. Edward's eyes snap at mine and Emmett starts turning.

My eyes go wide; I lean away and press against the wall.

"You heard that?" Emmett asked.

I hold my breath.

"No, what?" answered Edward.

"I could have sworn I hear a snort, Bella's snort." Emmett says. I hear his steps as he walks toward where I'm hiding.

I run to the opposite direction and hide behind the couch as the lights turn on here too.

"A snort? I didn't hear anything. And how can you tell is your sister's snort?" Edward asks trying to get Emmett's attention and leads him back to the kitchen.

"Bella has the manliest snort I know and I always tease her about." Emmett says as I move back into my hiding place and take a peek.

That fucken asshole! I do not have a mannish snort!

Edward chuckles shaking his head and meets my eyes for a second before looking back at Emmett.  
"Edward why are you sweaty?" Emmett asks looking at Edward up and down.

"It's hot. Here is the ketchup, take it outside will you?" Edward tells him, pushing him out the kitchen.

"Alight, by the way your mom is looking for you." Emmett says as he steps out.

"Alight, I'll go there in a bit." Edward says before closing the door.

He takes a deep breath and turns back to look at me. I step out and lean my hip against the doorway.

"Really Edward, the light bulb burned out?" I asked smirking.

He chuckles and I can faintly see his cheeks turn pink.

"I had other things on my mind." He says smiling.

"Right." I retort.

Maybe he has a difficult time with my presence like I have with his.

I walk to the counter and lean against it, folding my arms.

"So this party is for you?" I asked.

"Yeah, I just got back." He says mimicking my stance on the other side of the counter.

"Do you think I have a mannish snort?" I asked looking at him through my lashes.

He grins. "Never, it's rather cute." He says. I smile and look at his eyes to see if he is lying.

I can stare at them all day.

His eyes have lost their primal look but they still have the same intensity in them.

They are so clear and so green.

"Did you know your eyes and hair are the same shade of brown?" He asks, moving his eyes to my hair.

My smile widens, he has noticed!

"It's a beautiful brown." He adds quietly, like if he is talking to himself.

"How old are you Bella?" He asked changing the topic.

"20. You are 23." I tell him.

He forehead wrinkles

"How did you know?" He asked.

"My mom told me." I answer.

"How come I didn't see your car?" I asked.

"It's at the shop." He answers.

"Is Jasper your twin?" He asked. I smile

"No, we just look alike." I admitted.

"Did you end up buying any shampoo? I asked, my cheeks blushing.

"Yes, I grabbed the first one I saw and went to pay." He answer, his cheeks turning pink too.

That sparked my interest.

"What did you buy?" I asked, needing to know.

"Herbal Essence Anti- Frizz Shampoo" He mumbled quietly but I heard.

I burst out laughing.

"When my father saw what I purchased, he sat me down and very seriously asked if I was metro-sexual." He tells me shaking his head.

That makes me laugh even harder.

"What did you do?!" I asked. This is too good.

"Of course I denied it but he kept trying to reassure me, telling me that it's okay to expression myself and no one is going to judge. He even told me to talk to Rosalie about anything else I might need, facial cremes, or a good spa to treat myself." He says rubbing his neck.

I grab onto the counter for support as I laugh. My face has become a tomato colored and tears are running down my cheeks.

"I tried explaining why I got that one but he didn't believe me. He still thinks I'm a closet metro-sexual" he says chuckling.

"Edward, please stop talking! I can't breathe!" I wheezed out through my laughter.

Edward laughs with me.

Once the hysterical laughs turn into giggle I take in a huge breath.

"Can I use your bathroom?" I asked

"You want to see if the bottle is in my shower?!" Edward asked in disbelieve.

"No, no. I'm going to pee on myself." I say through my renewed laughter.

"Oh." He chuckles, "Follow me."

He takes me down the hall and opens a door next to the laundry room.

"I'll be quick." I tell him and I step inside.

After I finish my business I assess myself in the mirror.

A huge smile is plastered on my face. My cheeks are pink and my eyes are sparkling.

My bun is hanging off to the side of my head so I untie it.

I grab two bobby pins I always carry inside my pocket and pin my bangs away from my face.

I splash water on my face trying to get the pink to disappear but is not happening.

I have a lot to think about but this is not the time or place.

I fluff my hair out and I walk out the door.

Edward is leaning against the wall and staring at his phone.

"Rosalie tells me that my mom is still looking for me." He says putting it back on his pocket.

I feel my phone vibrate for an incoming message.

"**Bella, where the fuck are you?**" Jasper sent me.

"Jasper is looking for me too." I tell him, pocketing my phone.

"Let's go before they send a search party." Edwards says guiding me to the kitchen.

I am so thankful he didn't mention anything about the pantry room.

I, myself, don't know what happened, what came over me and I'm afraid if he asks, I won't be able to answer him.

But I do know how it felt.

It made me feel alive, it made me if like I can attain something spectacular. Something magnificent, something only Edward can help me with.

I look at his profile as we reach the door. I feel closer to him, like if we shared something very intimate and private.

And we have. It's more than anything physical I shared with anyone, Edward and I shared our struggle to grasp what ever this intensity is, our confusion.

We also comforted each other. He comforted me like no one else.

I am so confused; Los Angeles is looking very far all of a sudden.

I am so fucked.

* * *

**There you have it.**

**Love it, hate it?**

**What did you guys think about that pantry?**

**How is Bella doing to deal with Edward now?**

**Let me know in a review, it just takes a second. **

**Questions, comments, complaints are all welcomed on review. **

**Until next time.**

**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7**


	7. Chapter 7: Showers and Cigarettes

**Author's Note: Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down**

**This chapter came out with a hint of lemon that I hope you enjoy.**

**This is not Betaed, my apologies.**

**I won't keep you up any longer.**

**Read&amp;Review**

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**I own nothing, these are SM characters**

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**See you at the bottom.**

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"That sounds like it was a lot of fun." Esme smiles as she sips her wine.

I don't know how she does it, she has drank her body weight in wine yet she is so cool and collected. She must know how to handle her alcohol.

Carlisle, on the other hand, did not. He is passed out with his head on the table next to Esme.

"Yeah, it was." I smiled.

Edward and I are the only sober ones, besides Rosalie and Emmett. Renée and Charlie had their share of wine plus a shot or two of patron Carlisle was passing around. Renée is nodding her head with sleepy eyes and Charlie is in the same position as Carlisle.

Jasper and Alice left some time ago, both could barely keep their eyes open as they walked to the house.

Everyone else has gone back to their homes. The party was a huge success.

And now at 2:40 in the morning, Esme, Renée Rosalie, Emmett, Edward and I are the only ones awake sitting on the round table talking.

"I loved it the moment I got my hands on the ball." I add.

"For how long did you play" Edward asked, sitting next to me.

"My whole high school years, I was full-on jock." I reply, chuckling.

"Seriously?" Edward asks looking surprised, "You were a jock?" he questioned.

"Yeah, by my sophomore year I got my Letterman's jacket. There was a small ceremony and everything." I answer smiling. I am very proud of that.

"I thought you can only receive them senior year." Rosalie says looking confused.

"Most athletes receive their certificate for their Letterman's jacket on their senior year and only if they do it for the 4 years but because I was in two sports, swimming and water polo, I got it 2 years early.

"You must have been good, right?" Esme asked.

"I like to think so." I smiled shyly.

"Bella is just being modest; she was team captain for her last two years before she graduated." Renée says rather proudly.

"And let's not forget her team was league champions for 4 years in a roll and she graduated with honors." Emmett brags, shoving me on the shoulder. I shoved him back.

Esme, Edward and Rosalie look very impressed.

I blush and look down at my hands.

"Wow, that's awesome." Rosalie says.

"I wish we had a swimming pool at my school." She adds.

Edward keeps looking at me and making me more nervous.

"Don't be embarrassed dear." Esme says grinning.

"I try not to. I am very proud of what I accomplished. I worked hard of it and I earned it, but when my mom and Emmett say it like that, I can't help but blush." I reply blushing harder.

"Plus, if it wasn't for my mother I wouldn't have accomplished anything. She started taking me to the pool before I could walk. By the age of 4, I was already swimming." I smile looking at Renée.

"Really, how you manage that?" Esme asks Renée.

"You are something else, you know." Edward tells me quietly when Renée starts talking to Esme.

I look over at him and smile.

"Why you say that?" I ask, already having an idea as to what he is referring to.

"You are so different from what I expect, you keep surprising me." He says smiling.

"Good. I would hate to be viewed as average or ordinary." I grin, who wants to be ordinary anyways?

He laughs and picks up his cup of water.

"Fuck normal." I tell him. I have learned that every time I curse, I get a rise out of Edward, and he didn't disappoint.

Edward's eyes widen and he has difficulty swallowing the water, his pupil dilates and he squirms around his seat.

I smirk. This is too easy.

"Bella, language." He scolds trying hard not to smile but I see his lips twitch.

"Alright, alright. I won't say fuck, shit, bitch, pussy, cock…" Edward groans softly and covers my mouth with his hand but not before I managed to put emphasis on 'cock'.

"You are definitely not ordinary." Edward says into the cup of water he is drinking.

"It makes things more exciting, don't you think?" I whisper leaning in closer to him.

"Yes it does. I still can't believe you were a jock. I would have pictured you at the popular table." He says changing the topic and sitting the cup down before he sits sideways facing me. He lays his elbow on the table and rest his head on his open palm.

I snort.

Popular table.

"God no. that shi… I mean, that wasn't for me." I say catching myself before I curse.

This is going to be hard. Edward smirks.

"I've never liked any of that stuff, I just wanted to be in the pool." I add.

"What about you Edward, were you at the popular table?" I asked.

"No, I was with the stoners." He says, smirking.

Now is my time to look shocked.

"Seriously Edward, the stoners?" I asked. I was not expecting that, I was expecting JROTC or anything but stoners.

"Yeah." He says looking around the table, making sure no one was listening.

"Most of my high school years I was stoned. I don't know how I managed to graduate." He whispers, chuckling.

"Jesus Christ Edward and you say I'm the different one." I say shaking my head, laughing.

"Do you still smoke?" I asked, I have been itching to get smoke on my lungs.

"Why, do you?" He asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"Not recently." I answered.

"Me too." He says.

"Why'd you stopped?" I asked.

"When I enlisted, we had to take drugs tests so I let it go." He says shrugging his shoulders.

"You?" he asked.

"Jacob gets paranoid about everything; he always killed my high so we stopped." I told him. Fucken Jacob never shut up about getting caught.

Edward sat a little straighter and little wrinkles appeared on his forehead.

"Who is Jacob?" He asked, looking down at his fingers.

"He is my best friend." I answer.

I wonder what Jacob is doing; I'm going to call him later.

"Oh, How do you like Forks?" he asks changing the conversation.

I make a face. "I don't like it." I say folding my arms.

"Give it a chance; you have only been here for 2 days." Edwards tried reasoning.

I stick my chin out and shake my head.

"No, one way or another, I moving back to California." I tell him. I might as well tell him now.

"You guys aren't staying here then?" Edward says looking a little down.

I shallow hard; I hate to see Edward sad.

"I don't know for sure but this place is not for me. I have a life in Los Angeles I need to get back to." I tell him. He doesn't say anything and starts messing with the table-cloth.

I take in a deep breath.

"I am not going stay here. No ties." I say with conviction.

Edward snaps his eyes to mine, looking at my very intently.

"What do you mean no ties? He probes.

I feel my stomach churning so I press my fist against my stomach.

"Well I… I can't build or start anything here because I will not finish it. This is not my life." I answer trying to be very vague. If he asks me straight out I think I will crumble.

"So what about what we were about to do in the pantry, was that your way of no ties?" he asked starting to look angry.

I feel my defensive walls building.

"Relax Edward; it was fun, that's all. We just met. Don't add things that are not even there." I answer, cross my arms over my chest.

I get up before he can respond.

"Mom, I'm so tired, I'm going to bed." I tell Renée ignoring Edward's stare.

I say I quick goodnight to everyone and head to the kitchen door.

I am a fucken coward but I'm also angry and if I stay, everyone in the table would have known what is going on with Edward and me.

I huff in annoyances.

So much for no distractions.

When I reach the outside of the Cullen house I take a deep breath.

"Why did you go?" I hear behind me.

I don't answer.

"Am I just entertainment for you?" he asked.

I turn towards him.

"Are you serious?" I ask.

"This is fucken ridiculous! I don't know you and you don't know me. Why are you making this bigger than it is?" I ask.

"I know I what to give us a chance." Edward says. My heart starts thumping raptly.

"Jesus Edward. Can't you see how strange this is? I barely had a conversation with you and here you are trying to have a relationship with me." I start pacing.

I am in a fucken twilight-zone.

"How can you want something that is not even there? The pantry was intense I'll give you that, but that's it. Nothing more." I say turning around.

Why does it feel like if I'm lying?

"You and I know there is more here. Why won't you give me a chance?" Edward says, walking around to stand in front of me.

I run my hand through my hair and pull.

"Edward, I don't belong here. I am not staying. What happens in the end? Will we go our separate ways without our feelings getting hurt? How is this ever going to work with an impending end sooner or later?" I ask in a desperate tone.

This situation is swirling out of my control.

"Bella, this is your life, Forks is your home now. You can't cling onto something that doesn't exist anymore." Edward says softly.

"You don't know anything Edward. Leave it alone." I scowl at him.

Edward looks like he is about to say something else but holds back.

"I'll leave it." Edward says sympathetically.

I let out a deep breath.

I stare into his eyes before walk around him, heading for my house.

"For now." He says quietly but I heard it. I stop but don't turn around.

"Nothing is going to change my mind." I say, looking straight ahead.

"OK." I hear him say softly.

I nod and head towards my house with a heavy heart.

Jesus Christ, I feel like I just broke up with him.

This has been a long day.

I reach my door and open it, as I walk in I turn my head and Edward is standing in the middle of the street, watching.

I gently close the door behind me.

I lay my forehead on the door.

When the fuck did my life turn into such a mess?

77777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777

"Are you planning on showering sometime this week?" Jasper asks when he walks into my room.

"Fuck off Jasper." I mumbled going back to the book I was reading.

After the catastrophic night I had with Him, 4 days ago, I have done nothing but mope around and spy through the hallway and kitchen windows to get a glimpse of Him.

I have been suffering in silence; I haven't told anyone any of it. And I'm not.

I know if I tell Alice, she will tell me I'm being stupid. These are my plans to get back home and I'm sticking to them.

"Seriously, the last time I saw you dress like a human was on Edward's party." Jasper says.

At the mention of his name my stomach drops. I ignore Jasper completely and pretend to continue reading, even though I have been in the same page of half an hour.

"Whatever, all of us are leaving so get your dirty ass up and go to the living room, we are expecting the Direct TV guy around 3." He says before slamming the door shut.

I roll my eyes and stumble out of bed when I hear everyone leave the house.

I finally smile. I am alone.

As I walk out I catch myself in the mirror.

I am a fucken mess.

My greasy hair is in a knotted bun hanging sideways. My eyebrows are getting bushy and I'm breaking out more around my chin area. I have the same shirt I have been wearing since the party, the 'fight club' Tee is hanging off my right shoulder with stains on it.

I slip on clean underwear and some shorts, I'm lazy but not dirty.

I grab my book and glasses and head downstairs.

I get myself comfortable on the couch and start reading.

Did I do the right thing?

Does Edward hate me?

I huff and throw the book on the coffee table. I bet he forgot about me already.

Guys just want to fuck and if the girl is unwilling they go to the next.

My face to red with shame.

No, Edward was justified, I was no saint. I was more than a willing participant. If Emmett hasn't interrupted us, who knows what could have happened.

Edward had every right to assume or ask for anything, hell, part of me wants to.

Maybe I acted to rash.

I get up biting my thumb nail and go to the side window on the kitchen and peek outside.

Edward's house looks empty, they must have gone out, but suddenly the garage door opens.

The sliver Volvo backs up. My heart jumps and I hide my face expect my eyes with the curtains and hold very still.

I have been watching out for him for the past 4 days and this is the first time I see him.

Well I still haven't seen him seen him.

The car backs out and stops in the middle of the road.

I hold my breath.

The windows are up; I wish I could see his face. The car starting moving very slowly until is right in front of the window I'm hiding at and stops.

For a second nothing happens then suddenly the tires start spinning and screeching and he speeds away leaving behind black trails.

I grab my heart in fright and squeal comes out.

What the fuck was all that about?

I go back to the living room and look at the clock.

1:20, I might as well take a shower, god knows how much I need it.

An hour later I am washed and feel considerably better. I am plucked, shaved and brushed and I even give myself an Edward induced orgasm.

I know, it's hypocritical of me after everything I told him but I can't stop my mind from wonder to that night.

His voice, his hands and his eyes, I remember the way he looked at me. The intensity of his eyes and the fire of his touch that made me clinch my thighs.

I imagine ourselves back that the dark pantry, his hands ever stopped roaming, felling every curve and dip. Edward kept his eyes on mine as his hand stopped only on my breast, feeling it, brushing it with his thumb until my nipple harden while his other hand grab hold of my ass, gripping it tightly before moving and cupping me between my legs.

"I can feel you Bella." Edward would whisper. He would then press into me.

I would bring my right leg up his waist, wrapping it around and bring him closer. The hard bulge between us would caress me in the most glorious ways. He would groan and hold on to my leg as he dips his head down my neck, his hot breath on my neck only fuel my lust, hunger for me. And when I couldn't take it anymore I would grab his face and finally kiss him...

I can feel heat start from my cheeks and move downwards, I feel myself getting wet all over again.

Maybe I should go to my room and finish this sexy fantasy, the house is empty after all.

"God yes." I answer myself but that's when the doorbell rings.

Damn.

I peek through the peephole and see a man with the Direct TV uniform.

I close my eyes and take a calming breath, try to get Edward out of my mind before I open the door.

"Hi, my name is James, Is this the Swan residence?" The man asked.

"Yes, come in." I tell him opening the door wider.

He hesitates. "Is someone 18 years or older inside?" he asked.

I frown.

"I am, I'm 20." I tell him.

He frowns until he takes me in. A pervy smile appears on his face.

"Yes you are." He says looking at my breast.

Fucken great, I have to be alone with his douchebag.

"Come in." I repeat a little louder.

Once he got his eyes back on his head he turned professorial. He didn't ogle or said anymore innuendos for which I was very thankful for.

When he got to work outside installing the dish, I ran upstairs and grabbed my bag, hanging it across my chest, making sure my switchblade was inside, you can never be too careful.

"This is the last TV you want a box right? He asked.

James had been working for an hour. He installed a box in my parent's room and now he is finishing up in the living room.

"Yeah, we only want 2." I confirm from the other side of the room. I have been keeping a respectful distance but still close enough in case he has any questions.

"You are now all set, here are your channels and controls with extra batteries." He says smiling while handing me a book with all the channels and the controls.

I grab them and just then I hear my notification tone. I reach for my phone the same time he does his.

"Sorry about that, it's mine." He says pocketing the phone back.

"You like the Hunger Games too then?" He asked smirking, his smile changing back to flirtatious.

"Yeah." I answer. I download the whistle as my notification tone awhile back.

"I knew you were cool." He says. Now that he finished his work, his eyes are on my chest again.

I roll my eyes. "Is there something I need to sign?" I ask, trying to get him to leave.

"Sure, it's in the van; I'll go and get it." He says.

"No, I'll go with you." I tell him walking ahead, the sooner he leaves the better.

Once I sign the paperwork I give him a quick wave and start walking back.

"Wait!" he yells out.

Damn it, what now?

"You forgot your copy." He says waving it in the air.

I mentally roll my eyes and walk back.

"You know, the second one is coming out next month." He says when I reach him.

"What?" I asked.

"Catching Fire, if you'd like, we can go watch it, get to know each other." He says handing me the copy, touching my fingers. I pull them back.

Not once since he starting talking has he looked at my face.

I remember when I was bigger no one give me the time of day. Even now, if he would have seen me with my greasy, tangled hair and stain shirt, he wouldn't have given me a second glance.

Men like him just stare but don't actually see me.

Not Edward through. Edward doesn't look anywhere else but my eyes.

I bet James doesn't give two shits about my opinions or views, as long as we fucked by the end of the day, he will be happy.

He continues to openly stare at my body; he might even think he is giving me a compliment.

He licks his bottom lip before finally meeting my glare.

"Are you going to bring your wife too?" I asked. I mean really, he is flirting with a goddamn wedding ring on his finger.

His eyes widen before he moves both hand behind his back.

"Oh, is not like that, we are separated." He shudders out.

"Right, thanks but no thanks." I tell him before heading back to my house.

"Cock-tease." He mumbles angrily.

I snort, as if.

I'm about to turn and flip him off when I feel the prickly sensation on the back of my neck.

Edward.

I turn and Edward is standing on his front yard staring directly at me.

I faintly hear Douchebag James turn on the van before speeding away.

I have been sucked into Edward's orbit again and fuck me if it isn't exciting.

Thank God I showered.

Soldier Edward has made another appearance; I swear to god that uniform fits him like a second skin.

I will definitely remember that uniform next time I take a bath.

My cheeks blush.

Even with the distance I can still feel his penetrating gaze and it leaves me trembling.

He takes a step in my direction and I take a step towards his without thinking.

That's when I see the most horrifying sight. Broken-nose Jessica intercepts and tackles him into a hug.

I feel my entire face goes red and this time not from lust or embarrassment.

What the fuck does she think she is doing?!

"Oh Edward, I'm so glad I caught you. I really need to talk to you!" she cries.

She pushes him and he stumbles back a step. Since he is holding her and falling, she starts toppling over him. Edward grabs her by her sides to stop her from falling on him.

"Oh, I slipped, sorry." She cries.

My blood starts boiling.

Why the fuck he is touching her?!

Jessica discreetly turns her head and smirks at me with fake tears on her cheeks.

That fucken liar!

That two-timing whore 'fell' on purpose!

My poor solider is being subjected to her greedy hands!

Wait, mine?

No, no, no. I can't be jealous. I don't care, I have no feelings.

But I still tighten my hands into fists.

I wish I could punch her again.

But I have no claim on Edward. I told him no. I unclench my fist as guilt settles on my belly.

I can't act like a jealous girl when I'm the one who doesn't want anything to do with him.

I take a deep breath and look down on my hands.

He must hate me. He must think I'm a cock-tease like James said.

I was all over him that night; I was the one who locked the damn door.

And now that he showed me he wanted more, I turned him down.

Here I am throwing a hissy fit because some girl is hugging him, even though Jessica is a fucken bitch and a faker.

I shake my head angrily at myself. I look back at their direction.

Edward looks from Jessica to me with an unreadable expression.

When his gaze settles on mine I hold it because I'm masochistic and greedy.

I take and take from him but give nothing back.

I hear Jessica crying and whining from his attention.

Edward is just a nice person and I'm a bitch to him.

I give him and small and sad smile before I turn and enter the house and locking it behind me.

I hate Jessica so much!

I start pacing and pulling my hair. Why I'm a feeling like this? I only spoke to him twice for god sakes; I never get emotionally involved, why now?

I need something to calm me down.

I go up to my room and start digging through the boxes I still haven't unpacked.

Bingo!

I get the pack of cigarettes I have been saving for emergencies out of my old shoe box.

I need smoke on my lungs.

I give a silent thanks to Jacob for being a scaredy-cat and giving them to me for safekeeping.

"You hide them Bella, my mom digs through my stuff, if she finds them she will kill me." He begged me after we bought them for the first time.

Even though we are of age, we still sneaked around to smoke our cigarettes.

I make my way downstairs and get out through the back door. I head for the trees, away for the neighbors. I don't want them smelling it.

The cold wind is biting my arms but I like it.

I think the weather is the only thing I like about Forks. Its gloomy, like me.

I sit in front a tree on property line and light it up.

I inhale deeply, savoring the smoke on my lungs, I missed this. I don't miss the nicotine, I just like smoke. It can be cigarettes, weed, or hookah

I tilt my head back and blow it out and watch as it mingles with the wind.

I instantly feel the calming effects.

I bring my knees up and lay my right arm across them, letting my fingers with the cigarette hang.

I would love to gun-shot Edward.

I smack my teeth and inhale again.

Edward.

I finish it quickly and light up another.

I don't like chain-smoking but I need it today.

Once it's lit, I let the cigarette hang on my lips as I grab my phone and put on my 'High' playlist. I only listen to Jimi Hendrix when I smoke.

When 'Little Wing' starts I lay my phone on the ground and tilt my head, I close my eyes and let out the smoke to the wind.

I start feeling the familiar prickly sensation and I smile despite myself, despite everything.

I hear him walk towards me and take a seat, close.

I open my eyes and bring my head back to look at him. He brings his hand up and grabs the cigarette hanging off my lips before bring it to his own and inhaling.

His looks so sexy.

With his left hand, he places the cigarette between his first and middle finger. His cheeks shallow out a bit as he inhales and his eyes squint when the smoke waves in front of his face. He mimics my position and hangs his arm with the cigarette. He takes another toke as I gawk.

The smoke comes out his nose.

"I've never heard this version before." He says passing me the cigarette. I snap out of my fantasies and look straight head before inhaling and nodding.

"This is the live version; I don't really like the original." I tell him. I pass it back to him before I turn my head and exhale.

"I like this one." He says pointing the cigarette at my phone. I nodding again, this song gives me goose bumps.

We don't talk as we pass the cigarette back and forth. When the song finishes and 'The Wind Cries Mary' starts, we still haven't talked.

Even after things ending last time we spoke, it feels amazing being in his company.

I can't bring myself to offer him his own. I like sharing with him, tasting him, even though I know I shouldn't enjoy it.

He takes the last toke before stuffing it out on the ground.

"I knocked and rang the doorbell but you didn't answer, I figured either you are ignoring me or you're outside." He says and smiles, I smile too.

"Jessica asked, more like begged, to come talk to you. She says she is sorry and would like to talk to you. That's why I'm here." He adds.

I look over on my right and stare at her house.

Yeah right, she doesn't want to apologize. She wants Edward's dick.

I look back at him and he has a sincere look.

I smile at him, he was no idea she wants inside his pants.

Jessica can go suck on a bag of dicks. But she sure as hell ain't getting any from Edward.

Not if I can stop it.

"I'm sorry I acting like a bitch to you the other night." I tell him. The last thing I want to do with him is have a discussion about Jessica.

He looks surprise by my sudden apology but smiles.

"You have another one?" He asked pointing at my pack.

"Yeah" I tell him, getting one out and placing it on my mouth. Edward turns sideways and leans in as he cups his hand at the end and picks up the lighter beside me to light it up.

I inhale and bring my hand to grab it and place it on his parted lips.

"Thanks." He says through the cigarette. "I should be the one apologizing to you for backing you up on a corner. I came on to strong and I apologize."

I exhale as he inhales and once again, smoke comes out his nose.

"Everything happened very fast." He says and I agree.

Too damn fast.

"I really wish we could start over and at least be friends." He continues. "I like talking to you, you're cool." He says with a smile.

I smile back. These past 4 days has been hell. I can't avoided him anymore, I don't want to.

"I am pretty awesome, aren't I?" I joke grinning. He grins to.

"I would love to be your friend Edward." I told him sincerely.

This can work. We can start over and just be friends. I can have him in my life until I leave without causing heartaches.

Plus Edward is the coolest person I know.

We sit in silence for a time, each of us deep in thought.

"I didn't know you like smoking cigarettes." He says inhaling before passing it to me.

"I don't really, for emergencies." I say waving it in the air before I inhale too.

"Long day?" he asked.

"Something like that." I answer vaguely; I won't want to talk about Douchebag James and broken-nose Jessica or crazy irrational emotions.

"You, on the other hand, must smoke regularly, with that nose trick of yours." I tell him exhaling and handing it over to him.

He laughs.

"Nah, just old tricks for high school." He says.

"I bet you know very trick in the book: French-inhale, making O's, that tornado thing, shot-gun." I say listing the ones I remember.

He chuckles. "I would probably have to practice some but I've done all of them except the shot-gun, I've never done that before."

"Really? That's the only one I've done." I tell him.

"We were only guys back then; it would have been weird if we did that to each other." He says making a face.

That makes me laugh.

"I always wanted to try it but not with guys." He says making a sour face.

"You what to try it with me?" I blur out.

Where the hell is my verbal filter when I need one?

My hands start trembling.

"You're sure?" Edward asks quietly.

God no, this is a bad idea, terrible but I want too, so much.

"Yeah, we are friends right? Friends do this all the time." I say, squeaking out the last part.

Please say no.

"OK, let's go it." He says.

I am both thrilled and terrified.

"Alright, only if you're sure" I say, my voice shaking. He nods.

I move until I'm in front of him and get on my knees. Edward opens his legs and I get in the middle.

I take the cigarette from his hand and bring it to my lips. I inhale as deeply as I can and look into his eyes.

He swallows hard but nods. I bring both hand to the side of his face, making sure I don't burn him and lean in while he grabs me from the waist with both hands.

I hold his gaze when I finally move and place my mouth to his.

It takes everything in me not to shut my eyes and moan. I press my lips a little harder on Edward's; his lips are so soft I want to run my tongue over them.

He parts his mouth and I make a small o with mine and being to blow the smoke into his mouth.

I feel him inhale. When he squeezes my waist slightly, I lean back a bit to give him room to blow it out.

"How was that?" I whispered, looking from his mouth to his eyes.

"Hands-down my favorite trick, can I do it to you now?" he asked his voice hoarse and his eyes getting darker.

"Fuck yes." I whisper moving a little closer to him.

He groans softly. "Bella, language." He says squeezing my waist.

"Sorry." I tell him. He grabs the cigarette from my hand and takes the last hit before stuffing it out on the ground. He then kneels like me.

He brings his left hand to the back of my neck and his right to the small of my back, bringing me close.

I place both my hands on his chest and fist his jacket.

I tilt my head while he tilts down.

He softly places his mouth on mine and I can't keep my eyes open any longer.

His mouth feels like heaven and he hasn't even kissed me.

I part my lips when I feel the smoke; it's the sweetest smoke I've ever tasted.

When I lean back, he leans away slightly and moves his lips to my jaw. I turn my head and open my eyes as I watch for the last time as the smoke mingles with the wind.

Edward starts brushing his lips against my jaw and it feel amazing but I want more.

I move my head until I feel his lips at the corner of my mouth. I bring my hands from his chest to his cheeks. I look into his eyes as I scratch his stubble softly and bring him a breath away from my lips.

He looks down at my parted his before closing the distance and finally kisses me.

I surrender myself entirely to that single kiss.

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**There you have it.**

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**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7 **


	8. Chapter 8: Obsessions and First Kisses

**Author's Note: Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down**

**TGIF people! Anyways, I hope you enjoy this one. :)**

**Not Beta'd :(**

**Read&amp;Review**

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**I own nothing, these are SM characters**

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**I won't keep you any longer.**

**See you at the bottom. **

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There is a rock digging into my right knee.

I feel the sting on my bone; it feels sharp and it feels like the rock is going to cut through my jeans and bite my skin.

But I am frozen.

I can't move, but more importantly, I don't want to.

Never.

I am afraid that if I move the slightly inch, Edward would break our connection, and if he breaks it, I will surely die.

Edward doesn't move either. He is as still as I am.

I don't know who is waiting for whom. Who will pull away or who will ignite the flames.

But all that is secondary; all that matters is that at this moment, Edward's warm lips are on mine.

It is the most innocent kiss I have ever received. This single kiss has to be the best I have ever had.

It's a simple pop-kiss but that the same time is anything but simple.

I want to stay like this forever but I also need air. I move the slightest bit but Edward feels it and leans back like if his lips were on fire.

The move was so sudden I manage to catch myself before I fell on him.

I lean back and sit on my heels panting, Edward does the same.

I bring my hands back and place them on my thighs to support myself up.

I am so round-up. My heart is racing, my entire body is shaking and all coherent thought has left me.

I focus my sight on Edward.

His chest is heaving raptly and he ducked his head so I can't see his face.

"Edward" I whisper. His head snaps up and he locks me with his eyes.

The primal look is back and I am thankful I am not standing. My legs suddenly feel like jelly and heat is gathering in the pit of my stomach and spreading.

"Bella" he whispers back.

That was my undoing.

I crash my lips into his. It is not tender, or sweet.

It is fast, hard, needy and very intense, bruising my lips. Edward stumbles a bit, but in no time has no trouble keeping up with my rapid pace. He wraps his arms around me, almost lifting me off the ground. I bring my arms up and place the inside of my wrists on the sides of his neck and lock my fingers together.

I pull him closer to me and he hugs me tighter.

This is how things should have been in the pantry.

I need him like I need air.

The kiss unexpectedly slowed down. The feverish need is loosening its hold but it still has the same intensity. Edward's lips slowly stroke mine, testing and exploring. I gently take his bottom lip between both of mine and bite down before soothing it with my tongue.

Edward's lips are wonderful, so smooth and warm. I never want to stop.

We slowly explore, he caresses my lips gently until I only feel the slightest touch. He just brushes his lips with mine, no rush. He even gave me Eskimo kisses, which I never had before but loved it.

He finally breaks away, letting out a deep sign before sitting back down on his heels.

I feel relief but that the same time sad it's over.

My lips are tingling. I bring my shaky fingers to my lips feeling them, trying to soothe them.

Edward looks down and starts rubbing the back of his neck, self-consciously.

"I'm sorry. That was way out of line." He says finally looking up.

Redness pools my cheeks. I drop my hand down and lace my fingers together on my lap.

The rock starts digging my knee but I ignore it.

"Please don't apologize, I kissed you back." I tell him in a timid tone.

He looks at my strangely. I clear my throat and try to gather courage.

"I can't say that I regret it. It was wonderful." I tell him honestly, pointing between us, forcing myself to meet his gaze. He smiles a boyish grin.

"But this can't happen again." I say. Edward opens his mouth but I hold out my hand stopping him. I need to say what's on my mind without interruptions.

"It may seem hard for you to understand my reasons. You might think I am hardheaded and stubborn but please try to understand. I have plans and I'm sticking to them." I say after a while.

"I don't want to hurt you Edward." I say trying to make him understand with my eyes.

What I left out was that I was afraid of getting hurt too.

"I have ambitions, dreams and goals that are very important to me. Things that I have set for myself that I want to do but I can't do them here. I'm trying to make do with what I have but it's frustrating." I say looking down at my hands.

"Can you blame me for wanting what I lost, back?" I ask looking up at him. "In a blink of an eye, my world shifted and did a 180. This does not feel like home. Your family is great, especially your mom. She welcomed us and so did my aunt, helping us out when we need it the most." I say. Edward shifts his weight and leans against the nearby tree.

"I have to believe that I will get back to Los Angeles one day. That's what is keeping me from breaking down, that things will go back to normal" I tell him.

I really hope he understand what I am telling him.

Edward looks down at his fingers, he seemed deep in thought.

I scoot up closer to him, trying to get his attention back. I sit beside him, turn my head and look at him.

"It wouldn't be fair to you Edward. You deserve someone who will be committed 100 percent to you but I can't. It would be very selfish of me to pursue something with you when I am waiting to leave this place. The first chance I get to leave Forks, I am taking it." I say quietly.

Edward at last looks at me and smiles.

I don't know how to take it so I remind silent with a blank face, trying to read his eyes.

"I admire your determination Bella." He says.

"I'm sure that your dreams are great and you are going to succeed but you also have to understand that nothing is set in stone. I am not only talking about giving us chance but about you, your life." He says losing the smile.

"Life is going to knock you down and you have to get right back up. You might have to change your path along the way but the only thing that matters, is that you get where you need to be in the end." He says turning his head and hooking his elbows on his knees, locking his fingers together.

"Maybe Los Angeles is the only way." He says but then looks back at me.

"But maybe is not, maybe there are other ways, options you are not seeing. Options that may even be better for you than what you could have gotten over there." He says looking at me

My thoughts are on every direction, Edward has a point.

I don't know what to say. I look down and start breaking thin twigs I see scattered on the ground.

After a time he speaks.

"It is all up to you Bella. It's your life, your choices. Just know that it can't hurt to look into some alternatives." He says quietly.

I look up at him and smile.

"You are pretty smart, you know that?" I ask.

Edward is very astute but he is also scaring the shit out of me. My indestructible plan is looking very fragile at the moment.

He smiles.

"I meant what I said earlier. I would like to be your friend Bella." He says pushing my shoulder gently with his.

I grin.

"You're sure? I'm pretty crazy and curse a lot." I answer.

"Definitely" he says grinning back.

The somber mood has been lifted and the topic settled, for now.

I stand up and dust the back of my jeans.

"I'm hungry." I tell him.

He gets up and dusts himself too.

"I know a place, come on." He says, walking to the front of my house but stops after a couple of steps and turns to look at me with a serious expression.

"I'm here if you need to talk. I won't try to change your mind, like I said, that is up to you. But I will listen and maybe give you some outside perspective." He says looking into my eyes.

That took me by surprise. I look up at him for a long time.

"Thank you Edward." I tell him with a smile.

He freezes but doesn't resist when I abruptly hug him. He is so tall and big that I fit perfectly on his chest. I wrap my arms on his back and lay my head on his chest. He is still for a second before throwing an arm over my shoulders and one on my back.

I quickly end it and take a step back and look down as I blush.

"Let's go." He says.

"Alright" I say walking to the front of the house.

"I have to go get dress, come by my house in 20, alright?" he tells me.

I nod.

Before he leaves I grab his hand, bring him back.

"I'm here for you too Edward." I say. I mean every word.

He smiles.

"I know." He says before jogging to his house.

"No you don't!" I yell out. I hear him chuckle as he enters.

"Bella" I hear.

I cringe, that fucken voice is like nails on chalkboard.

I turn and Jessica is sitting on my steps looking very angry.

"What" I say, crossing my arms.

She gets up and walks toward me.

"So you and Edward are all buddy-buddy now?" She says looking very jealous.

"Fuck off Jessica, that shit is not any of your business." I says, I shove her slightly with my shoulder as I head to my door.

She stumbles back a step before she grabs my arm, turning me around.

"Listen slut and listen well because I am not going to repeat myself again. You are an outsider, an intruder. You have no business messing up my plans with Edward. I have worked so hard, waiting for years to get a chance with him. You are not going to fuck it up." She says gritting her teeth and pointing her finger at me, her face getting red.

"I finally have my chance now that he is no longer in the military. Back off. I can see through your lie, I know you want more than friendship with Edward. You will not get it, I will not let you." She threatens.

I erupted into laughter.

"You're done?" I ask. She doesn't answer but continues to glare.

I start laughing again..

I hold my right side as I continue to laugh at her. Jessica's face turns redder.

This bitch is fucken psycho.

"Thanks for the laugh, Crazy Bitch!" I call out over my shoulder as I walk to my front door.

I hear her screech in frustration and that makes me laugh harder.

When I get inside, I lock the door, who knows what the nutcase is capable of.

I head upstairs and head for my room while dialing Emmett.

"Yo yo yiggity yo!" he answers. I roll my eyes.

"Seriously Emmett, you saw Juno 3 weeks ago, get over it." I tell him.

"Whatever Mud-butt, what do you want?" he asked.

"Where are you?"

"At Aunt Sue's" He says, I hear the little girls in the background.

"Are you guys going to stay long?" I ask getting a jacket and looking for my contacts.

"Hell yeah we are, Aunt Sue made pot roast." He says, sounding very excited.

"Pass me mom, twat-face." I say before putting the phone in speaker so I could put my contacts on.

"Are you alright Bella?" Renée says as soon as she gets the phone.

"Yes mom, why wouldn't I be?" I ask. I decided to leave my hair down and reapply my foundation, fucking pimples don't go away.

I keep the jeans but head for the closet and look for a blouse.

"Never mind, what's up?" she asked.

"I'm going out." I call out to the phone.

I grab a short-sleeve blouse with red flowers on it. I give myself a last once over before grabbing my jacket and keys and closing the door behind me as I head downstairs.

"Out, where?" she asked.

"I don't know, a restaurant I guess." I say. Unmuting the phone and placing it back on my ear, holding it with my shoulder as I put on my jacket.

"By yourself?" she asked, sounding worried.

"No, Edward's going too." I tell her holding my breath.

"Oh…OH! Ok dear have fun." She says. I roll my eyes and grab my purse sitting on the couch.

"No OH's mom, we are just friends." I tell her. I lock the front door with the key and head across the yard.

"Right Bella, you guys are just friends." She says sarcastically.

"Yes just friends, I'll see you when I get to the house, love you." I tell her as I look both ways to cross the road. I spot Jessica looking outside her window. I smile and flip her off.

Suck on that whore!

"Love you too, bye." Renée says on the other line.

I stuff my phone inside my purse after I ended the call and rummage around looking for a pack of gum.

I pop one in my mouth while grabbing some strains of my hair and smell, hopefully not smelling like cigarette.

I smile when I smell a hint of my shampoo and nothing more, thank goodness for windy weather.

I cross and head for Edward's house, I raise my hand to knock on his door but I hear the garage door open.

I walk to the side and see Edward taking out the Volvo.

He looks so good, from the front driver's window I can see he has on a black bottom down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his forearms. He smiles when he sees me and motions me with his head to climb inside.

I walk around the car and I notice a car backed up on the right side with a cover on it.

How odd, it's inside a garage and yet it is covered.

"That's yours?" I ask when I reach the passenger side but don't open the door. That car has a familiar shape. It is low and sleek like a sports car.

Edward looks through the rear-view mirror to see what I am talking about. When he sees it, he gets the biggest smile I have ever seen.

"Yes it is." He says his voice filled with pride.

"Want to see it?" he asked, looking giddy.

He jumps out the car and starts peeling off the cover but stops and turns to me.

"Close your eyes." He says bouncing in excitement. I roll my eyes but smile and comply.

Men and their cars.

I hear him messing with the cover before I feel him stand next to me.

"Open them." He says.

I open my eyes and I gasp.

Holy Mother of God!

I don't blink as I take in this magnificent masterpiece.

"What do you think?" he asks.

"Edward" I say finally tearing my eyes of that work of art and look at him.

"I think my panties just dropped." I say in an awe voice.

Edward throws his head back and laughs.

"Can I touch it?" I ask, begging with my eyes.

"Yeah, just be gentle." He says.

Now I know why he was so giddy.

I gently run my hand over the black hood.

"Edward, please tell I am not imagining things and I am actually seeing a real 4.3-liter engine V8 Aston Martin Vanquish." I say to him when I see him stand by the passenger door.

When I don't hear a response I look at Edward and see him staring at me with his eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

I roll my eyes, just because I have a vagina, doesn't mean I don't know about sports cars, especially this stunningly sexy car.

I snap my fingers in front of his face, trying to get his attention.

"Edward, stick your eyes back into your head and close your mouth. A fly is going to fly in." I say with a smirk.

"Bella, what kind of other reaction were you expecting after you just talked dirty to me?" he says looking very serious.

I laugh and he joins me.

"Joking aside, you know your cars?" he asked.

I start walking around the car, admiring it on every angle.

"Somewhat, I watch a lot of Top Gear, the British one. I think I have seen almost all their episodes. Anyways, the Aston Martin has always been a favorite of mine, beside the Porsche 911. One of my favorite episodes is when they compare the Vanquish to the 458 Spider" I tell him.

I duck down and start inspecting the interior.

"Spider?" Edward mumbles.

"It's a Ferrari." I tell him over the top of the car with an amused look on my face.

His eyes snap to mine.

"I know what it is." He says scowling.

I laugh and raise my hands up in surrender.

"Come on Jeremy Clarkson, I'm hungry." He says holding out a hand towards the Volvo.

"See you later Beautiful." I say patting the Vanquish; I resist the urge of bending down and giving it a kiss because I don't think Edward can handle that.

Once we are both inside the Volvo he heads to the interstate.

"I take it you watch Top Gear too since you know who is Jeremy Clarkson." I tell Edward.

And that's what we talked about during the first 30 minutes of the hour drive to Port Angeles.

7777777777777777777777777

"What are the lines in the scene where she shows him the new curtains?" Edward asks me with a doubtful expression.

Edward drove us to a pizza place in Port Angeles, claiming it was best he has tasted. We talked about everything, favorite shows; his is Walking Dead and mine is The Big Bang Theory. We also talked about our favorite movies. He couldn't decide, he said there was too many. I told him mine is Mr. and Mrs. Smith and that I practically know all the dialogue in that movie.

Edward didn't believe me so he is now testing me.

I smirked at him before reciting.

"'There was a bit of struggle over the material, this little T-sandwich of a man got his hands on it first but I won.'  
'Of course you did.'  
'There was a bit green so I think we are going to have to repost to the sofas and definitely get a new rug, maybe a Persian.'  
'Or we could keep the old ones then we won't have to change a thing.'  
'We talked about this, you remember?'  
'I remember, I remember cause we'd said we'll wait.'  
'If you don't like them we can take them back.'  
'OK, I don't like them.'  
'You'll get used to them.'"

"I can't believe it!" Edward exclaimed drinking his Dr. Pepper.

"How is it that you know the dialogue of that movie?" he asked.

"When I was in middle school, I developed a huge obsession over Angelina Jolie. It was borderline insane how much I loved her." I tell him causing him to laugh.

"I started acting like her, trying to talk like her. I even drew a mole above my eyebrow every day before I went to school." I confessed.

"No!" Edward yells looking at me wide eye before picking up his last slice for pizza and taking a bite.

"I swear. You can even ask Emmett and Jasper. They made fun of me for years because of that. Anyways, I would buy magazines with her picture and glue it to a notebook, dedicated only to her. I worshipped the woman."

I start laughing.

"What?" he asked.

"I loved her so much that I once got into a fight with a classmate because she said Angelina was a home-wrecker, Angelina and Brad Pitt start dating around that time. I got suspended for 3 days." I tell him blushing.

All I needed was to light candles for her.

Edward laughs.

"Anyways" I say, talking over his laughter.

"Because of my obsession I watched her movies millions of time but Mr. and Mrs. Smith was my absolute favorite, I owned like 5 DVD copies. I watched and watched it until I memorized the entire dialogue.

"This is so far-fetched that you have to be telling the truth." Edward says.

"You have to take this to your grave Edward." I tell him very seriously.

"Scout's honor" He says and does the gesture.

We both laugh at that.

"I'm stuffed." I tell him after I finish my raspberry iced tea.

"How can you not when you almost finish any entire pizza by yourself!" Edward says.

Edward told me that I wasn't going to finish an entire pizza by myself so we should share one. I got competitive and order one for myself.

Now I feel like I am doing to explode.

"Can I get a box?" I asked the waitress.

"Right away sure. Would you and your sister like anything else?" she says, answering Edward and completely ignoring me.

"What makes you think we are related?" I ask loudly, crossing my arms.

"I just assumed." She says looking between the both of us.

"What business is it of yours if we are siblings or not? Do you assume relationships of all your customers?" I ask her then look at Edward.

"Quite unprofessional if you ask me. I don't ever recall customer's relationship status being needed to get serves in restaurants." I tell Edward.

Edward looks like he is having a hard time from smiling.

Since the moment I walked in with Edward, she has been nothing but rude. I didn't really minded if she flirted innocently with Edward but she completely ignored me. Maybe I minded a little but that is not the point.

She messed up my pizza and still wanted to charge me for it until Edward sorted it out. She forgot my drink and when she finally remembered, she brought me root beer.

How the fuck does someone confuse Raspberry Iced Tea with Root Beer?!

She was pissing me off and I have had it.

The girl looks like she is ready to gauge my eyes out, so I press on.

"I got my first kiss in middle school; it was disgusting so I broke up with him. The last time I was on a date was 4 months ago. Now that you got all my information, Can I get a box?" I ask her with an innocent smile on my face.

When the waitress stormed away, Edward chuckles and shakes his head.

"Bella, have you ever heard of 'Don't mess with people who handle your food'?" he asked.

"Yes, why do you think I waited until after we ate?" I say grinning, I'm not stupid.

Just then the waitress comes back.

"Hey is your bill and your box sir, have a nice day." She tells Edward before leaving.

"Maybe I should have told her more intimate details to get a smile from her!" I say loudly so she could hear and throw a smirk at Edward.

Once the leftovers are in the box we make our way to the exit. I have our waitress a wave when she glares at me.

We head for his car and he opens the door for me before I can reach for it. I blush a little but thank him and get inside.

"Did you really have your first kiss in middle school?" Edward asked as soon as he pulled away.

I roll down the window and turn my head to the wind closing my eyes.

"Yeah, in 6th grade, I was peer-pressured into doing it, actually. Maybe 7 or 10 girls made a circle with me and the boy in the middle, yelling 'KISS, KISS, KISS' and pushing me to him." I say still leaning to the wind.

"I was so nervous, the only reference I had were movies I had seen. I just thought you were supposed to just open your mouth and moving your head side to side, so that's what I did." I continue but stop to laugh at that, Edward laughs with me.

"When he leaned in, I just kept my mouth open. It felt like he was bobbing for apples inside my mouth. My jaw started getting tired but I let him until he finished. It was sloppy and salivary, so gross that I avoided him for 2 years." I say shaking my head.

I thought I was so grown-up and so cool for having kissed a boy.

"That sounds terrible." Edward says, getting the chills.

I nod.

"So when did you figure out you were doing it wrong?" he asked. "You obviously know how to it now." He added quietly to himself. I smirk but don't comment on it.

"Nope, no more questions from you. I talked about myself to damn much already, it's your turn." I say, wagging my finger at him.

"But your stories are so fascinating." He wines.

"No buts Edward. Now tell me, what is your favorite color?" I start with something simple.

"Brown" he says sneaking a glance at me before looking at the road.

"Why?" I asked

"I like its warmth and depth." Edward answers.

"What is yours?" he asked.

"Nope." I say shaking my head.

"Were you born here?" I asked.

"No, I was born in Chicago, traveled around the country until my father left the military and moved to Forks when I was 13." He says, messing with the radio and when he found a station he lowered the volume.

"So you followed your dad's footsteps?" I ask, hoping I didn't hit a sore subject.

Some people don't like to talk about their time in the military.

"Something like that." He says frowning and I see a wrinkle formed on his forehead so I ask another question.

"Have you ever sneezed and farted at the same time?" I ask looking at his face.

Edward snorts and I feel better. Edward shouldn't be sad.

"What kind of question is that Bella?" He asked shaking his head chuckling.

"Have you?" I ask, smirking, I don't think he is going to tell me. He is a gentleman after all.

"Next question." He says giving me a look. I roll my eyes at him.

"Don't roll your eyes; they are going to get stuck inside your head." Edward scolds.

I laugh. Renée used to tell me that when I was younger. It scared me to death; I thought my eyes were going to roll inside my head and get stuck while I slept.

"What is your full name?" I asked. I have always been fascinated by middle names.

"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen" he says peering at me from the corner of his eye.

I sit sideways with my back against the door and start to gawk his face. I quint my eyes to better see him.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" Edward asks, looking from me and the road.

I don't answer and keep staring.

Part of me is seeing if his name compliment him, another part of me just wants to stare and the evil part of me just wants to make him squirm a bit.

"Bella" Edward calls me after I stare at his face for a full 5 minutes.

"I approve." I say before sitting back right, fixing the seat belt.

"You approve what?" he asked.

"Your name, it matches you." I say looking at him with an approving grin.

"I didn't know I needed approve." He says to himself scratching the back of his neck.

I study him curiously.

"Edward, am I annoying you?" I ask tilting my head.

"What?" he asked his eyes snap to mine before looking back at the road.

"Am I overwhelming you?" I ask. I watch as he frowns

"I can be overbearing at times. You seemed like you are not used to someone like me." I tell him.

Edward seems quite, soft-spoken and polite, where I am loud and curse like a sailor and not afraid to throw a punch.

"You definitely keep me on my toes but I like it, it's fun. You're right about you being different but change is good, right?" he asks looking at me with wrinkles on his forehead.

I smile and nod. I have to agree.

We are opposites.

Despite it all, I like being in his company. I find it refreshing. If he was anyone else I might have found him boring and dull, but it's the opposite. I like that he scolds me for my language.

Plus, he seems to have endless patience. He takes everything I throw at him in stride.

"Fucken right Edward!" I say slapping my hand against my knee. The matter settled.

Edward smiles and rubs his right temple.

"Language Ms. Swan" he says shooting me a fake glare. I smirk.

I turn my head to the window and Edward turned up the volume.

"Do you have an iPod?" I asked

"It's in the glove box." He says looking at me peculiarly.

I get his iPod and plug it in, I am very curious in his taste of music.

It can't be bad; he did recognized Jimi after all. Let's see what the last song he was listening to was.

"Clair De Lune" I say not entirely surprise but smile because it is a beautiful song.

"You know Debussy?" Edward asks lifting an eyebrow.

"No, but I do know my movies. This one came out in Ocean's 11, in the end where everyone is watching the water show thing." I say scrolling down his playlist.

"Great movie, it's a favorite of my father's and mine." Edward says, exiting the freeway and entering Forks.

"What's the speed limit here?" I ask looking around for the sign but can't see it.

"40, when you get to the center of the town the speed is 25 but on the edges is 40." Edward explains. I nod.

"Savages had to be the worst movie I have seen." I tell him as I watch as more houses are beginning to show.

Edward chuckles.

"You do that a lot, you know. You jump from one thing to another." Edward says as he turns to our street.

"No I don't." I denied.

"Bella, how is the speed limit related to the fact the Savages was a terrible movie?" Edward asked him.

I smile.

"Well, first I thought of the speed limit and thought how 40 mph is pretty fast, and then I looked out the window to the ground. It seemed like we could go faster, then I started thinking how cool it would be to go really fast and travel through time." I start explaining, Edward nods following along.

"But who can? Then I thought 'Hey, the new X-Men movie is going to travel through time'. Then I thought of Jennifer Lawrence being Mystic. Did you know she was offered the role of O, the girl from Savages?" I ask Edward, he shakes his head and motions for me to continue.

"Well, she was, anyways then I thought, 'Thank god because that movie was horrible.'" I finish explaining.

"Pretty simple stuff." I tell him.

"You thought of all that in mere seconds?" he asked in disbelieve. I blush.

"I like it." He adds smiling, I smile too.

Edward pulls up to his house and cuts off the engine, I look to my house to check of cars but the driveway is still empty.

"Thanks for the food Edward." I tell him wiggling the box between us.

"Thanks for the conversation Bella." He says smiling before he gets out the car.

I really don't know what to do so I stand next to the passenger door.

"Would you like to sit on the lawn chairs?" Edward asks, pointing at the chairs in front of his yard.

"Sure." I say.

Friends do things like this, right?

Once I take a sit Edward goes inside to get water for us and I dig with my purse for my phone.

No messages. Looks like I am not missed by anyone. I have been here for like a week and Tanya still hasn't texted me.

No emails, Skype, nothing. I frown, why is she ignoring me?

"What's with the frown?" Edward asks when he sits and gives me the water.

"Not important. Hey Edward, I have told you my embarrassing first kiss, what about yours?" I asked. I have wondered since Port Angeles.

Edward blushes. Now I have to know.

"I don't kiss and tell." He says messing with the bottle cap.

"Don't give me that shit, I told you mine." I whine. Edward shoots me a look.

"Sorry. Please Edward. I won't laugh or mock." I tell him.

I started begging until he cracked.

"Fine, but don't make a big deal out of it, ok?" he asked blushing harder.

I nod and scoot closer on my chair.

This is going to be good.

"Who was your first kiss Edward?" I ask looking at his face.

"You" he says looking at me in the eyes.

I am about to start laughing, thinking it was a joke but his lips don't even twitch.

He is dead serious.

I swallow hard.

Holy fuck.

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**There you have it.**

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**Until next time.**

**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7**


	9. Chapter 9: Birthdays And Limits

**Author's Note: Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down**

**Sorry for the delay but I was vacationing at my beloved Los Angeles this week. **

**Quick Points: thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I read every one of them and try to message back if I can.**

**Also my apologies to any petrol-heads for the last chapter, I was thinking of a Ferrari 458 Spider and the Aston DB9 and got them confused. Thanks to 'Guest' for pointing that out, I changed it already.**

**And also I moved Bella's birthday a few months farther, it goes better with the story.**

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**This chapter is not Beta'd **

**Read&amp;Review**

**I won't keep you up any longer.**

**I own nothing, these are SM characters.**

**See you at the bottom.**

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_Previously on Hold Me Down:_

"_Who was your first kiss Edward?" I ask looking at his face._

"_You" he says looking at me in the eyes._

_I am about to start laughing, thinking it was a joke but his lips don't even twitch._

_He is dead serious._

_I swallow hard._

_Holy fuck._

_._

_._

_._

I don't move a muscle.

How is this possible? Edward had to have lived under a rock to not kiss anyone. I mean, look at him. He is gorgeous. I know he would not have any problem kissing anyone of his choice.

Edward has a blank face and looks at my reaction

How is this possible?!

"How can you not… you were… high school… hormones…" I babbled not making any sense. Edward's eyebrows draw together has he tries to understand.

I sit back and let out a deep sigh as I rub my face with both hands.

"How?" I asked pushing my bangs out of my way and watch from the corner of my eye that they stick out all over the place.

"Well, when I was younger I developed a severe sickness." He says looking down at his hand.

I scoot closer to the edge of the chair.

"OK, maybe sickness is not the correct term. I was born without an immune system. As you can imagine, I was defenseless against everything, so I was forced to live in a bubble all my life." Edward says shaking his head sadly.

My eyes go wide and my mouth drops.

I can't believe it!

"Bubble Boy?!" I yell.

Edward hides his mouth with his hand. His eyes wrinkle a bit as he looks down.

"You liar! I can't believe you tricked me!" I shout standing up in a rush and pointing at him.

Edward throws his head back and laughs.

Oh my god! I fell for it!

My cheeks flush and I flop down on the chair.

"You should have seen the look on your face." Edward says between his laughter.

I fold my arms over my chest and try not to laugh.

"It's not funny Edward." I whine shoving his knee.

"Come on Bella. Did you really think I've never kissed anyone?" Edward asked with an amused look on his face, still chuckling.

"How was I supposed to know?!" I yell, trying to defend myself.

Edward shakes his head, smirking.

"Ohh Bella, you are too easy." Edward says before taking a drink of his water.

"You suck." I say leaning back against the chair.

Fucken shit, he almost gave me a heart-attack.

Edward says I'm full of surprises but he is too. I have to start watching my footing with him.

77777777777777777777777777777777777777

5 Months Later.

"You're sure? You said in 3 months but canceled." Jacob says over the phone.

"Yes, I'm positive. I have reserved my plane ticket already." I tell him as I dig through the boxes on the corner of my room.

"I am so excited! I have planned this for months; everything is going to be perfect!" Jacob says squealing, hurting my ears.

I roll my eyes. He is so dramatic sometimes.

"I am sure you have Jacob. Hey, have you heard from Tanya?" I asked standing up and biting my thumb nail.

"What you do mean?" Jacob asks.

"I haven't talked to her since I moved here. Is something going on, is she mad at me?" I ask. Anxiously feels my chest. Tanya is important, something is happening and I don't even know what.

"No Bella sorry. She started seeing a guy, if it helps." He offers.

A guy, is she ditching me for a guy?

"How do you know? I asked.

"Sam saw her and a guy at the Olive Garden you two always used to go, remember?" Jacob asks.

I frown.

"Of course I remember Jacob." I tell him. I can't believe Tanya has ditched me over some guy.

Tanya has been known to go MIA for a day or two but almost 6 fucken months? This is ridiculous.

"So, did you find the necklace?" Jacob asked.

"Let me look for it." I say returning back to the boxes.

Yes that's right. I have lived in this miserable town for 5, almost 6 months already and I still haven't unpacked.

My family have seemed to have found their footing, Emmett especially feels right at home. He started school a couple of months ago and loves it. He and Rosalie seemed to have gotten a lot closer too. I got to talk to her more and she seems nice enough so I don't glare at her when I see her and Emmett together. Well, I don't glare as much.

Jasper and Alice are good too. Alice found a job at a local Subway and Jasper works with Charlie at the restaurant. Aunt Sue offered me a job as a waitress but I turned it down, at least for the time being. I can't leave Renée alone.

Renée and Charlie have formed a great friendship with Esme and Carlisle, not that I blame them. Esme and Carlisle are great. I have learned how witty and fun Carlisle is and how he seems to keep up with Esme, which I didn't think it was possible. Esme is a riot.

What makes things so amusing is how Renée and Esme like to team up together against Charlie and Carlisle. Edward and I love to watch how Charlie and Carlisle try to dig themselves out their holes but always seem to dig themselves deeper and in the end doing whatever the women want.

Then there is Edward and me.

Edward is a ray of sunshine on my cloudy life. It's crazy how much his company make me smile and makes me feel not so homesick.

Since that day we decided to be friends, we have been inseparable. At the beginning Renée and Esme kept asking when were we going on the first date but since then they have stop asking but still give us looks, Edward and I just roll our eyes at them.

I am so grateful for his friendship, more than he will ever know.

I have learned so much of him, and he has of me. I love spending my time with him.

I did find out that there is a community college but I decided to take a break and help Renée this year.

That meant I had a lot of time to be with Edward, especially when everyone is busy with work or school.

I asked Edward why he doesn't work or go to school, he simply said he doesn't need to and I didn't press. Better for me anyways, what better company than Edward?

But lately Edward and I have gotten into a lot of disagreements, and it is always the same, Los Angeles.

I have been pushing Edward away more and more. I know I am hurting him but I don't know how to stop; I don't know how much more he can take.

The good thing is that Edward and I always seem to bounce back, plus we haven't had an argument in 3 weeks.

I hear a knock on my door and I smile.

No one but Edward knocks my door. My brothers should really take note.

I walk to the door and open it.

"Hey Bubble Boy." I tell him. He smirks and walks to my three-sided window, he kneels on my bench and he opens the curtains before he turns and sits.

He always does that. I don't like my curtains open, not liking the green but I let him.

"Edward is there?" Jacob asks when he hears me greet Edward.

"Yeah, just came in." I tell him before going back to digging through the box

"Bella, you shouldn't let him into your room, he is a stranger." Jacob says. I can hear the displeasure in his voice.

I straighten up and sigh, running my fingers with my bangs, causing them all to stand in all direction. Edward draws his eyebrows together and looks at me; I wave my hand and shake my head trying to sooth his worry.

"Jacob, I really don't want to start with you, we have talked about this way too much." I tell him.

When Edward hears the name Jacob, he frowns.

Edward and Jacob don't get along, which is fucken stupid because they don't even know each other.

"How are you going to defend someone you know for only 5 months, where I have known you for years? I am only looking out for you!" Jacob yells.

Fucken great, we are going there, again.

"Jesus Jacob, calm the fuck down. I appreciate you looking out for me but it's pretty hard when I'm two states away, don't know think? You are not here to pass judgments so don't. I know what I am doing; I am a big girl so stop now before you piss me off." I warn and take a quick peak at Edward. I don't want him to know why I am fighting with Jacob.

"Whatever Bella, I got to go." He says before hanging up on me.

My eyes start to water but I blink the tears away. Jacob is being unreasonable.

I drop my phone into the box, forgetting what I was looking for and flop on the bed.

"Fuck my life." I say but the bed muffled my words and Edward didn't hear me.

I hear Edward shift on the bench and I turn my head towards his direction and look at him.

"You're alright?" he asked. I smile and nod, causing me to rub the side of my head against the bed.

"Why do you talk to him if all you guys do is fight?" Edward asks.

I groan and hide my face on the blanket, not Edward too.

I suddenly remembered what I was going to ask him when I saw him.

"How come you never told me that I met you on your birthday?" I ask him as I prop my arms in front of me and place my chin on my hands, looking at Edward with an eyebrow raised.

Edward smiles shyly and rubs the back of his neck.

"How you know about that?" he asks.

I give him a pointed look.

"My mother." He says, answering his question.

"I'm surprise Esme didn't say anything at your party." I tell him and watch in satisfaction as he squirms around the bench.

"I could have bought you a gift." I tell him with a wink.

Edward chuckles.

"My mother was already going to do a party for my return so I told her to do something simple for my birthday, just the 4 of us and that she would not mention anything on the party the next day.

I nod half listening as I thought of a plan.

"Bella, whatever you are thinking, no!" Edward says in a stern voice.

I smile as I get up and put my shoes on.

"Let's go." I tell him.

"Are you sure? I can wait for my mom if you have things to do." Edward says as he watches me rummage around for my purse and phone.

"I told you I want to." I say as I look under the bed but don't find it. I grab my glasses and slip them on.

"Edward, have you seen…" I start but he interrupts me.

"It's on the box." He says pointing at the box I was digging through earlier.

"Right." I say remembering I threw it there after Jacob hung up on me.

"Let's go." I tell him and head downstairs.

"Mom!" I call out.

"In here." She calls out from the kitchen.

"Where are you two going?" She asked as soon as she saw us.

Renée likes Edward so much I could probably tell her I'm going cross-country with him and she would be ok with it.

I shake my head, I'm pretty sure Esme and Renée are already planning the wedding.

"Edward is house hunting." I tell her as Edward takes a seat and I look at the fridge for a snake before we go.

"Poor Esme, she is still heartbroken about it." Renée tells Edward before she looks at me.

"I would be too if my babies left." She tells me looking sad. I smile and give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Mom I told you already. You are stuck with me." I tell her and Edward smiles.

"Believe me, I know she is sad but I am ready to have my own place." Edward tells Renée. She nods.

I offer Edward a banana which he takes.

"Don't be too late; Esme and I are making dinner." She calls out.

"We won't." Edward answers.

Once we get in the car Edward heads to the other side of town, which is only like 10 minutes away.

"Are you renting or buying?" I ask him when I see all the housing coming up. One thing I will admit is that Forks has beautiful houses.

"Buying, I think. The houses are pretty cheap here and it's the right time but I am keeping my options open." Edward says as he parks behind a pickup. That's another thing about Forks. Everyone seems to drive a pickup.

"Edward, long time no see, how are you?" I hear a woman as she makes her way over to us.

"Irina. I'm good, thanks. This is Bella." Edward says introducing us after he shook her hand.

Irina smiles at me and shakes my hand.

"Nice to meet you Bella, I am quite certain your new here, right?" She asks.

"Pleasure to meet you too Irina and yes I'm new." I tell her.

She frowns.

"Sorry to hear that. You should call me for lunch; I know how lonely this place is." She says handing me her card.

I was taken aback by her forwardness but she seems nice. Plus she seems to hate Forks like me.

"I will definitely call you." I tell her before putting it on my purse.

"Perfect. It would be nice to talk to someone my age for a change." She says smiling.

"Edward, you can come along if you want." Irina tells him with a teasing smile.

"Thanks for the invite." Edward says rolling his eyes.

"Come on. This is the first one I want to show you." Irina says walking ahead of us.

"I like her." I tell Edward as we follow behind her, Edward agrees.

Irina then proceeds to give us the details of the house. I only half listened as we walked around.

"I'll let you guys get a feel for it while I make a quick phone call outside." Irina says before stepping outside already dialing on her phone.

"What do you think?" I ask Edward as we walk for the living room to the kitchen.

"I don't know." He says leaning against the wall.

"What do you think?" he asks me.

I make a face.

"I don't like the fact that the kitchen is this small, I mean, it doesn't have a dining room and the biggest table you can fit here is probably a two sitter." I say looking around.

"It would be good if you were renting but if you want to buy, I think maybe something a little bigger." I tell him.

"Ok, let's go tell Irina that this one is a no." he says walking to the front door.

I grab his arm and turn him around.

"Edward chose something that you like, forget my opinion. You are going to be the one living in it, not me." I say but Edward smiles.

"I don't like it either and I agree with you, plus I brought you here for your opinion too." He says

And so for the rest of the afternoon, we saw 3 more houses. It was pretty excited stuff.

I think I was more excited than Edward.

"So what did you think of the houses?" Irina asked.

We are outside of the last house we saw and I think this one is my favorite.

The house has a huge front and back yard. It has a beautiful water fountain in the front with pretty rock placement all over and big colorful plants, it has two driveways; one that curves like an upside down U in the front of the house and the other that breaks at the edge and leads to the garage. It has a small but pretty garden with different array of flowers and fruit trees on the edge of the garden that act like a fence, and because the house is an L shape with the garden in the middle, it gives the garden a nice cozy and intimate feel.

The inside is just as big. It has a dining room with a big crystal chandelier and a big kitchen with a connecting laundry room that also connects to the garage. Two living rooms with a fireplace in one and a slide door that leads to the garden in the other. Two big bedrooms that share the hallway bathroom, and then there is the master bedroom.

The master bedroom is to the left of the house and it's gigantic. A California King bed can fit there and still have plenty of room. It has a walk-in closet with big mirrors around and even a small build-in bench in the middle of the closet.

My absolute favorite part of the bathroom is the two sinks with huge mirrors, the shower with a lot of different settings, and the amazing tube. It is big even for two people and deep enough for bubble baths.

I even laid on it.

"I really like this one." Edward says pointing at the house before looking at me with an eyebrow raised.

I smile and nod my head enthusiastically.

"I know what you mean, this own is one of my favorites too." Irina agrees.

"Has there been an offer on it?" I ask Irina.

"I have shown it to a few people but no offer yet." She tells me and Edward.

I look at Edward. This is a big decision.

"Let me get back to you next week. I need to think things through." Edward says at last.

"Perfect. You have my number. Hopefully we can make something happen." Irina says shaking Edward's hand then turns to me.

"I'll be expecting your call Bella." She says before shaking my hand too and walking to her car.

Edward leans against the Volvo and stares at the house.

I think he is really considering buying it.

But then it sinks in.

Edward won't be my neighbor anymore. I frown; I don't want Edward to go.

I stand next to him and push his arm gently with my shoulder.

"What are you thinking?" I ask him as I stare at his profile.

"I really like this house." He says still staring at it.

"I like it too." I tell him. He looks down at me.

"Thank you for coming." He says with a sincere smile. I suddenly have the strong urge to caress his face so I shove my hands inside the pockets of my jeans.

"I'm glad you invited me." I tell him with a smile.

Looking at Edward like this, it would be so easy to fall for him.

It would be as easy as just leaning in to him and tasting his lips again. When he looks at me like this, I can see the line of friendship blurring and my plans dissolving.

During this past 5 months Edward has been my rock, the person that has helped me out the most. I have come to depend on him, on his smile, so much that it scares me. Even now as we walked through the house, I couldn't help but picture me in the garden as Edward sat next to me. Or me on the kitchen attempting to cook but failing miserably, and Edward would just smile and order pizza.

It is so easy to picture my life with Edward, but even as I picture it, warning signs flash on my mind.

If I would ask Edward to move to Los Angeles with me, would he do it?

Am I that selfish as to ask?

I look back at the house, breaking our connection.

I can't ask Edward something like that. It wouldn't be fair to him or to me and that will only result in him resenting me in the end.

No. I can't have anything more than friendship with him, even if it kills me.

"Well buy it or not, it's on you." I tell him. The thought of leaving Edward, creates a lump on my throat. And so I pick a fight.

"What are you getting at?" he asks frowning. He turns his body and faces me.

"Have you looked into other places like Port Angeles, or even Seattle? My point is that you don't have to settle for Forks." I tell him.

Why does he have to pick Forks?

Edward folds his arms across his chest and stares into my eyes.

"What makes you think I am settling?" he asks his frown still in place. I shrink back a little before I can stop myself.

"You're not?" I ask gaining back my backbone and standing straighter looking confident even if I am a nervous mess inside.

"Tell me Bella, where am I supposed to go, Los Angeles?" Edward asks, looking upset.

I shrug my shoulders.

This whole thing is pissing me off. I should have kept my mouth shut but I can't seem to do that when it comes to Edward.

This is supposed to be an exciting time for him and I am ruining it, like always.

"You know what; forget I ever said anything." I tell him, walking passed him and going to the passenger door.

I try opening the door but Edward stops me.

"No, I want to talk about this." He says, trapping me against the door and the side mirror.

"What is going on?" he asked, looking to have calmed down.

"Nothing Edward." I say stubbornly as I stare at his shirt.

"Bella I don't know what you want me to tell you. I love Forks. I am not settling. Just the opposite, I am starting my life. I understand you don't like it here but I do. Someday I am going to meet someone who will see this, see what I have to offer." He says pointing at himself and then to the beautiful house before looking back at me.

"And she will take it, she would be happy with it. Someone who would be fulfilled with what I have to give. It might not be enough to some but it is all I have, it is all the love I have." Edward says looking into my eyes.

I feel like I just got punched in the stomach.

We have discussed Los Angeles plenty of times and even argued but he has always been neutral, as far as his feeling about the whole thing go. Edward has never told me his views of it, until now.

We are on thin ice now.

My eyes start to water and Edward becomes blurry.

Is this what Edward thought about all this time?

Am I the one that made him feel like this?

Edward has been wearing his heart on his sleeve all this time and I do nothing but stomp on it every chance I get.

"Bella, I didn't tell you this to make you upset." Edward says, gently grabbing my chin and making me look at him.

"I just want you to know where my stance is. Forks is my home and I am staying here, just like you say Los Angeles is your home. But that doesn't mean I don't value your friendship any less. I appreciate your friendship. I respect your choices and I won't try to change your mind, I hope do the same with me." He says.

I nod, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment before I clear my throat.

"We better go." I tell him. Edward looks at me for a long time before sighing and letting me open the door.

I feel so ashamed and guilty for, as indirectly as it was, asking him to leave Forks and for making him feel like he is unworthy. All I want to do is be alone so I can cry and beat myself up.

Edward starts the car and drives to the house.

Was I really blind and didn't see what I was doing to Edward?

"Bella, are you alright?" Edward asks me quietly after he shut off the engine in front of his house.

"Are you, Edward?" I ask.

"Bella don't do that. I am fine. Really, stop worrying about me. I am a big boy; I know what I am doing." He says smiling. I smile too, remembering I told Jacob that earlier today.

"I'll see you later then." I tell him before getting out the car.

"Ok Bella." Edward says so quietly, I almost missed it.

I am so stupid.

I practically run to the house and to my room.

I lock the door and make my way to the window to shut the curtains but stop myself.

Forks is really not that bad.

Instead of shutting the curtains like I always do, I take a sit and lean my head to the window and watch the rain and the green.

How can Edward think he is not worth it?

"Because I make him feel like that, my obsession with Los Angeles is not letting me see what is in front of you." I say to myself.

What do I do?

I am so confused, I need Tanya.

I hear my notification tone but don't reach for my phone and continue to look out the window.

It is always like this. I lash out at Edward for things that I am afraid of and Edward tries to bring me back.

Fuck, sometimes I feel like I do it on purpose, always pushing him.

I sigh, why does Edward put up with me?

I must have fallen asleep because a knock wakes me up.

I wake up groggy and disoriented; I look around trying to get my bearings. The sky has darkened and my muscles are aching for being in the same position all this time.

I uncurled and start rotating all my sore muscles, cracking my back as I stretch. Someone knocks on my door again.

I stand and look at myself in the mirror as I walk to the door.

I have bags under my eyes and I have the imprint of the window still on my left cheek. Long red lines cover my face, from my ears to the side of my mouth and nose. I rub my face, trying to get rid of the marks.

My hair is a disaster, now that's what I call bed hair.

I crack a smile rolling my eyes at myself and unlock the door before opening it.

"Hey, sleepy-head" Edward greets when he sees me.

I smile sheepishly and try to subtlety fix the rat nest on top of my head.

"Nice hair." Edward says noticing.

Edward is the same as always, like nothing very happened. I was really worried about things being different between us but it doesn't seem like it is.

Out of sight, out of mind I guess.

I'm relieved that we don't have to talk about it anymore.

I grin. I have my friend back.

"What's up?" I ask him walking to my desk and picking up a brush to untangle my hair.

"Dinner is ready and you weren't answering your phone. So I bravely volunteered to come get you." Edward says sitting down on the bench.

I snort.

"Brave indeed." I say as I brush quickly before braiding my hair into a simple braid on the back of my neck.

"I came here expecting the worse but instead I hear you snoring." Edward says smirking.

My eyes open wide and my cheeks flush.

I have been told I snore, a lot.

Edward laughs when he sees my reaction.

"Whatever, let's go." I tell him leaving him behind as I head downstairs.

"Finally, we are starving here!" Emmett says when he sees me.

"You are always starving." I mumbled taking at seat next to Rosalie who smile when she sees me. I smile back.

Edward takes a seat across from me and we all dig in.

Dinner with the Cullen's is always fun. Esme and Renée seemed to be in sync, feeding off from each other, causing Carlisle and Charlie to squirm in their chairs.

Personally, I think they like it.

Currently, Rosalie is telling about the time she pulled a prank on Jessica that has me laughing. Rosalie is an evil genius. I lean in close to her.

"You need to help me with some pranks I'm planning for my dear brother." I tell her quietly so Emmett can't hear. She grins.

"Definitely, and after Emmett, we'll get Edward." She says with a wicked grin.

"Hell yes!" I whisper-yell at her.

We start giggling like school girls.

I like Rosalie.

"What are you two giggling about?" Edward asks across the table.

"Don't be nosy, it's girl-talk." I answer flashing Edward a smirk.

"Bella, Renée tells me you are not going to be here for your birthday?" Esme asks grabbing my attention.

"Birthday, when is your birthday?" Edward asks before I can answer Esme.

"On Saturday." I tell Edward before looking back at Esme.

"Yeah, I am flying to Los Angeles tomorrow night. I'm very excited." I tell her with a grin.

"What are you doing?" she asks.

"I'm not sure, Jacob has planned everything, and he says it is a surprise." I say animated.

I am sure it is going to be a night I won't forget.

I only turn 21 once, and I am planning on enjoying it completely.

"Who is Jacob?" She asks looking at Edward quickly before looking back at me.

I frown, why is she giving Edward looks. I look at his direction and he does not look happy.

I look back at Esme, not feeling so excited.

"He is my best friend." I tell her.

"I hope you take pictures and have lots of fun." She smiles looking back at Edward before going back to Renée and picking up where they left off.

For the rest of the night, Edward is quiet and I am filled with anxiety.

"Mrs. Swan, Mr. Swan, thank you for a wonderful dinner but I really must get going, I have an early morning tomorrow." Edward says as soon as the dinner was over.

"No problem and I told you already, it's Renée and Charlie." Renée says.

Edward just smiles before giving everyone a quick goodbye and heading outside.

I quickly come up with some bullshit excuse about being tired and sneaked out through the back door and go after Edward.

When I get to Edward's house I don't seen any lights on so I head to the patio.

"I thought you had an early morning?" I ask when I see him sitting on the folded chair in the dark.

"Why didn't you tell me you are leaving tomorrow?" he asks.

"Are you upset with me?" I ask, not understanding.

What is his deal?

"Don't you think I would have liked to know you are leaving?" he asks standing up and walking towards me until he is standing in front of me.

"I was going to tell you tomorrow, what is going on with you?" I ask, shifting my weight to my right foot.

"Don't you realize how dangerous it is for you to go over there, especially to celebrate your 21st and alone?" Edward asks, looking upset.

"So many things can happen to you." He says running his hand through his hair.

I frown.

"I won't be alone; Jacob and Tanya will be with me." I say. I hope Tanya will be there.

"Yeah, Jacob that hangs up on you when he gets angry and Tanya that hasn't contacted you since you got here, what happens if you argue with Jacob and he decides to leave you out there somewhere, or if Tanya doesn't even show?" he asks pulling the ends of his hair.

I fold my arms across my chest.

"I have lived there all my life, nothing is going to happen that I can't take care of and you don't know Jacob or Tanya so don't say shit you don't understand." I tell him, feeling very annoyed.

Edward is crossing lines here, I will not let him bad mouth Jacob or Tanya, just like I don't let Jacob bad mouth Edward.

"Can't you see that this trip is a bad idea? I'm worried." Edward says looking into my eyes.

"I don't think you will be safe there, especially with your friends." Edward adds.

That does it. Now I am angry.

"I don't ever recall asking for your permission Edward. You have no right bad mouthing Jacob or Tanya. They love me and they will never do anything to harm me. I am going. You are not going to stop me." I tell him before walking away, heading for the house.

Edward grabs my arm, stopping me.

"Why are you being so stubborn, I am only looking out for you." Edward says looking very frustrated.

"No one asked you to Edward. Those responsibilities don't belong to you, you are not my boyfriend, we are just friends. Stop acting like you have rights over me." The words come out before I can take them back.

Edward looks stunned and takes a step back like if I slapped him.

"You're right, we are nothing. Have a safe trip Bella." Edward says quietly before turning around and heading for the kitchen door.

Now is my turn to grab his arm and stop him.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I should have never…" he doesn't let me finish.

"No, you are right. What the fuck was I thinking, worrying about you. I am not your boyfriend; I have no right to say anything to you. Now I really need sleep, good night." Edward says with a detach expression on his face before pulling his arm out of my grasp and walking away.

I have never heard Edward curse and I know it is my fault.

"Edward." I call out, my eyes stinging.

He stopped but didn't turn around.

"Just know that I wanted to be that for you Bella. I have tried everything to make you see pass your old life and see what was in front of you. But you didn't let me. I am tired of doing everything I can, being any one you wanted me to be and it was still not enough for you." Edward says quietly before continuing to walk to the door and stepping inside without looking back.

I don't move from my spot.

I really fucked up now.

A sob breaks out from my throat.

I think I have finally pushed Edward too far.

* * *

**There you have it.**

**Loved it, hate it?**

**A lot of things are going on, what do you guys think?**

**Is Edward done with Bella? Why does Jacob hate Edward?**

**Please review it just takes a second, I want to make sure I am doing a good job or not.**

**Questions, comments or complaints are welcomed through review.**

**Next chapter will have lots of surprises.**

**Favorite/Follow this little story, you know you want to. **

**Until next time.**

**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7**


	10. Chapter 10:Airports And Surprises

**Author's Note: Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down.**

**I am super excited for these couple of chaps I've been working on.**

**Angst is coming your way so prepare yourself.**

**Since the story jumped 5 months, there will be flashbacks and they will be in **_Italic_** so watch out for those.**

**Anyhow, it is not Beta'd and no matter how much I reread, I always miss something.**

**I won't keep you up any longer**

* * *

**Read&amp;Review**

**I own nothing, these are SM characters.**

**See you at the bottom. **

* * *

Previously on Hold Me Down:

"Edward." I call out, my eyes stinging.

He stopped but didn't turn around.

"Just know that I wanted to be that for you Bella. I have tried everything to make you see pass your old life and see what was in front of you. But you didn't let me. I am tired of doing everything I can, being any one you wanted me to be and it was still not enough for you." Edward says quietly before continuing to walk to the door and stepping inside without looking back at me.

I don't move from my spot.

I really fucked up now.

A sob breaks out from my throat.

I think I have finally pushed Edward too far.

.

.

.

I keep staring at the door, waiting for Edward to come out and tell me that things are ok, that he forgives me.

But as the rain rages on, Edward doesn't come out.

I bring my arms around, trying to hold myself together and eventually tear my eyes away from the door and head for my house.

I have just ruined everything.

My vision is so blurred I have to place my left hand on the side of Edward's house to help guide my way.

Another sob threatens to escape but I hold it down. I will not break down here.

I run my right hand over my eyes, clearing some of my tears and make it to the back of my house without being noticed.

I check the back window before I soundlessly open the door and sneak back in.

I quickly make my way over to the laundry room to get rid of the wet clothes. I strip out of them and throw them in the dryer. I grab Emmett's red basketball shorts and a grey hoodie I spot on top of the pile of clean clothes.

As soon as I slip on the hoodie I remembered who it belongs to...

"_Put it on Bella." Edward says holding it out for me._

_I shake my head stubbornly._

"_I told you already Edward, I'm not cold." I say, holding back my shivers._

_I'm fucken freezing my tits off._

"_Bella, I can see you shaking for here, just put on the damn sweater." Edward says shoving it to my hands._

"_No Edward, you wear it, you'll get cold." I tell him. He shouldn't freeze just because I was lazy and didn't bring my own sweater._

"_Bella, if you don't put it on, I'll throw it in the trash and we'll both freeze. Take it." He says, practically putting it on me. _

"_You are really bossy, you know that?" I ask, snatching the hoodie out of his hands and slip it on._

_God, it is so warm and it smells just like him._

_I check the time. We still have an hour to go before the movie starts and the line already curves around the building corner._

_We can't afford to leave and lose our spots but I can't let Edward freeze while I get warm either._

"_Come here." I tell Edward, opening my arms._

"_What are you going?" he asks looking nervous._

"_What does it look like I am doing? I'm going to keep you warm." I tell him in an obvious tone._

_When Edward doesn't move I roll my eyes and step towards him, hugging his middle tightly._

_I bury my face on his chest and snuggle deeper into a stiff Edward._

_When Edward finally relaxes, he rests his head on top of mine and wraps his arms around me._

_I could hear Edward's heart beat rapidly like mine and that made me smile…_

That unexpected flashback brings a smile to my face. I bring the hood over my head.

Edward is just a worrier, even back then.

My smile drops and my mouth starts to tremble while tears start filling my eyes.

Edward has always cared.

I wipe my tears and head upstairs.

Once I get to my room unseen, I lock the door and angrily walk to the window and yank the curtains close, covering Forks.

I turn off all the light and finally give myself over to the tears.

I curl myself into a ball and muffle my sobs with the blanket.

Why do I keep hurting Edward?

Why is it that the first person who has ever treated me like a human being has to be the one that I hurt the most?

Is there something wrong with me?

Do I get some sick subconscious pleasure out of hurting him?

Maybe Edward is better off without me.

This relationship can't be healthy.

It's damaging, and if I really do care for him, then I have to let him go.

That thought causes me to cry even harder.

I cry until sleep finally takes me.

"_I had all my classes already. Now I have to start all over again." I whine._

"_I can't wait to go back to LA." I added._

_Edward and I are hanging out in his room after he took me to the community college to look for the classes I needed. They don't have all of them and the ones they do are full or need requirements I don't have._

_For the entire ride back I have done nothing but complain and moan about what a shitty place Forks is until Edward had enough._

_And so we are arguing, again. Well, more like me complaining and Edward calling out my shit._

"_Bella there are other things you could do. There are online classes or just wait for next semester." Edward says running his fingers through his hair._

"_Why are you getting mad? I'm the one who should be upset." I tell him._

_Lately, every time Los Angeles and Forks are in discussion, Edward has been getting irritated._

"_Because Bella, you are not even trying. I get it. You don't like it here but that shouldn't stop you from living you're life. Every time you hit a bump on the road you just give up. You are not fighting." Edward says with a heated look on his face._

"_I know you Bella. You are a fighter. Hell, last week you spend 6 hours on the phone with Direct TV because they accidentally cancel your HBO. You didn't stop until they got you a $50 gift card, a discount on your bill and a personal apology for the manager." Edward says smiling at the last part._

_I laughed and blush a little._

_Edward gets up from the chair he was sitting on and sits next to me on the bed, leaning against the wall._

"_Don't give up Bella. Be the woman I know you are. And who knows, perhaps Los Angeles isn't as magnificent as you think it is."…_

The noise of my alarm clock wakes me up.

I lay as I think about that day.

Maybe Edward is right, maybe I am glorifying Los Angeles.

Am I giving up to quickly?

I sign, rubbing my face with my hands and sit up. I have no time to lay and ponder, I'm leaving in a few hours and I have to get ready.

Will Edward come to say goodbye?

Of course he is. I mean, that's what we do, we fight. I say stupid shit I don't mean and Edward forgives me.

We are going to act like it never happen.

I stand and start packing.

I pack light, last week Aunt Sue gifted me $500 as an early present so if I need anything I can buy it there.

Edward will be here, he has to.

By the time 11:30 rolled by I was ready. I finish packing, took a quick shower and made sure all my paperwork were in order.

"Dad, you ready?" I call out. We need to get a move on and I need to see Edward before I go.

"Yea, I'll be down in a sec." he calls out from upstairs.

"I'll wait in the car." I call out.

After a lengthy goodbye from my mother, my brothers and Alice, I had my bags inside the car, threw Edward's sweater in the passenger seat and was already heading for his house.

I'm telling him I'm taking the sweater with me.

I knock the door before letting myself in.

"Hello, Edward?" I call out, looking around.

"Bella, I thought you left?" Esme says coming out of the kitchen.

She hugs me and kisses me on the cheek.

"Leaving actually, I wanted to see Edward before I go." I say.

"Is he in his room?" I ask and start heading for the stairs.

"Edward is not here Bella." Esme says looking nervous.

I stop at the bottom of the stairs before turning towards her.

"Not here, where did he go?" I ask.

Anxiety fills my chest.

"I don't know. He left early this morning." She says coming close to me.

"Did something happened, Bella?" she asked, her eyebrows drawing together, like how Edward's get.

I feel my stomach turning.

"Why, Edward said something?" I ask, my voice sounding off.

"No, the opposite actually, he was very quiet. He looked like if he was sad, maybe defeated? And when I asked him this morning if he was going wait to say goodbye to you before leaving, he said he told you last night. Are you two ok?" she asked grabbing my hand, looking worried.

My heart drops and my hands start to shake.

I force a smile.

"That's right, we did. I forgot." I say, my voice shaking so I clear my throat.

Esme looks like she wants to say something else but I speak first.

"I really need to get going, tell Carlisle bye for me." I tell her trying to get away from her as soon as possible.

I give her I quick hug before leaving.

I walked quickly to the car and get inside, strangely calmed.

I look down at my shaky fingers as I hold on tightly to the sweater.

Miraculously I don't cry.

Last night was the last straw for him.

He has given up.

I grab my phone and dial his number before I can stop myself.

It rings until it goes to voicemail; I try texting but can't come up with anything.

In the end, I do nothing.

I sit and stare at the sweater until Charlie finally comes out.

"You are all set?" Charlie asks.

"Yeah, all here." I say pointing at my carry-on bag next to my feet.

"You're alright with this? You don't have to go if you don't want to." Charlie says looking at me intently.

"I want to go, don't worry so much." I manage to say.

I am not staying. Edward doesn't want me here.

I slip on the sweater and roll down the window as Charlie takes me away from this dreadful town that I caused me nothing my trouble.

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"Remember to go to Joe's as soon as you land. He has a pocket knife and pepper-spray waiting for you." Charlie tells me with a serious face.

I nod my head and smile.

"I will." I tell him.

"Don't forget to call as soon as you land Little Chipmunk." Charlie says before hugging me tightly.

I giggle and hug him just as tightly before letting him go.

He hasn't called me Little Chipmunk in years.

"Do I still look like a chipmunk?" I ask filling my cheeks with air, just like I always did whenever he called me that when I was younger.

Charlie has always said that I looked like a chipmunk when I was born. He said I had the cutest, chubby cheeks on a baby he had ever seen.

"Always" Charlie said before pinching my right cheek, making the air escape out of my puffed out cheeks.

Just then we hear the announcement that my plane is now boarding.

We hug each other again.

"Be good Bella, no drugs and tell Jacob I have eyes on him, even if I am hundreds of miles away." Charlie says.

I laugh before picking up my bag and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Bye Daddy, see you in a few days." I say.

I watch Charlie until he disappears.

I hike my bag on my shoulder and look at my phone, hoping for any signs of Edward before I leave.

No messages, no calls.

I sigh and start walking to my terminal when I suddenly feel the familiar sensation.

My breath comes out fast and I turn, frantically search for him.

My eyes search but I can't see him. I know he can be a foot away from me and if he wanted to, I still wouldn't be able to see him.

I start feeling frustrated because I can't see him and because I'm the one who did this. But that the same time, relieved that he is here and happy that even though things are rough between us, he still comes to see me off, even if we can't have a proper goodbye.

He still cares.

My fingers start shaking as I debate what to do.

If Edward makes himself known, I won't go. I'll stay and beg for his forgiveness.

All he has to do is step out of the dark and I'll run to him without hesitation.

I can't stand the thought of not being his friend, of not being in his company.

So I stand in the middle of the waiting area, grabbing on tightly to his sweater.

But I hear the last call for my plane and he is still hidden.

I scan all the faces one last time but I don't see the one I want.

Edward knows I know he is watching me so I smile sadly so he can know that I appreciate him coming to see me even if we didn't talk.

I turn and head for my plane.

I know he is still watching.

I'm not angry he didn't show himself, I actually took comfort in knowing that he was there and in a way, said his goodbye. Either for the trip or for us, I am not sure but I won't let that bother me now.

Maybe this trip is what I need, what we both need. We have been in each other's presences for so long it might do us good to have some distance and reflect.

I know I need it.

So with a clearer head I pull his hood over my head and relax against my seat as I wait for take-off…

"_You're lying; you can't know it's me." Edward says shaking his head while licking the edges of his dripping ice-cream cone._

_It's 2 in the morning and we are sitting inside his warm car with our cold snacks._

_I texted him earlier, asking if he wanted to bust a mission and go get some Rid-Aid ice-cream I was craving. Luckily, he was awake; more like asleep until my text woke him up, and told me to meet him outside._

_Once I sneaked out my house he drove us to the 24-hour Rid-Aid across town and got some cookies'n'cream ice cream._

_I take off my left boot before shifting in my seat until my back is against the passenger door. I bend my knee, wedging my sock-covered feet sideways between my right thigh and seat so I can see him better._

"_I'm serious Edward. It is like if I have a built-in 'Edward-Radar'." I say chewing a piece of Oreo I stole from Edward's ice-cream before dipping my spoon inside my cup, looking for my Oreos._

"_Ok, tell me. How can you tell I'm watching you?" Edward asks mimicking my position before reaching out and grabbing the Oreo that I was about to put in my mouth and eats it._

_I scowl at him while he smiles_

"_It's a prickling sensation at the back of my neck, that feeling you get when the fine hairs in the back of your neck stand up on end, you know what I mean?" I ask, taking a spoon full and placing the ice-cream on the roof of my mouth._

_Edward nods, already finished with his ice-cream and bites off the cone._

"_It used to freak me out, you know. My fight or flight instincts would kick in around that time but not anymore." I say swallowing my mouth-full._

_Edward's brows draw together._

"_How does it feel now?" he asked. He finished his cone and I offered him my cup. He takes it, grabbing the spoon from my hand before dipping it in the cup, grabbing a spoon full and placing it in his mouth._

"_It feels different now, smoothing; safe." I say softly._

_Edward tilts his head to the right._

"_Why?" Edward asks._

"_Because I know it is you." I say blushing but meeting his eyes._

_Edward leans back with a huge smile on his face, I smile too even if I'm little embarrassed. _

_He takes another spoon full before passing the cup to me._

"_I still don't see how you can know it's me." Edward says with his mouth full._

_I frown._

_What can I do to prove it? Then the metaphorical light bulb lights up._

"_How about a bet?" I ask smirking before eating the last of the ice-cream and letting the spoon hang in my mouth._

_Edward smirks too. Edward never backs out from a bet._

"_Alright, how do we do it?" he asks looking excited._

_Edward is as competitive as I am and we take our bets very seriously._

"_Alright, every time I feel you watch I'll remember when and where. By the end of the mouth I'll tell you all the times and if I am right, you have to take Carlisle to a beauty supply store and he has to help you pick out a foundation for that pretty little face of yours." I say grinning wildly, mentally patting myself in the back for that stroke of genius._

_Edward's eyes go wide._

"_You can't be serious?!" he yells._

"_What, are you afraid of losing already?" I ask teasing him. _

"_No, you're on. What happens if I win?" he asks._

"_Whatever you want." I say calm as a cucumber; I am not going to lose._

"_Next time I take out the Vanquish, you can NOT ride with me." Edward says looking very smug_

_I gasp._

"_Are you that cruel Edward!?" I yell._

_He cannot do this to me!_

"_What, are you afraid of losing already?" he says copying me._

_I bite my thumb nail, feeling very nervous but I will not back down. I will win no matter what._

"_You're on Mr. Cullen." I say holding out my hand for him to shake._

"_No car ride for Ms. Swan." Edward says shaking my hand._

"_We'll see. Ohh hey, did I tell you want Emmett told me yesterday?" I ask him relaxing into the seat…_

"Ma'am, you can exit the plane now." The stewardess tells me causing me to jump.

I look around and the plane is empty. I blush before thanking the women, grabbing my bag and heading to the exit.

I have missed the entire plane ride.

The airport was super crowded, not that I am surprised, this is Los Angeles after all. It was been 5 months since I have seen this many people at once.

After I got my bags and called Renée to let her know I arrived safely I found a spot near the entrance to wait for Jacob.

Of course Edward lost the bet and he didn't like it, he even tried to cheat but at the end gave in and accepted that he lost.

The day Edward was supposed to take Carlisle to the beauty supply store I showed up unannounced and invited myself along. I was not about to miss any of it.

Naturally Edward didn't want me to go. He made up some excuse about going somewhere else until Carlisle ripped him a new one for being rude and told me I could go with them.

The entire ride I kept smirking at Edward whenever he would look at me through the rear-view mirror.

As soon as we entered the store I disappeared to give them some room. I didn't get to hear anything but I did see their faces. I silently followed them to the make-up aisle and watched as a red-faced Carlisle would hold up foundation bottles to Edward's face, trying to match his tone.

I had to cover my mouth with my hand so they couldn't hear how loud I was laughing. I was as red as Carlisle, with tears running down my cheeks.

And then there was my poor Edward. He couldn't even look at Carlisle in the eyes, rubbing the back of his neck; he looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

The ride back was dead silent. Carlisle was looking at everywhere but Edward and Edward did nothing but glare at me.

"Edward if it is alright with you, next time you need more products, bring your mother. I'm sure she is much better at this than I am." Carlisle told Edward quietly when will pulled up to their house.

I could barely contain my laughter and as soon as Carlisle left I fell on the back seat holding my sides, struggling to breathe as Edward banged his head against the steering wheel, groaning.

Best day I had, hands down.

"What is that smile for?" I hear a familiar voice.

I jump startled, dropping my bags to the floor and leap into Jacob's arms.

"Jacob, I have missed you so much!" I yelled as I wrapped my arms and legs around his middle and sat back to look at his face.

Jacob grins and grabs me under my thighs to hold me up.

"I've missed you too beautiful." He says.

Just seeing his handsome face makes me feel happy and like I've never left.

So I didn't understand why as he leaned in to give me a kiss in the mouth, I panicked and turned my head sideways so he got the corner of my mouth instead.

Jacob pulled back looking at my strangely but before he would say something I caught sight of Sam.

I jumped off Jacob and ran towards Sam and give him a tight hug.

"Sam. I am so happy to see your face." I say pulling back, grabbing his face with my hands, taking him in.

"You're a sight for sore eyes Bella." Sam says squeezing my sides, smiling.

I let him go and turn back to Jacob who is picking up my bags off the floor.

"Is Tanya with you?" I ask looking around for her.

"She is working but she should be home now. If you want I can take you there and you guys can talk." Jacob says as they lead me to the exit.

When I get outside, I stop and take in a deep breath smiling.

"I have missed this place so much." I tell Jacob when he sees me stop and asked if something was wrong.

"And it has missed you." Jacob says with a smile.

"Let's go." I say and as I link our hands together and head for Seth's car.

The entire ride Jacob and Sam filled me in on everything, from school, to gossip, to their plans for winter break.

I listen with a heavy heart because I know that I am not part of this anymore. No matter how much I try, I am not part of their lives anymore, just as much as they are not in mine.

But I suck it up; I knew coming here was going to hurt. Jacob has moved on with his life just like Sam and Tanya.

Jacob finally got an apartment he shares with Seth; he got a job and dropped out of school. That shocked the fuck out of me, but it is his choice.

Sam changed schools, and met someone.

And then there is Tanya that has been on a fuck-binge for the last 5 months.

They all seem happy, so why do I have to be so miserable?

And why does it feel like I just left home instead of returning?

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"SURPRISE!" I hear when I stepped inside Jacob's apartment.

I jump back in astonishment and look around the room as I see familiar and strange faces staring at me.

Jacob throws his arm over my shoulder and he uses the other to quiet down everyone.

"Bella, this is one of the many parties we are having in your honor." He says looking at me but says it loud enough for everyone to hear, he turned to the guests.

"So let's show Bella how we party!" he yells to the crowd causing them to cheer in approval.

This is much an awesome surprise after the shitty afternoon I had with Tanya.

After we made a quick stop at Joe's to get my 'weapons', Jacob and Sam dropped me off at Tanya's house.

I stormed over there, interrupting her with the guy and yelled how much of a terrible friend she is. I told her how disappointed I was in her, of how much I needed her, especially during the first few months I was gone and she couldn't even pick up a phone call. That not even a day went by before she completely ignored me and all for a good fuck.

I yelled and yelled until I had nothing more to say before walking out and leaving her with her mouth open and tears on her face.

Good, now she knows how I felt for the past 5 months.

Once Jacob picked me up he told me he had something to cheer me up at the apartment.

And cheer me up it did!

The tiny apartment was cramped with people but that didn't stop Jacob from pushing me around introducing me. They had a small setup at the corner for the DJ who was already bumping loud music, Sam and another guy I met, Jason pushed the furniture to the side to make room to dance.

In no time the party was at full swing and I was loving it.

Jacob's other friend David, I think, setup the liquor station at the kitchen and we made a beeline towards it.

David poured shots and passed them around.

"To Bella, who is about to turn 21 in a few hours!" Jacob yelled.

I cheered with everyone else as I down the shot.

By midnight, I was a giggling, drunk mess. I drank anything anyone sent my way, but the more I drank the more I thought about Edward.

Every guy at the party was named Edward in my book.

I was dialing his number when I hear Jacob slur my name, looking for me.

"Come here, I have another surprise!" he yells falling against Seth. I was no better; I had to get help from Jason because the room would spin too fast.

Jacob has a huge birthday cake waiting for me. I squeal and lunge at him causing us to stumble until we hit the wall.

I start giggling and thank him as he lights up the 21 candles and everyone starts singing.

"Make a wish!" Seth shouts before I blow them out.

The only thing I want is Edward.

I blow out the candles and that is when everyone grabs hands full of cake and throws it at me.

We all have a full-on food fight until nothing is left but cake everywhere.

We make our way back to the living room and I drink and dance my ass off for the rest of the early morning.

"Whose phone is this?" Stephanie asks holding my phone in the air. I pat my pockets and find them empty.

"Mine!" I yell, I push Jason off me as he tries to rub is crotch on me and make my way to Stephanie.

"It was lying on the ground." She says before making her way towards Jason and taking my place.

I look at it. I have 24 texts and 10 missed calls.

Not one from Edward.

I frown; he hasn't even wished me a happy birthday.

I stumble into the bathroom for privacy and dial his number until he answers.

"Hello?" I hear Edward's rough voice.

My heart jumps. I love his voice when he wakes up.

"Why haven't you called me?" I slur into the phone, almost yelling.

"Bella?" Edward asks. I hear his bed creak; most likely sitting up.

"No text, no calls." I accused.

"Bella, are you drunk?" Edward asks.

"I'm asking the question here buddy." I say but then I hear banging on the door.

"Bella, what is going on over there?" Edward asks, sounding more alert.

I ignore him and staggered to the door and open it.

"You don't have to fucken bang dipshit; a goddamn knock would have sufficed asshole!" I yell as some guy who was holding his crotch and ran pass me to the toilet. I walk out and head for the spare room I will be staying at.

I can't hear shit with all this loud music.

I shut and lock the door all the while hearing Edward yell through the phone.

"Don't shout Edward, I'm right here." I say dropping onto the bed.

"What is going on Bella? Are you alright?" Edward asks. I nod my head.

"Bella?" Edward calls out.

I roll my eyes at myself. Edward can't see you nodding moron.

"Yes, some fucktard was banging on the door but I took care of it." I answer getting under the cover, seeking warmth.

"Why didn't you say goodbye?" I ask.

Edward doesn't answer.

"Do you not want to be my friend anymore?" I ask when he says nothing.

"Bella, get some sleep. You are obviously drunk and not thinking clearly." Edward says quietly.

"I didn't mean what I said Edward, you know that right?" I asked, ignoring his request.

"Where are you Bella?" Edward asks instead.

"In bed." I answer, feeling sleepy all of a sudden.

"Are you alone? Is the door locked?" He asks.

He asks a lot of questions.

"Yeah" I mumbled as I snuggle into the pillow.

"Get some sleep Bella." He tells me again.

I nod against the pillow, sleep sounds nice.

"I felt you at the airport" I murmured.

"I know. We'll talk when you get back." he says.

"You are very important to me Edward. I don't want to lose you." I slur, only half conscious by this point.

"Bella please, Get some rest." Edward replies, sounding as heartbroken as I feel since leaving his house.

Hearing the defeat on his voice breaks my heart all over again so I don't say anything else.

Just when I'm losing consciousness, I hear his beautiful voice again.

"Happy birthday Bella" He says quietly.

My last thoughts were of him.

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**There you have it**

**Loved it, hate it?**

**Did you guys like the flashbacks?**

**And what is up with Edward? Should he have shown himself? Or did he do the right thing in letting her leave?**

**Predictions?**

**Review, it just takes a second. Even if it is a word or two I still value them greatly.**

**You guys are my fuel.**

**Question, comments, or complaints are all welcomed.**

**Favorite/Follow this little story, you know you want to.**

**Until next time**

**CynicallyOptimistic7**


	11. Chapter 11: Drugs and Kisses

**SURPRISE!**

**I decided to treat you all to a bonus chapter for making you all wait so long for yesterday's update.**

**Welcome back to Hold Me Down.**

**This author's note is a little long so bear with me.**

**I can understand why some of you would think Bella is being inconsiderate and a bitch but there is more to it. I know how it feels to move to a place like that. I had to move from LA to a shitty town in the middle of the desert and it is still hard to admit that my life in LA is over.**

**Bella has it even harder because Edward is at Forks, she has feelings for him but just can't get over the fact that things don't always go as plan.**

**At least Bella has some solace in Edward because as for me, I HATE living here and at my first chance, I am moving back to LA. **

**And I think jansails/jan2 sum it up perfectly, I couldn't have said it better.**

**Bella still needs to figure things out but she is changing, even if she doesn't know it yet.**

**Now, let's go on with the usual.**

**This is not Beta'd.**

**My gratitude for looking pass the mistakes and read what's behind it.**

**I won't keep you up any longer.**

**Read&amp;Review**

**I own nothing, these are SM characters**

**See you at the bottom.**

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"Who the fuck wants to commit a crime this early in the morning?" I groan out loud as I get under the blanket, trying to block the sound of helicopters and police sirens that don't shut up.

That, I do not miss.

Fuck all this waking-up-to-the-sound-of-sirens bullshit.

I peek at the clock on the night stand.

9:15 AM. Fuck my life; I haven't been up this early in a long time.

I groan and get out of bed when the helicopter doesn't leave the goddamn window.

I grab my utilities bag and head of the bathroom across the hall.

After I finish, I head for the living room, wondering if Seth and Jacob are up.

I find Jacob with sunglasses and an ice pack on his forehead.

I smirk and go sit next to him on the couch.

"Bad hangover?" I ask loudly, causing Jacob to wince.

"Bella, let's use our indoor voices please." Jacob whispers. I roll my eyes.

"Don't be so dramatic." I tell him as I prop my feet on the coffee table.

"You only say that because you don't get hangovers, lucky bitch." Jacob mumbles.

I smirk, thank you genes and liver! Every time I drink, no matter what I drink; I wake up with no hangovers.

It drives Jacob crazy.

"Where is Seth?" I ask.

"Getting our breakfast." He says.

Just then I see Seth come out of their room only carrying a small black zip-up bag.

"Where is breakfast?" I ask looking around.

"Right here Belly." Seth answers wiggling the black bag, I frown, confused.

Seth sits on the loveseat to my right. He unzips the bag and pulls out a pipe, a packet of swishers and 4 baggies of weed.

"You first Bella, we have OG Kush, AK 47, Afghani Express, and Blueberry Kush." Seth says pointing at each as he names them.

"You guys smoke now?" I asked. The only reason why I stopped was because Jacob didn't want to.

"Yeah, now that we have our own place, we don't have to worry about nosy parents." Jacob answered.

Things have changed.

"Pick one Bella, a little wake and bake will do us good." Seth says.

I bite my lip as I look at the baggies.

Should I?

"Come on Bella, I even made sure to get Blueberry Kush. I know it was one of your favorites." Jacob says sitting up and nudging my shoulder.

"Fuck it. I want the blueberry." I say.

"Prefect, blunt or pipe?" Seth asks putting away the other baggies and holding up the swishers and pipe.

"Pipe." I answer.

"Ladies first." Seth says passing me the pipe once he is done stuffing the bowl.

"Don't mind if I do." I answer sitting at the edge of the couch and grabbing the lighter off the coffee table.

3 bowls later, I'm blazed out of my mind.

"Do you have any speakers?" I ask Seth.

God I love talking. It feels good, I should talk more often.

"Yeah, why?" Seth asks turning his head to look at me. As soon as I see his face I start laughing uncontrollably, he looks so funny.

"Bella likes to listen to Jimi when she smokes, it all part of the ritual." Jacob mumbles to Seth as he paints my toe nails.

They are coming out horrible.

I give Seth my phone, already on the playlist as he stands up to go pull it in.

When 'Castles Made of Sand' starts I feel myself melt into the couch. I block everything else out and let my mind roam.

"_Edward, if I manage to get some weed, would you smoke with me?" I ask turning my head to the right to look at Edward who is lying next to me on the blanket with his eyes close._

_On the rare days that the sun breaks through the clouds, Edward and I like to go to the beach._

_Edward grins._

"_I was thinking the same thing." He says._

_I turn my head back, closing my eyes and grin too. Edward has his phone on shuffle and 'Manic Depression' came up._

"_I don't think I can ever hear another Jimi Hendrix song without thinking of smoking." Edward says causing me to laugh._

"_Where are you going to get the weed?" Edward asks. I feel him shift and I open my eyes to look at him._

_Edward rolled towards me and props his head on his left hand as he looks down at me._

_His eyebrows draw together._

"_You better not go to a seedy place just for weed." He says frowning._

_I smile and close my eyes. I can feel his eyes all over my face and I let him, just like the first time we met._

_I like it when he looks at me like that._

"_Don't worry nothing shady, promise." I say._

"_Ok." He says and I feel him lay back down._

_I roll towards him and prop my head on my hand like he just did. He cracks an eye open to look at what I am doing before closing them._

_Edward has a beautiful face. I love just staring at it, but his lips always seem to want my attention the most._

_What a bunch of Attention Whores._

"_Maybe we can do the shotgun properly now." I say looking at his lips before watching his eyelids flutter._

"_After all, it was meant to do with weed not cigarettes." I say grinning._

"_You're right. We have to do it properly, we can't be changing rules like that" Edward says smirking while I giggled…_

"Why are you giggling like a crazy person over there Belly?" Seth asks from the kitchen.

"No reason, is the food ready?" I ask.

"Almost." He says flipping a pancake.

Just then there is a knock on the door.

"Belly, can you get that?" Seth asks from the kitchen.

I open the door and there is a man with a blue duffel bag. The man has horrible dreadlocks and a long goatee that is braided into a single braid that reaches his chest. The man sees me and smirks.

"Well well, what have we here?" he says leaning against the door frame, stroking his braid.

"Looking for someone?" I ask shutting the door halfway.

"Looking for my best customer, Jacob around?" he asks trying to look inside but I block his view.

"Who's looking for him?" I ask.

"Laurent and you are?" he asks tilting his head, still smirking.

"Calling Jacob, wait here." I tell him before closing the door.

"Who is it?" Jacob asks, coming out of the bathroom.

"Some guy named Laurent, you know him?" I ask him.

Jacob grins at the mention of the guy's name. He reaches the doorknob and let's Laurent inside.

"Laurent, perfect timing as always." Jacob says hugging him.

"I hope you have everything I asked for." Jacob adds as he closes the door.

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't." Laurent answers as he sits on the couch and places the duffel bag on the coffee table. Jacob sits next to him, looking very excited.

I go sit on the chair farthest distance for the man. I think I know what is going on, I just hope I'm wrong.

"So let's see." Jacob says rubbing his hands together.

Laurent opens up the bag and pulling out baggies of weed, white and brown powder, pills, rocks and syringes.

What the fuck?!

My stomach drops; this is something I was not expecting.

"All here" Laurent said stroking his braid.

"Perfect, I knew I could count on you my friend, step into my office." Jacob says standing up and leading Laurent to his room, mostly likely to pay.

As soon as I hear the door as turn to Seth.

"What the fuck is going on Seth?" I whisper yelled.

Seth looks up and shrugs his shoulders like if it is not a big deal.

"Relax Bella, it is all for you, for your parties." Seth answers as he turns off the burner and walks to the coffee table looking at the merchandise.

I sit back in shock on the chair.

It is for me?

"Pleasure doing business with you." I hear Laurent say as they walk out of Jacob's room.

"You sure you can't make it?" Jacob asked.

"Busy night, lots of my customers are going to be looking for me." Laurent says grinning.

"Alright, maybe next time." Jacob says before opening the door and letting him out.

Once Laurent leaves, Jacob takes a seat next to Seth on the couch as he organizes the baggies.

"I'm going to go cook the smack." Seth says grabbing a small baggie of brown powder and syringes before heading for his room.

"Jake, what the fuck is going on!" I yell crossing my arms over my chest, standing behind the couch. Jacob twists around to look at me.

"Bella calm down." Jacob says rolling his eyes.

I huff before sitting on the loveseat, putting some distance between us.

"Since when do you do all of this Jacob?" I ask pointing at everything.

"Maybe a month after you left." Jacob says shrugging.

"Why?" I ask.

"Why not Bella. They're good, I enjoy it." Jacob says leaning back on the couch looking irritated.

I have never in my life seen Jacob like this and if I am being honest, it is scaring me a little.

"Jacob I understand that things are rough with your dad and everything else. And I totally get you wanted to escape for a while but heroin, crack, pills?" I ask.

"Jacob, what you are doing is dangerous, don't you see that?" I ask softly.

Jacob frowns and looks angry, I scoot back a little.

"If I wanted your opinion Bella, I would have asked for it. This is my life. I will do, smoke, and inject anything I want." Jacob answers laying his arms over the couch, I look at the inside of his elbows.

He has angry scares from injecting so much.

My eyes start to water.

What is happening to my Jakey?

"Jacob, I am only looking out for you." I pleaded, trying to make him understand.

"No one asked you to Bella. This is not your problem or your business. You are not my mother so don't tell me what to do." Jacob growls before stands up and walks to his room, slamming the door shut.

I sit on the couch in shock.

I suddenly feel like an ice cold bucket of water just washed over me as I realized what just happen.

That is the same thing I told Edward that night.

Guilt settles in my stomach.

I run to the spare room, put on some jeans and shoes before grabbing my phone and purse and heading outside, needing air.

The street is as I expected. There is trash everywhere, horns honking, people yelling at one another, the smell of smog and pollution in the air.

Has Los Angeles always been like this?

I make my way to the nearby park a couple of blocks for here.

Not so long ago, this was my street, my neighborhood.

Where are the trees, the grasses, the quiet? The calm feeling you get in Forks. Here you always have to be on alert; you never know what could happen.

"Hey Ma, you're alone?" A guy yells across the street. I ignore him and reach for the pepper spray inside my purse.

"You, with the grey sweater, where you going?" I hear him again.

My heart starts thumping wildly and my hands start to shake. If that guy so much as thinks about crossing the street I will spray his fucken balls and face before he can say anything else.

Luckily he doesn't follow as I round the corner.

This fucken walk has to be the stupidest idea I have never thought of, fuck the park.

So I take the longer way back to Jacob's apartment so I don't run into the guy anymore.

As soon as I enter the apartment I lock the door and lean against it, breathing heavy.

"Are you alright?" I hear Jacob ask for the kitchen table causing me to jump.

I turn and look at him, he has a huge smile on his face and his eyes are dropped.

My heart breaks.

"Yeah, I'm going to shower." I answer before running to the spare room and opening in up my laptop and look for the next flight back to Forks.

For the first time ever, I feel like I don't belong in Los Angeles.

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"But you just got here yesterday? Why are you leaving tomorrow?" Jacob asks looking very sad.

I don't think he remembers our fight and maybe it is for the best. I didn't want him to think I was leaving because of him, although he is a part of the reason why I am leaving tomorrow.

I think I should have never I come, especially when a part of me wanted to stay to fix things with Edward. But I am glad I came.

This trip was an eye-opener.

Both relationships I have with Jacob and Tanya has been shattered.

I can't depend or count on Tanya anymore, as much as it hurts like hell. I will always care for her but she is a terrible friend and unreliable. Even after I confronted her, she hasn't tried to contact me.

Then there is Jacob, the biggest shock of all. How is it that all those months of talking on the phone he never mentioned he was into heroin, or pills or goddamn smoking crack? I can't trust him. Not if he forgets things and has a tempered that changes rapidly. Jacob has a lot of demons to deal with but I can't get sucked into them.

What would have happened if I never left, would I be shooting up heroin too?

"Things came up that I need to deal with back at Forks." I tell him and it is the true.

"This sucks. Seth call David, we are going to have a goodbye party for Bella." Jacob told Seth while he too calls his contacts for the party.

"We are going to make it count." Seth tells me as both of them get busy preparing for the last minute party.

"I'm going to go lay down for a bit." I call out as I head for the spare room. I pack up everything so I don't have to do it in the morning and lay down, looking up at the ceiling thinking about happier times.

"_Baby, I'm getting tired, are you almost done?" I ask Edward, sipping my arm around his waist and looking up at him with a pout._

_Edward smiles before lightly pinching my bottom lip with his index finger and thumb causing me to smile._

"_Yes almost, sweetheart." Edward says hugging me back._

"_Ok, I'll go browse around a bit." I say before getting on my toes and kissing him on the cheek._

"_Alright Love, don't go too far." Edward says before letting me go._

_Before I leave I make sure that the stupid Home Depot worker saw the whole thing. She has been shamelessly hitting on Edward and I have had enough. Luckily Edward went along with the show, like I knew he would._

_I grin as I head for the doors display. Edward just rolls with the punches, he seems to enjoy it._

_About 10 minutes later I hear my favorite voice._

"_She asked if I was happy with my relationship." Edward says. I turn around to look at him._

"_Seriously? That whore!" I say crossing my arms over my chest frowning._

"_What did you say?" I ask lifting an eyebrow._

"_That I have never been happier." Edward says grinning._

_I grin too._

"_Is it normal that I want to kick her ass all because she was hitting on you? I ask Edward still grinning._

_Edward snorts._

"_God no, but you aren't normal to begin with." Edward answers._

"_Is that an insult or a compliment?" I ask._

"_Definitely a compliment." He says._

_We both laugh. _

"_Come on, Jane is waiting for us." Edward says grabbing my hand._

"_Stupid Jane the home-wrecker" I mumbled causing Edward to chuckle and shake his head. _

"_Laugh it up and you won't get any nookie when we get home." I tell Edward._

_Edward's eye open wide and he loses a step. He stares at me with his mouth opening and closing._

_I smirk, I still got it. I was beginning to think I was losing my touch. _

"_What does nookie mean?" asked stupid home-wrecker, now nosy Jane._

_Edward's cheeks flushed slightly before he looked down and rubs his neck._

_I smile at Jane before walking towards Edward and lay my hand on his belly. I finger the belt hoops of his jeans before pulling one slightly._

"_Sex" I answer looking at Edward before turning toward Jane with a wink and a grin._

"_Ohh, right. Mr. Cullen you order has been placed; we will contact you when it arrives." Jane stutters out before walking away swiftly, her ears burning…_

The loud noises coming for the living room brings me back to the present. It sounds like the party is beginning.

I get up and head for the living room. I will only be there for a few hours.

"Bella, I was looking for you." Jason says when he sees me.

"Hi Jason, how's it going?" I ask while we hug and he kisses my cheek.

"Good, you are really leaving tomorrow?" he asks.

"Yeah, tomorrow morning." I answer shrugging off his arm on my shoulder, he looks faded.

"Too bad." He says frowning.

"Yeah" I answer already walking away to greet Stephanie.

It is 5 in the afternoon and everyone seems to already hitting the alcohol. I catch sight of Jacob at the corner of the kitchen smoking out of a transparent pipe, most likely crack from the looks of it.

"Belly, there you are. Come here, try this." Seth calls out from the couch. He holds up a small pill out towards me.

I go and sit on the loveseat next to David who smiles at me before popping a pill in his mouth and washing it with a beer.

"What is it?" I ask Seth who places it on my hand.

"Ecstasy, trust me it will make you feel great. Maybe loosen you up a bit, you have been too tense." Seth answer before he too swallowed a pill and pass around the baggie for everyone else sitting with us.

I don't say anything but don't swallow it either. I discreetly stuffed it between the cushions.

"I'm going to go get a drink." I tell Seth before walking to the kitchen and grabbing a soda.

There is no way in hell I am going to drink or get faded here.

With new found clarity I watch the party as it progress and it is shocking, I can't believe I didn't see it last night.

People here are openly smoking weed and crack. Some go to the bathroom and come back brushing their noses while other enter Jacob and Seth's room and coming out sluggish, rubbing the inside of their elbows.

Everyone is doing it, and that got me thinking about last night.

I scold myself for being this oblivious to the things that were happening right under my nose.

By nine I had enough and went to the room to read a book and wait out the party.

Jason suddenly opens the door and lets himself in. I sit up startled and watch with alarm as he locks the door.

I stand up and try reaching for my purse but Jason gets in the way.

My fingers start shaking and my heart starts pounding, even if I scream the music is too loud for anyone to think something is wrong. I have been inside the room for a while now so no one will question my absence up to this point.

I try to relax and think.

He looks intoxicated and slow, so I could probably hit him by surprise and get out before he even has time to think.

"What are you doing here Jason?" I ask as calmly as I can to distract him.

"Jacob sent me." He slurs.

That stops me in my tracks.

"Jacob sent you to my room and told you to lock the door?" I ask taking the tiniest step towards to door.

"He sent me here to give you a good time, the lock was my idea. I wouldn't like someone walking in on me while my head is between your legs." Jason answers, grinning.

"What exactly did Jacob tell you?" I ask, feeling disgusting with the mental image.

"Jacob said that you have been too tense and a good orgasm might do you some good. He told me that you don't have sex but you do everything else and I am down with that." Jason explains, looking like if he could barely stand.

"Sorry Jason, I am not interested." I say as friendly as I can.

I am seething and I want to bash Jacob's face but I need Jason out of here first.

Jason frowns.

"You're sure?" he asks looking like if he was on the verge of begging.

I gently grab his arm and lead him to the door.

"Thanks for the offer, I'm flattered but I am going to pass, ok?" I say unlocking the door and push him out as gentle as possible.

Jason's face falls.

"Jacob said you would agree." He says looking regretted.

"Sorry Jason, but I know Stephanie has been eyeing you since yesterday, I'm sure she is willing." I tell him before closing the door and leave him out in the hallway as I look for Jacob.

I spot him on the couch, making out with David.

I grimace before pulling him by the arm and leaded him to the room. David just shrugs before he turns and kisses Seth.

I close the door and Jacob frowns as he sits on the bed.

"What the fuck Bella, why you cock-blocked?" he says.

"Mind explaining to me why you pimped me out to Jason?" I ask instead, trying to be as civil as I can.

"You don't like Jason? I can get you someone else." He says.

I grab my hair and pull.

"Jacob, what made you think it was ok to send a stranger to my room?" I asked and started pacing.

"Why are you so offended? I'm doing you a favor. You need some; you know how cranky you get when you don't get any action." Jacob says leaning back on his hands.

I stop and gawk at him.

"I am not your whore to be loaned out to your friends!" I shout losing my patience.

Jacob sits up and scowls.

"I know you are not my whore but you are a slut." Jacob says standing up.

I stare at him in shock.

"Bella, you are the biggest slut I know." Jacob adds crossing his arms over his chest.

Then it all comes back, flashing through my eyes. I don't know what to say so I just stand still as Jacob continues.

"How many times I have seen you hook up with random strangers at parties? Why are playing the victim here? How many times did I see you with a guy and an hour later saw you hooking up with Tanya and another girl that same night? Now all of a sudden I am the bad guy for giving you what you always get?" Jacob accuses.

I stumble backwards until my back hits the wall and look down at my hands.

Jacob is right.

I can't believe I forgot about all that.

I am a slut. I did everything he said and more. I have been with complete strangers, not knowing if they were in a relationship or even their names but that didn't stop me from giving them hand jobs or letting them go down on me.

I have never been as ashamed in myself, this disgusted as I am right now.

"You have no right yelling at me when you have done the same thing to me countless of times. I don't like this new you, what, you think you are better than me? That you have a higher morale?" Jacob yells before going to the door.

"Get off that high horse you have been on since you got here because you are worse than I am. Forks changed you; it made you boring and pretentious. Stop playing house with Edward." He says and opens the door wide for me to see, as he points at the people.

"Look at all of this; this is who you are Bella. The drugs, the sex and all, you don't belong over there. The sooner you realize it, the better." He says before slamming the door shut.

My legs give out and before I know it, I am sitting on the ground hugging my knees.

I stare at nothing.

Is Jacob right?

Am I just playing house with Edward?

Do I belong here?

I have no one to blame but myself.

Yes, Tanya taught me everything. She taught me out to approach someone, how to flirt, how to tease and how to fuck when the time came but she never forced me. I did everything willingly.

And I never saw anything wrong with that but now, now I am scared that Edward will think less of me.

He will see me as a slut.

My face flushes with embarrassment.

I boasted the fact that I was a slut. Whenever someone called me that, I took it as a compliment.

But I will never forgive Jacob for throwing it out on my face, especially in the way he did it. Even at my worst, he never made me feel this cheap.

He has made me feel like I don't deserve anything but the worse, like if I am shit.

I stand up in a rush and lock the door before lying on the bed.

No, I will not let him do that to me. The past is the past and I am not the same Bella. During the past 5 months I haven't even though about hooking up just for the sake of it.

I like the new me no matter how much Jacob disagrees.

The sooner I leave the better.

I am done.

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"Ohh Bella, try to come back, I miss you so much." Jacob says with tears on his eyes.

I just hug him as tightly as I can.

"I love you Jacob" I whisper in his ear before I lean back I look at his handsome face.

Despite everything, I still love him terribly and my heart is breaking because I have no plans of coming back here.

"Jacob, there are people who love you, especially me. Please be safe; maybe try talking to a professional about your father. I don't want to get a call that you OD'ed. Please Jacob, don't do so much." I whisper as my eyes get watery.

Jacob nods but I don't think he listened.

Jacob leaned in and this time I let him. I returned the simple kiss before hugging him again.

"Bye, Jacob Black." I say before gripping my bags and head for the plane back home.

Of course Jacob didn't remember anything. I honestly don't know how he can live like this.

I called his mom and asked her to look out for him, to try to guide him in the right track. I just hope she does it because Jacob's live might be in jeopardy one day.

I am so emotionally exhausted; I can't wait to go back to Forks.

I smirk, who would of thought.

Forks is starting to grow on me.

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"What happened Bella?" Jasper asks as he changes lanes on the highway.

"Nothing, I just wanted to come back." I tell him as I look out the window.

My heart feels lighter since I stepped out the plane, I can't wait to see my family and Edward.

"Bella, you have wanted to go back to LA since we arrived here. Now you don't like it anymore?" Jasper says looking at me sideways before looking back at the road.

"Jasper, I promise I will tell you everything, just not now, alright?" I ask pleading with my eyes.

"Ok sister. I'm glad your back" he says reaching for my hand. I grab his hand and squeeze tightly.

"Me too brother." I murmured before getting go.

As soon as I see the welcome sign of Forks I grin.

"Is Edward at his house?" I ask as we pass Wal-Mart.

"No, I believe he is at the house he is thinking about buying with…" Jasper says but I interrupted him.

"Take me there! I want to surprise him!" I tell him and point and the street he needs to turn before he misses it.

"Bella I don't think it is a good idea." Jasper tries telling me but I ignore him.

"The others don't know I am here yet, right?" I ask him. I told him not to tell anyone and to pick me up that the airport.

"No. No one knows." He says parking across the street from the house. I start bouncing when I see Edward's car but I also see another at the drive way.

Looks like Irina has a new car.

"Keep my bags inside the car so no one knows I am here." I say getting out the car and lean in on the window.

"You can go now, I'm sure Edward will give me a ride." I say already walking across the street.

"Bella, Edward is not alone, he is with…" Jasper tries to tell me but I interpreted him.

"With Irina, I know" I wave him off.

He yells something but I did catch it and open the door and let myself in.

Both living rooms are empty so I go to the master bedroom, trying to be as silent as possible.

Edward is going to be so surprise, I know we need to talk but I am sure he is going to be happy to see me.

The master bedrooms door is half open and I hear voices, I grin and open the door, my heart pounding and my palms sweaty.

But when I see the sight in front of me, I lose a step and my heart drops.

Jessica leans in and kisses Edward, right in the middle of the room. Jessica has both hands on his head keeping him in place while Edward just stands there with his hands on his sides.

Edward must have felt someone because he separates and turns to look at who walked in.

Edward's face transformers from confusion to shock and disbelieve of having me standing right in front of him.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should lash out or cry.

All I know is that my heart is torn into little pieces.

First the catastrophe of Los Angeles, now this?

* * *

**There you have it.**

**Loved it, hate it?**

**It seems like Bella's life is falling apart.**

**What will she do? How will she react? **

**And Jacob,**

**Jacob was her main reason for going back, what will she do now? Will she stay?**

**And Edward,**

**Did Edward give up on Bella too soon? Why is he kissing Jessica?**

**Let me know what you think in a review, it just takes a second.**

**I enjoy reading all your reviews; I like the different reactions, feelings and thoughts on each chapter.**

**I will do my best to keep you all at the edges of your seats.**

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**Until next time**

**CynicallyOptimistic7**


	12. Chapter 12: New Beginnings

**Author's Note: Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down**

**I know you are all waiting to read what happens so I'll shut up now.**

**Not Beta'd**

**Read&amp;Review**

**I own nothing, these are SM characters.**

**See you at the bottom.**

* * *

"Bella what a surprise, why are you here?" Jessica asks annoyed. She steps closer to Edward and lays her hand on his chest.

"I can ask you the same thing." I say to her before looking at Edward who is still shocked to see me but at least he removes her hand on his chest and takes a step towards me.

"What is going on Edward? Did I interrupt something?" I ask him.

I'm trying to stay calm and not jump to conclusions. I remembered how she 'tripped' just to feel him up so I wouldn't put it past her to steal a kiss.

"Of course you interrupted us, don't you know…" Jessica starts but I cut her off.

"Shut the fuck up Jessica, I'm talking to Edward." I say, giving her a warning glare before looking back at Edward.

"Well?" I ask him lifting an eyebrow.

I do not like his silence.

"Bella…" he starts but doesn't finish. He runs his fingers through his hair and pulls.

Then it dawns on me.

He let her.

"Sorry for the interruption." I manage to say before I turn and head for the front door.

My eyes are stinging but I will not cry.

I know I fucked up and say terrible things, but I thought that he would have understood me on some level, that even if he didn't like my decision he would know that my intentions was never to hurt him.

Or that he valued our friendship enough to wait for my return to tell me about Jessica. To tell me that he give up on me.

"Bella, wait. It is not what you think." He says and I roll my eyes.

I stop and feel him behind me.

I hear Jessica hot on Edward's heels and doing nothing but whine about how I ruined their moment. I ignore her.

Edward must have done something because I don't hear her anymore.

"Did you let her kiss you?" I ask him staring at the door.

"Bella is not like that." Edward tries reasoning but I cut him off.

"Answer my question. Yes or no?" I ask and reach for the door handle.

I'm afraid I already know the answer.

"Yes, but…" he says but I yank the door and walk out before I can hear anything else.

That conniving bitch finally got what she wanted.

Everything and everyone can go to hell.

I'm done with it all.

"Bella, just listen!" Edwards yells for the doorway.

I snap and turn back, storming over to him, mad as shit.

"I called. I tried apologizing to you but you didn't want to hear it. Do you know what it was like leaving and knowing you were there but didn't want to talk to me? I would have stayed for you but you let me go. I didn't get one call or text from you, nothing." I accused, jabbing my finger to his chest.

"Now you want me to listen? Now you want to talk? When it is at your best convenience?" I ask before throwing my head back and laugh without humor.

"No thanks, I've heard enough. Good luck with that one, she's a fucking psycho." I say pointing my chin at Jessica who is glaring at me.

I turn back and continue walking. I hear Edward curse and call me but I don't listen.

As soon as I round the corner, I run. I run until I have no breath in my lungs and only stop when I get to the main street. I partly bend forward, holding myself up by my hands on my knees.

I need to get in shape.

I straighten up and look around.

How am I getting home? Even in a small town like Forks, it is going to take me hours, not to mention miles to reach the house.

I can't call Jasper because he is working and I can't call anyone else because I don't want them to know I am here yet.

I dig through my purse and find Irina's number.

I contemplate calling her but I see a bus stop across the street.

Bingo!

I stuff Irina's card in my purse and across the street. There is only one other person waiting and when he looks at my direction I smile politely and stand beside him.

Hopefully the bus will come soon.

"Long run?" the guy asked. I look around but remember that I am the only one here; I look at him.

What the fuck is he talking about?

"Excuse me?" I asked. The guy grins and points at the corner I came from.

"I saw you catching your breath; it must have been a long run." He says still grinning.

"Oh yeah, too long." I murmured, checking the street for the Volvo. I don't know if Edward is following me but I am staying cautious.

"You're new?" The man asked after a beat. Why is he asking so any questions?

"I guess I am." I answer while digging in my purse making sure I have enough change for the bus.

Damn, I only have a $5 and the rest of my money is in my debt card.

I curse under my breath and ball up the bill.

"Here, it looks like you need this." The guy says and hands me a token.

"Take it." he says smiling.

I stare at the token before hesitantly grab it.

"Thanks. I can pay you back, you have change for a 5?" I ask holding the bill. The guy shakes his head and tells me to pocket it.

I smile my thanks.

"So, where are you headed?" He asks. I resist the urge to roll my eyes with his questions. He was kind enough to give me a token, plus it is not his fault I am in a terrible mood. The least I can do is be civil.

I think of the question but can't come up with anything.

"I actually don't know, anywhere really, as long as it is not here." I say scratching my temple.

"What a coincidences. I am going to anywhere too." The guy answers, causing me to laugh.

I take a peek at him. He has a nice smile.

He is attractive, if you are into the American Boy thing. He has spiky blonde hair and blue eyes and by the looks of it, well-built.

"If you say so" I answer him. The guy moves closer and I move to pull away but stopped myself. Why should I move away when Edward let the bitch kiss him?

I can kiss other people too. One kiss is not going to hurt, hell I have done worse before.

Once the guy sees that I don't back away he grins and catches a strand of my hair, placing it behind my ear.

"So how about it, you want to go to anywhere with me?" he asks leaning in even closer, looking down at my lips.

"Sorry. She has other plans." I hear behind me.

I jump so hard I drop my purse. I step away from the guy and bend to get it. Edward's hand is already there, giving it to me. I snatch it.

Edward is like a fucken cat. I didn't see the Volvo or him and the surprising part is that I didn't feel him either.

I turn to look at him but he is glaring at the guy, shocking the hell out of me. I have never seen Edward angry and right now, Edward looks like he is about to rip off the guy's head.

The guy at least has enough common sense to back away a few steps.

"Get in the car." He tells me but continues glaring at him. I raise my chin and cross my arms.

"No." I answer.

Edward's eyes turn away from the guy and looks at me with his raptor gaze.

Fuck me, he is sexy as hell.

"I am not going to tell you again." He says in a calm voice but it has the opposite effect. I hear the guy gulp next to me and I clench my thighs together.

Who knew I get off on angry Edward?

Unfortunately the guy decides to grow some balls and steps in front of me, blocking my view.

"Look man, she obviously doesn't want to go with you. Leave her alone." The guy stupidly says.

In a flash, Edward is right at his face with his fists tightened. My heart jumps and adrenaline kicks in. I have no doubt Edward will punch him and by the looks of it, there will be blood.

"Or what?" Edward growls.

I want to jump him, I want to rip his clothes off and take him. He looks magnificent angry.

Damn it Bella! Focus, this poor guy is about to get his shit kicked!

I sidestep and get in the middle of them. I push Edward's chest back, separating those two.

"Let's go Edward." I say trying to get his attention. Edward looks down at me before looking back at the guy.

"Move it Edward, before I change my mind." I tell him pushing him backwards towards the Volvo.

"Don't do it!" the guy shouts and I feel Edward tense up. I turn my head to look at the guy.

"Don't be an idiot. He is about to fuck your shit up." I hiss at him.

Maybe he doesn't have common sense like I first thought.

As soon as I slam the passenger door shut Edward takes off, tires screeching behind.

Neither he nor I talk as he drives back to the house a couple of blocks away. I look down at my trembling hands and try to stop them from shaking but nothing works.

Edward parks in the driveway and is by my door before I can take off my seatbelt. If might have to do with the fact that my fingers can't seem to work, making it impossible to unbuckle myself.

But I manage and walk towards the house. I look around and Jessica's car is gone.

I grin inwardly, ding-dong the bitch is gone.

I try the handle and it is unlocked. Not surprising, almost everyone leaves their doors unlocked here, what did surprise me was that Edward locked it when he stepped inside.

I am now alone with Edward in a locked room. My heart jumps at the thought.

"Where is Jessica?" I ask him as I walk around the empty room.

"What were your plans with that asshole?" Edward asks instead. I turn and gaze at him.

Why does he care?

"Who?" I ask before walking around again.

"Don't play dumb with me; you know who I am talking about." Edward growls.

Edward looks furious, his eyes are black and his nostrils are flaring.

Then it hits me. He is jealous.

I grin causing him to glare.

"I'm not quite sure; you interrupted us before we could make our plans." I say shrugging.

I feel empowered, alive. I can say or do anything to Edward and get a reaction. Enough though he is angry and furious I am not afraid. If anything, I am turned on by the sight in front of me. I know Edward will never physically hurt me.

"You went and found the first person on the street to hook up with just because I let Jessica give me a simple pop kiss?" Edward asked in disbelieve, running his fingers through his hair.

I was never going to do anything with the guy. I just wanted to kiss him but let Edward believe whatever he wants.

I ignore him and walk to the kitchen.

"Answer me!" he demands and spins me around to look at him. I don't know what I want to do first, kiss him or slap him.

"So what if I was" I answer and lean against the counter. Edward growls and hits the cabinets next to my head, I don't even flinch.

"Maybe I should have let Jessica stayed and let her do more than just kiss me." Edward tells me.

My vision turns red.

I will break her bones before she gets anywhere near Edward again.

"I won't let you." I warn glaring at him.

"How? He asks pressing up against me.

I don't say anything else.

I slam my lips onto his, taking him by surprise. I kiss him with everything in me. Edward groans and presses harder. He grabs my waist and sits me on the counter. I wrap my legs around him and grab hold of his hair, pulling hard as I suck his bottom lip before biting down on it. Edward slides his hand under my shirt, feeling my skin. I gasp and he dives in. His tongue moves along mine, doing sinful things to my libido.

The kiss is fast and sloppy and hard and I fucken love it.

He grabs the back of my neck and tilts my head to the side to give him better access. I move my hands from his hair, down his neck to his chest where I grab onto his shirt and pull him closer. I got hold of his tongue and softly suck on it.

He is delicious.

Abruptly, I push him away as hard as I can.

Edward stumbles back a few steps and I jump down from the counter.

His eyes come to mine, angry for the interruption. He reaches for my lips but I move away.

I take a step towards him and slap him, hard.

"Never say that about you and her or with anyone else." I warn. A hand print is already forming on his left cheek. Edward clenches his jaw and I watch his tongue glisten as he lips his lips.

His eyes darken farther and the bulge between his legs appears more apparent. I think I just soaked through my underwear.

I grab the bottom of my shirt and taking it off in a swift motion, leaving me standing in my bra and jeans. My breasts almost spill out of the cups as I grab the hair tie of my ponytail and pull, shaking my hair free.

Edward groans at the sight of my barely covered breasts and wild hair before he grabs the back of his shirt and pulls it off him. He throws it to the side.

Everything else in the world dissolves into nothing, all that matters is Edward.

My heart is pounding against my chest and my legs are not going to hold me up much longer. Edward takes a step forward, closing the distance between us but still not close enough to press up against me, like I would have liked.

He cups my face and caresses my cheek tenderly with his thumb. He slowly moves his hand down to the curve of my neck and with his fingers traces my collarbone. I suck in a tattered breath but don't move. Edward's eyes follow his fingers and my eyes stare at his, watching as they move, flickering in all directions.

When he is done tracing my collarbone he then runs his fingers through the valley of my cleavage. He dips his index finger inside my right cup, almost touching my nipple before moving his fingers down to the middle of my breasts.

I close my eyes and softly moan.

Once he reaches my belly he fans out his fingers and lays his open palm on the skin there. He brings his other hand and moves both to the small of my back, finally pressing me to him.

I lay my hands on his forearms and glide them up to his shoulders as he lowers his hands until he is cupping my ass. He bends his knees, tightening his grip on me before lifting me off the ground. I hold on to his shoulders and I lock my legs behind him.

Air swooshes out of my lungs as he walks forward and slams us against the wall. Edward's lips descended down on my neck. I grab his head to keep him in place and pant, tighten my legs around him.

Edward kisses, sucks, and bites everywhere he can reach. Once he finds a spot that makes me tremble, he leeches on. I drop my head on his shoulder and bite down on his collarbone to keep quiet.

I am afraid I might scream.

I move my hands from his head down to his shoulders and back. I pierce my nails on his skin when he bites; leaving behind red, long marks.

I raise my head and roll it against the wall, letting out a whimper.

Edward grabs my chin and forces me to look at him.

"I never want to see you with anyone else." He says through gritted teeth.

I nod my head against his hand before launching for his lips. I reach down and grab the button of his jeans.

KNOCK, KNOCK.

"Hello, Edward?" we hear Irina.

We freeze staring at each other.

"Don't answer it." I whisper very quietly against his jaw and move my lips, kissing his neck. I unbutton his jeans and start to unzip him as Edward holds on to me tighter. When my fingers lightly touch his cock he groans softly on my ear.

"Edward stop playing, we are not kids anymore. I know you are in there, your car is parked in the driveway you dork!" Irina shouts, banging on the door.

I slump my head back against the wall in irritation while Edward groans on my neck, this time in frustration.

This is the second cock-block.

"God damn it." I curse. Edward chuckles and reluctantly sets me on the ground, buttoning himself up. He bends and grabs both shirt and passes mine to me.

I slip mine on and cross my arms and pout when Edward puts his on.

It should be a crime to over that beautiful body.

Edward smiles and lightly pinches my bottom lip with his index and thumb causing me to smile.

"Don't pout. We got a little carried away and we need to talk first." Edwards says and he is right.

"Alright" I answer. Edward bends down and gives me a gentle kiss. I don't like it ending so soon so I grab the back of his neck and give him a better, longer one.

"I hear voices!" Irina shouts causing Edward and me to separate snickering.

Once Edward and I look somewhat presentable we walked to the living room. Before Edward opened the door, he made sure his shirt covered his erection, causing me to smirk.

Thank you vagina.

"About time!" Irina yells when Edward unlocks the door.

"Those were the days, right Irina?" Edward asks smirking.

"Bite me." Irina mumbles.

"What days?" I asked.

"Bella, I thought you were in Los Angeles, what are you doing here?" Irina says and hugs me. I sneak a look at Edward but he is looking the other way.

"Long story, what days?" I ask again changing the subject.

"Back when we were kids, I was in the Girl Scouts and would go door to door selling cookies. Everyone one bought some except pretty boy over there. Every time I knocked on his door he would yell that no one was home. We would yell back and forth and he never opened the door." Irina explains glaring at Edward.

I laugh and shot a glare at Edward with Irina.

"How could you Edward?!" I asked in faux indignation, placing my hand on my heart. I wink at him when Irina doesn't look.

"So let's talk business." Irina says.

"Actually, an emergency came up that needs my immediate attention." Edward says pushing me out the door.

"We are going to have to do this another time." He adds and tosses her the key.

"My purse." I say, trying to go back in. Edward shakes his head and leads me to the car.

"It's inside the Volvo." He says.

"What emergency?" Irina yells for the doorway.

"I need to talk to someone very important to me." Edward says looking at my eyes and to my greatest displeasure, my cheeks flush. Edward smiles and opens my door.

He jogs to the driver's side and hops in.

"Ready?" he says, starting the car, I nod.

We wave at a pissed off Irina and Edward heads for the highway. He reaches for my hand and laces our fingers together.

I have never been an affectionate person, quite the opposite actually. I hate hugs and kisses and hand-holding, all sorts of PDA, especially in relationships. I can't even remember the last time I gave my family a kiss so it amazed me how much I enjoy simply holding Edward's hand.

Particularly when he brings our hands to his lips and kisses the back of my hand.

This day is full of surprises.

Edward is quiet for the entire way. I am sure he is thinking about our looming conversation. I don't talk either but the silence is not awkward. I have a lot of things I want to say to Edward but at the same time I have a lot of confusion and uncertainty. I am afraid he is going to want answer to things that I, myself don't have.

I look down at our hands for the rest of the ride.

Edward shuts the engine and turns his body towards me. I look up and we are parked in the secluded part of the First Beach. The sky looks beautiful with the different array of vibrant colors as the sun sets.

I look back down at our hands. With my other hand I stroke his fingers.

"Edward" I start after we sat quietly for a time. I look at him before looking back at our hands.

"I'm sorry. I said those hurtful things to you that night. You were looking out for me and I wasn't listening. I didn't say anything before because I knew you were going to object and I didn't want to fight." I say starting for the beginning.

"I am sorry I wasn't as supportive as I should have been. You were looking forward to that trip and I didn't help." Edward answers, lifting my chin to look into my eyes.

"That's why I didn't go to say goodbye to you. I know it was a dickish move but I wanted you to go to Los Angeles without any input on my part. I was hurt and mad at the situation and I felt like I would have said the wrong thing and you didn't need that but I was also..." He stops to take a breath before continuing.

"I was, am afraid that you will come back and realize how much you miss Los Angeles. That it was going to make you hate Forks even more. You already hate it here and you going to Los Angeles only reinforce it." He says as he looks how I trace his fingers.

I had no idea Edward feels like that. I was so caught up on myself that I didn't even take his feelings into consideration.

"Edward, can I tell you what happened in Los Angeles?" I ask quietly, my voice cracked a little at the end.

Edward's eyes snap to mine and concern is written all over his face, he nods.

"What happened, Bella? Why did you come early?" He asks scooting closer.

I take off my shoes. I turn sideways and tuck my feet under me. I let go of Edward's hand but keep it on my lap and I lay my head on the headset and look as I draw patterns on his open palm.

"When I arrived, I knew things were going to be different. I had no illusion that things were going to be the same as they were before I left, but when Jacob and Sam acting like nothing happened I wasn't too sad." I say looking up at him while I talked.

He says nothing just nods along with the story.

"But things were different regardless of how much they tried to include me. They talked about things that happened to them that week or the other. About trips they were planning, parties, while I just sat there. I wasn't part of them anymore just like they weren't part of me." I continue.

"But I sucked it up. I was in Los Angeles I wasn't going to spend my time feeling sorry for myself. So for the rest of the night I pretending I still lived there and I was happy except when I confronted Tanya." I murmured the last part.

"What happened with Tanya?" Edward asked I shrug my shoulders.

"It turns out that she found a guy and the only reason why she didn't answer my calls was because she has been on a fuckfest since I moved." I say impassively.

"Wow" Edward says, eyeing me cautiously, like if he is waiting for the tears to fall.

"Yeah, anyways the rest of the night was great. Jacob threw me a surprise party with alcohol and cake and I had a lot of fun. It was really reassuring to know that I could still have fun, you know what I mean? Jacob and I partied a lot and I was glad that it didn't change, that I could still be the same Bella as before." I explained.

Edward says nothing.

"But that was the problem, that's why I came back." I say and wait until he looks at me.

"I don't understand." He says drawing his eyebrows together.

I love it when he does that.

"I am not the same Bella as before. Maybe things are not the same over there but maybe they are and it is me the one that changed. Things that happened back there made me think of the person I was, the person I was clinging on it and I don't like that person Edward." I say and it is my turn to draw my eyebrows together.

"I look back and I am ashamed at the things I've done. I was going down at terrible path before I came here. I thought about where I would have been now if I never moved and it is a terrifying outlook." I say as I let out a deep sigh.

"I like the person I am now. Jacob might not but I don't care." I say before getting on my knees and holding Edward's gaze.

"Edward, you are a big part of it, so thank you for that. If it wasn't for you, god knows where I might be right now. Things are so confusing. There is so much uncertainty I can't figure out yet. I don't know what I want, Los Angeles is losing its charm but Forks is still boring as shit." I say smiling to let him know I'm only half-joking.

"But I know you. You are the best thing that has happened to me in this town and I think it is time to get my head out of my ass and do something about it." I tell him as my heart gallops a mile a minute.

Edward's eyes widen as he figures out what I am saying. He swallows hard before running a shaky hand over his hair.

"Bella, are you saying you want to give us a chance?" Edward ask leaning in a bit. I fist my hands to keep them from shaking and nod.

"If you want to." I answer my voice shaking.

When Edward doesn't say anything I start panicking.

"You don't have to agree, I am not forcing you. I know I already wasted enough time as is and I can understand you giving up and wanting to try with bitch ass Jessica. We could still be friends, no big deal, forget…"

Edward stops my rambling with a kiss.

I sign in relief and grin against his lips.

"Can I talk now?" Edward asks and I nod before kissing him again.

Edward leans back after a time and grins, my cheeks flush but I grin too.

"Bella, since the moment I saw you walking out of Wal-Mart I wanted to. You have me already; I have just been waiting for you to catch up." Edward says and I giggle.

"Now, let me explain what happened with Jessica today." Edward says and I frown.

That fucken bitch was kissing what's mine.

"Why was she there in the first place, did you take her?" I ask crossing my arms.

"No, I went to the house alone because I had a meeting with Irina. Jessica happened to be visiting her aunt down the street and saw my car so she stopped to say hi" Edward explained.

Yeah right, the crazy bitch most likely followed him.

"She came inside and looked around but when we got to the master room she started crying, telling me she has been in love with me for years and that she only wants a chance. I turned her down but she just cried harder and said that if she kissed me and that if I didn't feel anything she would leave me alone" Edward says rubbing his neck.

"So you let her kiss you." I guess, not happy. Edward nods.

"I didn't want to but let her. I figure after she realizes that I don't have feelings for her she would leave me alone but that is when you walked in, shocking the hell out of me" he says peeking at me. I smile and he grins.

"What happened when I left?" I ask and grab his hand again.

"She tried making a scene but I reminded her that I felt nothing, that you were the one I wanted. She cried and said it was your fault and started saying hurtful things about you. That's when I kicked her out." Edward says and I grin. I like Edward defending my honor.

"After that I started looking for you and you can imagine how I felt when I saw that guy almost kissing you." Edward says, now his turn to frown.

"I wasn't going anywhere with him, I just wanted him to kiss me." I say and Edward growls before grabbing my bottom lip between his teeth and biting down.

"Edward, you look sexy angry." I whisper when he let's go of my lip. Edward laughs.

"Trust me Bella; I know how much you enjoyed it." He says leaning in to kiss me but I pull away.

"You couldn't have known." I say.

"Bella, your eyes said it all. I thought you were going to let me punch that guy then jump me." Edward says laughing.

My cheeks flush.

"You're lying!" I yell but my red cheeks give me away. Edward rubs my cheeks and looks into my eyes.

"Bella, you were like an animal in heat. But don't be embarrassed. I love it when you get feisty and luckily for me, you get mad often." He says rubbing his cheek that I slapped.

I kiss his cheek feeling bad.

"Sorry for the slap." I whisper on his cheek.

"Don't be. I liked it." Edward says grinning, wiggling his eyebrows, I laugh and smack his arm.

"Edward, are we done talking?" I ask as I crawl over the gearbox and straddle his legs.

Edward grabs hold of my ass, pressing me to his chest. He leans in until his lips are a breath away from mine.

"Yes" he answers against my lips.

"Good because I really want to kiss you." I say grabbing the back of his neck and licking his upper lip the tiniest bit.

"Then kiss me." Edward answers.

So I do.

* * *

**There you have it.**

**Edward and Bella are finally together!**

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**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7**


	13. Chapter 13: Making Amends

**Author's Note: Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down**

**Finally Bella and Edward are together!**

**This chapter will be focused on Bella's family, Emmett meanly. Jasper's chapter will come soon.**

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**I won't keep you any longer.**

**I own nothing, these are SM characters.**

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* * *

"Maybe we should call Jacob or Tanya." I hear Renée say.

"Mom relax, it was her 21st birthday. She is probably out somewhere and can't hear her phone." Jasper replies.

"Bella was never like this; even if she couldn't talk, she would send messages. We haven't heard from her all day." Renée insists.

I wince. After the night I had, I forgot to charge my phone and with everything else that happened today, I haven't had time. I had to call Jasper from a pay phone; thank goodness I remembered his number.

After Edward and I talked, I asked him to bring me home. I have missed my family terribly.

I sunk in through the kitchen door. I was planning on jumping out and yelling 'Surprise!' but I heard my name so I listened instead.

I scoot closer to hear.

"Mom, she will call." Emmett says.

"She is different. She doesn't joke around as much, she decided not to go to school this year, and she hasn't even unpacked. My baby is miserable." Renée said her voice cracking.

"It is all my fault!" Renée cries.

I freeze, shocked beyond believe.

"How is this your fault?" Charlie asks.

"Bella never wanted to come here, she hates it. All she does is talking about returning to Los Angeles one day. I am pretty sure if it wasn't for me she would have stayed." Renée continues to cry.

I can't stand it anymore.

"Don't say that!" I shout causing everyone to jump in astonishment of having me there.

I fly to where Renée is sitting and kneel before her, grabbing her hands and making sure she looks at me in the eyes.

"Mom, there was never a doubt in my mind about moving here. You, dad, Emmett, Jasper and Alice are the most important people in the world to me, I will never leave you guys. Never." I say, trying to convey how much I mean it.

"I would be lost without you guys. It is all MY fault." I say as tears welled up.

"During these past 5 months, I lost sight of what really matters. All I need is you guys to come home to, what more can I want?" I ask before turning to Charlie.

"Daddy, you are the best father anyone could ever ask. You never complained about anything. I know you took the loss of your job pretty hard but it was never your fault, shit happens. I couldn't love you more." I tell him before looking at my brothers and Alice.

"Just the thought of not seeing your ugly faces everyday creates a lump in my throat. You guys are my best friends. I love you all." I tell them before looking back a Renée who wipes my tears and I wipe hers.

"Mommy, I am sorry for my stupid behavior. You 5 are what really matters not some shitty place that doesn't let me sleep." I joke; she smiles as another tear falls.

"You are right, I have been different but that is about to change. I was so miserable in Los Angeles. I don't need the big city to feel at home, I just need to see all your faces to feel like home." I say as a sob comes up.

"Please forgive me for making you feel like it was your fault." I whisper to Renée.

Renée hugs me and I cry on her shoulder. I feel everyone behind me, rubbing my back tenderly and I cry harder.

I have been a shell of myself these past months. I was just thinking of the problem not the solution. I have done nothing but whine like a bitch about everything when Renée and Charlie have been busting their asses to make a home for us.

"I just want you to be happy." Renée whispers.

I lean back and look at her.

"I am. Things are doing to be different from now on, I promise. In fact the first thing I'm going to do is unpack." I tell her.

"Hold on a second, who are you calling ugly?" Emmett asks. Everyone erupts in laughter.

777777777777777777777777777777777777777

"Are there more?" Edward asks as he places a box of my books on top of my bed.

Edward came a little while ago. He was pleasantly surprise to see me unpacking and offered his help which I gladly accepted.

I was a little apprehensive about things being different between us but things have been great. Granted, we have only been in each other's company for a few hours but there is no awkwardness or discomfort.

I would say that our relationship just went from awesome to fuckawsome.

"One more box." I murmur as I go through a shoebox filled with pictures.

Jacob is in almost in all of them.

I hope he is doing ok.

I sigh as I look at one of him and me holding up our medals. Both of us were dripping wet and beet red for our final race but with gigantic smiles on our faces.

"You look happy." Edward says behind me.

"I was. I got second place at CIF. It was a huge deal. I was up against almost every school in Southern California. It was my first year qualifying too." I tell him and pass him the photo.

Edward smiles as he looks at the picture.

"What is CIF?" Edward asks rubbing the back of his neck. I smile.

"It is like the Super Bowl for High School Swimming." I tell him as I scan the other pictures.

"You miss it." Edward says, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, not just the sports but just being able to be in the water, to relax, it was my home away from home. Too bad Forks doesn't have a swimming pool." I say as I shove the shoebox of pictures under my bed and turn to face him.

Edward looks like he is out of words and I know why. He was expecting me to talk shit and say how much Forks sucks ass for not having a pool but I am not going to do that, not anymore. It looks like Edward is still not used to it yet.

I meant what I said to him and to my family. This is my home now and I am going to stop making everyone's and my live so miserable.

After the emotional reunion I had with my family, I felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I actually feel a bit excited for my new future. I am at a new chapter in life.

Edward smiles, looking proud; I roll my eyes and smack his arm before going back to work.

I look around and nod to myself. All done, I need is a few things to buy and I will officially be a new resident of Forks.

Edward's phone beeps.

He doesn't get it but stands up from the window seat.

"I got to go, Irina is waiting for me." Edward says coming towards me.

"Is everything alright?" I ask.

"Yeah, everything is fine. Don't worry, I'll see you later." He says.

He bends and gives me a gentle kiss on my lips causing my heart to flutter. He caresses my cheek before walking out the door.

I frown. I wonder what is going on with that house.

I need to ask him next time I see him.

I shake my head before creating a list I need and look for Emmett. I found him outside with Rosalie.

"Emmett, activate!" I yell out. Emmett turns his head and grins.

"Where are we going?" he asks when I walk towards them.

"Wolly World, I need stuff." I answer, waving my list for him to see.

"I'll see you later then Emmett." Rosalie says quietly.

"Do you want to come along?" I ask her.

She smiles and agrees.

"Let me go get my purse and keys so we can leave." I tell them as I head inside.

"Hey mom, I'm going to Wal-Mart. I'll be back later, I'm taking Emmett and Rosalie!" I call out, grabbing my purse and keys.

"Alright Bella." She answers from the laundry room.

"Let's go kids" I yell to Emmett and Rosalie.

"Bella relax. You are only 4 years older." Emmett says buckling up.

"And don't you forget it." I warn him, backing up and I see Rosalie on the rearview mirror giggle.

Once we arrive, we get a cart and go grab things for the list.

"I'll be back, I got to tinkle." Emmett says leaving Rosalie and me alone.

"So" I start as soon as Emmett disappears.

"You like Emmett." I tell Rosalie.

"Yes." She says quietly. I frown but don't let her see. I am ashamed to admit that I am still a little jealous of their relationship but I like Rosalie.

"Well, you saw what I did to Jessica. Don't hurt him." I say causally. Rosalie gulps but nods.

"He likes you too but I think you already know that." I tell her smiling.

"I know, I just don't know what is taking him so long to ask me out." She says. I snort.

"Emmett is slow. He will do it, eventually." I say with an exasperated expression.

"You are still going to help me prank him right?" I ask, glancing at her sideways.

She smirks.

"Fuck yes." She says before covering her mouth with her hand. I laugh.

"It's alright. You are not some punk kid anymore. You are almost 17 right?" I ask. She nods.

"Don't worry about it. Emmett is worse and I taught him everything he knows." I say as I grab a laundry basket.

"Anyways, I can't come up with anything. I need your help." I tell her as I grab clothes hangers.

"Emmett got me twice so I need a good one, something that he will remember." I tell her.

"Then we go after Edward, right?" she asks with an evil glint in her eyes.

"Fuck yes." I answer. We laugh. I turn to get more hangers.

Emmett is going down.

At that moment, I hear a crash behind me. I turn around and see Rosalie on the ground while a man is standing over her.

The man looks angry.

Rosalie gets on her feet and blushes, the guy keeps glaring. I place my hand on her arm, pulling her back slightly. He looks like he hates her, despises her and thankful Rosalie doesn't catch on. I don't want her getting scared.

"The polite thing to do is apologize for bumping into her." I tell him. He never takes his eyes off Rosalie.

I deliberately step in front of her, blocking his view.

"What's your deal? She didn't harm you. Back off" I say crossing my arms. I don't like the way he looks at her.

"Sorry" he mumbles before walking away.

"What the fuck was that all about?" I ask out loud while Rosalie shakes her head. I turn to face her.

"You know him? Have you seen him before?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"No. I might have seen him a couple of times these past weeks." She answers.

I nod. Maybe I am looking too much into it but something about that guy was off.

Something about the look on his face scared me a little.

I need to tell Edward when I see him; it is his sister after all.

"What I miss?" I hear Emmett behind us.

"Nothing much, just Bella turning mother-bear on me when some guy knocked me down." Rosalie says smiling, causing me to roll me eyes.

"Someone knocked you down?" Emmett asks with no humor.

Rosalie nods looking confused. Emmett looks at me. I nod.

"Come on, I saw a great bookshelf for you." Rosalie says walking towards the furniture.

Clearly she sees no point in talking about what happened.

"You went mother-bear?" Emmett asked looking shocked when Rosalie was out of ear-shot.

"I like her Emmett. Don't look so surprise. Besides, I wasn't going to let anything happen to your girlfriend." I tell him wiggling my eyebrows.

"Shut up Bella." Emmett says shoving me. He shoves me so hard I knocked some stuff over.

"Watch it twatface!" I hiss, rubbing my shoulder.

"Sorry pizza face." Emmett remarks. I gasp.

"Motherfucker!" I shout running after him, trying to get his ankle under the cart.

I know that shit hurts like hell.

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"Is there anything else here besides Wal-Mart?" I ask Rosalie as I drive back to the house.

"There is an ice-cream shop; they have the best banana-split I've ever had." Rosalie says behind me.

"Let's go Bella, please!" Emmett says giving me the puppy-eye look.

I roll my eyes.

"Where is it?" I ask her.

After she gives me directions, we arrived and were seated.

The shop was somewhat slow so we got a section to ourselves.

Emmett and Rosalie are filling me in one school. I feel bad that I never knew any of the stuff he is telling me. I have a lot of making up to do.

"What!?" I shout at Emmett.

"Who is he?" I demand. Rosalie looks angry too.

"Don't worry, I can handle him." Emmett says shaking his head. I put the spoon down and make sure he looks at me.

"Emmett, I will not let anyone fuck with you. What the fuck does that guy think he is walking up to you like that? And not to mention that you are a fucken minor." I hiss.

"I will ruin him. If he so much as touches a hair on your head I will press charges. I will send him to court so fast he won't be able to pull his dick out of that girl fast enough before I slap statutory rape charges and charges for harassing a minor. I will make sure he knows it is me and I will fuck anyone up if they try something." I warn.

Rosalie looks shocked while Emmett grins.

I try controlling my breathing.

I can't believe it. Some stupid girl got jealous of all the attention Rosalie was getting for Emmett and tried seducing him. When he turned her down she told her 25-year-old boyfriend that Emmett was hitting on her. That fucker waited outside school grounds and threatened Emmett, of course Emmett didn't back down so the guy told him to watch his back.

That stupid girl just pulled a fucken Jessica on Emmett.

"Bella, you are a fucken badass." Rosalie says looking at me in awe that causing me to laugh, dissolving my anger.

"Thank you Rosalie." I smile that her and wink. Rosalie grins.

She looks a lot like Edward when she grins like that. Her eyes wrinkle the exact same way as Edward's.

She and Edward share features but both are their own person. They are not like Jasper and me who get confused for being twins. However they do look like siblings, no question they share genes.

I wonder if he is done with Irina.

"Let's get going, I still have a lot to do." I tell them as we get up and head for the car

"I can't believe I have missed this shop if it is like 5 minutes away for the house." I state as we hop in the car.

Edward always takes me to Rid-Aid. But considering I want ice-cream late at night. I am pretty sure that is the only place opened.

Once we got back to the house Rosalie went home to do some of her much neglected homework as Emmett helped me bring the bags to my room.

He flops down on my bed when he finished.

"Hey Bella" Emmett says quietly.

"Yeah" I answer sorting out my books. I am very meticulous about my books and their placement. I will not be able to sleep if it is not perfect. Jasper says it's my OCD tendencies but I don't think so.

"Thank you for today" he says.

I turn to look at him.

"Huh?" I ask.

"I haven't spent that much time with you since LA. I missed you" He says causing my heart to break.

I got to sit beside him on the bed and mess up his hair.

"Sorry for acting like a bitch with a stick up her ass." I say and he snorts.

"I might not know the full extent but I knew you were going through some shit." He says looking at me.

When he talks like that, it is easy to forget he is only 16. He is so strong and mature of his age although he doesn't show it often.

"I love you Emmy" I say using his nickname he hates but secretly loves. Emmett rolls his eyes.

"Rosalie told me how happy she was that you invited her." He says changing the topic.

Emmett doesn't drag anything out.

Say what you mean, mean what you say.

I grin knowing where this is going.

"I like Rosalie." Emmett says.

"Is that so." I answer trying to act indifferent.

"Yes and I think it is time." He says with conviction.

"Time to what?" I ask, wanting him to say it.

"She is going to be my girl." He says with a huge grin.

"I approve." I tell him. He looks at me with confusion so I elaborate.

"I will allow you to date her." I tell him and he frowns.

"Since when do I need your approval." He says.

I laugh and stand up.

"Little-big brother, you have a lot to learn. Now, get off your fatass and help me built my bookshelf. I need to visualize my books and I need this ready so I can picture it clearer." I tell him grabbing a pocket knife I keep between my bed cushion and the wall, cutting the box apart.

"Why don't you get Edward to do it? He will do anything you ask." Emmett whines as he starts pulling the parts out of the box and grabbing the instructions.

"Because Emmy, Edward is not my servant, you are." I tell him. Emmett frowns before he punches me on my leg. I yelp and fall, wincing. It hurts like hell but I still smirk.

God, I have missed this so much.

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"Then she was like 'I will take him to court so fast he won't be able to pull his dick out of her fast enough'" Emmett shouts. Everyone laughs. Renée shakes her head and Charlie pats me on the back.

"That's my girl. No one messes with the Swans" he exclaims. Alice turns to Jasper.

"Pay up Jasper." Alice says holding out her hand.

"You guys betted?" I ask.

Renée nods.

"Jasper said you were just going to tell Emmett to beat his ass and Alice said you were going to go postal if he ever ties anything again." She explained.

I frown and pout.

"Well, excuse me for caring." I whine causing everyone to laugh more. I grin too when I can't hold it in.

Emmett then processed to tell him about everything else that happened today.

He looks happy, like if I took him on a grand field trip.

He was missing his sister.

Everyone looks happy as a matter of fact. The dinner table hasn't been this loud before, but the happiest are my parents.

I watch as they catch each other's eyes across the table and smile.

I thought I was suffering in silence this whole time when in reality, everyone was. They all worried.

"Really, Bella went big sister on Rosalie?" Jasper asks. I snap out of my musing when everyone looks at me.

"What?" I ask as I eat the last of my smashed potatoes.

"What happened with Rosalie?" Renée asks.

"Oh." I say knowing what they are talking about.

"Some idiot bumped into her, causing her to hit the ground. Instead of helping her up of even apologizes he just stood there glaring at her. It was so weird. I don't even think Rosalie was appear of what was going on but it scared me a little." I say drinking some juice.

"He looked like if he knew her, like if he hated her. When I told him that the polite thing to do was to apologize he ignored me and continued glaring at her. That is when I got mad. I got in front of her and basically told the guy to fuck off." I continued.

Charlie and Renée frown.

"What did he look like?" Charlie asks.

I frown, scratching me temple.

"He had colored eyes. He was tall and lean. Maybe a little shorter than Edward and fatter than Jasper." I say trying to remember more but it all happened really fast.

"I don't know if I am making it more than it is because Rosalie didn't feel threatened but that guy gives me bad vibes." I add pushing the food away.

I am so stuffed.

"Have you told Edward?" Jasper asks. I shake my head.

"No, he left early and hasn't called. I'll tell him when I see him." I say to them.

"Good, you can never be too cautious." Renée says.

"Now, Emmett is your turn to clean the table." She says as we all get up and walk to the living room while Emmett complains.

"Don't start the movie without me!" he shouts from the kitchen.

"Bella, choose something." Alice tells me.

"Beetlejuice!" I shout as soon as I see the case. I haven't seen that movie in forever. Charlie grins.

"You and Jasper were obsessed with that movie when it came out. You guys didn't let Renée and I say the words 'beetle' or 'juice for a whole month, afraid he was going to appear." Charlie says from the couch.

Once Emmett comes in we start the movie.

"I have always loved the ending." Alice says as we all sit up and stretch after the movie ended.

"Me too" I say yawning.

"I had no idea this movie had so many sexual references. I can't believe you let us watch it so young." I joke to Charlie, who rolls his eyes and snorts.

"You and Jasper were no angels, mind you, not as bad as Emmett but you guys weren't far behind. And if I recall, the two of you watched it without permission when you guys thought we weren't looking." Charlie says glaring at Jasper and me.

We talk a little more before I got up and walked towards my parents.

"Well, I'm off to bed. I'm beat." I say as I kiss Renée and Charlie's cheeks.

"Goodnight" I call out to everyone and head up stairs.

As I settle to sleep I hear my notification tone. I reach for it and I see 'Commander Sex-God' on the screen.

I grin; I really need to change that before he sees it.

"**Sorry I took longer than expected. I'll make it up to you tomorrow, Port Angeles?" **Edward sent.

"**Yes" **I replied.

"**It's a date then. Sweet dreams Bella." **My heart flutters as I read it.

I am going on a date with Edward Fucken Cullen!

"**Goodnight Edward" **I text back just before falling into a peaceful sleep.

"Wake the fuck up Bella!" I hear someone shout.

I bolt out of bed and grab a shoe, holding it as a weapon.

"Where is he, I'll kick his ass." I say as I looking around and only see Emmett laughing hysterically and Rosalie standing by the door peeking in.

What the fuck?

"Calm down Rocky, We missed the bus, can you take us?" Emmett asks after he calmed down.

"Damn it Emmett! What the fuck were you doing that you missed the bus?" I ask as I angrily throw my shoe at him and grab Edward's sweater, slipping it on. I put my messy hair in a bun and slip on my glasses.

"We huh… we just didn't see it." Emmett answers. I throw them a glare and glance at Rosalie who is blushing.

He finally asked her out.

"Go warm up the car." I tell him as I grab my boots and head for the bathroom.

"You owe me big time." I tell Emmett as soon as I get in the car.

When we arrive at the school Emmett ripped the door off thanking me and running to the history building. Rosalie hesitates outside the car.

"Aren't you late too?" I ask when she doesn't move.

"Is it alright if we grab a cup of coffee and talk?" she asks me.

"Sure" I tell her, a little surprise by her requests but tell her to hop in. I take her to Aunt Sue's diner and once we are seating, Rosalie gets very quiet.

"What did Emmett do?" I ask her when I couldn't take the silence anymore. She laughs a little.

"It is not about Emmett, it is about Edward actually." she says sipping from her mug.

My stomach drops a little and I start feeling anxious.

"Oh." I say trying to stay calm.

I have no idea where she is going with this but I prepare myself for the worse.

"No, no. It is nothing bad." She says when she sees my face. I sigh in relieve and blush a little. I guess I wasn't as calm as I thought.

"It is something that I have been meaning to talk to you but never really had the chance." She adds. I nod and sip some coffee, needing the caffeine.

"What is it then?" I ask.

"Edward is not a very open individual. He likes to keep things to himself but he wears his heart on his sleeve." She says. I nod.

I agree. There are still a lot of things that are a mystery to me. There are things that he has avoided telling me. But his intentions with me were never in question.

"I know what you mean. Edward doesn't like to talk about himself." I tell her. She nods and smiles, glad I understand.

"Exactly, even with us he is withdrawn. I wouldn't say secretive but something along those lines. But there are reasons why." She says and I lean closer. This is new.

"Reasons?" I ask. Rosalie nods, looking down.

"Edward has had a tough past that sometimes I feel he really hasn't moved on from. I don't know if that is his way of coping but he doesn't let anyone in." Rosalie's eyes get watery and I am tongue-tied so I just grab her hand, hoping it is comforting. She smiles.

"But that is not why I want to talk to you." She says after composing herself.

"Alright" I say and grab the mug with both hands, trying to warm them.

"Edward is different since he met you. He talks more, he seems happier. So thank you." Rosalie says.

"Rosalie, I haven't done anything." I say shifting around my seat a little self-conscious. I know less about him than she does.

"It may seem to you that way but it is not. Just your friendship helps. Listen, I don't know if something is going to happen between the two of you or if something already did. Just be patient with him, alright? I think maybe you can help him deal with his past." She says finishing her coffee.

I don't know what to say.

What happen to Edward?

"Does it have to do about him joining the military?" I ask her.

"It is not my place to say." She answers looking down but I nod.

"Just keep doing what you are doing and things will fall into place." She says smiling before her face turns serious.

"I might be young but I am not an idiot. Something is going on between you and Edward, especially now that you came back. You don't have to tell me now but know that if you hurt him, Jessica is going to seem like child's play." She threatens. I lean back in amazement.

Holy shit!

I smirk.

"Emmett is in so much trouble." I tell her and she smirks back.

"That is the plan." She says and we both laugh.

"I was wrong about you Rosalie. You have balls. I like you." I tell her and she grins.

"This stays between us, alright?" She asks and I nod.

"Be careful with him, Bella." She says.

"I will. I want him to be happy." I tell her because I feel like she should know.

I am 100% in it with Edward, no more games.

"Good. I really need to get to class now." She says grabbing her bag. I stand up with her.

"Let's go." I tell her.

"No, it's alright. I want to walk, I need air." She says seating me back down.

"You're sure? You are so late." I tell her. She grins.

"Exactly, I am already late. I'll see you later." She says placing a bill on the table. I grab it and get it back to her.

"My treat." I tell her. She nods her thanks, but before she leaves I grab her hand.

"That shit about 'we didn't see the bus' is complete and utter horse shit." I tell her and she laughs.

"Emmett is not that good under pressure." She remarks and I snort.

"Neither is your brother." I say, she looks at me in confusion but I wave it off.

"I'll tell you later." I say.

She waves at me through the window and heads for the school, only a few blocks away.

As I watch her go I see a sliver car slowing creeping behind her, like if it is following her.

What the fuck?

I stand up and watch as it goes the same speed as her a couple of yards behind. Abruptly the car does a U-turn and gets behind a sliver Volvo.

Sliver Volvo?

Edward. I grin.

I watch as he makes a stop right next to me. I knock on the window, causing the patrons of the diner to look at me but he doesn't, just before the light toward green he glances and sees me calling his attention.

I watch as a grin spreads across his face and motions me to wait there. I nod enthusiastically.

My morning just got a whole lot better.

* * *

**There you have it.**

**Loved it, hate it?**

**What is up with that guy glaring at Rosalie?**

**What did you think of the talk Bella had with Rosalie?**

**What happened to Edward to make him so closed off?**

**What do you guys think?**

**As I said at the top, the best way to contact me is through PM, but that doesn't mean I don't want your reviews.**

**It just takes a second and I would love to read what you guys think. **

**Something weird is going on, don't you agree?**

**Favorite/Follow this little story, you know you want to.**

**That's it for now,**

**Until next time.**

**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7**


	14. Chapter 14: First Date

**Author's Note: Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down**

**Hope you all had a wonderful week; it's get on with it.**

**I won't keep you any longer**

* * *

**Not Beta'd**

**Read&amp;Review**

**I own nothing, these are SM characters**

**I'll see you at the bottom.**

* * *

"Hey beautiful" Edward says as he slides in on the booth next to me. I grin at him.

"Hey yourself, where were you going? I am not keeping you from anything, aren't I?" I ask wrinkling my eyebrows. He smiles before leaning down to kiss me on the corner of my mouth.

I love his kisses.

"Don't worry about it. I'd rather be here." He says before grabbing the menu.

"The more important question is; why are you up? It is not midday yet. I doubt you had your 12 hours of sleep." He says teasing. I pinch his side, causing him to jump and chuckle.

"My idiot brother and Rosalie seemed to have missed the bus this morning so I had to take them." I tell him as I drink my coffee and watch as Edward scans the items. He turns to me.

"They missed the bus? Why?" he asks.

"Why do you think Edward?" I ask and give him a look. He thinks about it.

"Oh" he says making a face. I laugh.

"So why are you here?" he asks changing the subject.

"I was already up, might as well get on with the day and grab a coffee." I lied smoothly and raise my mug before taking a sip.

"So you haven't ate yet?" he asks placing the menu down and turning to me. I twist and lean on the corner of the seat and wall, facing him.

"Nope" I answer.

"Good. The date just started a whole lot earlier." He says grinning and lays his arm on the back of the seat and grabs a strand of hair that fell from my bun, twisted it around his fingers.

"No Edward. Look at me. I am a mess." I say looking down. I have on burgundy sweats with little dogs sleeping around it and his grey sweater.

"At least let me go home and change." I say trying to push him to let me pass but he doesn't budge.

"Nope, you are staying right here and having breakfast with me." he says using his hand that was on the back of the seat and hugs me to him.

"Plus, I like my sweater on you." He says snuggling my nose with his, I lean back and laugh.

"Who said it was yours?" I ask. He smiles and opens his mouth to say something but the waitress interrupts him.

"Good morning Edward." The waitress greets. Edward smiles politely.

"How are you Margaret?" Edward replies. I try getting away from him but he hugs me closer.

I guess he doesn't care for PDA.

"I'm great. You're Bella, Sue's niece?" She asks looking at Edward's arm before looking back at me.

"Yeah" I answer.

"Pleasure to finally meet you. What can I get you guys?" she asks getting out her notepad.

"I want pancakes, you?" he asks looking at me.

"The same and an orange juice." I tell her.

"Me too" Edward adds.

Once she leaves he turns to me.

"You know that by the time we leave the diner, everyone in Forks are going to know we are dating." He whispers.

I frown and look at Margaret. She is whispering to her coworkers and sneaks a peek at our direction before looking away.

"Damn." I murmur under my breath. Edward immediately removes his arm and looks a little rejected.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you wanted to keep things a secret." Edward says quietly.

Shit.

"No Edward, it is not that. It's just that I don't like my name in other people's mouth. Especially people I don't know." I say grabbing his arm.

Edward looks at me with doubt.

I grab his head and give him a firm long kiss. Nothing provocative, I just pressed my lips into his, knowing fully well that we are being watched.

Once we separate he grins and hugs me to his side.

"Is this alright?" he asks. I smile and nod.

"I don't really do this but it's fine." I say laying a hand on his leg.

"Tell me when I make you uncomfortable." He says.

"I don't mind it but can we keep it at a minimal in front of my family. Nothing against you, it is just that I would feel embarrassed and not to mention all the unwanted teasing I will get from my brothers." I tell him.

I hope he doesn't get offended. I just feel like I would disrespect them if I kiss or show PDA with Edward in front of them.

"Sure" Edward says smiling reassuringly. We separate when Margaret comes with our breakfast.

"So how do you know that she is going to tell everyone?" I ask spreading my butter on my pancakes.

"Aside from the fact that she is one of the town gossips, there are only 2 things people in Forks do." He says as he sips his juice before continuing.

"The first one is that they like to eat in diners and the second is that with a town this small there is nothing to do but gossip." He says taking a bite of his pancake.

"Seriously? Everyone knows everyone's business?" I ask looking around the patrons.

"Yup and half of the time is just nonsense. Be careful of who you talk to." He warns with his fork. I nod before digging in on my pancakes.

Great, I live in a town full of gossips, fucken perfect.

"Don't worry. You'll get used it." He says pushing his shoulder on mine.

"If you say so." I answer and continue eating.

"So how did it go yesterday?" I ask biting off a piece of bacon.

"Yesterday?" he asks, frowning.

"Yes. You had a meeting with Irina. You were gone all day. How did it go?" I ask peeking at him.

"Oh. Good." He answers, taking another bite of his pancake.

"You're buying it then?" I ask a little annoyed.

It is like pulling teeth with him when he gets like this. He never gives me full answers.

"I don't know." He answers finishing up and pushing his empty plate to the side.

"What do you mean?" I ask finishing my bacon.

"I don't know. I have to see." He answers shrugging his shoulders.

"I read that there is going to be a fair in Port Angeles. You want to go?" he asks, changing the conversation.

"Edward, you know you can talk to me, right?" I ask looking at him. My conversation with Rosalie comes to mind. She says I'm helping but I really don't know how.

Edward never tells me anything personal or his past. I am always the one talking.

He stares into my eyes for a time before nodding. I lean in and kiss his cheek.

I am not going to push him. He will tell me whatever he wants when he is ready and I will listen.

"When does the fair start?" I ask, drinking the last of my juice.

"At 3 but we can go a little earlier and browse around a bit." He says.

"Did you guys enjoy everything?" Sue says, coming to our booth with Margaret behind her. Edward and I nod.

"It was delicious Aunt Sue." I answer.

"Yes, everything was very tasty. Can I have the check?" Edward asks Margaret. Sue shakes her head.

"It's on the house. You are family now, since you are Bella's boyfriend and all. Have a good day you two." Aunt Sue says as she and Margaret leave our table.

"Wow" I say quietly and frown. Edward rubs my arms, comforting me.

"I don't like that Edward. Our relationship is supposed to be just that, ours." I tell him. He kisses my forehead.

"Come on. Let's get out of here." He says, standing up and leading me outside.

He walks me to my car and gives me a proper kiss that no one sees.

"There, that should take your mind off nosy town folks." He says grabbing my waist.

"Who?" I ask grinning before grabbing the back of his neck and kissing him again and just like before, my heart goes into overdrive.

"I'll be behind you." He says as he walks to his car.

"What's what she said!" I yell causing him to laugh, shaking his head as he gets in the Volvo.

As I drive to the house I look around for the sliver car earlier but I don't see it.

I shake my head. I am going crazy, imagining things.

"**I'll pick you up at 1PM." **I receive Edward's text when I arrived to the house.

I got inside I saw Jasper putting on his shoes, most likely going to work.

"Hey brother" I say and go sit next to him. He does a double-take when he sees me.

"Why are you up?" he asks looking at the time. I roll my eyes.

"Yes, yes. Big shock, I woke up early." I say. Jasper laughs.

"You're going to work already?" I ask as a stifle a yawn. The caffeine is wearing off.

"Yeah, some people actually have to get up before 12." He answers teasingly.

"Sucks to be you." I tell him smirking.

"See you later." He says and gets up to grab his keys.

"Jasper wait, I need to tell you something." I call out.

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Edward and I are kind of together." I say and stand beside him. Jasper's eyebrows rise up.

"Kind of together?" he asks. I shake my head, I word it wrong.

"No, not kind of, we are together. I just wanted to tell you before you hear it somewhere else." I tell him a little pissed.

I wasn't going to keep Edward's and mine new relationship a secret but I didn't want to be forced to say anything either.

Jasper nods in understanding.

"People saw you together?" he guessed. I nod.

"We went to eat at the diner, Aunt Sue and the waitresses are already spreading the news around." I say frowning and cross my arms.

"That's Forks for you. Don't worry sister. It will blow over." He says shaking my shoulders a little.

"Ugh, now I need to scare Edward and give him the 'if you mess with my sister' speech. What a drag." He says sighing dramatically.

I laugh.

"Sorry for the inconveniences asshole." I say punching him on the arm.

"This conversation is not over. There are still questions you need to answer but I really got to go." he says before walking out the door.

1 down 4 to go.

"Good Morning Bella, nice to see you up and about this early." Renée says walking down the stairs and heads for the kitchen.

I roll my eyes. This shit is getting old fast.

"Hey mom, I am going to Port Angeles with Edward today." I start, might as well tell her now.

"Have fun dear." She says making a cup of coffee.

"On a date." I add. Renée spins to look at me, her eyes wide.

"On a date? As in a relationship?" she asks.

"Yes." I say before she is throws her head back and laughs, clapping her hands. I look at her with concern. What the hell is she doing?

She grabs the phone and dials.

"Esme, I was right, I told you. You owe me a spa day." Renée says on the phone.

My cheeks flush and I sink down on the chair mortified.

"Really, just now? Yeah, she just told me too. Isn't it great?" Renée asks.

"Mother!" I scold.

"Aw Esme, she is as red as a tomato." Renée says laughing.

"I'm going now" I mumbled before heading upstairs. She ignores me and continues talking about me with Esme.

I walk upstairs and pass my parent's room. I see Charlie watching his cartoons in bed.

I don't even try being subtle.

"Dad, Edward is my boyfriend, I'll see you later." I say poking my head in before dashing to my room.

There, Alice and Emmett are going to be easy. At least now they will not find out through town gossip.

I grab my towels and head for the bathroom. A nice bath will do me good.

Once the tub is filled with hot water I put my hair in a shower cap and get in.

I groan quietly when the hot water touches my skin. I lay my hands on the edges and relax; laying down so only my head and my bent knees are above the water.

I wish the tub was bigger.

I wish I'd had Edward's big tub. He has the coolest tub ever.

I smirk and get comfortable.

I wish Edward was in the tub with me.

I'm sure he would wash my back if I ask. I for one would love to wash his.

I laugh at myself.

I am surprised things have been innocent enough with him.

I close my eyes and sigh, sinking in deeper.

There is no rush. Of course I would love to be intimate with him but it doesn't need to happen right away. I enjoy our kisses and gentle touches, and I can tell he is taking things slow.

Every time we have been alone together, it has always gotten out of control fast so I can understand why he chose to be cautious and I agree, at least for the time being.

Before anything happens, I need to talk to him. I need to know about his past relationships and if it is necessary, to get him tested. I don't care if he has been with 20, the past is the past and I am not going to hold it against him.

However, if he has been with a lot of girls than the safest thing to do is to make sure everything is right with him.

I take things like this very seriously. I like to think Edward might be the one who I give myself to. But for me to do that; I need to feel safe and that includes tests and being in some form of contraceptives before our relationship moves forward.

I am too young to be getting surprises and so is Edward. I have so many friends pregnant or with children already because they were horny and didn't take care of themselves.

That shit is not going to happen to me.

After my hot relaxing bath, I stand in front of my closet, chewing my thumb nail, debating on my outfit.

I decide to dress up a little and pick a white button up blouse with blue little anchors on it and pair when blue leggings. I straighten my hair, making it appear longer than normal, just passing my waist. I fix my blunt bangs and put on my contacts.

I put some make-up too. I applied some foundation for the stubborn pimples around my chin and some mascara, making my eyes pop, at least that's what Tanya said happens when she taught me how to apply make-up so long ago.

I change my nose stud for a sliver tiny diamond and put on my black tunnels on my ears. I finished the look with 12-hour long red lipstick.

I look at myself in the mirror and smirk.

"Not bad Swan" I say to my refection.

I grab my crème color flats and slip them on before heading downstairs

"Wow, look at you. Showered and dress and it is barely 1 in the afternoon." Alice says when she sees me.

"I'm going out." I tell her, ignoring the last part and grab my cross-body purse.

"Alone?" she asks seating sideways to look at me. I shake my head.

"If I didn't know any better, I'll say you are going on a date." She says looking at me from top to bottom. I smirk.

"As a matter of fact, I am." I answer and grab my leather jacket for the hallway closet. We hear a knock before Edward comes through the door, letting himself in.

I grin when I see him. He looks so handsome. He has on a light blue long sleeve button-up with a grey sweater vest and dark jeans that are tight enough to show a hint of his thick muscular thighs.

His hair is as wild as ever and his green eyes sprinkling.

He grins back when he sees me and thankfully he keeps his distance and keep things friendly when he doesn't kiss me, remembering what I told him earlier.

"You're her date?" Alice asks smirking.

"Yes." Edward answers, still looking at me.

"About time." She says before looking back at the TV.

I snort and Edward chuckles.

"Let's go." He says. I nod.

"Mom, I'm leaving!" I call out as we step outside.

"Be good." She calls out from the kitchen window. Edward has the Volvo parked in the front and opens my door for me.

"Edward, hurt her and I will rip out your balls!" Alice yells out from the doorway while Renée scolds her. I shake my head and laugh quietly.

"Got it!" Edward calls out as he closes my door.

As soon as he stops at a stop sign, he grabs the back of my neck and gives me a heated kiss. I hum against his lips and he moves his hand to cup my cheek.

"You look beautiful Bella, too tempting to not kiss." he whispers. I grin and grab his hair and pull myself closer, getting into an awkward position against the gearbox but I don't pay it any attention.

"If only you knew what you do to me with your stare alone." I reply back.

"I think I have an idea." He whispers before sucking my upper lip and running his tongue over it.

Just before our tongues touched we hear honking behind us. Edward sighs against my lips and leans back. I sit back down and turn to see the car. The red Civic honks again and Edward takes off.

I seat back down and grab his hand, lacing our fingers together and keeping it on my lap. Edward says nothing but grins at the road.

When we reached the halfway point to Port Angeles, I suddenly remembered in incident at Wal-Mart with Rosalie.

"Edward, did Rosalie tell you what happen at Wal-Mart yesterday?" I asked. Edward turned down the radio and nods.

"Briefly, she just said that a man bumped into her and ran off when you got defensive." He says looking at me. I nod.

"It's part of it. It was weird; the guy looked like if he hated her, which was odd because Rosalie said she didn't know him." I tell him trying to remember what happened.

"What do you mean?" Edward asks frowning.

"The guy clearly bumped into her but he did nothing but glare at her, no apology or anything. Rosalie didn't notice it but I did and I told him to back off." I recall.

"How did he look like?" Edward asks looking upset.

"He had colored eyes, not as tall as you and fatter than Jasper. I don't remember much, it all happened so fast." I tell him as my eyebrows wrinkle. I don't even remember his hair color.

"Has anything else happened?" he asks.

I think of the car that looked like it was following Rosalie this morning but I think that I must have imagined that one.

I shake my head.

"I'll tell Rosalie to keep her eyes open but there isn't much I can do. Maybe the guy was already mad and Rosalie was his trigger." He says. I nod, it could be that. He might have been in a pissy mood before he bumped into her.

"Nothing else has happened so let just play this by ear, alright?" he asks squeezes my hand. I nod, agreeing.

"Rosalie told me how surprised she was of the way you protected her." Edward says after a while. I smile.

"She was with me; I wasn't going to let anything happen to her. Besides I like her, she has balls." I tell him remembering her threats this morning. Edward chuckles.

"Plus she is dating my brother and Emmett would kick my ass if I let something happen to her." I add just to tease him. Edward frowns and I laugh.

"Whatever the reasons, thank you Bella." He says kissing the back of my hand.

"Don't mention it handsome." I answer.

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"I love this store." I tell Edward for like the third time.

Edward took me to a thrift store not for off where the fair is. I love thrift stores as much as I love bookstores.

"Look! It is the complete Sherlock Homes with original illustration!" I say picking up the book. I open the cover to see the price.

"Jesus fuck, 6 bucks?" I ask not believing it.

"Bella, language." Edward scold but I wave him off. I add the book to my basket.

I browse the jacket rack when something catches my attention.

"No way." I say as I hold up the jacket. It is a black zip-up Dickies with cool Rage Against The Machine patches. I look at the tag and it says $2, I put it in the basket.

"Emmett is going to lose his shit when he sees this jacket." I say to myself giggling. Edward just follows behind me as I go crazy on the store.

"Wow, you really dug deep." The older woman says behind the register when she sees my basket filled to the brim.

"You have an amazing store. I am coming back." I tell her smiling. She grins and starts ringing up the merchandize. I look down at the glass display and see beautiful bracelets.

"How pretty." I murmured, the women smiles when she sees what I am looking at and pulls it out for me to see, placing it on the counter.

"This is my vintage collection." She says.

"Look Edward, how cool are these." I say looking back at him. Edward steps behind me and looks over my shoulder.

"Do you like one?" he says next to my ear. They are all pretty but one catches my attention the most. It is beautiful and delicate. The bracelet looks like it is sliver with tiny emeralds stones imbedded in it. It reminds me of Edward's eyes.

I try it on and stretch out my arm admiring it.

"I'll take that one." Edward says pointing at it.

"Great choice." The woman says pulling the others back.

"No Edward. It is vintage, it must be expensive." I tell him. I try to take it off by he stops me. He steps next to me and smiles.

"Don't think I forgot that your birthday was last week. This is my gift to you." He says kissing my wrist with the bracelet.

"Please accept it." He pleaded.

"Alright, thank you." I tell him sincerely.

I really don't want him to spend a lot of money on it but I am also not going to argue with him either. He wants to do something nice. I shouldn't fight him. And when he smiles his beautiful smile at me when I accept, it is clearly evident that the bracelet will bring much joy to me as to him, for buying it.

Once he pays for the bracelet and I pay for my stuff, much to his displeasure, we walk hand in hand to the Volvo. Just as we cross the street I glance at the corner and see the same red Civic for earlier but before I can verify, it rounded the corner and disappeared.

After we put my bags in the trunk, I hug him tightly.

"Thank you Edward, really. I will never take it off." I tell him, looking up. He brings his arms around me and hugs me back, tilting his head down to look at me.

"I'm glad you like it" he says. I get on my toes and kiss his chin; he leans down and kisses my forehead.

"Come on. I want a funnel cake." He says throwing his left arm over my shoulder. With my left hand I grab his hand, lacing our fingers together and with my right arm, I wrap it around his waist, grabbing his belt hoop at his side.

"I haven't had funnel cake since I went to six flags, 3 years ago." I tell him as we walk to the fair.

The crowd is already forming and it won't be long before it's full.

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The fair is big. I was expecting a ride or two but it is huge, maybe 10 blocks long. As a result Edward and I spent the rest of the afternoon and night making our way cross the fair, getting on rides and playing on the stands whenever I saw a stuffed animal I liked.

Edward has won me a ton of animals but I have also won him one. When we arrived at the water gun race I thought for sure he was going to beat everyone so I betted. I told him that I could beat him and win the huge bulldog that sat in the center of the pile.

So you can imagine my surprise when my clown won the race. Edward calls it beginner's luck; I call it loser talk from a loser. Edward asked to go again but I declined, I am keeping my title. To make him feel better I give him the bulldog and told him to sleep with it and think of me, his mood lighten after that.

He likes it so much; he doesn't even let me touch it, saying it is his because I gave it to him. I just rolled my eyes at him.

I have never had this much fun before in all my life and I know it is because of Edward so whenever I get the chance I grab him and kiss him, in front of everyone.

I don't think I have ever been this happy. He makes me happy.

"Wait for me here while I got put these in the car." Edward tells me when I sit on a bench, getting a rest from all the walking.

"You don't mind?" I ask. He shakes his head and grabs all of the stuffed animals.

He has won me some much I can barely walk with them all. I think he is trying to make it up for the lost he took at the water gun stand.

"Make sure that Mini Me is that the front seat." I tell him pointing with my chin at the bulldog. I name it Mini Me because no one but me sleeps with him. He chuckles and nods.

"I'll be right back, stay around here." He says before disappearing in the crowd.

I sigh and rotate my ankles, bad idea bringing flats.

"How thoughtful of your boyfriend." I hear a thin voice next to me. I turn my head and see a man sitting a few feet away from me. The man looks like a skeleton. The skin on his face is so scratched that his eyes look like they are about to pop out and his lips just look like a slit. His long jet black hair is slicked back in oils and when he runs his fingers through it; his long dirty fingernails collect the oils under them.

"Very thoughtful. You are a lucky girl." He says scrutinizing me.

I have never seen eyes like his, they look blenched. It is the lightest blue I have ever seen, almost white.

He looks scary as fuck.

I force a smile before turning back and looking at the people. Hopefully Edward will come soon.

"But let me ask you something, do you know everything about him?" he asks. My heart starts bumping a little faster at the unexpected question.

I look into his eyes; something about his glaze feels familiar, like if I seen that glare before.

"Do I know you?" I ask and scoot a little farther from him. He smiles a private smile but shakes his head.

"Some people can be deceiving, especially someone with a pretty face." He says. I have a distinct feeling that he knows something I don't.

"Do you have something to tell me?" I ask getting annoyed with his riddles.

"You know my boyfriend?" I ask making sure I don't use Edward's name. I don't want to give him information.

Skeleton is up to something. He ignores my questions and looks down at his nails, picking them.

"You know what would be devastating; if you find out the he is not the person he claims he is. That he is a monster, worse than scum. A cold-blooded killer." He says fists his hands and glaring at me.

I am officially freaking the fuck out.

"Don't look so frighten darling, I am just asking." He says grinning. There is so much hate in the grin.

I swallow hard.

No. I will not be intimidated; Edward is none of those things.

"How about you take your distasteful and crude garbage you call 'question' and keep that shit to yourself. You obviously get some sick pleasure out of spilling insensitive bullshit out of your mouth to strangers when no one asked you to." I tell him as my voice gets louder.

"I will not sit here and watch you try to slander someone I care deeply for and who is not even here to defend himself. So here is my question for you. Can you get the fuck up, turn your ass back around and go back to the hole you came from?" I say loud enough to make some people turn their heads at us. I don't care, I am fuming. A few people gives us looks but a man comes and stands in front of Skeleton.

"Is everything ok?" he asks.

"This 'man' was just leaving." I say and glare at Skeleton.

"He must love that filthy mouth of yours. I bet he loves fucking it too." He says smirking before getting up and disappearing into the crowd.

I slump down on the bench and let out a deep breath.

"You're alright?" The man asks. I look at him and smile.

"Yes, thank you for that." I tell him indicating where Skeleton sat. The guy smiles before returning to his friends.

A few minutes Edward finally arrives. He takes one look at my face and squats in front of me, cupping my cheeks.

"Baby, what's wrong." He asks, his eyebrows wrinkling in concern.

A grin spread so wide, it threatens to spilt my face in half.

Fuck Skeleton, he is not going to ruin my night so I don't tell Edward what happened.

"What?" Edward asks when my mood changes.

"You called me Baby." I say bring my arms around his neck.

Edward's cheeks blush the slightest bit and he smiles my favorite boyish grin.

"Well, you are." He says quietly.

"So what are you, are you my Babe, or my Boo, my main squeeze or…" I ask as I looking up thinking. Edward laughs before shutting me up with a kiss. He stands up and pulls me beside him, hugging me to his side.

"Come on Bella, we still haven't gotten on the Farris Wheel yet." He says walking us to the ride.

"What, I'm not Baby anymore?" I ask looking up at him. Edward rolls his eyes, tickling my side.

* * *

**Here you have it.**

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**Until next time.**

**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7**


	15. Chapter 15: Three Little Words

**Author's Note: Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down.**

**This chapter was very difficult to write so I hope you all enjoy it.**

**I have done my first LEMON!**

**Be gentle with me.**

**I own nothing, these are SM characters.**

**Not beta'd**

**Read&amp;Review**

**See you at the bottom.**

* * *

6 Weeks Later…

"Are you sexually active?" The nurse asks looking down at the chart.

"Nope." I answer swinging my legs and subtly fixing the gown so a nipple won't pop out.

"Have you ever had sex?" she asks going down the list.

"Nope" I answer again. She looks up.

"Men or women?" She asks tilting her head slightly. I blush a little.

"Right, yes. Only with girls." I answer.

I forgot about that.

The nurse smiles reassuringly.

"When was the last time you've been with a women?" she asks.

I frown and look up trying to remember.

"Maybe 8 or 9 months ago." I tell her. It was before I moved to Forks and that was about 7 months ago.

"Ok. Dr. Glenda will be here shortly." The nurse says finishing up the questionnaire on my file before closes the door behind her.

I try getting comfortable but with a open gown it is difficult. The nurse gave me a cloth to cover my bottom area but that leaves my tits out in the open.

The nurse told me since I am taking a physical I needed to remove all my clothes. Why this gown doesn't have strips so I can tie it close? I'll never know.

I huff and try closing the gown when I hear a knock on the door before the doctor walks in.

"Hello Bella, how are you today?" Dr. Glenda asks. She shakes my hand before quickly doing the routine examinations, checking my pulse, eyes, mouth.

"Good, yourself?" I ask as she looks inside my ear. She opens my gown and examines my breasts.

"I'm great." She says. Once she is finished she grabs the stool and sits on it, giving me her attention.

"So, you are here for birth control?" she asks as she glances at the file.

"Yes. I want to get on the pill." I answer closing the gown. She nods.

"You never had sex with a guy." she states reading what the nurse wrote. I shake my head.

"No. I started dating. Things are getting pretty serious and I want to be prepared." I answer.

After the first week or two of gentle kisses and caresses, caution and delay towards anything physical went out the window. All I can think about is jumping Edward's bones. I am tired of waiting and I know he is too, even if he doesn't say anything. He doesn't have to, I can feel it in the way he kisses me, the way he touches me.

Lately, we haven't been able to keep our hands off each other. The tension is so thick; you can cut it with a butter knife. I need him and I don't want to wait any longer. Although his hands are magnificent, I want more.

I grin.

Edward's hands are magic; his fingers play me like a violin and I know how to squeeze and caress to make him moan the sexiest sounds I've ever heard.

"Ms. Swan?" Dr. Glenda calls out. I blink and smile sheepishly.

I'm calling Edward as soon as I'm done here.

"I want to be on birth control before I have sex. I don't want any surprises." I tell her, getting back on track. Dr. Glenda smiles and nods approvingly.

"Good for you Bella. You don't know how I wish the majority of my patients were as cautious as you." She says making me smile.

"I am not ready to be a mom and I don't want to." I tell her. I still have a lot of things to do before I even consider the thought of having kids.

"Great. Since you are a virgin we won't need to give you a pregnancy test so let's try TriNessa, which can also help with acne." Dr. Glenda says writing on the file. I nod feeling excited.

I want my face cleared.

"Great." I answer.

"Good, now lie down and place your feet on the foot stands." She says pulling out the stands connected to the table.

"You need a pap smear." She says getting the equipment together.

"Great." I murmured before laying down trying to get the stupid gown closed.

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All I can hear are Edward's and my heavy breathing as I struggle to get his shirt off. Edward shifts around, helping me.

The backseat of the Volvo is a little cramped but we don't mind.

After my appointment, I ended up called Edward. He made it here in a record of 20 minutes. I told Alice not to come get me; Edward was going to take me home.

It all worked out in the end, she doesn't miss work and I get some backseat nookie from Edward.

Edward sits me on his lap. He grins as he runs his hands on my back. I press myself closer, capturing his lips with mine.

It is always an unworldly experience when we kiss.

I leave his lips and make my way towards his neck and shoulders. His skin is so smooth, I love running my tongue over it. I grind into him and lightly suck on his shoulder.

Edward breathes out a groan, I smirk against his skin and lift my head to look at him.

"You are irresistible, you call and I'm here." he says cupping me between my legs. I push down on his hand and moan.

"Good to know." I reply smirking as I pull off my shirt. Edward reaches behind me to unclasp my bra, peeling it off.

Edward captures my left nipple inside his mouth and brushes it with his tongue. I fist his hair and press him closer. With his left hand, he pinches and rolls my right nipple before switching.

I shiver at their sensitivity; I can feel it all over my body.

I whimper, throwing my head back.

Jesus Christ, that feels good.

I move my hands to his jeans. I unbuckle them and pull him out.

I lightly trace his cock and watch as his eyes roll into the back of his head.

"Edward." I whisper softly.

"Can I take you in my mouth?" I ask running my thumb over his leaky head. Edward's eyes snap to mine.

"What?" he asks.

"I want you in my mouth." I tell him, squeezing him. I have fantasized about this for weeks now, just the thought of his cock in my mouth causing my underwear to soak. I watch him swallow hard.

"Here?" he asks looking around. I nod and get the hair tie on my wrist. With both hands, I gather all my hair and pull it into a high ponytail. Edward slides his hands up and down my body, squeezes my breasts every time he passes them.

I get off his lap and reach the controls of the driver's seat, moving the seat as much as I can so I can kneel between his legs.

Thank God the Volvo has tinted windows. I look outside but we are alone. Edward droves us to a secluded spot here in the Port Angeles beach. Since it is relatively early everyone is either at school or working.

I kneel between his legs. I pull off his jeans to give me more room and to allow him to open his legs wider. I catch his smoldering glaze as I start running my hands over his thighs.

Edward is panting and sweaty. He leans back against the seat when I pull his hips towards the edge. His cock is now directly in my face, merely an inch away from my mouth.

He is thick and long. I trace the veins that wrap around him. His pink head peeking out of his foreskin, the musky smell that drives me crazy.

I grab him at the base and lean in, sticking out my tongue to finally taste him.

I lick the head and watch as Edward grits his teeth but never stops looking.

"Edward." I say against his cock. Edward fists the edges of the seat and groans out a reply.

"I have never done this before." I tell him before I take him inside my mouth.

Edward lifts his hips up and I pull back gaging. I let go and Edward sheepishly apologizes. I place my left hand on his hip to try to keep him from doing that again.

I do not want to throw up on him. That would be a mood killer.

So with more caution, I take him inside my mouth again.

Edward is so big and thick that there is no way in hell I'm going to take him completely so I rotated my hand up and down and I focus my tongue on the head.

I flicker my tongue around, caresses everything I can. I add suction by hollowing out my cheeks a bit. Edwards writhes around the seat, moaning. His face is twisted in pleasure but his eyes never leave mine.

He looks like sex incarnated.

I will do this every day to see him like this.

I smirk around him and I let him go. Edward's eyes wrinkled together and I wink at him, causing him to grin. I pull his cock backwards, licking him from bottom to top.

I close my eyes and suck hard and fast. I feel him twitch in my mouth.

He is close, I can tell.

"Bella." He groans out. I open my eyes when I feel him cup my cheek with one hand fist my ponytail with the other, helping me bob my head.

I moan around him. That is sexy as fuck.

Edward's entire body is covered in sweat; I run my hand over his stomach and chest, scratching his skin, feeling his muscles twitch.

Edward's eyes are like steel. His entire body is rigid and I know he is one lick away from losing it.

I open my mouth wider to try to pull him deeper when I accidentally scraped him with my teeth as my head came up.

And surprisingly, Edward groans loudly and cums, hard.

I watch as Edward shuts his eyes close and throws his head back, whispering my name like a prayer. He tightens his grip on my hair and lets out the most primal, sensual groan I have ever heard. Gushes of him squirt in my mouth and I swallow.

It is either swallow or choke.

I bob my head until he slumps down on the seat and gently pulls me by my hair.

"Baby please. It is too much." He says, still twitching. I grin and lean on my heels, admiring my work.

Edward looks like he is about to pass out. He has a shit-eating grin on his sweaty face while his flaccid cock lies on his stomach. I nod to myself.

He is definitely a grower.

My knees are killing me and my jaw is sore but I feel fantastic. I am pretty sure I just gave Edward the best orgasm he has ever had.

Edward grabs me under my arms and sits me on his lap.

"That was… wow. Holy shit, that thing you did that the end… Jesus." Edward mumbles against my neck. I smirk and rub his shoulders.

"Not bad for my first try." I say smirking from ear to ear. Edward chuckles and lifts up his head to look at me.

"Not bad at all." He says before kissing me passionately.

I can't wait to do it again.

"Now, it is my turn." He whispers against my lips and I grin, suddenly getting excited.

Edward grins back and kisses me. While he fights with my tongue, he lays me across the backseat, making quick work of my jeans and underwear. I grab the hair tie on my hair and undo the ponytail.

Edward spreads my legs. He lays my left leg over the backseat headrest, letting it hang, almost touching the back window. He then grabs my right leg and bends it back until my feet gets caught on the passenger seat, leaving me spread eagle for his lustful gaze.

Thank God I shaved.

"Bella, you're dripping." Edward groans out as he licks his lips.

Instead of being embarrassed of my nakedness, I try opening my legs wider. He makes me feel like I am the most sexiest, delicious women in the world. I lift my hips, wanting him to touch me.

He smiles and looks at me.

"You are so beautiful Bella." He whispers cupping my right cheek as his eyes flicker over my features.

"I am going to taste you now." He says, looking down before looking at my face again.

"Yes, please." I whimpered. I can feel myself dripping on the seat.

Edward kneels, turning sideways to lean in to me.

As soon as I feel his breath on me I focus on not fainting.

Edward lightly scratches my inner thighs and nuzzled his nose along the skin there, taking in deep breaths. He then gently runs his index finger top to bottom on my slit.

I suck in a breath and hold it, clenching my fists against my sides.

I get up on my elbows and watch as he moves his finger up and down but avoids my clit. Edward looks up to catch my gaze as he finally leans down and licks me.

I cried out and raise my hips towards his mouth.

Edward smirks and lays his right arm across my waist, preventing me from moving.

He dives in without mercy. No teasing, no hesitations.

My elbows gave out and my head dropped onto the seat.

I don't know what to do. It feel so good, it is out of this world. I have never felt like this.

I have no control.

I raise my head and Edward is looking right at me. I moan and move his hair out of his eyes. His eyes are doing sinful things to be and so is his tongue, it has leeched onto my clit and it is not letting go.

His eyes are black and sparkling. He looks so sexy between my legs.

I let out another cry when I feel his finger enter me. I shut my eyes tightly and pant.

When the need to see him gets to strong I get on my elbows again.

"Edward, touch me." I breathe out. Edward understood and starts touching me everywhere. He ran his hands all over my legs and stomach before rolling and pinching my nipples.

Edward knows I need skin on skin contact. It feels more intimate and real with his hands are touching me.

I am needy for his touch.

My legs start to tremble. I am going to die, explode, faint, I don't know, but something is happening. It feels like I am at the very top of the roller-coaster.

I use my legs as leverage and ride his face. Edward moved his arm from my waist and grabbed my sides, pulling me up.

It is just too much for me.

I throw my head back and let out a silent scream.

I grab onto his hair as hard as can and ride out the most intense orgasm I have ever felt.

Mind-blowing, earth shattering, take your pick.

I don't even try to move my limbs. I just lay on an Edward induced utopia.

"One week." I slur. I feel Edward tenderly kiss me before going up my body, kissing me here and there.

"What?" he asks against my neck before capturing my lips. I taste myself on his tongue and I suck it.

"One week from today." I answer.

"What about it?" he asks. He flips us and settles under me. I snuggle against his chest and hug him. He tangles our legs and caresses my back.

Edward sure knows how to make me feel cherished.

I lay my head on the crook of his neck and close my eyes when he kisses my forehead.

"In a week from today, I want you inside me." I tell him, lifting my head to look at him. He grins.

"Is that right, why a week? Why not now?" he asks cupping my ass. I grin back.

"Because birth control won't work until after a week and when we fuck, I don't want condoms." I answer.

Edward frowns.

"Bella, we are not going to fuck." He says. I get up slightly and look at his expression.

"Why not, you want me, I want you." I stated.

"I don't want to fuck or just have sex." Edward says.

"What are you mean?" I asked laying my chin on his chest. I have learned to just give Edward time to explain his thoughts or feeling when he says statements like that. It is best to hear him out instead of jumping to conclusions.

"Bella, for our first time together, I want it to be special. I want to do something I have never done with anyone else." He says combing my hair with his fingers.

My heart jumps and dread fills my chest.

"You want anal?" I squeak out before I can stop myself.

I like Edward, adore him; I do, but fuck no. That is a deal breaker. Nothing is going near my ass.

"What?!" yelled Edward, he has a funny look on his face.

"Sorry, sorry. I jumped the gun on that one. Continue." I say blushing, hiding my face on his neck.

Edward laughs, really laughs with tears on his eyes.

"Only you Bella, I am trying to be romantic and you think I want anal." He says between laughter.

"I got scared" I answer in a small voice. I feel him chuckle.

"So you DON'T want anal, right?" I ask, making sure. I lift my head to look at him. He shakes his head and I sign in relief.

Thank goodness!

"No Bella, I don't want anal, I want to make love to you." Edward says.

"Oh." I reply.

Now I feel like an idiot. Edward just wants to make…

Butterflies settle on my stomach.

Edward wants to make love?

Love?

Does Edward love me?

Do I want Edward to love me? Fuck yes I do!

"Bella, I want to make love to you, you are the right person for me and I know I am the right person for you." Edward says hugging me tighter.

Make love, I like the sound of that.

"Tell me you see more than just fucking between us. We have something special here, you can't deny that." Edward says looking into my eyes.

I smile.

"Of course I see more. Don't get me wrong, I do want to fuck you. Maybe tie you up. Maybe let you spank me" I tell him, giving him a wink. Edward chuckles and spanked my ass lightly causing me to giggle.

"Let's do it." I tell him.

"Yeah?" he asks, drawing patterns on my ass.

I nod, grinning.

"Then afterward, we'll fuck, hard." I say smirking before laying my head back down on his chest. Edward just chuckles. I feel him say something in my hair but I don't catch it.

"Edward, how many girls have you been with." I ask after a time. Edward frowns and stops caressing my back.

"3" he answers.

I sigh in relief. Thank God it is not 20.

"Just 3?" I ask. He nods and starts playing with my hair.

He really loves my hair.

"You Bella, how many men have you been with?" Edward asks quietly.

"None." I answer. Edward's eyes pop out and his mouth hangs open.

"None?" he repeats.

I grin; I get that reaction a lot.

"I'm a virgin." I confess.

"Really? But…" he says, letting his words hang.

"I have messed around with women but no man." I answer tracing patterns over his chest.

"Why not?" He asks. I look up at him.

"Because I never found the right guy, I want to have a deeper connection besides sexual attraction." I answer.

"Sexual attraction is easy. I can find that anywhere, but a deep connection, feelings for a person. Now that is difficult to find, at least for me it is, was." I add. I watch him, wondering if he caught what I didn't say.

"Bella, I have never felt a connection as deep as the one that I feel with you." he replies. I grin.

"So I take it you have never been in love." He says brushing my arm with the back of his fingers.

"Nope." I answer, laying my head back on his chest.

"Have you?" I ask.

"No, I thought I was in high school but it wasn't love." I feel him say.

"Well, I'm sure you broke lot of hearts." I joke but the strangest thing happened. Edward freezes and I heard his heart skip a beat. I lift my head and Edward looks ashen.

What the fuck?

"Edward, what's going on?" I ask. Edward shakes his head and smiles.

That has to be the fakest smile I have ever seen.

"Edward, talk to me. Please." I beg but Edward is not answering. He looks like he is in entirely different world.

I start getting worried, something is wrong.

"Edward." I say quietly. He finally snaps out of it and looks at me. He looks like he is in pain. My heart is breaking. What happened to make him feel like this?

"We should probably get back; I need to reschedule my meeting with my accountant." He says and gently sits me on the seat as he starts getting dress.

What the fuck just happened?

One minute we are enjoying are post carnal glow and the next Edward is a fucken robot.

I climb onto his lap and grab his face so he can look at me.

"Edward, I am your girlfriend. I want to help you but how can I do that if you don't let me. We all have things we have to deal with, I certainly do. But when someone, someone who truly cares for you, offers to help, to listen and you don't even acknowledge it, how am I supposed to feel? Do you not trust me?" I ask him.

"Of course I trust you Bella, don't think I don't." He says hugging me to his chest.

"Edward, you don't talk to me. Not just now but all the time, I don't know anything about your past. I don't know about your dreams, ambitions, aspirations, anything. You don't talk. You can't even tell me about the house you saw, why Edward?" I ask, letting go of his face.

Why does Edward have to be so closed off?

I just want him to be happy.

"Something is seriously bothering you and you are brushing me off." I add, laying my forehead with his.

"Bella, I'm sorry." He says and struggles to continue. I hug his neck but don't say anything.

"It is difficult to talk about things you want to forget. It is easier to just say nothing. And when people don't question it, I learned to keep silent." He whispers.

"Edward, you have me." I simply say.

I don't know how else to convey how much he means to me. When he suffers, I suffer.

Edward looks into my eyes and I see a change in them, I hope is a good thing.

"I will tell you everything, tonight. I'll tell you about my past and my dreams and the house and the army and about Jane." He says with conviction.

I nod but I am more confused.

Who the fuck is Jane?

"I'll make us dinner; my parents are out of town, so we have the place for ourselves. We'll talk, promise." He says, leaning in and kisses me.

The kiss is different but I go with it.

Whatever is going on with Edward is obviously difficult for him to talk about. I just hope that talking to me will help.

Edward hugs me tightly and I just run my fingers through his hair, giving him time. But as I sit here, still naked, the cold kills the mood and I shiver.

Edward feels it and looks down at my body, noticing how naked I am still.

"I should probably let you get dress." He says but doesn't let me go.

"Don't worry Mr. Cullen. You can get me naked any time of the week." I say hoping to get a smile from him.

Edward grins and my heart feels lighter. I quickly dress and we move to the front of the Volvo.

"Can you stop by the pharmacy to pick up my prescription?" I ask when he starts the car

"Sure." Edward says grabbing my hand.

As we make our way to the pharmacy I think about what Rosalie said. She said he has a rough past and that he hasn't been able to move forward from it. I am certain it has to do with the army. Something must have happened while he was in service.

I bite my lip at peek at his profile; I hope I can help him. Edward is the kindest person I have ever met; he doesn't deserve to have his past hunt him still.

"I'll be quick." I tell him when he parks in front of the pharmacy.

There is no way in hell I am getting my prescription in Forks, it would only take a matter of hours before everyone knows. It was been a month since Edward and I started dating and people are still talking about it.

"Next" the girl behind the counter says.

"Any questions?" She asks when she hands me the paper bag.

"No thanks, I'm good." I tell her.

I turn and none other than Douchebag from Wal-Mart is standing right in front of me. I get startled and drop the bag causing the pills to spill out.

He has a smirk on his face like if he knew that was going to happen.

"Sorry about that." He says grabbing my prescription off the floor. I snatch it off his hand.

"Now you apologize." I snap.

His eyes are the weirdest color. I can't believe I didn't notice them before.

His eyes are the lightest blue, almost bleached.

Like Skeleton!

They are related. He has more meat on his bones but he gives me the same vibes as Skeleton.

Was he following us?

He then says the creepiest thing.

"How is that thoughtful boyfriend of yours?" He asks. Blood drains from my face.

Skeleton referred to Edward like that all those weeks ago at the fair.

"Nice to know you are being safe. We'll meet again." He says indicating my pills before disappears into the aisles.

Something scary is happening.

I don't know if he did it on purpose but he just confirmed that he and Skeleton know each other. Are they after Rosalie, Edward or the entire Cullen's? No, not the entire Cullen's. I'm no Cullen yet I'm involved somehow.

Do they want something?

I wasn't seeing things, that silver and red cars were suspicious. It was them.

A shiver runs down my spine. How long were they following?

I need to tell Edward.

I look around the store but Douchebag is gone. I don't know if I should feel relief or worried.

Edward is on his phone when I get inside the Volvo. He points at the phone and mouths 'Accountant' I nod and buckle up. I look around but don't see the sliver or red car here.

"That's great. Sorry for today, I'll see you tomorrow." Edward says before hanging it up.

"John is staying one more day to meet tomorrow morning." Edward says as he drives us back to Forks.

"Where is he from?" I ask. I decided not to tell him now, I'll tell him at dinner tonight. I need to gather my thoughts first.

"Seattle, we usually have phone meetings but he needed my signature on some things so he came here." He says grabbing my hand and placing it on his lap.

"Your accountant travels all the way here just so you can sign some things?" I ask in disbelieve.

Talk about dedication to the job.

"He makes exceptions to certain clients." Edward says quietly. I look at him; he is not telling me everything.

"What makes you an exception?" I ask.

"Not me per say, it is my last name." he answers.

"Your last name?" I ask. He nods.

"I come from old money." He says looking at me briefly.

Old money?

Does that mean he is wealthy, rich? Is that why Skeleton and Douchebag are interested in them?

"Is your family famous?" I ask, a little uncomfortable. I don't want to offend him or anything. He frowns, looking for the right worlds.

"Yes and no. We don't flaunt or try getting attention from the press and public, also living in Forks helps. We are under the radar, for the most part. But we are known in big businesses and corporations, especially with other old money families." He says looking at me from time to time.

"Cullen Inc. own 45% of Twilight Enterprise, among other things." He says.

My eyes bulge out and my mouth hangs open.

Twilight Enterprise!? Twilight Enterprise is like the Umbrella Corporation in Resident Evil. Twilight Enterprise is everywhere, from medicine to technology to film production, and the Cullen's own 45%, I'll be damned.

Old money indeed.

My family and I had to move here because we couldn't afford $950 a month in rent and Edward's family owns 45% of Twilight Enterprise.

No wonder his accountant comes all the way over here to get some signatures. He would wipe Edward's ass if he asks him to.

I snort.

Edward looks at me curiously so I shake my head, snapping out of my musing.

It doesn't matter. Edward is still MY Edward, rich or poor.

"That's why you don't work right?" I ask, putting 2 and 2 together.

"Sort of" Edward answers.

"I obviously don't run the entire Cullen Inc. but I do keep up with things and when a big decision needs to be made, I make it." He says.

"Why you and not Carlisle?" I ask.

"My dad has his practice to run but he does check in time to time." He says. I nod, that makes sense.

Neither Edward nor I say anything else after that. I need to tell Edward about those guys now; he needs to know what is going.

They might be after his money.

If anything happens to Edward, I will never forgive myself.

"Bella, don't let my last name change anything between us." Edward pleads when we arrived. He shut off the engine and I hear his garage door closing.

Where did that come from?

Then it clicks, he is worried, he was taking my silence for something different.

It has never been about the money; hell, I didn't know he had money.

"I won't. Money or not, you are my man." I tell him and he smiles.

"That's why you are my girl. You don't even let money intimidate you." He says grinning. I snort.

"You know I only want you for your body not your money, right?" I joked. Edward chuckles.

Is that right?" he asks looking at me from under his eyebrows.

He is so fucken sexy.

I just nod. My mouth suddenly became dry.

Edward's face changes from playful to tender. My breath swooshes out of my lungs at the sight; I don't know how he does it.

Edward leans close and tucks a strand of my hair behind my right ear. He stares into my eyes and smiles sweetly, caressing my cheek like if I am made of glass.

My heart thumps wildly but I don't move.

He looks at me like if I am precious and to him, I feel like I am. Even after our mind-blowing time earlier today, just his simple caress and smile make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

His money and his past are not going to get between us.

Or those fucktards, I will not allow it.

I grin, losing myself in his sparkling emerald green eyes.

He makes my life messy and confusing and wonderful and meaningful.

I will kill Skeleton and Douchebag if they try harming him.

I will protect my Edward.

And in that moment, it hits me like an avalanche. I throw my head back and laugh. Edward leans back a bit, startled.

"Bella, why are you laughing?" Edwards asks, chuckling.

"You are now stuck with me." I answer him. Edward grins.

"I thought I already was." He replies and I giggle shaking my head.

"What is going on in that pretty little head of yours?" He asks.

"I just realized something." I answer.

"Yeah? And what's that?" he asks, humoring me, his beautiful boyish smile on his face.

Sometimes he is so beautiful it doesn't seem real that he's mine.

Edward kisses the back of my hand, waiting for my answer.

"I love you Edward." I tell him grinning like a fool.

* * *

**There you have it.**

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**And most importantly, who the fuck is Jane?**

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**Until next time.**

**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7**


	16. Chapter 16: Jane Volturi

**Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down**

**This chapter is longer than all the others but there is a reason, I might have squeezed a lemon for you guys in there somewhere.**

**You're welcome. :)**

**A special thanks to Jenifer Cullen for agreeing to be this story's Beta. And in the perfect timing too.**

**This story is at its peak.**

**I'll won't keep you up any longer.**

**I own nothing, these are SM characters.**

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**See you at the bottom.**

* * *

"Edward." I call, losing the grin. Edward has not moved a muscle. He hasn't even blink.

What is going on with him?

Is me loving him such a bizarre concept that has left him in shock?

I roll my eyes.

Men.

I open the passenger door and get out the car. Edward snaps out of his coma and races after me.

"Bella wait." He says grabbing my arm. I turn to look at him.

"Listen. I'm going home now…" I say but he interrupts me.

"No!" he yells, looking frighten and tightens his grip on my arm, almost to the point of painful. I smile reassuringly.

"Don't worry. I'm going home, take a shower, get pretty and I'll be back for dinner." I explain. Edward shakes his head.

"I don't want you to leave without knowing that…" I place my fingers over his lips, keeping him from talking.

"You, go home, shower, gather your thoughts and make me dinner." I say but he looks doubtful.

"Baby, we are fine." I reassure. Edward reluctantly gets go of my arm and looks at me nervously. I get on my toes and give him a sweet kiss.

"I love you. I'll see you in a few." I say before leaving.

Poor Edward, he looks so overwhelmed. He needs time for himself.

I get home and Renée is in the living room with Jasper.

"Hey Bella, how was the appointment?" asked Renée.

"Fine, everything is normal." I answer and go to the kitchen for a water bottle. I open it up and take a big gulp.

I am doing everything in my power not to freak out about Edward's reaction. I want to believe he loves me back but when he just sat still like that, it is impossible not to think the worse.

But I know Edward. I need to trust that things are good between us and that Edward just needs so time for his brain to catch up.

"Did you get your birth control pills yet?" Renée says. I jump startled and inhale causing me to start choking on the water.

What the fuck was that?!

While I struggle to not drown and die, Renée pats my back but laughing the entire time.

After I feel like I can breathe again I turn to look at her.

"Why are you sneaking up on people, I almost die!" I say, giving her a disapproval look. Renée rolls her eyes.

"Don't be so dramatic. Did the doctor give you pills or are you going down a different route." She asks all business like.

"What makes you think I need that?" I ask, grateful that my cheeks were already red so she didn't catch my blush.

"Bella I have eyes and I didn't raise an irresponsible girl who will not take care of herself. You and Edward seem solid. Sex is the next logical step." She says shrugging. I groan in embarrassment.

"Mother, I do not want to talk about sex with you." I mumbled.

"Bella you are 21 years old. You are not a kid, don't act like one. I want you to be safe." Renée says.

"Mom everything is good. I will never do anything without thinking it through. You know that." I answer, feeling a little foolish.

"Yes, that is why I am asking what you got." she replies.

"TriNessa." I answer. Even if I am an adult, I don't want my mother to know about my sex life. That is all kinds of wrong.

"Good." She says before going back to the living room.

I shake my head and walk to my room where I find Jasper lying on my bed.

"So sister." He says as I lie next to him.

"Yes brother?" I ask he looks nervous.

"I'm going to Seattle this weekend." He says looking up at the ceiling.

"And." I say rolling my hand in front of us.

"And I need your help." He says quietly. Then it hits me.

"Of course you do. Who better than your sister to help you pick out an engagement ring?." I ask in an obvious tone.

"My thoughts exactly." He says. We don't talk as i lay my head on his shoulder.

I love him so much; it drives him crazy at times. I just want him to be happy and I know his happiness is Alice but I can't help the tears from forming. I am still selfish and I want him for myself.

I have been sharing him with Alice but soon, he will be hers and there is a possibility that they might want to move away.

I have never been separated from my brothers and it scares me.

"Aw, don't tell me you are going all girl on me?" Jasper jokes when he hears me sniff. He hugs me by my shoulders.

"This is a good thing Bella." He adds and I nod.

"I know, but you are going to move away and I will never see you again." I cry and Jasper laughs.

"Come on sister. We are blood, no matter the distance, we are family and nothing is going to change that. Besides Alice and I haven't even talked about that." He says trying to sooth me. I sniff and wipe my tears on his shirt.

Jasper yelps and pushes me off him.

"I have your snot on me! You are so disgusting Bella!" Jasper yells pulling the shirt so it doesn't touch his skin. I laugh, I grab his face and lick his forehead before he can move.

"Mom!" he cries furiously cleaning his forehead on my sheets. I all but roll in the bed laughing my ass out.

Jasper gets up and storms out of my room, mumbling about showers and bleach.

"I love you too!" I yell and he flips me the bird.

I grin, feeling a lot better.

I am so happy for Jasper. He deserves all the happiness in the world.

I get up and head for the shower. I quickly wash, scrub and raise before heading for my closet.

I decided to embrace my inner girl as Jasper put it and slip on a summer dress. I quickly dress and braid my hair, feeling anxious to get back to Edward.

By the time I am ready, it is a quarter to 7 and I take wait anymore. I slip on my black flip flops and head downstairs.

"What's this?" Charlie asks when he sees me dressed up.

"Nothing, I am trying different styles." I say kissing him on the cheek and heading for the kitchen.

"Mom, I'm eating at Edward's. Don't wait up." I tell her when I find her in front of the stove.

"Alright. Remember what we talked about. Be safe." She warns and I run out of there in case Charlie heard anything and asks questions.

When I walk pass the mailbox something white catches my attention.

More mail this late?

I grab it, it is a fairly big envelope and it is addressed to me. My name is written in the middle with nothing else.

I open it and pictures fall off. As soon as I pick them up my heart drops.

Every photo is of me and Edward. When we go out to eat, go to the movies, go to the park, sneaking away into the secluded place. It is all there, us talking, kissing, holding hands, on his backseat.

My eyes begin to water as I look at them. There must be a least 30 pictures. And what scared me the most is that at the end, there are pictures of us together for earlier today.

I feel violated. Dirty. These were intimate moments with Edward and some psycho pervert is taking pictures and to top it off, sending them to me.

I stuff the pictures back inside when I notice a piece of paper in the envelope. It's a letter.

I take it out and read it.

Dear, Edward Cullen's whore.

As you can see from the pictures, we know who you are and what you mean to Edward. Edward Cullen is a murderer. He deserves to pay for his crime. If they military were stupid enough to fall for his sob story and let him go, then we will just have to take things into our own hands.

We don't forget. We have thought long and hard about what to do with that murderer. First, we thought of killing him but that's too merciful. Then we thought of kidnapping his sister, rape and kill her while he watched, that sounded like fun. We even put the plan in play until we stumbled across you.

Fate was handed us something better than his bitch sister. You; Isabella Swan. What better why and to break him than going after his love? What better agony for him than to watch as we rape, torture and kill you his love? Perfect, don't you think?

We leave you this letter for the sole reason to let you know that we are watching. You are not safe and very soon we are going to have you. We will enjoy it.

Give my regards to that boyfriend of yours. Enjoy him while you still can.

I am numb.

I feel no fear, no anger, no outrage, I feel nothing.

I carefully fold the letter back up, place it neatly inside the envelope and walk towards Edward's house.

I let myself in and lock the door.

"Bella, is that you?" Edward calls out but I don't answer. I look outside the door window but no one is watching.

"Bella?" Edward calls behind me. I turn and look at him.

He looks good. He has on black slacks and a white button up shirt.

Handsome, as always.

"Bella, what is going on?" Edward asks and takes a step closer to me.

I hand him the envelope.

"What is it?" he asks but I walk pass him and sit on the couch.

"What the fuck?" He mumbles as he looks at the pictures before reading the letter. Blood drains from his face and he starts to shake. I don't know for fear or anger. He lets the letter and pictures fall to the floor before he destroys everything in his path.

Under any other circumstance I might have been scared but I'm not.

I'm numb.

Edward grabs the lamp and throws it across the room. I watch as it breaks into little pieces. Edward begins to pace and starts talking to himself before he remembers I'm here and kneels before me. He grabs hold of my trembling hands.

How odd, since when have I been shaking?

"Bella" Edward says in a tone I've never heard before.

"No one, I repeat. No one is going to touch you. If anyone comes close I will kill them. You hear me? Nothing is going to happen to you. I'd rather die than let someone harm you." He says.

He grabs my face and leans in closer.

"You are safe." He says.

Right then we hear ringing coming from the kitchen. Edward sighs, kisses my forehead and gets up.

That's when I lost it.

"NO!" I cry startling him. I grab into his shirt in a vase like grip.

"Don't leave me!" I cried. Edward has the saddest expression on his face I have ever seen. He hugs me and I start calming down.

"I'm just going to turn off the oven. I'll be right back." He says quietly but I don't answer or let go of his shirt. He tries to pry off my fingers but I don't budge. Edward has no choice but to take off his shirt and hand it to me.

I bring it to my chest and grip it so tightly I feel like the skin around my knuckles is about to snap.

When Edward returns and finds me in the same position, he rips the shirt out of my grip.

"Bella talk to me, please." Edward says and kneels in front of me again.

His face is so appealing, even if he looks sad, he is still gorgeous.

"I love you Bella." He says in a small voice.

"Today is the greatest day of my life because I know you love me too, nothing can spoil it. Not even this letter. I love you so much that I feel like I might go insane. You are my life now." Edward declares and I am awakened.

Edward loves me, as long as he loves me, I will be ok.

"You love me?" I ask. Edward smiles when he hears me talk.

"Yes, with all my heart Bella." He answers.

"Ok." I say and launch for his lips. He is still from a second before kissing me back in no time.

Edward leans back when he feels my tears on his cheek.

"Bella?" he asks and I lose it.

I cry.

I am scared to death. Someone, people are after me. I have been threatened. Photos have been taken and I don't know why. Why do they want to hurt me? Why do they want to hurt Edward?

And at the same time I am over the moon ecstatic. Edward said it. He loves me and I love him. My future, our future just got a whole lot better but now there is a huge terrifying shadow covering our happiness and they are not going to be satisfied until they spill blood.

That makes me cry harder.

Edward hugs me tightly and shushes me. He whispers comforting words and that is all I focus on.

When I have no more tears to spill, Edward grabs my face and wipes my cheeks with his thumb.

"Bella, I will not let anything happen to you. You believe me right?" he asks and I nod.

He sighs in relief.

"What is happening Edward, you know who is after us, why?" I ask. I'm not an idiot; I saw his face when he read the letter. He knows who they are.

"Their names are Aro and Marcus Volturi." Edward says sitting down next to me.

"Why are they trying to harm you?" I ask, hugging my knees.

Edward leans forward and stares at his hands

"I killed their sister." He says quietly.

"What?" I ask.

"I should have seen her. I was so alert, so focused but I couldn't stop my hand." Edward says his voice shaky.

"It was like if I was having an outer body experience. I just see the knife impaling her chest. She didn't cry or yell. She just stared at me." Edward says, turning to look at me.

"Edward you are losing me here. Go back to the beginning. I want to understand." I tell him. He nods and looks back at his hands.

"I enlist right after high school. My grandfather enlisted, my father enlisted. It just felt like the next logical step for me. During basic training I met Jane Volturi. Jane was the sweetest, kindest girl I have never met. It always puzzled me why she would join the military but she was strong, she had every right to be there." Edward starts, smiling.

"We became inseparable. She sort of reminded me of Rosalie, she became my sister in a way. I always looked out for her. We had complete trust in each other." he says before looking back at me again.

"You have to understand. If you have no trust in your comrades, you are going to die. It is that simple. There was no one I trusted more than Jane. I made sure she was in my squad, that we were sent on missions together just so I can keep an eye on her." he says.

I can understand.

"In your eyes, you were protecting your sister." I say and Edward smiles and nods.

"Yes exactly. But Jane didn't see it like that." Edward says losing the smile.

"She was in love with you." I guessed. He looks down and nods.

"A couple of months before my service was over, Jane confessed her love for me. I couldn't love her that why she wanted though. I tried explaining. I tried being as gentle as I could but Jane was heartbroken. Everything changed." He says.

"Jane started requesting transfers; she would ask to be switched on missions. She did everything in her power to avoid me and I didn't know what to do. I felt like I was failing my sister." He explained.

That must have crushed him.

"3 weeks before my term was over Jane was assigned to my squad for a top priority mission. Jane knew better than to question our superiors and I was glad. I thought that maybe things can get back to normal if we were on a mission together, like we used to." Edward says.

"I knew this mission was not going to be a walk in the park. Everyone in the squad was selected for a reason. Jane was a tech nut. She could hack into anything. Derek was a scouter and I was the sniper." He described.

I hold back my shock; I didn't see Edward as a sniper.

"It was a simple three man team. Word had come in that there was a secret hideout of the enemy with valuable Intel. Derek's and my job was to safely escort Jane to and from the hideout without being spotted." He starts again.

"So Jane was the main asset of the team?" I ask. She must have been great I what she did.

"Yeah, she was important for that mission." He confirmed.

"It started off great, without a hitch. We found the hideout, we cleared the area without raising an alarm and Jane got what she needed. It was our way back that was a disaster." He says and looks off to the distance, like if he is seeing it all again.

"We didn't even hear the first shot. It went right through the windshield and hit Derek on the forehead; he was dead before he even knew what happened. Because Derek was driving, we couldn't stop the truck fast even and we ran into a ditch. The truck was destroyed. I heard dirt bikes in the distance so I got Jane and myself out of there. Jane quickly radioed ahead and backup was on its way but if we stayed there, we were going to get killed." He explained.

"We only had seconds to run and the gunshots were already on us. Jane and I ran to the closest building and took cover. All I had to do was buy us enough time for backup. They were 10 minutes away but for us, that seemed like years. We were outnumbered 1 to 30. There was no way I can stall them for that long. I will never forget Jane's face." Edward says and looks at me.

My heart is breaking and I don't know what to do for him.

"Jane knew we were not going to make it out alive. I knew that too, we were surround and outnumbered with only one gun and several bullets. But I wasn't going to give up without a fight. Jane was going to survive it." Edward says and takes a deep breath.

"Bella, I was ready to die. I was so certain of my death that it was freeing in a way. I knew I wasn't going to make it, I accepted it. I would have gladly died for her, and I told her so. She was more valuable than me at that point. She had the Intel, Derek and I didn't look. I was going to sacrifice myself so that she could have a chance to escape, to find backup." He says and tears fall from my eyes.

I can't imagine what he and Jane were thinking at that moment. How desperate and frightening it was to accept your own death, to lose hope.

"We were hidden but they didn't bother to look for us. They would have found us in no time. It was a bare building with only a couple of rooms. They taunted us. They knew it was just the two of us. No matter how many I shot, 2 more took their place. They wanted her, I don't know if they knew she was the one that took the information or for the simple reason that she was a girl but they wanted her alive. I knew that once they get their hands on her, death would seem like a merciful reward." Edward explained.

"To make my death more interesting they decided on a game, me against them all with only a knife." He uttered.

"They threw a knife where we were hiding and told me that if I valued my comrade's life that I was to fight to the death and then they started coming. I didn't have a chance to think. I told Jane to stay behind me and I fought. I fought as hard as I could but I knew it wasn't enough. I was getting tired and more kept coming." Edward continues and looks down at his shaky hands.

"She didn't listen, Bella. I told her to stay back but she didn't listen. I started hearing shots and at that point I imagined that it was them, that we were bored and wanted to end it already. I took out as much of them as I could. During the fight I swung my arm across my body when I suddenly see Jane standing right in front of me. I tried to stop, to deflect the blow but it was too late. I kept hearing gunshots and that is when I realized that it was the backup." Edward cries.

"I told her to stay back, I told her. But there she was, standing in front of me with the knife inside her chest. I demanded her to tell me why, why would she get in my way but she just stood there staring at me. I took cover and laid her on the floor. I begged her to tell me why when I specially told her to stay behind me. She said that it was for the best if she died. She said that they couldn't get the important information she had. But I knew that was bullshit. I knew it was something else and I was right. She told me that she wanted to free me from my obligations to her, to finally stop me from worrying, that I could go on with my life." Edward yells as he stands and starts pacing. A tear rolls down his cheek.

"How fucked up is that. She wanted to die so I wouldn't worry, because I didn't love her the way she wanted me too. She died because of me, for me. I didn't want that Bella. Never." Edward says quietly and sits down. I get up and kneel in front of him.

Now it is my turn to comfort him, to bring him back from anguish.

I grab his face and make him look at me,

"Edward, listen to me. It is not your fault. You did everything you could that day. She chose to end her life." I tell him but he shakes his head.

"There is so much you can do for others and sometimes, it is still not enough. Remember how stubborn I was to leave here? How much I hurt you by not giving us a chance because I was stuck on the past? How many times did you try to reason with me?" I ask Edward.

"No matter how hard you try, ultimately it comes down to the person. It is not fair to you to carry her death on your shoulders. It was her choice and you have to accept that. You are carrying this guilt that is not yours to bear. You did everything you could that day, remember that. " I tell him.

"Remember that you loved her dearly and protected her as best you could and everything else was out of your control." I tell him, getting up to sit next to him.

He doesn't say anything for a while and I don't push him. I know it is something that needs time. But I will not allow him to beat himself over it.

It was a shitty thing Jane did. How can she do that to him? She must have known that Edward would have never forgiven himself. I really don't want to think of her as a bad person but it is hard when I see Edward like this. Didn't she know him long enough to know how her actions would affect him? It was heartbreaking for Edward to know that she want to die but it was just plain cruel to force Edward's hand like that.

I don't like Jane Volturi.

"She was a tiny little thing. Nothing would really set her off unless you talked about her eyes" Edward suddenly says, chuckling. I smile, not because of the story but because he has seemed to be doing better.

"Why would people talk about her eyes?" I ask.

"Personally, I thought they were beautiful but I must admit that it got some getting used to. She had the lightest blue eyes I've ever seen." Edward answers and my stomach drops.

Everything makes sense now.

"Almost as if they were bleached?" I ask, dreading the answer.

I don't believe in coincidences.

Edward frowns.

"Yeah, how did you know?" he asks.

Skeleton and Douchebag are the ones that sent the letter, they are Jane's brothers.

"I know who sent the letters. I spoke to both of them before." I say looking at him

"You know Aro and Marcus?" Edward asks.

"I don't know them by name. Remember the Wal-Mart incident with Rosalie? It was one of them. He is taller, beefier than his brother." I tell him.

"It was Marcus." Edward says then asks when I saw the other one.

"Remember when we went to the fair and you took the stuffed animals to the Volvo. Skeleton was there. He started asking bullshit questions about you but I didn't think anything of it. I just thought he was a sicko that gets off on making people uncomfortable." I tell him.

"Skeleton?" Edward asks.

"That's how I call him." I answer.

"Then that must be Aro." Edward confirms.

"What did he ask?" Edward asked.

"Nothing worth repeating." I answer and thankfully he doesn't press.

"When was the last time you have seen any of them?" he asks

"I saw Marcus today." I answer in a small voice.

"Today! Why didn't you tell me!" he yells and I roll my eyes.

"I was going to tell you over dinner, plus I didn't know who he was, I just had suspicions." I answer crossing me arms.

"What suspicions?" Edward asks and I shrug.

"At first I thought I was being paranoid but I notice suspicious cars circling around you and Rosalie a while back, now I know it is them. Also today Marcus used a phrase, referring to you; it was the same Aro used when he talked to me that night at the fair." I answer.

"What phrase?" Edward questions.

"Both of them referred to you as my 'thoughtful' boyfriend that is when I knew something was happening and it had to deal with you or your family." I summarize.

"I am not going to let them lay a finger on you Edward." I tell him seriously.

"That's my line. But don't forget they are after you." Edward says and he frowns.

"I will kill them both." He threatens.

"We will kill them together." I joke but get serious when I see the envelope on the floor.

"Edward, some of those pictures were of today, of what we were going earlier." I say quietly. Edward sigh and hugs me. I lay my head on his shoulder and hug him back.

"I know baby. Hang in there. It will be over soon." He says rubbing my back.

"I love you Edward." I tell him.

"And I love you, Bella." He replies. I hug him tight.

His story scared me, he was so close to death that my heart still hasn't stopped racing.

"I know it's fucked up to say but I am glad you weren't the one that died. I just can't…" I begin to explain but he interrupts me with a kiss.

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I hope you know that." He tells me. I lock my fingers behind his neck.

"I do." I say before I kiss him.

In that moment everything is clear to me. I love Edward and he loves me, everything else that is going to happen will happen but I will not let this rule me life.

I lie across the couch and bring Edward on top of me. He falls easily, settling between my legs as we kiss.

Edward grabs my right leg and hikes it up to his waist causing me to moan softly.

"Edward, remember when I said I wanted to wait a week?" I ask him when we come up for air.

"Yes." Edward answers, breathing heavy.

"I want you now." I answer. Edward stares into my eyes, trying to see the truth. Once he is satisfied he stands up and carries me to his room. He gently lays me down in the middle of the bed. I get up on my knees and pull off of my dress and undo my hair.

Edward stands at the foot of the bed, staring. I watch as he slowing pulls of his undershirt and unbuckle his belt, dropping his slacks on the floor. He climbs on the bed and knees in front of me.

I caress his cheek and he leans into my hand, smiling softly. He lays his hand on my waist and strokes the skin there. The butterflies are going crazy inside my stomach but I am also excited.

I pull him close as he hugs me tight.

I grab onto his arms and kiss the middle of his chest. He lifts my head by my chin and gives me a tender kiss. With all these pent up emotions, it doesn't take long for the kiss to intensify.

The longer we kiss the more carnal it gets. I start using my teeth; I catch his bottom lip and bite down, hard.

Edward lets out a low groan that I swallow and he kisses me harder, most likely bruising my lips. I run my tongue over his bottom lip at the same time he runs his on mine.

Our tongues start dancing around each other, fighting for dominance and my hands start flying everywhere. He is hard all over, his back, stomach, chest. When my hands reach his hard cock, I pull his underwear and grab him.

Edward using my distraction and dominance the kiss, he tilts my head more, kissing me deeper.

I break away first but only after I starting seeing dark spots for the lack of air, but that doesn't stop Edward.

He starts kissing down my throat and down my chest. I lean my head up to the ceiling and finally let out a strangled moan.

Edward brings both hands to my ass and pulls my bottom half towards him as he kissing me between my breasts. I hold his head to me and feel the tickle of his soft hair on my chin.

My bra is not an obstacle for Edward. He pulls it and catches my nipple inside his mouth.

I abruptly break away from him and lay down on the bed.

Wetness pools my underwear as I watch him above me. I reach behind me and unclasp my bra and swung across the room, landing on top of his TV.

Edward's eyes darken when he saw my breast and I smile. No matter how many times he has seen them, he still gets excited.

Edward slowly brings his hands to my ankles. He runs his hands up my legs, up my knees, passing my thigh until his catches the waistband of my underwear. He hooks his fingers on them and pulls them down my legs, throwing them behind him.

He quickly pulls his underwear the rest of the way down, kicking them off. He hooks his hands under my knees, spreading my legs until my feet touch my hands.

He slowly caresses the inside of my thighs but stop before he reaching my aching pussy.

I let out a whine which causes him to smirk before lying between my legs.

Edward hold his weight on his elbows, his lips inches away from mine.

It has been to long since the last time I tasted him.

I bring my hands to his waist and push him down to me. When I finally have his weight on me he moves the tiniest bit and I finally feel his ragging bulge where I need it the most.

"Make love to me Edward." I whisper, on the verge of having a heart attack. I want this so much but that doesn't stop my nerves or anxiety. Edward hikes my leg and rubs my core before grabbing his cock and placing it right at my entrance.

"I love you Bella." Edward whispered back before he slowly begins to push inside me.

I tried to be as relaxed as I can but it hurts. I can feel him stretching me as he goes in inch by inch. He is too big; I don't think he can fit.

This does not feel good.

I arch my back, closing my eyes; I turn my head to the side as I try to conceal a tear that rolls down but I couldn't contain a long painful whimper.

Edward kisses me everywhere, my lips, eyes, cheeks, my chin to comfort me. When he mercifully stops and holds still I let out a grateful sigh.

"Edward, I love you but I don't think I can take anymore." I tell him in a shaky voice.

"I'm so sorry you are in pain Bella. Do you want me to stop?" he asks but I shake my head.

"No. just hold on for a minute. Let me adjust." I tell him before I reach up and kiss him.

I kiss him long and hard, trying to distract myself from the pain. And it works; it doesn't take long before I am aching for him to continue.

I roll my hips and Edward lets out a groan. I grab onto his neck as Edward begins to move. Thankfully the pain lessens with each thrust.

"Faster Edward." I whisper in his ear. Even if I don't feel the same pleasure as him just being with him like this, becoming one, makes everything perfect. Pleasure or not.

Edward hooks my right leg over his arm, thrusting deeper, faster.

I moan and grab his face and bring his lips back down to mine. He swallows my cries.

Edward leans back to look at me. His face his covered in sweat making his hair sticking to his forehead. I brush his hair back and stare into his eyes.

I abruptly push his left side causing us to roll and get on top of him. His eyes widen and I smirk.

I push myself off his chest and sit up right, taking him even deeper.

I look into his eyes as I experimentally start rolling my hips, finally getting some sort of pleasure. I throw my head back and moan while Edward's grabs my breast, pinching my nipples.

I buckle and grind harder and faster when I start feeling the familiar tingling sensation.

Edward sits up, hugging me tightly and sucks my left nipple. It sends shocks through my body and settles on my pussy.

When I felt like I was about to burst I pushed his chest and forced him to lay back down. I used his chest as leverage and ride him as fast as I can.

Edward fists the sheets and gets a wrinkle in the middle of his forehead. He alternates from watching my face, my bouncing breast and where we are joined, never settling his gaze. When Edward feels that I start losing speed, he grabs my waist and helps me move.

Suddenly I was seeing stars. I claw Edward's shoulders and chest to keep me grounded while I ride the most intense orgasms of my life. I throw my head back and open my mouth in a silent scream. Wave after wave floods my system of intense pleasure, making me forget even my name, so much that when I calm down I'm back on the bed and Edward is lying on top of me, stroking my face with a pleasing smile on his face, still inside of me.

I blink up at him and before he had a chance to speak, I crash my lips into him.

Edward moans and that gets my blood flowing again.

I roll my hips and Edward starting thrusting again, I can see that he is in the verge of cumming.

"Cum for me Edward." I whisper to him when he lays his forehead on mine and that does it. I watch as his face twists in pleasure and his eyes snap shut before he hides his face on my neck.

He wraps his arms under me and hugs me tightly. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and neck and hold him close as I close my eyes trying to regain my senses.

"Is that how the first times happen?" I ask Edward grinning for ear to ear. He chuckles and lays beside me, hugging me tight, still inside of me.

"No but we already established that you are not ordinary." Edward says. I giggle.

"You love my crazy." I tell Edward. Edward just smiles into my hair.

* * *

**There you have it.**

**Loved it, hate it?**

**What do you guys think is going to happen now that Aro and Marcus are trying to get them?**

**What will Edward do, and Bella? Can she cope with it?**

**What about ****Jane Volturi? Is Bella justified in not liking her?**

**...**

**Anywho, I hoped you all enjoyed that lemon. Edward and Bella needed a break, don't you agree?**

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**We are coming close to the end, I would hate for any of you to miss it.**

**Until next time.**

**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7**


	17. Chapter 17: Port Angeles

**Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down.**

**Sorry for the delayed update, hopefully the rest of the chapters will be updated more quickly.**

**As always, I own nothing, these are SM characters**

**Not Beta'd**

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**I won't keep you up any longer.**

**See you at the bottom.**

* * *

"Yes, it's here." Edward says over the phone as he glances at the envelope.

"No, no contact with me but they did come in contact once with Rosalie and twice with Bella, which we know of." Edward explained with a frown.

I know how frustrated he must be. I only spoke to them twice but judging from the pictures, we have been under surveillance for months.

Edward and I are back to reality. No matter how much we may wish it, we can't block the sun with a finger; the Volturi are after us. The sooner we come up with something, the better so, much to Edward's and mine dismay, we got dressed. I got cleaned up and threw Edward's sheets in the washer while he started making phone calls.

It took Edward 20 minutes to find the person he was looking for but he was able to get a hold of Jared, his godfather. When I asked Edward why he would call him and not the police he just told me that Jared would give us better answers than the police, Jared seems to agree.

No police involvement, at least for now.

Jared serviced alongside Carlisle. After they left the military Carlisle and Jared maintained a strong friendship throughout the years. Edward said that there is no one more qualified and trustworthy than his godfather.

I just hope he is right.

"That's right. Yes, those are my thoughts too. Ok, fine. I'll see you soon." Edward said before hanging up.

"So, what is happening?" I ask. Edward lets out a deep breath and leans back on his desk chair.

"Jared is coming; he is getting on the first plane here and is already gathering information on Aro and Marcus. Apparently the brothers have been searching for me for some time. They found out I live in the states and moved to New York a year ago." Edward said.

I look at him with amazement.

"Jared got all that in a couple of minutes on his computer?" I ask and Edward smiles and nods.

"I told you he is better than the police." He says and leans his head back, closing his eyes.

"Wait, you said they moved to the U.S.? Where are they from?" I ask getting back on topic.

"Italy. We aren't the only ones with connections. They found out I live here and they moved. They have been searching for me ever since." He said.

"When did they figure out that you live in Washington?" I ask.

"Remember when you moved here and I was still in uniform?" Edward asked. He rolled his head in my direction on the bed and looked at me with one eye open. I nod.

"Yes, very fucken sexy by the way." I answer and Edward smirks.

"I was still working for the army. Not as a soldier, more like a consultant." Edward says closing his eyes.

"Consultant?" I ask.

"Yeah, there is a base near here but that's all I can say." Edward answers and I nod. Some things aren't meant for me to hear.

"Are you still working for them?" I ask, feeling some anxiety. Edward lifts up his hand, soundlessly calling me to him. I stand and grab it. He pulls me to his lap.

"No, my contract ended that day we smoked the cigarettes behind your house, remember?" he ask and I blush.

"Of course I remember." I say quietly before laying my head on his chest.

"What does that have to do with the Vulturi?" I ask.

"Jared told me that someone from the inside pulled up my file and told Aro and Marcus where to find me." Edward explained.

"Is that legal?" I ask. Edward shakes his head.

"No, but like I said, they have people to help them." Edward said.

"How can the military not notice it?" I ask. I feel Edward shrug.

"Those people aren't rookies; they know how to hack into the system without being detected." Edward explained and I lift my head to look at him. He makes it sound like it is no big deal, he looks so calm.

"Edward, this is bad. This means that they have people in on it. Maybe that is how they got the pictures without being spotted." I told him and Edward looks down at me and smiles.

"Baby, this is why I love you, you are no fool." Edward says but I don't smile. I'm too anxious to smile.

"Yes your right, which is why Jared is already working on it. He is going to have one of his guys look and find the person who gave the Vulturi the information and take care of it." Edward says.

"Edward, when you say 'take care of it' what does that mean exactly?" I ask looking down at my hands.

"I'm not sure, Jared didn't really say." Edward answers before raising my chin to look at him.

"Is that something that bothers you?" he asks looking into my eyes.

"Honestly Edward, that person is aiding people who are trying to harm and kill us. I want us to be safe and I want the Vulturi Assholes stopped. If that means bad people dying in the process then I am all for it. I know that seems wrong but I rather have them die than us." I answer.

The way I see it now is kill or be killed. The Vulturi made it clear, they want to rape and kill me and I'm sure as hell am not going down without a fight.

"Glad we are on the same page." Edward says and kisses my forehead.

"You don't think I am a sociopath for wanting them to die?" I ask, Edward snorts.

"Bella if I can have it my way, they would be begging for death when I through with them. No one threatens your life or my sister's and gets away with it." Edward answers and I smile feeling a lot better.

"So while Jared's men are on the mole, what is he going to do here?" I ask after a time.

"He needs to gather more information. They have been under the radar with no paper trail but Jared will find them." Edward says and I nod.

That's good. The more people we have on our side, the safer I feel.

This might actually end real soon.

"In the meantime, let's keep this to ourselves. We don't want to give ourselves away. I don't want the Vulturi to get scared and disappear. Let them think we don't know what is going on, we'll use that against them." Edward tells me.

I frown.

"What?" he asks reading my expression.

"I don't think we can fool them into believing we don't know anything." I tell him.

"Why not?" He asked.

"It was obvious that after I saw what was inside the envelope I would show you. I bet that is what they were counting on." I tell him. I get up and grab the letter from the nightstand, scanning it quickly.

"Here, look what it says. 'He deserves to pay for his crime. If they military were stupid enough to fall for his sob story and let him go, then we will just have to take things into our own hands.'. There, that was more to you than to me. It is too descriptive for me but not for you. They wanted you to know why they are after you, of who they are. It would be foolish of us to pretend nothing happened." I tell Edward as I sit across from him on his bed.

"Right, you are absolutely right. They were forcing me to tell you about Jane, they wanted me to." Edward says before standing up and pacing.

"But why, why would they want you to tell me? Do they want us to call the police?" I ask.

What do they want? What were they hoping for?

"Are they showing us that even if we call the police they can still get us?" I ask Edward but he doesn't seem to be listening. He suddenly stops and looks at me.

He has the strangest expression. Dread fills my chest as I wait for him to speak.

"We need to break up." He said.

7777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777

"Bella dear, I haven't seen you in a while." Aunt Sue says when she comes to my table. I smile politely but don't answer. She touches my forehead.

"Honey you don't look so good, are you alright?" she ask and I muster up a smile.

"Yes, everything is fine." I answer.

"Where is Edward? It is strange he is not here with you" she says and I flinch at the mention of his name.

Sue notices the gesture and frowns. I clear my throat before looking down at my hands.

"Edward and I aren't together anymore." I say softly but loud enough for her to hear.

"Oh honey, I am so sorry. Let me bring you a cup of hot tea with some apple pie. Wait here." She says before walking to the back, towards the kitchen.

I watch as the waitresses that were already at the kitchen throw me sad smiles when they come out.

Wow, not even a minute went by.

I suddenly get the familiar sensation at the back of my neck and look out the window. There he is, standing across the street. I can't see his face clearly but there is no doubt in my mind that it is him.

Sue is suddenly next to me.

"I think he wants to talk to you. Do you want me to invite him over here?" Sue asks looking at Edward's lone figure across the street. I linger a bit before I turn back around and shake my head.

"Not right now. I just need time. It is alright if I pull down the blinds? The sun is too bright." I ask and Sue nods sadly. She goes towards the window, giving Edward an apologetic look before shutting the blinds.

Thankfully she doesn't say anything and leaves me alone.

That just broke my heart.

I shake my head and eat my pie before getting up I go to the front, asking for the bill.

"Oh sweetie, don't worry about it. Go on. I hope you feel better." Sue says before kissing me on the cheek. I give her my thanks and head for the Infiniti.

On top of the front right tire I find a black bag so well hidden that you would have missed it if you weren't looking for it.

I grab it and subtly put it under my arm and unlock the door before driving home.

"Hey kid, how was lunch?" Charlie asks when he sees me walking in. He stares at me intently.

Ever since I told everyone three days ago that Edward and I are over, everyone has walked on egg-shells around me. It seems like they are all waiting for me to break down.

"Good, the apple pie was delicious." I tell him as I lean against the armrest of the couch, watching the game a bit but his staring is not helping.

"I'm going upstairs to read for a while." I tell him when I can't take the pity in his eyes anymore.

"Alright." He says and goes back to the game. At least he pretends he is and not watching me from the corner of his eye.

Once I get to my room I lock it behind me and shut the drapes.

I sit in the middle of my bed and begin to unzip the black bag. I grab the generic prepaid phone and look at the contact list, there is only one number saved.

I hit dial and it only had to ring once before he answers.

"Bella?" he asks. My heart skips a beat. God I missed his voice.

"Edward." I breathe out. I hear him sigh into the phone

"I feel terrible." I tell him.

"I know baby but you did so great. Everyone in Forks should know by now that we are over. It is just a matter of time now." Edward says.

"I miss you Bella." Edward says after a beat.

"You think I can come over? My family won't bother me, they are giving me space. I can sneak out and be there in less than 5 minutes." I tell Edward.

It has been three days since the envelope incident. Three long days since we broke up, of not being able to see or talk to him.

72 hours since I felt him.

"I'm not sore anymore, I need you." I whisper and I hear him groan.

"Bella, I need you too but it would be better if we hold tight for a bit longer. Jared is still not sure if they are on you or not and that is the most important thing right now, your safety comes first." Edward says.

"Ok." I reluctantly say.

"Bella I miss you. I am miserable, after this is over you are moving in with me." Edward declares and I snort.

"Right, let's not run when we can barely walk, shall we?" I tell him and he chuckles.

"Listen Bella, I got to go, Jared's back, I'll call you later tonight. I love you." He says.

I sigh.

"I love you too Edward." I say before the line goes dead. I stuff the phone under my pillow and lay down looking at the ceiling.

Edward figured out that the purpose of the letter was for him to be forced to tell me about Jane. He is pretty certain that they were expecting a break up and I agree. Why else would they send the letter?

Edward said it is best if we play their game. Going to Aunt Sue's diner was a brilliant idea. Where else but the diner to spread the news that Edward and I aren't together.

No one, not even our families knew except for Jared, that it is just a ploy for the Vulturi. We have been very thorough. We don't email or text or call each other. Jared said there was a small but potential possibility that our account can and could be tapped, so Edward bought us generic prepaid phones that he dropped off today while I was at the diner.

I sit up when I hear knocking on my door.

"Bella, you're busy?" I hear Jasper say behind the door. I get up and unlock it.

"What's up?" I ask letting him in.

"I got switched and got my day off today instead of Saturday like I thought." He says and sits on my window seat.

"But you wanted to go to Seattle on Saturday." I say frowning. Jasper asked me a couple of days ago to accompany him to buy the ring, of course I accepted.

"Yeah but Erik said that he wanted to attend some funeral so I traded with him. I was thinking, we can go to Port Angeles and browse around but if we don't find anything then will go to Seattle next week." Jasper says getting up.

"Ok." I tell him and pick up my leather ankle boots.

"I'll meet you downstairs." Jasper says. I quickly slip on my boots and snatch my purse before hitting downstairs.

"I feel like I'm missing something." I murmur to myself as I dig around my purse but everything is fine.

"Fuck it." I say before heading downstairs and to the car.

Once we hit the road I can feel the awkwardness radiating off Jasper. I roll my eyes.

"Just say it Jasper." I tell him.

"Why did you and Edward break up, the truth." He says glancing at me.

"Inconsolable differences" I tell him and Jasper throws me a look.

"Don't give me that shit, you aren't getting a divorce. Tell me sister." Jasper said.

"Edward wants me to move in with him." I blared out the first thing that popped into my head.

Edward and I didn't really think of a good reason.

"He wants you to move in? That's why you guys broke up?" Jasper ask, clarifying. I nod, looking straight ahead.

"And?" he questions and I huff, crossing my arms.

"And I said no." I answer sneaking a look at Jasper. He frowns.

"Why?" He asks.

My mind goes blank.

"I don't know because Dad would have a heart attack." I tell him.

"That's bullshit Bella. I'm not asking for Dad's answer, what do YOU want?" Jasper asks.

"I don't know Jasper; I'm confused, that's why we decided on a break, to give us some perspective." I answer and hold in my grin. That was actually a good answer.

"Right, some perspective" Jasper says not believing a word.

"Can we talk about something else?" I ask. I know that if he keeps poking he will get the truth out of me sooner or later.

"Alright." Jasper sighs and we start talking about a new show he started watching.

We arrive not long after that. We went to a few jewelry shops around town but nothing was cutting it until I got an idea.

"See, what did I tell you? Isn't this place magnificent?" I ask Jasper. I told him to stop by the thrift store Edward took me a while back.

"Yes but I don't see engagement rings." Jasper says as we stop by a display of pocket knives.

"The jewelry is that the front. The owner should really lock this display; I mean anyone and steal a knife from here." I tell Jasper as I open and close the knives.

"Yeah, look at this one." Jasper says holding a tiny pocket knife. I grab it from him.

"It is so tiny I bet I can hide it inside my boot." I tell Jasper and I bend and slip it on my right boot, behind my ankle so it doesn't disturb me.

"Look, I can't even feel it." I tell Jasper walking around a bit.

BANG!

We suddenly hear a big ruckus coming from the front. Jasper and I run towards the sound and find the owner of the store in the bottom of picture frames.

Jasper and I rush to help her. We remove all the frames and get her on her feet.

"Is anything broken?" I ask as I look at her. She shakes her head and Jasper sits her down on the stool in front of the register.

"Are you in pain?" I ask but she shakes her head again.

"I'm fine, just clumsy. Don't mind me." she says looking at Jasper before looking at me.

"I know you. You came with that handsome man months back. He bought you that bracelet." She says smiling before looking down at my right wrist; I look down at it too. I've never taken it off.

"Yes, how are you?" I ask.

"I'm fine, how are you, where's your boyfriend?" she asks. Jasper looks at me, waiting for my answer.

"I'm good. Actually we came here because my brother is looking for an engagement ring." I tell her stirring the conversation away from Edward. Jasper rolls his eyes.

"Good for you son, let me show you my most treasured." The old woman says and takes out a shelf filled with rings.

"Wow." Jasper says. The woman then processes to give us full description for every ring Jasper picks up.

2 hours and a lighter wallet later Jasper walks out of the store a happy man.

"Who would have thought that a thrift store can have such beautiful jewelry?" Jasper says as we walk to the Infiniti. I nod looking down at my bracelet. It is beautiful, more so because Edward was the one to give it to me.

"Yes. All of them were beautiful but I think you got the perfect one." I tell him and it is true.

The ring is simple but elegant. It has just enough shine to make any women happy but subtle enough to not draw too much attention. It is perfect for Alice. I know she is going to love this more than any generic, big-diamonded ring.

"I think so too sister. Lets go eat as celebration." Jasper says when he unlocks the door.

"Sure." I agree.

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"Jasper, you see it?" I ask him as I lean forward, looking through the passenger mirror.

"No shit. They have been following us since we went to go eat." Jasper says looking at the rearview mirror.

Anxiety feels my chest thinking they can be the Volturi.

"What do we do Jasper?" I ask and Jasper snaps his eyes to mine. He must have read the panic in my voice.

"I will lose them, don't worry." Jasper says smiling.

Jasper has no idea.

"Here! Pull up here, quick!" I tell as I spot a Starbucks. Jasper understands and makes a sharp turn to get into the drive thru. To anyone else it just looked like he almost missed the opening.

Thankfully there is a line to give us time to see if they are following us.

"Maybe it is because this is a small town." Jasper says but I shake my head.

"No, they were behind us since the thrift store." I answer looking around. I dig inside my purse looking for the prepaid phone when I realize I left it that the house.

Motherfucking fuck. That's what I forgot.

"Pass me your phone." I tell Jasper.

"You know something I don't. Tell me." Jasper says crossing his arms.

"I will but give me your damn phone!" I shout. I look behind us and the same silver pickup is two cars behind us. Jasper curses when he sees them and hands me the phone.

I dial the house phone. After 4 rings Emmett picks up.

"What's up Jasper?" Emmett greeted. I cut him off before he said more.

"Emmett, listen. Under my pillow is a prepaid phone. There is only one number saved, call and tell Edward to call Jasper immediately." I tell Emmett.

"Edward?" Jasper asks but I ignore him.

"Why, I thought you guys aren't together." Emmett asks and I pull my hair in annoyance.

"Emmett I don't have time. Do it now!" I shout.

"Bella, what's going on?" Jasper asks next to me. I wave him off when I hear movement of the other line and hear Emmett talking.

"Bella, he is freaking out. He's asking why you don't have the phone." Emmett says and I groan in frustration.

"Tell him to fucking call me and ask himself!" I shout before hanging up.

"What do I order?" Jasper asks.

"Nothing. Take off as fast as you can when it is our turn. They are boxed in. It will buy us time." I tell Jasper as I lay the phone on my lap and rub my face. My hands are trembling.

Jasper doesn't ask anything else as we wait. When his phone rings, both of us jump. I quickly pick it up when I see an unknown number.

"Edward?" I ask.

"Oh thank god. Bella where are you? You need to come home. Now!" he says. I grip the phone tighter.

"Edward, they are here. A silver pickup has been on our tail for a while now." I tell him as my voice trembles.

I hear Edward curse and shout to someone. There is movement, like if the phone dropped.

"Edward?" I yell.

"Bella listen carefully to me. Where are you?" Asked a strange voice.

That's when I start to hyperventilate.

"Who are you?! Where is Edward? I will kill you if you hurt him!" I cry between breaths and Jasper snatches the phone from me.

"What the fuck is going on?" Jasper asks and I bend forward trying to slow down my breathing.

"Edward, where is Edward?" I ask Jasper. Jasper passes me the phone.

"Edward?" I whisper.

"Bella, I'm so sorry to scare you like that. I wasn't thinking. That was Jared. I'm safe." Edward explains and I cry, but this time in relief.

"You scared me to death. I thought the Volturi got you." I cry and Jasper rubs my back.

"I know I'm so sorry Love. I'm ok. We're ok. Now pass Jasper the phone Jared needs to talk to him." Edward says in his soothing voice. I nod sniffing and pass the phone to Jasper.

"Tell me everything." Jasper demanded.

While Jasper is getting filled in on the situation the car in front of us leaves. Jasper pulls up to the window and starts ordering everything he can think of, buying us a bit of time. As the workers get on it Jasper nods and hums with the occasional curse, by the time our gigantic order is complete Jasper is filled in on everything and is throwing daggers at me.

I look down ashamed. We have never kept anything from each other.

When the worker asks for the money Jasper throws the phone on my lap and floors it, taking off towards the street. I grab into the seat-belt for dear life as Jasper zigzags through traffic, leaving behind angry drivers and blaring horns.

After 15 minutes of turning and speeding Jasper keeps up the phone and places it on his ear.

"I don't see them anymore." Jasper says looking at all his mirrors.

"No, I can't say." He answers.

"You're sure? Won't they be waiting for us there?" Jasper asks getting on the freeway.

"Alright, I just got on." He says before pausing. I look at the speedometer and he is going over 90 mph. I swallow hard and grip on the door handle tighter.

"25 minutes, tops." Jaspers says before agreeing to whatever Jared said and passes the phone again, without looking at me.

"Hello?" I ask hesitantly.

"Love, we are safe. There is a place near Forks where Jared and I are at. Jasper is taking you there. Don't worry, everything will be fine." Edward says but I can't relax.

"You knew they were following us. How?" I ask.

"Jared intercepted their landline and overheard them describing the Infiniti with both of you guys in it, Aro gave the order to take you." Edward says calmly but I know he is anything but calm. When I don't say anything he starts reassuring me.

"Don't worry. You are going somewhere secure. Jared is only a step away from finding their location. We already assembled a team to go after them. It is almost over." Edward says but I am still not convinced.

"What about our parents? Alice, Emmett and Rosalie, especially Rosalie, if they can't find me they will go after them." I cry and I see Jasper gripping the stirring wheel tighter.

"Don't worry. My parents took care of that. They manage to get everyone out of Forks and are heading to a safe house in Oregon." Edward stated and I frown, wiping my tears.

"Oregon, how did they manage that?" I ask. Jasper looks over at me, looking as confused as me.

"I don't know the details yet but they are safe. All you need to worry about is getting to me. I love you Bella. You believe me, right?" Edward asks and I nod.

"Of course Edward, I love you too." I tell him back.

"See you soon." Edward says before we hang up.

I sit quietly waiting for Jasper to say something; I don't have to wait long.

"How can you keep this from me Bella?!" Jasper shouts and I flinch. He has never yelled at me before.

My eyes waters, I huff in annoyance and angrily wipe my tears.

Stupid birth control hormones.

"How was I supposed to tell you? 'Hey Jasper, How's it going? Oh that's, good. By the way, there are these two sociopaths that are after me.'" I mock, shouting back at him.

"Don't be stupid! You had all this time to tell me and you didn't." Jasper shouts.

"I was trying to protect you all. It was best if no one knew, safer." I explain but Jasper shakes his head.

"You are my little sister. How can you keep something like this, they threatened your life Bella." he says calmer.

We get out the freeway and head for a remote road. I heart begins to lift slightly, we are almost there.

I take jasper's hand and hug it to my chest.

"Jasper, there was nothing you could have done. Jared was already on it. Going to the police wasn't going to do anything. These are serious people Jasper. They have the money and the resources to get what they need. They were able to get Edward's file in the military. What makes you think they can't get around police?" I try reasoning and Jasper seems to understand.

"Edward said Jared could handle it and he is. Jared also has the money and the resources to keep us safe. Jared said that we should be cautious and the breakup had to look real. No one could have known. Please forgive me for not telling you." I whisper the last part as the tears renew.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you. I'm just furious that people are after you." Jasper says looking over at me. I nod and rub his hand on my cheek. He doesn't complain when he feels my tears.

"I love you twin brother." I tell him and Jasper grins looking at me.

"I love you too twin sist..." Jasper says.

BAM!

Suddenly the car is sliding to the right, skidding off the road; Jasper tries to control the car but we hit a tree dead on.

I blink my eyes disoriented and groan when I try to move.

Everything hurts.

What the fuck?

I look to my left and Jasper is slumped over the stirring wheel. I left my heavy arm and shake him.

"Jasper." I call but he doesn't answer.

I look around but can't make sense of anything. One second Jasper and I are talking and the next the Infiniti is wrapped around a tree. In the distance I can faintly see a silver pickup with the front bumper smashed and a couple of cars heading our way.

I turn back to Jasper when I hear him groan.

"Jasper, can you move, is anything broken?" I ask as I unbuckle the seatbelt and look him over.

"Jasper." I call again lifting his head. My entire body is aching and my head feels like is going to crack open but I push on and try to get Jasper to respond. He was the one that got the majority of the blow.

Jasper opens his eyes and I sigh in relief.

"Hold on Jasper." I tell him and he nods, rolling his head to the right.

Thank god he is conscious enough to understand me.

I see Jaspers phone beside my feet. I bend to get it when water starts running down my eyes, blinding my view. Just then, I hear tapping on my door.

I wipe the water off my face and open my eyes. Everything is in a red fog. I look down at my fingers and they are red.

"Blood?" I whisper and touch my forehead looking back at my fingers. My fingers are soaked in blood.

When I hear tapping again I turn to look but everything is still so blurry.

"Well, well. Looks like you had quite the accident." I hear a thin voice say. I wipe my eyes again and look up.

A skeleton is looking right at me.

"There you are." The skeleton sneers.

"We are going to have so much fun together." The skeleton said before raising a bony fist to his hallow cheek, aiming for my face.

That was the last thing I remembered before everything turned to a soothing black.

* * *

**There you have it.**

**Loved it, hate it?**

**I know this is quite the cliffhanger but I will update very very soon.**

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**Until next time.**

**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7**


	18. Chapter 18: A Soothing Song

**Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down**

**Here we are at the big climax. **

**Warning: Rated M for a reason but no rape. Bella doesn't get touched in any way. **

**As always, I own nothing, these are SM characters.**

**Not beta'd**

**Read&amp;Review**

**I won't keep you any longer. See you at the bottom.**

* * *

"Be careful you imbecile. If you break her neck I will break yours!" I hear a thin voice yell.

I try to open my eyes but they are too heavy. My entire body feels painful and heavy. I suddenly feel myself being lifting and thrown over someone shoulders. The force was so strong that my head smacks against a beefy back, sending waves of pain all over my body.

"Why does it matter? We are going to kill her anyways." I hear the man say. Abruptly the man carrying me staggers back a few steps from the sounds of a blow causing me to swing around on top of his shoulder.

At this rate, the man really is going to break my neck.

"You are not paid to think. You are just dispensable, don't make me angry. We are so close to my revenge. I will not let you fuck this up. Do you understand me?!" The thin voice yells.

The man carrying me holds my legs tighter and answers swiftly. "Yes Aro sir."

Aro! That's who was tapping that the door.

That fucker punched me on the face!

"Sir, what do we do with the brother?" I hear behind me.

My heart spikes and I hold my breath.

"Leave the bastard. Let him die there." Aro answer ahead of me.

"But Sir, we can take him and kill him in front of…" the man didn't get a chance to finish.

A single shot is heard before everything turns dead quiet.

"Anyone else wants to question me?" Aro asks and I feel the man carrying me start to tremble.

"Hurry the fuck up with my whore." Aro shouts walking away and I start moving.

I finally will myself to open my eyes and see that I am being carried away from the wrecked Infiniti. I can barely make out Jasper's slumped form but I am so relief they are leaving him.

Edward will rescue him, I know he will.

Next to the car is a body with a gigantic pool of blood around him. He must have been the one that was talking about taking Jasper.

I'm glad he is dead, one less person to worry about.

When I see boots coming towards me I close my eyes and pretend I am still unconscious.

Someone grabs me by the hair and pulls my head up. It takes everything in me not to cry out loud from the pain.

"You see that Marcus. Isn't she a beauty?" I hear Aro say.

"Of course she is, look at this pretty face. Cullen sure knows how to pick'em." Marcus answers. Someone grabs my jaw and pulls my head higher.

"We are going to have so much fun. By the time I am done with her, Cullen will not recognize her." Marcus says before letting go, causing my head to smack again on the beefy back, this time, hard enough to lose consciousness.

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A flash of light wakes me.

I blink trying to open my eyes when I feel a flash again.

"Look at that, sleeping beauty is waking up." Someone says.

"Make sure Cullen gets what happens next."

I am suddenly kicked on my ribs and I groan curling into a ball. I try to bring my hands to my ribs but they are tied behind me.

I hear laughter when I get kicked again, this time, right at the center of my back.

I still haven't recovered from the car crash. These kicks are just adding fuel to the fire.

But that doesn't stop my attackers. Kick after kick, never relenting. The pain becomes so unbearable that I can't focus on anything.

I am dimly aware that someone is calling me but I can't seem to respond.

All I am aware are of the kicks. The heavy kicks are flying in from every angle. I can feel them on my back, my chest and ribs, and my head and face, everywhere.

Death as never felt so tempting.

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"Good job Marcus, this bitch's face is unrecognizable." I hear a thin voice say.

"I just wished I would have seen the look of that murderer's face when he received the pictures and video." He says laughing.

It sounds like Aro, but I might just be imagining things.

I try to open my eyes but I can't seem to. They feel like if they are glued together.

I shift but I wish I didn't. My entire body is throbbing. I don't know how much beatings I can take.

"Help me lay her on the cot." Aro orders.

As soon as I feel hands on me, the screams come.

I scream and scream. I feel like every bone in my body is broken.

They throw me on the cot and flip me on my stomach. I feel a sharp pinch and my hands become untied. All I can do is sob, my arms feel like if they have been ripped from their sockets, it's too painful to even move them. They just lay helplessly to my sides when they flip me back on my back.

Someone covers my mouth and nose with their hand, preventing me from breathing. I began to fight, trying to get away from him.

"Shut the fuck up already!" Aro shouts bending real close to my face.

I do what he says. I stop struggling and hold still, hoping he will let go. Besides not breathing, the skin around my mouth and nose are bruised, it hurts when he touches it.

"That's a good girl." Aro says letting go of my mouth and nose.

I take in a deep breath and grit my teeth in pain. I force myself to take hallow breaths because my ribs feel like twisted needles every time I breathe.

"Don't worry Darling; your pain will end soon." Aro says smirking.

"Fuck you." I manage to say. Aro's smirk widens before he suddenly backhands me across my left cheek. White spots appear in my vision.

"Still as feisty as ever." Aro says as he begins to stroke my cheek.

"Where's your cock sucking brother" I ask, my voice hoarse. I try to swallow but my throat is raw.

"I'm right here Baby. I do love that dirty mouth of yours. I will be making use of it. Play nice and I might even let you cum." he tells me as he moves to the side so I can see him behind Aro.

Hopelessness fills my chest as I see his disgusting leering grin on his face.

I know what is about to happen but I can't seem to think straight enough to find an escape.

Edward, where are you?

"Take all the time you need." Aro says to his brother, patting him on the back.

"Don't kill her though. I still need to pass her around to the others." Aro warns.

"What? Are you too chicken shit to do it yourself? Or maybe it's because you are the bottom and Marcus is the one that fucks you, is that it? Are you the one on your hands and knees while he pounds on you?" I taunt. Marcus laughs until Aro shoots him a glare. Aro turns to me and grins.

"Don't worry Darling. I will be your last. It is my face you will see before you die. I promise you that." Aro threatened as blood drains from my face.

I am scared shitless.

He looks at Marcus and me once more before disappearing behind the door.

"You really should learn how to keep that mouth of yours quiet." Marcus says smirking while he begins to remove his guns and lays them on the opposite wall.

My hands start to tremble and my eyes begin to water.

"Why, do you like to pretend they want you? Is this the only way you get your dick wet, by rape? I bet it is, no one would willingly fuck you." I sneer at him.

Marcus's smirk widens and he laughs.

"I have changed my mind. Scream and cry all you want. I will make you forget all about the murderer boyfriend of yours." Marcus says.

Memories of Edward's and mine time together comes flashing through my mind. No. I will not let it happen. I rather die than let him touch me.

With my new resolve my aches and bruises are forgotten.

I will not let him. I will fight.

I sit up, ignoring the sharp pains and run to the opposite wall from him.

I look around but nothing is here. The tiny room is empty, except for the tiny cot. No tables or chairs, no windows, nothing.

Marcus laughs not concern in the least and takes off his shirt and pants, his erection poking through the hole of his boxers.

I swallow back the disgust and focus on his guns. All I need is to get my hands on a weapon.

I crouch down low and begin to unzip my boot to use it as a weapon when Marcus comes in charging towards me.

I don't know what happened next.

He just stands there in front of me as surprised as I am. When he tries to move the knife slices deeper into his stomach and he groans out, blood spilling from his mouth.

I look down and watch as my hand gets completely soaked in his blood.

I don't know how it happened, or when. All I know is that the life is draining out of Marcus's eyes.

I twist the knife, pulling it out of his stomach and step aside. I watch as he falls face-first on the floor, barely breathing.

I slum back against the wall, looking down at the tiny, bloody pocket knife and tears starts falling. This knife just saved my life.

I crawl across the room to the guns. I used his filthy shirt to clean the blood from the knife and my hands before kissing the blade and slipping the knife back inside my boot.

I grab the first gun I touch and hold it to my chest and I sit there.

What am I supposed to do now? How long until someone comes to check on Marcus?

I look at Marcus and he doesn't seem to be breathing anymore. I am going to end up like him if I don't find a way out soon.

I look around and spot Marcus's discarded jeans so I snatch it. He might have a phone or something I can use. I dig around his pockets but don't find anything. I throw it away in frustration and lean back against the wall as tears roll down my face.

I don't know how long I sat there, in the same position but I knew I needed to get up. I just don't have the strength. All I want to do is lay on the ground and sleep and never wake up. I am in so much pain that my body is starting to shut down.

My fingers and toes have become numb yet they tremble so much that the gun across my chest slips off my hands a number of times.

Get up Bella! You cannot die here!

I somehow manage to get on my feet and walk towards the door. I am beyond exhausted. My strength is almost completely drain but I know if I don't move now, I am as sure as dead.

I love life too much to have it end like this.

I place my ear on the door and listen. It sounds like someone is walking back and forth. I try to listen for more sound but they are none.

That makes me very nervous.

It seems to be that there is only one person behind the door. But as soon as he realizes that Marcus is dead he is going to call for help. I don't know how many people are here nor if I even have enough bullets.

Suddenly I hear a door slam open followed by something heavy falling to the floor. Seconds later I hear footsteps piling in and my heart starts racing as I grip the gun tighter.

I don't know the first thing about shooting a gun. How am I supposed to get away with so many people on the other side of the door?

When I hear footsteps coming towards my room I scramble backwards, tripping over Marcus's pants and landing hard on my back. I scoot backwards in a panic and point the gun towards the door when the doorknob begins turning. The gun is shaking so much that I don't think it is going to hit its mark.

I wipe my tears with the back of my hands as I curl into the corner, as soon as the door opens I let out a frightening cry and start shooting. I shoot until bullets run out and shoot blanks but I keep pulling the trigger. Fat tears make it hard to see but I know what is going to happen next.

I am never going to see my family again, never get a chance to make amends with Jacob or Tanya. But what makes me cry even more is knowing that I will never see Edward again.

When I see through blurry vision that someone is running towards me, I let out another cry, this time in desperation and throw the empty gun at him. I reach for the other guns but they are too far away.

I fight to not become paralyzed with fear, but is no use. I am so scared that when the man reaches me, I do nothing except close my eyes and wait for the blows or the shot.

The last thing I was expecting was a soft caress. As soon as I feel it on my cheek I get a full on panic attack and as my last desperate attempt of defense, I start swing my arms as hard as I can. I can feel my fists connect with a face and chest.

The strangest thing is that he doesn't try protect himself. He leaves his body unprotected as I hit him.

Through everything, I begin to hear an undercurrent of something soothing, like a song, maybe a melody. My attacks begin to lessen and I am done. I can't move anymore. I lean back and fall to the floor, letting the tears fall.

Thankfully the man doesn't touch me and I curl myself into a ball and listen to that song.

I have heard it before. I know I have.

When I feel him move my hair out of my face I don't even flinch. I can't even do that anymore.

All I do is look up at him, to see the eyes of my killer.

But I don't see Aro or Marcus or any other person. All I see are his beautiful emerald green eyes.

They look so sad.

I then come to realize that it is not a song but a voice, his voice.

"Bella, come back to me. I'm here, right here with you. Come back to me love, I need you." I hear him say.

That suffocating feeling around my neck begins to loosen its hold and I am able to breathe easier, to finally relax.

"That's right love. Come back. Everything is ok. I'm right here. No one is ever going to harm you again. I love you Bella, so much. We have so much to do together." He continues to say.

I am so drain, so tired that my eyes close.

Edward gently lifts me up and cradles me to his chest.

"Bella, can you hear me?" Edward asks and he brings my whole body to his lap and holds me with the upmost care. I give him the faintest nod.

"I love you so much. You are so brave, so strong." he tells me, caressing my hair.

"I hurt Edward." I whisper in my hoarse voice. I hear a stifled sob before a tear lands on my neck.

I try to open my eyes to see him but they don't work. I try to reach for him but my arms don't work either.

"Sleep, I'll be right next to you when you wake up. No one will hurt you, I promise." Edward whispers between sobs against my forehead as he kisses it.

"It's all over Bella."

That's the last thing I remember hearing.

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"What did Doc say?"

"Cracked ribs, bruising, concussion; he says she's lucky nothing broke."

"Is she in pain?"

"No, she is on some strong pain killers."

"That's good. After everything she has been through, that's the least we can do."

"I'm just grateful we got there when we did. Gods know what might have happened to her."

"Don't think about that. We made it, that's all that matters."

"You're right."

"How long until she wakes up?"

"In a day or two, Doc said her body took a huge toll. She was beyond her limits."

"She's a fighter."

"I know. Just another thing I love about her."

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"You're sure Doc? She has been asleep for two days now."

"Yes Edward, everything is fine. She should wake up at any time now."

"Thank you Doc." I faintly hear Edward say before I feel someone grab my hand.

"Don't worry about it. I'm going to go tell Jasper. He is worried sick too." I hear the man everyone calls Doc say.

"Jasper?" I murmured, trying to open my eyes.

"Bella!" I hear Edward yell before I feel the bed dip.

I managed to open my eyes but squint at the harsh light all around.

"Jasper?" I ask again. Why he is not here?

I look around and find Edward sitting beside me and man with an eye-patch standing at the foot of my bed.

Edward bends and kisses my forehead.

"Thank god you are awake." Edward says leaning back to look at me. He has my favorite boyish grin. I try to smile back but my lips are so cracked that a groan of pain comes out instead.

I bring my left hand to my lips and feel. They are so bumpy, I run my tongue over them and taste blood.

"Here, have some water." Edward says putting a straw on my lips. I take a small sip but instantly push it away.

"No." I say turning my head.

"Please Bella. I know it hurts but you need it. Drink." Edward begs as he puts the straw back on my lips.

I start drinking but grimace in pain. It feels like if I am drinking fire. This time when I push the cup away Edward doesn't object.

"How are you feeling Bella?" Doc asks as he starts to examine me.

"Fine, where is Jasper?" I ask him instead.

"He is good, resting. Does this hurt?" he asks as he lightly touches my ribs.

"Yes!" I yell and twist so he can't touch them anymore.

"Sorry. Beside the cracked ribs you are doing great. You will be out of this bed in no time." Doc declares removing his gloves, smiling at me and Edward before leaving us alone.

"Edward, where is Jasper. I need to see him." I say as soon as Doc leaves.

"I'm going to go bring him." Edward says before squeezing my hand and leaving.

I try to remember what happen since I fell asleep but everything is very foggy. All I remember is the pain.

Suddenly the door slams open and Jasper hops over to me with a look of relief on his face.

"Sister!" he says as he stands beside the bed.

I feel like I can breathe again. I scoot to the side, ignoring the sharp pains, and make room for him.

"Lay with me Jasper." I tell him. Jasper looks back at Edward, who shrugs before looking back at me.

"Only for a minute." Jasper says before he climbs on top of the bed. That is when I notice the cast on his left leg. Jasper sees where I look and smiles reassuringly.

"It doesn't hurt." Jasper says.

"I'll give you two some space." Edward says.

"No!" I yell, reaching for him.

"Don't leave me." I beg. Edward smiles and sits on the chair besides me, never letting go of my hand.

"What happen?" I ask when no one speaks.

"What do you remember?" Edward asks stroking my hand with his thumb.

"We went to Port Angeles to look for a ring for Alice. I told Jasper to go to the thrift store you took me all those months ago, remember?" I ask Edward who nods before Jasper jumps in.

"After that we went to eat as celebration. As we were leaving the restaurant, that's when I noticed the silver truck. I noticed it because I saw them at the thrift store too." Jasper says and I nod. I remember that too.

"I didn't notice them until later. That's when I told Jasper to pull up to a Starbucks to buy us time and I called Emmett to call you." I continue. I remember how scared I felt.

"Yes. During the time you and Jasper were in Port Angeles, Jared intercepted a call. It seemed that Aro had some of his men posted near the thrift store. When they saw you walk in they called Aro. He gave the order to take you." Edward explains and I blink in surprise.

"I tried calling you but when Emmett called me I figured you left it behind." Edward adds and I mentally kick myself.

"After that it becomes confusing. I remember that we got away from the truck and we headed for the hideout. The next thing I know is the Infiniti being wrapped around a tree. How did that even happen?" I ask and look at Jasper.

"I don't know. The next time I opened my eyes, I was here." Jasper says. I look at Edward.

"I had decided to meet you guys half way, in case you got lost. You guys couldn't have been more than a mile away from the hideout. We saw a silver pickup off to the side with a busted bumper and the Infiniti, farther back. That's when everything clicked. The silver truck you guys thought you lost was right on your tail and the first chance they got, they ran the Infiniti off the road causing you to hit the tree." Edward explained and I look at Jasper.

We were arguing around that time. Too busy yelling at each other to look out for the pickup.

"Jasper was in pretty bad shape when we got to him. We also saw a body outside his door. I don't know how that happened though." Edward says scratching his head. Jasper looks as confused as him.

"Aro shot him." I answer looking at the wall. The memories begin to come.

"What?" Edward asks.

"I was only semi-conscious but I remember that man asking about Jasper. Aro said to leave him but the man didn't like that idea. Aro shot him for questioning him. I was so happy." I said and turned to Jasper.

"I knew Edward was going to find you. You took the majority of the hit; you could barely open your eyes. It was such a huge relieve when Aro decided to leave you." I tell Jasper as our eyes water.

"What happen next?" Jasper asks and I bite my lip. I quickly look at Edward who is staring at me before looking back at Jasper.

"I'm not sure really. Everything is a blur. I just remember Edward being there and that's it." I lie and Jasper nods his eyes dropping.

"Go rest Jasper. We'll talk more later." I tell him and he reluctantly nods. Edward helps him up and takes him away.

Once I am alone I turn to my side and hide my face on the pillow. I wish I could forget what happened. But I know that for as long as I am alive, I will always remember every vivid detail of what happen in that room.

I feel the bed dip behind me as Edward lies down and hugs me to his chest. I grab onto his hand in a vise like grip as tears begin to fall. Edward lies his head on top of mine and hugs me tighter.

"You received the pictures and video." I whisper and I feel him nod. I wish he didn't.

"Tell me." he whispers back and so I do.

It is almost refreshing in a way. It makes things more real but at the same time it makes them less painful. Sort of like once I say it, it loosens its chokehold on me. I know that they are never coming after me again and that helps. I tell Edward everything. I tell him about the beatings, the kicks that never went away until my face became bruised and swollen. Of how no matter how much I cried or scream it never stopped, that I remember the flashes of the camera, of the laughter. And I told him about Marcus.

I told him of the things I said to Aro and Marcus, of the sickening feeling of the thought of Marcus's hands on me. I told Edward how much I thought of him and my family, of never seeing them again. Of how frighten I was but that it wasn't going to stop me from fighting.

I told him how surprised Marcus looked when I stabbed him, that I didn't even realized I did it until I looked down at my bloodied hands and blade. That whatever happened after that was ok with me because I knew that I did everything I could and that I am glad he is dead, I am glad that I did it.

Edward doesn't say anything while I talk, he just holds me tightly. He lets me get everything out of my chest and cries with me because I really thought that I was going to die in there and my only regret was making him wait all those months before I gave us a chance.

It all looks so trivial now, so unimportant, and so very stupid of me. So many things could have been worse and I was just making things harder on everyone, on him and on my family with my stubbornness.

Once I am done I ask Edward to tell me everything on his side, of how he got there and what happen to Aro and everyone else. Edward explained that Jared was already close in finding their hideout before I was even kidnapped that it was just a matter of pinpointing their exact location. Once they realized I was taken Jared decided to divide their group in two, that way they would have a better chance in finding me. Edward said that he lead his group north to where I was taken and Jared took his East. He said that it was relatively easy to find the road. Because Aro and his crew were in a hurry to escape they didn't mask their tracks and Edward and his team were able to follow them. They called Jared's team to their location and scoped out the cabin they found.

When Edward's team spotted men guarding the cabin they knew they found it. Edward's team eliminated everyone as they entered the cabin; Edward said that from there it was just a process of elimination. They searched every room and took out anyone that was inside. He said that when they finally found Aro, Aro taunted him of what Marcus was doing to me at that moment, he didn't live long after that.

"When I took out the man that was guarding your door, I didn't know what to think. We didn't hear anything. I was imagining the worst." Edward confessed into my hair.

"I didn't know what to make of Marcus's body. I was so confused and even more when you started shooting at me." Edward says and I just hug is arm tighter against my chest.

"Seeing you corner like that is an image I am never going to forget. You looked so frighten, so scared that I didn't think you even recognized me. I didn't know how you were still awake and what surprised me more was that even after everything you went through, you still fought. I wouldn't have been prouder of you." Edward says in a broken voice so I turn to look at him.

His eyes are bloodshot and I kiss a tear away, trying to comfort him.

"You were gone, and I didn't know what to do. I just wanted you to come back to me and you finally did." Edward says as he caresses my bruised cheek and looks into my eyes.

"I love you so much Bella. I will never forgive myself for causing you so much pain and suffering." He whispers the last part and I frown.

"No Edward, you didn't do this. They did. It is not your fault." I tell him.

"I thought your voice was a song." I confess after a time.

"A song?" Edward asks and I nod against his chest closing my eyes, still very tired.

"Yes, a soothing song. It kept me sane" I slur while he beings to rub my back and begins to hum in my ear.

Right as I'm about to lose consciousness I hear Edward stop humming and unexpectedly I see Marcus's menacing grin as he takes off his pants.

"No!" I yell causing Edward to sit up in alarm.

"What is it Bella" Edward asks when he notices the panic in my eyes. I swallow back the scream that is at the tip of my tongue and take a deep breath. Edward lies back down and holds me.

"Hold me tight Edward." I tell him. Edward complies and hugs me tighter.

"Is it really over Edward?" I ask in a frighten whisper.

"Yes Love, it's over." Edward reassured and I nod suddenly wide awake.

"Bella you're shaking." Edward whispers before he pulls the covers over me.

"I am?" I ask and look at my hands; sure enough my fingers are trembling.

"Are you cold?" Edward asks as he rubs my back and arms.

"No." I answer.

"I wish it was me they took and not you." Edward tells me but I shake my head.

"It will pass, just don't stop humming Edward." I pled as I look into the distance.

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**There you have it.**

**Loved it, hate it?**

**I really hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter. It was very difficult to write it but I wanted to make sure that Bella fought. I wanted her to fight for herself, to not have to depend on Edward to come and rescue while she did nothing.**

**Yes, Edward rescued her but so did she. Like she said no matter what happened next, she fought and that's what is important.**

**It saddens me to tell you all that this story is coming to a close. One chapter left, maybe two so hang in there, we are almost done.**

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**Until next time.**

**Love &amp; Light CynicallyOptimistic7**


	19. Chapter 19: Bossy Edward

**Hi everyone, welcome back to Hold Me Down**

**Even though this is the last chapter, I'd had a lot of fun writing this one. I hope you all like how I wrapped everything up. Rated M for a reason, a big juice Lemon is heading your way.**

**I felt like that other was rushed so I took a lot of time and effort with this one.**

**As always, I own nothing, these are SM characters**

**Not beta'd**

**Read&amp;Review**

**See you at the bottom for the future of this fic. Dun, Dun, DUN!**

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"You're beautiful Bella. Give me that." Edward says trying to snatch the hand mirror from me but I don't let him. I twist, holding out the mirror so he can't reach it. When he sits back down I bring it back to my face.

It is full with cuts and bruises. It is so disorienting to look at my face and see so many foreign dark angry colors. Thankfully the swelling is gone down but that really doesn't change much. My right eye is black and purple; I have a deep cut across my left eyebrow and smaller cuts on my lips and cheekbones. I even have boot prints on my temple and forehead.

I huff and toss the mirror on the night stand when my face becomes unbearable. I turn to Edward who is sitting on the chair next to my bed.

"Look what they did to my face!" I shout at him. Edward shifts around the chair awkwardly as he tries to comfort me.

"You are still beautiful." He reassured but I roll my eyes at him. I look down at my arms and they have long angry cuts, maybe even worse than my face. I must have hundreds of little cuts and bruises.

I hate them, all of them.

I throw the bed covers and get up. Edward protested, telling me I still need rest but I ignore him. I spot the big mirror across the room and make my way over to it while Edward hovers behind me.

Earlier today Edward informed me that we are at the hideout. Doc is Jared's brother and was the one that treated my injuries when I was found. Edward tells me that the hideout is like a fortress, that we can't be anywhere safer.

I woke up in a terrible mood, yelling at anyone who wanted to see me. I just want to be alone. I know it is not their fault but this is just my way of dealing with what happened three days ago. I am angry, furious and when they come making small talk, all I want is for them to leave me be.

If my day is terrible, last night was even worse. No matter how much Edward held and hummed to me, the nightmares still came. Either Marcus malicious grin or of me stabbing him. I know I did the right thing. He was planning to do horrible things to me but that still doesn't stop the dreams, the guilt. I killed him, I took his life and that is something that I have to deal with for the rest of my life.

Edward has even taken the heat. I even kicked him out too but as soon as I saw him walking away I panicked and begged him not to leave me. I don't think I can survive if he leaves me. Thankfully Edward never took my angry words to heart and just smiled reassuringly, telling me that we will get through it, together.

I hope he is right; I don't want to be angry anymore, it's exhausting.

When I get in front of the mirror I look at my reflection. I don't like what I see. Aside for the superficial injuries, I see the hate and anger reflecting back at me.

This is not the person that I am but I can't stop being angry. I am angry at the world, at every single person on this planet.

No, not everyone, not at my Edward.

I take in a deep breath and try to relax. I look at Edward's reflection and my heart breaks for him. He looks so sad, so guilty. He blames himself, no matter how many times I tell him, he is always going to carry that burden with him. But I will make the effort, for him. I will try to not be so angry.

I look back at my reflection with a calmer gaze and look at the damage. I grab the hem of the nightgown and pull it off, letting it drop on the floor next to my feet. I catch the look of self-loathing on Edward's face through the mirror when he sees my naked bruised figure.

"It is not your fault." I tell him, catching his gaze before I start inspecting my body.

As I expected, I have bruises and cuts around my stomach, especially my ribs. I turn side to side and my back looks the same as the front. When I move my hair away from my shoulders Edward gently grabs it and pulls it all behind me, exposing my breasts. Somehow they are not bruise, for which I am relieved. I have nothing except for a red bruise a little above my right nipple that causes me to smile.

I lightly trace it and look at Edward's reflection as I do; he was the one that did it after all.

"I like this one." I tell him. Edward moves closer behind me and softly traces it as I let my hand drop.

"You should get dress." Edward says quietly as he looks at me. When he looks at me like that, the cuts and bruises seem to vanish. He never sees the ugly like I do. He makes me feel whole, beautiful.

"You should get undress." I counter and Edward smiles, kissing the top of my right shoulder before shaking his head.

"You have been through a lot. You need rest." Edward says looking at my reflection. I turn around to look at him.

"I need you." I answer, looking into his eyes. I lean forward and kiss the center of his chest before walking back to the bed, stopping before I reach it, my back towards him.

"I don't think this is a good idea love." I hear Edward say behind me.

"You don't want to?" I ask looking back at him, doubting myself. Maybe the reason why he doesn't want to is because of the way I look.

Edward's expression hardens when he sees the doubt in me. He slowly walks towards me. I turn towards him to get the full effect of this man. Butterflies fly wildly inside my stomach as I watch him.

"You are so gorgeous, so sexy and you don't even try. I see it in the way you stand, the way you walk, the way you hold yourself." Edward tells me and I bite my lip as his voice gets heavier, sexier with each word.

"You have this aura around you. It is pure but at the same time sensual. Did you know that?" he asks. I shake my head and clench my thighs together; goose bumps break out all over my naked body as I sink my teeth deeper into my lip. He stops right in front of me.

The air begins to sizzle.

"The way your back curls, the way your long beautiful hair falls, complementing your figure." He continues as he twirls a strand of my hair around his finger.

"The way you bite your lip, the way your eyes drop when you look at me. My heart wants to burst out of my chest when you simply smile at me." he says and I cannot help but smile.

"Your skin, your hair, your scent drives me crazy. You were made for me." he says as he runs a finger down my arm.

"I want you always. I want you every time you breathe, never doubt that." Edward finally says and I can't take it anymore.

I grab his neck and pull him towards me, slamming his lips with mine. It has been too long. I fist his hair as I moan into his mouth. He touches me everywhere, grabbing and pulling but still being mindful of my injuries.

When our tongues dance together Edward starts walking me backwards not to the bed but to the wall next to it. I separate when I run out of air and Edward dives for my neck. I grab his shirt and pull it off him with his help. I unbuckle his pants as he kicks it to the side.

"You make my body catch fire." I breathe out and Edward begins to kiss down my chest. I began to pant when he leeches on to my nipples.

"You taste delicious and your skin is so soft." Edward groans out as he kisses and sucks them. He licks the tip of my right nipple, right above the love mark and I shiver before he kneels before me and begins to softly kiss my stomach and waist.

"You drive me crazy Bella. Just the thought of not being with you frightens me to death. Promise you will be with me." Edward says against my right thigh and I take a deep breath before answering.

"Yes, forever." I breathe out. I feel Edward's breath on my inner thighs and my heart accelerates. He kisses my small patch of hair before he places my left thigh on his shoulder and runs the tip of his tongue on my clit.

"Holy shit." I breathe out as I grab on to the wall with one hand and his head with the other. As I look down all I can see is his wild hair moving and I moan out, throwing my head back. I smack my head against the wall but don't even feel it. All I feel is Edward's tongue on me.

I turn my head to the left and catch our reflection on the big mirror that I was standing in front of.

"Oh my god." I moan. I can't look away. I watch as Edward's arm and shoulders flex as he keeps me up. I watch as his strong jaw moves rapidly as he quickens the pace. I can just make out his erection inside his boxers.

"Edward." I moan out when my legs began to tremble. I look down at him and his dark eyes are staring right at me and that does it.

I try to be quiet but it is impossible. I cry out and hold on to his hair for dear life. Edward doesn't stop licking until he caught every single drop of me. Once he is satisfied that he caught it all he slowly gets up, kissing my body as he stands before catching my bottom lip with his teeth and biting hard.

"So good, you taste so fucking good." Edward groans before turning me around. I stumble but he catches me before I fall. He pins me to the wall with his body and starts kissing my neck. He grabs my hair and pulls my head back, giving himself better access and I moan, rubbing myself on him.

Edward has always been gentle but I have a feeling that things are about to change and I couldn't be happier.

We are about to fuck and it is going to be rough, I'll make sure it is.

"Fuck me Edward." I whimper as I rub my ass on his erection. He drops his boxers and knees my legs apart before I feel him rubbing his cock right at my entrance. When I try to get him inside me he moves away. I groan in frustration and I hear him chuckle on my ear.

"You want me to fuck you? Want me to fuck this pretty little pussy of yours?" Edward asks cupping me and I moan like a whore. Edward has never talked dirty.

I fucken love it.

"Answer me. You want me to fuck you hard here? You want me to slam my cock in you, make you scream, make you cum?" Edward asks as he fingers me. I began to leak; I can feel it as a drop drips down my thigh.

"Yes Edward. Please." I beg to the point of tears. I am about to explode.

Edward suddenly grabs me, turns us around and bends me over the bed. I fall on my hands and Edward grabs my waist and pulls me up. I fist the sheets and try to control my breathing as I feel his cock rubbing me, lathering up in my juices.

"Please Edward, please." I beg shaking like a leaf. I crave him like a drug, he is my drug.

Edward suddenly slams inside me and I yell, falling on the bed. I scream against the sheets as Edward pounds into me, holding me by my waist. He bends kissing my back and shoulders before getting up again, keeping the heavy pace. I manage to get on my hands and I turn my head to look at him. His eyebrows are wrinkled and his jaw clenched as he looks at where we are joined.

The only sounds in the room are his grunts and my moans. I bend my right leg on the bed which causes him to go in deeper. Edward groans and begins to move faster.

I shut my eyes tightly as he moves, his skin slapping mine.

"Is this what you wanted? Am I fucking you hard enough?" Edward grits out and I nod frantically. I can't even speak. It feels so good.

Suddenly Edward's hand comes down hard on my right ass cheek. I slump down on the bed and cry out against the sheets.

That was so fucking hot.

"Answer me." Edward demands but I shake my head. I want another one. Edward chuckles darkly and he grabs my waist tighter.

"You like that, didn't you?" he asks and I turn to look at him. I catch his gaze and nod.

"Fuck yes." I reply and Edward smirks before pulling his hand back and spanks my ass again. I close my eyes; I can feel our juices running down my thighs.

Edward suddenly pulls out and steps away from me when my legs begin to tremble.

"No!" I yell, I was getting so close.

Edward ignores my cry and stands me up. He walks to the foot of the bed before sitting down. I watch in hunger as his glistening cock slaps his stomach. He leans back on his hands and looks at me.

"Ride me Bella." He orders and I practically run to him. Right as I am about to sit on him he turns me over and helps me get into position.

He places both my feet on the bed on either side of his thighs and fists his cock, aligning himself before letting me drop. I use my legs to bounce on him as I drop my head on his shoulder and turn to kiss him. He begins to pinch my nipples and when I feel his middle finger on my clit, I open my knees wider and begin to grind on him.

"Open your eyes Bella. Look." Edward says when he lets go of my lips. I open them and look in front of me. There in the corner is the big mirror. I watch in fascination as Edward's cock disappears inside of me.

I have never seen anything so hot, so erotic, so perfect in my entire life. I catch his eyes on our reflection and fight to keep my eyes open.

"Look at us. We fit perfectly. I love being inside you Bella. It is so tight and warm, so good." Edward groans out and begins to rub my clit.

"I love watching you too, the way your mouth opens up, how your chest and breast move with each breath. It is magnificent. How your beautiful face turns pink when you are close, like it is right now." Edward says on my ear and I moan, moving faster against him because it is true, I am close, so close.

"Cum with me Bella, cum all over my cock." Edward whispers and I throw my head back crying out as I begin to feel my legs trembling.

We both cried each other's name as we cum. It was blinding and euphoric and exhilarating.

Edward lies down with me still on top of him. I can feel his heart beating rapidly against my back. I roll off him and he rolls with me, never letting me go. I lay on my side spent, trying to catch my breath as my eyes begin to drop.

I feel so good, so relaxed. Not angry in the least.

Edward managed to pull me up on the bed and I snuggle into my pillow.

"That was." I breathe out and Edward nods.

"Yeah." He agrees panting next to me.

"You were holding out on me." I pant out causing Edward to breathe out a laugh.

"You too." He answers and a blush creeps up on my cheeks.

"I love that after everything we just did; you still get this beautiful blush. Makes me want to take you again." Edward says and he pulls me closer to him. I blush harder but smile.

"Trust me, nothing will make me happier but I can't even lift up my head. It was quite the workout." I say yawning.

"You're not angry at the world anymore?" Edward asks and I smile closing my eyes.

"Nope, life is good." I answer and snuggle into his chest.

"Hum for me Edward." I request as I pull the cover lying on the corner of the bed before covering us both.

"Anything for you." Edward answers and he hugs me tightly, kissing the top of my head.

Edward begins to hum and I sink deeper into the bed. Right before I truly fall asleep I interrupt him.

"I love you Edward, so much." I tell him because he needs to know.

"I love you too Bella. Sleep now." Edward whispers before humming again. I fall asleep with a smile on my face.

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"Are you sure no one heard?" I ask Edward as he pulls is boxers up. I drop my towel and look for some clothes in the bureaus.

"Yes love. Don't worry." Edward says coming behind me. He kisses my neck as he reaches in front of me to hand me a shirt and sweats.

"Here, this won't disturb your injuries plus I get to see you in my clothes." Edward says smiling a cheeky grin. I roll my eyes but thank him before putting them on.

"Because I will die, literally drop dead if anyone, especially if Jasper heard us." I tell him as I grab a comb from the night stand and brush the tangles out of my hair.

"All of the rooms here are soundproof. No one heard us, promise." Edward says as he pulls up his jeans.

He is so fucken sexy. I can't get enough of him.

I quickly braid my hair back into a single braid and try to not look at the mirror while Edward finishes dressing.

"Ready?" he asks and I nod, feeling nervous.

"Come on." He says as he pulls me to the door.

I really hope he is right and that no one heard us. We were pretty loud and after the spanking session and round 2 in the shower when we woke up, I still have my doubts. My cheeks flush as I look at his easy smile as we make our way down the stairs.

Edward is as adventurous, as kinky as I am. I smile, I have never been this happy, this content with anyone.

"What are you thinking love?" Edward asks when he sees my smile.

"I'm so glad I waited for you. I want you to be my first and only one." I tell him and his grin widens.

He bends down to give me a kiss when we hear a throat clearing in front of us.

"Edward. Bella, nice to see you out of bed." The man in front of us says with a grin. Edward smiles and pulls me to his side, hugging my waist.

"Bella let me officially introduce you to my godfather. Bella this is Jared." Edward says and Jared holds out his hand. I ignore his hand and throw my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you Jared." I whisper as my eyes begin to water and Jared tenderly rubs my back.

"Don't mention it. You are family now, you, your brother and everyone with you." He says and I nod against his shoulder.

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7 months later…

"Thank god this is the last box." Emmett says as he stacks the box on top of another. I push my bangs out of my sweaty forehead as I look around.

"Stop acting like a delicate bitch. It was just a couple of boxes." I say as I slump down on the leather couch. Emmett sits down next to me.

"I'm not a delicate bitch." Emmett complains and I laugh shooting him a look.

"Then stop acting like one." I answer as I grab my phone from the coffee table when I hear it ring.

"Hey baby." I answer when I see Edward's name flash on my screen.

"Oh yeah, well. You are a bossy bitch." Emmett whines and I snort. That was a terrible comeback and he knows it.

"Emmett is with you." Edward says chuckling.

"Yeah, apparently I'm bossy." I answer getting up as Emmett turns on the TV in the big living room while I walk to the kitchen.

"Well, you can be at times." Edward answers and I throw my head back in laughter.

"Edward, you and I both know very well who is the bossy one around here." I whisper, smirking. I hear Edward clear his throat.

"I really can't have this conversation with you right now. I don't think a boner would be very professional for my meeting." Edward says chuckling.

"So what's up?" I ask digging through the fridge, I pull out a beer and a lemon and a Dr. Pepper for Emmett.

"I miss you. I hate being away from you. Move in with me, please." Edward asks, again. I smile walking back to the living room.

"We'll talk when you get back alright?" I ask as I hand Emmett the soda and I sit beside him.

"Alright, I got to go. Love you. Be back tomorrow." Edward says.

"Love you too. Be careful." I tell him before we hang up.

For the rest of the morning Emmett helps me unpack. It really doesn't take long. I hung all my clothes and put away my shoes and my personal things away as Emmett hangs up my pictures and posters, along with a couple of drawings I did. I go around the house and place little things here and there to give it a feminine touch. I was just finishing up in the bathroom when Emmett announced that he was hungry.

I took him out to eat at the local pizza place as my thanks for helping me last minute. We spend a good 2 hours there before I can't stand the sight of pizza and I drive him back home.

"Thanks for your help little big brother, tell mom I will be here for dinner tomorrow." I tell him as I stop in front of my house, well not anymore.

"Will do, see you later Bitchella." Emmett shouts as he runs across the street to Rosalie's house. I shake my head and drive to my new home in my car. I still can't believe Charlie gifted me the Infiniti, I still can't believe he is ok with me living with Edward.

My poor daddy looked so defeated.

"_Mom, dad I want to talk to you guys." I blur out before I change my mind and run away._

"_Yes you do Bella." Charlie says sighing as he folds his arms across his chest while Renée is smiling from ear to ear._

"_So you finally agreed to move in with him." Renée says looking happy. My eyes open wide as I stare at both of them. How did they know?_

"_Come on Bella. Edward talked to us months ago about his intentions with you. It was only a matter of time before you agreed." Charlie says looking heartbroken._

"_Edward talked to you?" I ask in disbelieve. Does Edward have a death wish?_

"_Yes and I know you are in good hands with him." Charlie says quietly. My mind goes blank as I try to process what he just said._

_My dad, who thinks I have never kissed anyone, who thinks I am a virgin, is ok with me moving in with a man?_

"_What?" I stammer out and Charlie blushes while Renée pats his back before she answers._

"_After what happened with those terrible people, we have come to realize the love you two have for each other. And of how far Edward is willing to go to keep you save, how can we oppose to something like that?" Renée asks looking at Charlie before looking at me._

_I don't say anything but slump down on the chair opposite of them._

"_Bella you are 21. I think you can make your own decisions. Remember we will always be here for you but it is time you live your life, whichever way you want. All we ask is that you are safe and sure that this is what you really want." Charlie uncharacteristically says. I look at both of them in new wonder; they never cease to amaze me._

"_I do. I want to be with him forever." I answer and Renée giggles while Charlie smiles sadly._

"_We know honey. Just keep one thing in mind alright? We are too young to be grandparents." Renée says and both Charlie's and mine cheeks blush a fiery red._

"_Mother, please!" I cry as Renée laughs at both of our expressions…_

I shake my head as I park the Infiniti inside the garage as I think about that day. It still took me a month to even begin to think about when I would move in. Edward has been patient but never relenting. Never pushing me but always managed to bring up the topic of the move in every conversation we have.

I unlock the garage door and shut it behind me. When Edward finally got the house, the first thing he did was give me keys to everything. He even gave me the remote to the garage. I lock every bolt, double checking it before throwing my keys on the bowl next to the door and head for the main entrance.

I set the alarm and go around the house, making sure all the slide doors and windows are closed and locked as I make my way to our bedroom, locking it behind me.

I decided to surprise Edward. He had to go to Seattle for business today and I thought this was the perfect opportunity to move all my things here.

Edward is going to lose his shit.

I giggle as I grab one of my books from the bookshelf and strip down to my undershirt and undies. Edward has the best sheets I ever felt, I love it. Since Edward decided that he didn't want a TV in the room; he said that once I eventually move in, it would ruin our sex life; I plug my IPod to the speakers and get comfortable.

It was just past midnight when I hear the garage door open. I put down the book I was reading and hold every still, listening. When I hear the garage door open I look at the second alarm box Edward had installed in the room and see Edward's code being used to disable the alarm. I sigh in relieve when he sets the alarm again.

Ever since that day all those months ago, I developed an obsession of making sure that everything is locked and alarms are set. It drove my family crazy, especially when I got panic attacks if I didn't think I double check before leaving. But Edward never gets frustrated. He is so understanding never complains. He just calmly informs me that I did double check and shows me through his phone that the alarm is set and if I can't stop the panic, then he drives us back so I can see for myself. It is just another reason why I love him.

"Bella, you're here?" Edward yells and I jump out of bed, running to the living room. Edward's eyes widens as he sees me running towards him.

"What are you doing here?" I ask I as jump into his arms. He catches me by my ass when I lock my legs around him.

"I couldn't stand the thought of not seeing you for more than 24 hours so I drove back on the first opportunity I had. What are you doing here?" Edward asks before giving me a deep long kiss.

"I was going to surprise you tomorrow, how did you know I was here?" I ask pulling back to look at him.

"Love, the Infiniti is in the garage." Edward says and I mentally kick myself. I totally forgot about the Infiniti.

"Did you lock the door?" I ask as I eye the garage door, anxiety filling my chest; Edward smiles, kissing my temple before walking us to the door, relocking everything in front of me.

"I'm sorry." I tell him when he does it again.

"Don't be sorry." Edward says shaking his head before he gets a sexy smirk on his face.

"Thank you for my surprise." Edward says as he begins to walk us to our room, he still doesn't know it is mine though.

"What surprise?" I ask as he shuts the door and locks it.

"This surprise." He answers as he squeezes my ass before dropping me on the bed. I laugh as he watches my breasts bounce.

"Well, I have another one for you before you begin with this one." I tell him as I point at my tits. Edward begins to take off his jacket and lifts an eyebrow, smirking.

"Another one, how did I get so lucky?" Edward asks as he takes off his shoes and socks.

"It is in the closet." I tell him as I scoot up to the pillow and watch as he turns on the lights and walks inside the closet.

"I don't see anythi…" He yells but stops half way. He sticks his head out of the closet with a gigantic grin on his face.

"Really?" he asks and I nod. Edward comes out and looks around the room. He begins to notice all my stuff intermingled with his, Edward jumps on the bed and showers me in kisses.

"I am truly the luckiest man in the world." Edward says against my lips as he begins to haphazardly tear off our clothes.

"Keep the tie." I pant out as I push his pants down with my feet.

"So bossy." Edward says as he pulls my shirt down and bites down on my left nipple.

"We'll see who's bossy." I tell him pulling his hair towards me, seeking his lips.

And I was right. Edward was very, very bossy.

77777777777777777777777777777777777

"Tomorrow we are going to every furniture store and you are going to pick out anything you like and redecorate. I want you to feel like home." Edward says behind me as he caresses my belly under the water.

"Edward, honey, I was the one that furnished and decorated this place." I say turning to look at him.

"Right, right. I just want everything to be perfect for you." Edward says kissing me on the temple when I turn back around. I snuggle deeper into his chest and watch as the water on the tub swooshes left and right. I love this bathtub.

"It is. I just want to be with you." I say as I lightly run my fingers up and down his legs.

"I want you to have anything you need." Edward says as he begins to play with my hair. I smirk and turn around; it is a little difficult but I managed.

"There is something I do need." I answer as I wrap my arms and legs around him. Some of the hot water falls to the floor but I don't pay it any attention.

"What is it?" Edward asks as he caresses my left eyebrow, right where my new scar is.

"I need shampoo." I answer in a grin and Edward smirks.

"Wal-Mart it is." Edward announces laughing. I laugh along with him.

Life is good.

Life is so very good.

* * *

**There you have it.**

**Loved it, hate it?**

**And here we are, at the end.**

**I wanted to leave this story like this, an open ending. Edward and Bella have their whole entire lives together ahead of them. So many more adventures and heart-breaks that I felt like it would be unjust to skip ahead for the sake of an ending. I didn't want the ending to feel rushed, tying every single loose end in a single chapter. **

**Plus, it gives me a lot of room for a sequel, if I decided to do it.**

**What do you guys think? A sequel or leave it be?**

**Thank you all so much for being with me from the beginning and everyone else that this little story picked up along the way.**

**I really want to finish Hold Me Down with an epilogue, or maybe an EPOV so do stay tune. Also I am going to edit the entire story, mainly for grammar and commas but also to change some things. The story is going to remain the same but better. **

**Well, let me know your thoughts. Sequel, epilogue? Anything, it is just a few clicks away. **

**Favorite/Follow this story to be sure.**

**P.S. I am already brainstorming on a new story that has been on my head for some time now, so if you like my scribble; be sure to have me on alert.**

**Until next time.**

**Love and Light CynicallyOptimistic7**


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